Happy Hour News Briefs

News with a twist

Operation Rescue’s Randall Terry, a man who has done more for the coat-hanger industry and back-alley abortions than he can ever imagine, defends anti-gay laws and says that “the Russians got it right.”

  • Pray for the sinners - Charisma News wants us all to pray for The Lost Sheep Of Hollywood: Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry. I don’t think that they are gonna be able to grift the kids with this sort of Debbie Downer fanfic, Evangelical trolling, but you never know!
  • Hubba-Hubba! - The Southern Baptist Convention is going to have a special summit on Human Sexuality, and as much as we are for human sexuality, rest assured that they are against it. “Baby, er, wifey submit to me and I’ll give you the best 15 seconds of your life! Missionary style. In a dark room. Weeping afterwards.”
  • Always a bridesmaid, never a Bride of God - Oh, lord: The most intellectually dishonest rest stop on the information superhighway The National Review Online’s former editress and known Christ botherer K-Lo interviewed the baker in Colorado who was found guilty of discriminating against gay people when he refused to sell them a wedding cake. As always K-Lo is too dim to see the obvious: no one is asking Dude to change his beliefs, but are demanding he obey the law. Is this so hard? It is if you are determined to be a martyr. (Equality Matters)

Dickens was an optimist


I swear these are people who would be honored to tell Oliver Twist that there is no more soup:

Children at a Utah elementary school were in tears on Wednesday after a district nutrition manager seized the lunches of up to 40 students over negative account balances.

According to The Salt Lake Tribune, the children had already received their lunches at Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City when the child-nutrition manager ordered cafeteria workers to take the meals away.

They took food away from children?

But not to worry, the school district is looking into it:

Dear patrons and Uintah Elementary parents,

We have been investigating the lunch situation at Uintah Elementary School and would like to share the following information.

On Monday, a district Child Nutrition manager was sent to Uintah Elementary School to investigate the large number of students who had zero or negative balances in their school lunch accounts. That same day, the district manager and the local school kitchen manager started making calls to inform parents of the negative balances.

On Tuesday, the calls to parents continued. When lunch time came, students who still had negative balances were told they could not have a full meal but were given a piece of fruit and a milk for lunch. The district does this so children who don’t have money for lunch can at least have some food and not go without.

Unfortunately, children are served lunch before they get to the computer for payment. The children who didn’t have enough money in their accounts had their normal food trays taken from them and were given the fruit and milk.

This situation could have and should have been handled in a different manner. We apologize.

We are also investigating what type of notification parents may or may not have received prior to this week. The schools says they inform students when they go through the lunch line if they have a low balance. They say they also send notes home in the student’s Monday folders. However, when contacted Monday or Tuesday, many parents were surprised by the news. The district has specific guidelines for school kitchen managers on how parents should be notified, and we are currently investigating to see if these guidelines were followed correctly.

We understand the feelings of upset parents and students who say this was an embarrassing and humiliating situation. We again apologize and commit to working with parents in rectifying this situation and to ensuring students are never treated in this manner again.

“This situation could have and should have been handled in a different manner. ” Gee, you think? But what would you do, regardless? How would you tell Johnny in front of Suzy that he can pound it? How do you do that?

There’s a level of cruelty here, a Galtian world-view of punishing the have-nots for every bit of bad luck from the moment of birth onward. An accountant will tell us that the money has to come from somewhere, and I agree, but it is also about priorities. Maybe less money for tax breaks for the wealthy/businesses/developers could have funded a school lunch program for everyone in that district? We can do better than this.

(Raw Story)

SOTU Ratings and Rantings

angry robot attacks

It’s been quite a morning watching the Mighty Wurlitzer huff and puff that the recent SOTU speech was not a blockbuster; if you believe the Neilsen numbers (and there’s a lot of reason to question them), only 33 million people watched the speech, which roughly means about 10% of the population. In historical context, it is the lowest number since Bill Clinton’s last SOTU address in 2000.

Clearly, everyone hates The Kenyan Usurper, according to Wingnuttia:

Methinks that Newticles would kill to have 10% of the public watch his show on CNN, but that’s just me.

The Dumbest Man on the Internet (who doesn’t let us down and in his headline misspells NielsEN as NielsOn) concurs and adds that no one is listening, which is pretty funny for a number based upon watching. Thirty-three million people is a lot of no one

Tigerbeat on the Potomac helpfully tells us that Preznint Carebear’s SOTU ratings have declined over the years from a high of 52.4 million people in 2009, given about a week after his historic inauguration as the first black president, gee ya think?

