In Zombie-Eyed Granny Starving News…

Let’s watch in wonder as Zombie-eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan gets confronted by the Dreamers at a book signing:

It takes some brass to pose for smiling pictures with the people that you are trying to deport.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side Of Texas-Sized Stupid

Rick Perry Guns and Sputter

“I am confident we will ultimately prevail, that this farce of a prosecution will be revealed for what it is, and that those responsible will be held to account.”

–Theocrat Nitwit Secessionist Rick Perry.

The stupid part? “The Texas Penal Code that outlaws obstruction and retaliation says that anyone who “intentionally or knowingly harms or threatens to harm” a grand juror faces a second degree felony, which is punishable by up to 20 years in prison.”

Texas’ legal system is now looking into Gov. Goodhair’s threatening statement.

I Hope It Was Holy Water

Sarah Palin does ice-bucket challenge

“Now, I get to challenge someone, right? I challenge Hillary Clinton, and he whom she has recently said is her favorite Republican. He is my friend, I also challenge Sen. John McCain. Cheers.”

Like they are pals with you? Delusional much?

I’ve wanted to throw cold water on her since day one.

(HT: GRS)

No Honor Amongst McDonnells: An Update

It's gonna take a lot of pancakes to make this marriage work.

It’s gonna take a lot of pancakes to make this marriage work.

Virginia’s grasping and indicted first couple, Bob and Maureen McDonnell have benefited from so much other headline-grabbing news that the unbecoming and embarrassing stories from their record setting corruption trial have largely disappeared from the yapping, celebrity gossip-driven, win-the-day media. Well, no more to that!

So most of us, if we were confronted with jail time and our defense meant putting the most embarrassing details of our marriages and our spouses on public display, we would choose the better part of valor. “No,” a Scissorhead would say, “that is a bridge to far, a price too high. No. A thousand times no.” (Scissorheads are the top-drawer of good breeding and manners, after all.)

For Bob Rolex McDonnell, the answer is “OK,” “Hell yeah,” and “Is that mic on?”

And so let the cringing begin as Bob McDonnell publicly humiliates his wife:

Robert F. McDonnell moved out of the family’s suburban Richmond home shortly before the trial began and has been staying with his parish priest in the St. Patrick’s Church rectory.

“I knew there was no way I could go home after a day in court and have to rehash the day’s events with my wife,” he testified.

Good idea Bob, tell us more. Maybe something about how the entire Governor’s Mansion Staff signed a petition threatening to quit if Maureen didn’t behave better. Bet that worked out well?

“It became increasingly clear that I was not the right messenger for Maureen,” he said. “She would yell at me. She would tell me I was taking staff’s side, that I didn’t know what it was really going on over there.”

So did you seek professional help, Bob?

In early 2012, a management consultant recommended that then-Gov. Robert F. McDonnell have his wife seek counseling.

McDonnell told jurors Thursday that he “listened” to the consultant’s advice, but knew it would be fruitless.

McDonnell said he had “talked to my wife several times before about counseling,” and she did not want to do it.

“Her reaction was, ‘We’re not going to be able to keep that private,’” McDonnell testified.

But you could afford it, right?

“I wouldn’t scream at her,” Robert F. McDonnell testified. “Whatever it was, it just seemed like there was too much stuff that she was buying.”

But you did still love Maureen, right? Sent her little love letters?

“I love you. Yesterday was one on (sic) the lowest points in my life. We have had a very hard year emotionally, despite a wonderful anniversary celebration. You are my soulmate. I love being married to you and having a family. We have shared much good life together (sic). I have made plenty of mistakes in my life which I wish I could fix. I am sorry for all the times I have not been there for you and have done things to hurt you. I know I am a sinner and keep trying to do better. But I am completely at a loss as to how to handle the fiery anger and hate from you that has become more and more frequent. You told me again yesterday that you would wreck my things and how bad I am. It hurt me to my core. I have asked and prayed to God so many times to take this anger away from you and heal whatever hurt is causing it ….

But she loved you anyway, right Bob? Bob?

Robert F. McDonnell’s defense lawyer just posed the most awkward question imaginable, and he didn’t beat around the bush, either.

“Do you think your wife had a physical affair with Jonnie Williams?” Henry Asbill asked the former governor.

McDonnell answered in the hushed tones he’s used all day as questioning has dwelled on the touchy subject of his marriage.

