Happy Hour News Briefs

News on the rocks

Rev. Fishsticks breaks the land-speed record for Godwin’s law. But on the positive side, I think we know what uniforms he’s into for CosPlay.

  • Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck is laughed at by the Xrazies at Charisma.
  • Hate group American Family Association radio host Sandy Rios knows that the conflict with Syria will fail as a result of the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the opening of careers to female service members:
  • And finally, Xristian Xrazie Liberty University Law doc Matt Staver tries to discuss asexuality. Hilarity ensues as The man who thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, more than Lucky Pierre (the towel boy at the L.A. Mineshaft) Matt Barber does a spit-take.

The Morning Quote

mad-dog-love-doll

“Would you have a problem with American Christians saying, ‘Thank God, thank God’? That’s what they’re saying. Come on. Of course, they are Muslims, but they are moderates. And I guarantee you that they are moderates.”

–Grandpa Walnuts scolding The Dumb One on Petunia and Pals for his Islamophobic comment.

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) Here’s a shocker: Ann Coulter doesn’t like Obama or Democrats. Oh, and she’s peddling a book.

  • Fire and Brimstone - Australian PM Kevin Rudd smacks down a Xristian Xrazie preacher and defends marriage equality. It’s pretty epic. (Brisbane Times and The Vine via Scissorhead Mountjoy)
  • Diplomacy - Our goodwill ambassador to North Korea, Dennis Rodman is back in that country to visit his pal, Kim Jong Un. (Livewire)
  • Cruel mockery - Someone lured Grandpa Walnuts out of hiding using a mic again. Anyway, he mocks human scarecrow Laura Ingraham for not agreeing with his assessment of Syria:

    “So, I just beg to differ, I’m sure that with [Ingraham's] vast knowledge of military tactics and strategy, she knows better than me,” the Arizona senator added, cracking himself up with remark.

    (Raw Story)

GOP Says They Are Losing to Stewie

Hot Messes

We can add Family Guy to the long list of excuses that Wingnuttia evokes when they try to explain their unpopularity:

I’m sort of lost in his pop-culture word salad. I think he just said that Conservatives are super-heroes, he wants to kill Gilligan, and that they are always the bad guys? So superheroes are the bad guys? So this is one of those alternate universe stories?

It is always about the packaging to them, if only they could get their message out to the mass culture, everyone would like them. If they could just find a lovable character—maybe a bunny—to take away women’s rights, or to tell gay people that they are going to burn in hell, or to explain why being a serf to corporate America is cool, then all would be well, and they will win elections until the end of time.

(Via Raw Story)

The Morning Quote

Quote

kiss

“I’m sure that our enemies are cheering now as a result of this decision.”

Former Senator –Traitor Joe, on Fox News (of course) talking about The Kenyan’s decision to seek Congressional approval instead of just attacking Syria. Traitor Joe is now a practicing attorney and frequently whispered candidate to replace Janet Napolitano at the Department of Homeland Security.

(Raw Story)