Anyway, we can go on and on, but 33 Million people watching any single thing at the same time on television is pretty impressive. All that said, you cannot infer anything about why people chose to do something else. All we know is that 33 million people watched.

About the dig on Nielsen: they don’t measure people watching online. They have no methodology. Considering the changing demographics of America, this is a huge credibility problem for them; and just to illustrate the point, consider all the people stuck in traffic in Atlanta that night. Bet that some of them watched it on their phones.

News Briefs for January 30, 2014

News you can use all day

Hey Georgia, here’s your Republican candidates for office: not one would vote to extend unemployment benefits. Enjoy your gruel!

  • Refunds! - Oh, Hai Utah! Guess what? You might be able to check a box on your Tax Returns so that your refund (if any) can be used to fight Marriage Equality in your state. (Salt Lake Tribune)
  • The Yellow Ho’s of Texas - Whoopsie! A Texas Deputy was busted for soliciting a prostitute in a sting set up by his own department. Guess he didn’t read the memo? (Raw Story)
  • History! - Morning Joe regular talking head Jon Meacham was poking fun at The Kenyan Usurper’s decision to start issuing executive orders to enable some governance of the country since one of our two political parties has gone insane and decided governing was not as much fun as throwing cinderblocks onto the highway. Anyway, says Meacham:

    “We make fun of the executive orders and that is in fact something that — you know, you never really heard Lincoln and FDR say, ‘I’m going to rebuild America on an executive order.”

    The Emancipation Proclamation, Jon. You might want to look it up sometime. While you’re looking stuff up, try The New Deal, too. Assrocket. (Livewire)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News straight-up

Coach Dave says that the preznint is constantly under oath from the minute he took office, so UNPEACH!

  • Secret Service on Line 1 - The man who claims to be a former intelligence operative (St. Ronnie’s October Surprise nuclear delivery boy to the Iranians), who left the CIA to expose President Obama’s plan to nuke Americans ( for George Soros) and communicate with aliens, totally credible Jim Garrow posted today that The Kenyan Usurper should be put down like a rabid dog. (The Book of Faces)
  • Lawsuits - Our old pal Miss November, and noted Constitutional Scholar One-L says that the House is going to hire an attorney to sue The Kenyan Usurper:

    We’ll sue the president of the United States and force him to no longer act unilaterally.”

    On the grounds of, “gee, we don’t like a black dude in our White House?” (Daily Caller)

  • Grifters Gotta Grift - Crazy Unkka Pat is going to start yet another Xristian Xrazie University (previously, he founded the marginally credited Regent which Chimpy McStagger used to staff the Justice Department with waterheads and paste-eaters during his reign of error), this one will be online, because: why the hell not? (The Blaze)

Uncle Sugar: Now A 2016 Contender


The latest survey from Democratic PPP released Wednesday showed the former Arkansas governor surging among Republican voters nationwide in the wake of his head-scratching comment about the female libido.

According to the poll, 16 percent of GOP primary voters said they would prefer to see Huckabee as the party’s presidential nominee in 2016, making him the top Republican in the field. Only a month ago, PPP showed Huckabee polling at 11 percent and trailing both New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) among GOP voters.

The Pig People have spoken, and they like the cut of Gomer’s jib, ’cause you know: gotta keep the skirts in their place.




Have you ever wondered why you can’t pull your pickup truck into the parking lot of the Gillette, Wyoming, post office, go in, and mail a letter — without giving up your Second Amendment rights?

I’m old enough to remember what going Postal originally met. Continue in your grift, er fundraising letter, Sen. Aqua Buddha.

But the good news is this: On Wednesday, January 29, Senator Rand Paul will offer an amendment, in committee, to the Postal Reform Act (S. 1486).

The amendment will allow you to drive into a post office parking lot with your gun, and will allow you to carry it into the post office, to the extent state law would allow you to carry that firearm in any other venue.

Because the amendment will be offered in Governmental Affairs, a vast percentage of the committee membership consists of conservative Republicans and Democrats running for reelection in conservative states. So there is a good chance that we can score a major victory for the Second Amendment if you act now.

But what about the amendment to thwart the NSA? Bueller? Anyone?

(Gun Owners of America)

Get Dressed, Ladies!

Your couture offends all of Creation:

Well, good luck with that. It seems to me, boy and man, I’ve been perfectly able to imagine the territory beneath, regardless of the packaging. But this is another way of saying that the Xristian Xrazies blame women for the lust that they feel.