Bed Wetting With Ted Cruz

The very moral Canadian-born latino and immigrant-hating southern white supremacist Senator Ted Cruz decided to bring some of his trademarked fire and brimstone rhetoric to the campaign trail and made a little girl cry:

“It is now or never,” he explained. “I don’t think we’ve reached the point of no return yet. But we’re close. We are close! And I believe if we go four or eight more years on this same path, we risk losing the greatest country in the history of the world.”

“Millions of Americans are realizing this isn’t working,” the possible Republican presidential candidate continued. “The Obama economy is a disaster. Obamacare is a train wreck.”

“And the Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind — the whole world is on fire.”

Tampa Bay Times political editor Adam Smith noted on Twitter that Cruz had to pause his speech to respond to a little girl in the audience who was young enough to be carried by her mother.

“Ted Cruz literally just scared a little girl in NH,” Smith wrote. “‘The world is on fire?!’ she asked, repeating his line on Obama-Clinton foreign policy.”

“The world is on fire,” Cruz replied, turning to face the girl and her mother. “Yes! Your world is on fire!”

Realizing that his rhetoric might have gone too far, the Texas Republican decided to do some damage control.

“But you know what?” he asked. “Your mommy is here and everyone is here to make sure that the world you grow up in is even better.”

Ted Cruz specializes in trying to terrify people, and this time he succeeded in spectacular fashion. Cruz has two daughters of his own, and maybe a bit of a vestigial soul and realized he went too far? or as Bullwinkle used to say, “Don’t know my own strength.”

Nah, he’ll be at it again. It is the only tool in his box; his aim was off.

(Also/too: what kind of person brings a toddler to political events with a bombastic asshole like Cruz?)

(Crooks and Liars)

In Which We Reply To Sen. Cotton

Tom CottonOur new favorite dumber-than-a-lugnut, Beaker ‘s Brother From Another Mother, Senator Tom Cotton’s slight grasp on history, geography and geopolitics was the subject of some great snark last night on the twitters, following his hysterical claim that Tehran is now under the control of the Iranians:

Bedside Reading, Cont.

Herbert Biddleman

And thus we conclude Children’s Literature Week.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D, and yes, it is a fake, but it is a glorious fake.)

Fashion Week Continues!

I’ve been laughing all day over this tumbler: Pattern Behavior. It’s the 1-2 punch of pattern envelops and commentary on the models.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Fran)

Playing RISK With Tom Cotton

Honest to blog:

Schieffer: What do you want to happen here? What is your alternative here? Let’s say that the deal falls through, then what?

Cotton: Well as Prime Minister Netanyahu said, the alternative to a bad deal is a better deal. The Iranians frequently bluff to walk away from the table. if they bluff this week, call their bluff. The Congress stands ready to impose much more severe sanctions. Moreover we have to stand up to Iran’s attempts to drive for regional dominance. They already control Tehran increasingly they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad and now Sana’a as well. They do all that without a nuclear weapon. imagine what they would do with a nuclear weapon.

And he’s the rising star.

Because We Love A Good Clarification

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman. Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Hey guys, remember that time that Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham said the first thing he would do if elected preznint would be to throw a coup to get his way on Defense Spending?

(Altogether now: Me Neither!)

His office cleared it up:

Graham’s spokesperson has clarified to Bloomberg that when Graham said “I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to,” that statement was “not to be taken literally.” Glad that’s been cleared up.

Shorter Cardinal Douthat

ross-douthat-surreal

“If only the hippies had not discovered sex, there would be no poor people.”

That idea makes some people on the left angry. As they see it, it’s money and only money that Murray’s Fishtown and Putnam’s hometown lack and need. And it’s unchecked capitalism and Republican stinginess, not the sexual revolution, that has devastated working-class society over the last few decades. Fight poverty, redistribute wealth, and you’ll revive family and community — it’s as simple as that.

So here’s the moral of the lesson (see what I did there?): have sex-phobic, professional scold Ross Douthat sign your permission slips before you get your freak on.

Today, In Lavish Tongue-Bathing…

He's a wall-eyed git, but he listens to voters named Koch.

He’s a wall-eyed git, but he listens to voters named Koch.

Mark ‘always wrong’ Halperin tells us that Gov. Scott Walker, the wall-eyed git hired to enrich the Koch Brothers fortunes, isn’t a flip-flopper, he just listens to voters. (If their name is Koch.)

The Wisconsin governor said he always tries to listen to voters, when asked by Mark Halperin of Bloomberg Politics what the difference is between changing your mind on an issue and flip-flopping.

“The key is if you listen to people and you’ve got a valid argument for why you’ve done it—we’ve laid out exactly what we’ve done,” he said in the state that will hold the nation’s first primary next year. “But I think people want strong leaders and they want leaders who listen to the people.”

Amazingly, Halperin accepts that answer and moves on. He’s a professional journalist.

Bedside Reading, Cont.

George Was Fond...

Good thing George appears to be a hippo.

His Luck Was Bound To Wear Out

Bristol Palin announces engagement to Medal of Honor winner on Facebook

(And I didn’t know one could be awarded a Medal of Honor on Facebook.)

Yup: Brisket® is getting herself hitched to this guy:

He fits right in with Mooselini’s family.