Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

David Horowitz tells us something he knows about the Negro.

  • Local News - Mars Hill Church founder Mark ‘Women are Garages to Park Your Penis” Driscoll, the creepy, obsessive, false-Christian founder of Mars Hill Church has resigned.
  • The Discriminated, Put-upon, and Pitiable Xristians, Cont. - Remember E.W. Jackson, the loser of the recent race to be Lt. Governor of Virginia? Don’t feel bad, hardly anyone does! Anyway, he’s made a video and wants us to know about it! And he wants to protect Y’all Qaeda from any further discrimination from the ‘mos.
  • Sports! - Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck is going to go to a sportsball game. Yes, for THAT team, and for THAT reason.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Tom Cotton, whom some might mistake as a mini-me version of almost-human The Willard Mechanism tells us that people with pre-existing conditions were better off before The Affordable Care Act.

“Many people were happy with their coverage under the high-risk pool, before it was eliminated,” Cotton said. “They should have been allowed to keep that choice.”

Then he was wheeled back stage for a tune-up, chassis lube, and change of spark plugs.

The GOP’s Winning Message For Wimmins

Um, what about telling women (and men) what your policies are that should be attractive to women?

The late Molly Ivin said that we should never listen to politician’s words, but should look at the record. Let’s investigate!

  • Defund and shut down Planned Parenthood, which offers a lot more services than abortion, like breast cancer screenings and other preventative healthcare? Whoops!

  • That the party unanimously voted down a minimum wage increase? That might be related to women. Whoops!

  • The Violence Against Women Act was filibustered in the Senate? Whoops!

Today in Theocracy

Not even a week ago we told you about that Winston Churchill-like independent candidate running for governor of Massachusetts, our old pal and dissembling theocrat Scott Lively. And Churchill like, he is now starring in a Russian anti-gay documentary:

We mention this only because Lively’s international cred is usually hitched to Uganda’s Kill The Gays legislation, so he’s building quite a foreign policy portfolio.

(Joe.My.God.)

Today in Apologies

horror

From time-to-time, we like to check in on the state of American manners, what with being fans of the late Amy Vanderbilt, and we are glad to see that even the conservatives know when to apologize. Good breeding and what not, right?

First, let’s look into the comment that Debbie Dunnegan who is the Jefferson County Missouri Recorder of Deeds felt compelled to later apologize:

“I have a question for all my friends who have served or are currently serving in our military … having not put on a uniform nor taken any type military oath, there has to be something that I am just not aware of. But I cannot and do not understand why no action is being taken against our domestic enemy. I know he is supposedly the commander in chief, but the Constitution gives you the authority. What am I missing? Thank you for your bravery and may God keep you safe,” Dunnegan said in her post from early last week.

Libtards are so sensitive when Patriots are calling for a military coup against the twice-elected Kenyan Usurper. Sheesh!

And now the standard issue Republican apology:

“Something innocent and simple got twisted into a disaster because it’s an election. I meant no ill intent toward the president. I meant no ill intent toward anybody.”

She was just asking the question and not actually calling for an overthrow of the government, amiright?

Dunnegan is up for re-election.

Some Stupid For Your Coffee?

“I can honestly say I have not had one conversation with a single CEO about the Confederate flag.”

–Rumored blogger-banging (eww, gross!) South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley tells us why she doesn’t need to remove the Confederate Flag from the statehouse.

He Sounds Nice

testing a wall

Y’all Qaeda’s favorite litigious person Larry Klayman is fomenting revolution again, and has filed another birther lawsuit against the Kenyan Usurper:

But as has been true throughout Obama’s illegitimate presidency, as all credible evidence suggests that he was born in Kenya and is neither a natural born citizen eligible to be president, nor has he been “naturalized” as a citizen to even have the right to remain here – see the deportation petition I filed recently – regrettably our Muslim commander in chief has favored his own creed over the rest of us. Obama has turned Martin Luther King’s revolution for equality for all races, colors and creeds on its head. Now, during his regime, relegating whites and others who are not black or Muslim to the back of the bus has become an invidious form of reverse discrimination. This was not right when blacks were subjected to this treatment, and it is not right now – particularly given its deadly implications.

…This is not just an incompetent and lazy president who prefers golf outings and vacations at taxpayers’ expense on Martha’s Vineyard to governing, but an evil one who is a danger to the continued existence of our nation. With this new Ebola-gate scandal, Obama’s remaining in office becomes an issue of life and death for us all.

I do not advocate violence, and I want Obama to be taken alive to be deported and pay for his inadequacies under the rule of law. But he must be forced from office as soon as possible, before all is lost. We the people simply cannot, and should not, take it anymore.

In the interim, I am fashioning a lawsuit to force Obama to curtail travel and immigration from Liberia and the rest of West Africa until we know we can combat the deadly Ebola outbreak. And, immigration from all Muslim nations where terrorists have a beachhead must also be immediately stopped.

These are not ordinary times. The nation is at war, not just with foreign and domestic enemies, such as the Muslim Americans who have joined the Islamic Jihad of ISIS and al-Qaida, but with our own president, who was so ignorantly and tragically elected to rule over us.

Today, In Conspiracy Theories…

It’s a meeting of the very small minds when Conspiracy Theorists’ favorite son Alex Jones talks with Michael Savage about how Ebola could be the silver lining to finally get the Kenyan Usurper out of the White House, before he declares martial law.