“I don’t believe so,” he said.

Asbill pressed on: “Do you think your wife had a strong emotional attachment to Jonnie Williams?”

“Yes,” he said.

Asbill asked, “Was she getting that kind of emotional support from you?”

Here, McDonnell’s answer was almost a whisper: “No.”

You know, Bob, maybe the smartest thing you have done was to move in with the Parish Priest. I don’t think I would go back to your ol’ Virginny home, if I were you.

(HT to Scissorhead WagonJak for the nudge. This has been entertaining reading all day.)

Here’s Your Saturday Morning Bottomless Mug o’ Stupid

“[Mike Ditka] thinks the name should always be Washington Redskins, as a source of pride? Take the word ‘Washington’ out and I’ll agree the team name is a great source of pride.”

Mooselini, on her Book of Faces

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Child Warriors are coming through the border to rise up and kill us all for Hamas.

  • Ancient Hate Goblin Phyllis Schlafly just got a little moist in her cobwebbed and dusty nether regions:

    Feminism and feminists are a big part of what is wrong in American society today… Some of us, actually miss the times when men were men and that was a trait to be admired. Women in suits and loud exultations of the unfairness toward women have ruined life as we knew it. They took the feminine mystique out of the equation. Some of us liked being treated like we were something special, to be treasured by all men.

    (BarbWire)

  • Penny Nance, president of forced-birth organization Concerned Women for America are calling for yet another Summer of Life protest to make it illegal to have an abortion after 5 months (er, that’s about 20 weeks, right about when you might realize that you are pregnant).
  • This oughtta help - The Westboro Baptist Church plans to go to Ferguson to protest at Michael Brown’s funeral.

Hunting Season in Ferguson? – UPDATED

Celebrity free-range hunter of black teens George Zimmerman was arrested in Ferguson after stalking 2 kids and pointing a gun at them:

Authorities say Zimmerman was exiting the Dunkin’ Donuts at approximately 9:45 am when he encountered the two teenagers, who are identified only as black males ages 16 and 17. In cell phone footage obtained by the police and shown, but not released, to the media, the two teens make every effort to evade Zimmerman, but finally confront him after he followed them for a short distance.

“We just saw George Zimmerman, and he’s in Ferguson,” one of the teens says in the cell phone video. “He’s following us. We’re trying to walk away but he’s following us.” The camera shows Zimmerman, carrying a bag of food and a drink, who yells something illegible at the teens. “We don’t want anything to go down. We’re just minding our own business. We’re minding our business.”

Zimmerman is heard yelling something again, and finally the teens stop. One of the teens rather articulately asks Zimmerman to leave him, his friend, and his town, alone. “Sir, sir, we don’t… we don’t have an issue with you, sir. Please leave us alone,” the younger teenager says in the video, while Zimmerman continues to rant about something in the background. “Mr. Zimmerman, I don’t know why you’re here in Ferguson, but It’s pretty damn insensitive, you showing up here. This town’s been through enough already, we don’t need you here intensifying things, okay? And my friend and I didn’t say anything to you.”

“I have a right to be here. It’s a free country, we’re on a public street,” Zimmerman angrily says to the teens. “Why were you following me? Why were you harassing me?”

“We did no such thing, Mr. Zimmerman. You were leaving the store and we saw you and crossed the street,” the younger teen replies. “You followed us for a whole block. We said nothing to you and we were not following you.”

“Why are you here, George?” the older teen asks. “Ferguson has enough going on without you trying to get in the news again.”

At this point, Zimmerman drops his beverage and reaches into his jacket. The teen holding the cell phone raises it, and then the video abruptly ends. Authorities say a State Police cruiser, which just happened to be driving by at that moment, pulled over, and the officers found Zimmerman aiming a 9mm pistol at the two teens, who had their hands raised above their heads. After drawing their own weapons and ordering Zimmerman to drop his, Zimmerman was taken into custody.

Police found two handguns, a shotgun, and several knives inside Zimmerman’s car at the time of his arrest. It is unclear why Zimmerman was visiting Ferguson, when he arrived, or where in town he was staying. Police say the teens will be allowed to release the full video to the public after their investigation is complete.

UPDATE: we got Rick-rolled. Again. I apologize to all loyal scissorheads, and even to the free-range shooter of black kids wherever (Mr. Zimmerman) for falling for it.