It Must Be Summer Because Paul Ryan…

…is already singing that familliar tune:

Paul Ryan (pic Gregg Segal for TIME)

CHAIRMAN PAUL RYAN is at AEI this morning to present an anti-poverty plan, “Expanding Opportunity in America: A Discussion Draft from the House Budget Committee,” in a speech that pulls in his Jack Kemp roots and allows him to tap into his inner wonk. He’s proposing a voluntary Opportunity Grant program that “would consolidate up to 11 federal programs into one stream of funding [food stamps, housing subsidies, child-care assistance, cash welfare] to participating states.”

He only knows one tune, so he keeps changing the name of the song, but the melody stays the same.

We have an obligation to expand opportunity in America — to deliver real change, real solutions, and real results. And to do that, we need to stop listening to the loudest voices in the room — and start listening to the smartest voices in the room. So I’ve spent the last year traveling all over the country-learning from people fighting poverty on the front lines. I’ve been to a high school in Milwaukee that’s eliminated 14 gangs from school grounds. I’ve been to a church in Indianapolis that’s helped hundreds of men get off drugs. I’ve been to a homeless shelter in Denver and a rehab center in San Antonio.”

…and I’ve been to Nice and the Isles of Greece, but I’ve never been to me…

“[T]oday, I want to start a conversation. … When I went to Milwaukee or Denver or Indianapolis, nobody asked me what party I belonged to. They welcomed anybody who was willing to listen and learn. That should be our approach in Washington. Enough with the politics. Let’s talk solutions … [W]e need to build a society where hard work is rewarded and every American has the opportunity to succeed-regardless of birthplace or background. And to do that, everybody’s got to get involved. If we all work together, we can build a healthy economy. We can fix this. We can get this done.”

It’s his same Ayn Randian bullshit with a different Ronald Reagan cover band. (Fair Warning: it’s a PDF, 73 pages.)

The Afternoon Quote – Zombie-eyed Granny-starver Edition

Paul Ryan Zombie of Love

“I went on this flight a week later,” [Congressman Paul] Ryan said. “And the flight attendants were looking at me; and they were sort of looking at me and pointing at me. And then, finally one of them comes up to me and says, ‘You’re somebody famous, aren’t you? Are you Anthony Weiner?’

“I’ve been confused for Anthony Weiner twice now. I don’t know how this keeps happening.”

Maybe because they recognize a dick when they see one?(Mlive)

RIP, Minimum Wage

Compare and contrast

The Senate voted on Wednesday against going ahead on a bill that would gradually increase the federal minimum wage from $7.25 an hour to $10.10 an hour, another rejection for legislation that has been a major focus of the Democrats’ 2014 midterm campaign.

The final vote count was 54 to 42, with Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.), who supports the legislation, taking the procedural step of voting against the bill so that he can reintroduce it at a later time.

And if you are wondering why Paul Ryan, who is not a senator, makes a guest appearance in this post, it is because he held a hearing on poverty today. Guess what! He had no poor people testify.

(And yes, I am now honored to be contributing at Liberaland: Alan Colmes asked me to be a part of it (which YOWSA!), so I guess that makes me a Junior Pundit and part of the lamestream media? We’ll see! But with the 2014 midterms coming up, I thought it was a good opportunity to get our viewpoint out, Scissorheads, and have some fun spitballing on what is undoubtedly a larger stage!)

Mooselini Wants to Death Panel Paul Ryan’s Budget

A dead-eyed dick

A dead-eyed dick

“The latest Ryan (R, Wisconsin) Budget is not an April Fool’s joke,” Palin wrote in a Facebook post. “But it really IS a joke because it is STILL not seeing the problem; it STILL is not proposing reining in wasteful government overspending TODAY, instead of speculating years out that some future Congress and White House may possibly, hopefully, eh-who-knows, take responsibility for today’s budgetary selfishness and shortsightedness to do so. THIS is the definition of insanity.”

Kudos to her ghost writer for not letting The Boreal Narcissus toss her usual word salad all over the place.

(Livewire)

So what has Paul Ryan’s panties in a bunch today?

Paul Ryan (pic Gregg Segal for TIME)

Just like the swallows returning to San Juan Capistrano, the brown-paper bag fabulist and dog-whistler of note Paul Ryan has released his yearly budget document, this time with extra angst:

The new law couples these subsidies with a mandate for individuals to purchase health insurance and bureaucratic controls on the types of insurance that may legally be offered. Taken together, these provisions will undermine the private insurance market, which serves as the backbone of the current U.S. health-care system. Exchange subsidies will undermine the competitive forces of the marketplace. Government mandates will drive out all but the largest insurance companies. Punitive tax penalties will force individuals to purchase coverage whether they choose to or not. Further, this budget does not condone any policy that would require entities or individuals to finance activities or make health decisions that violate their religious beliefs. This budget provides for the repeal of the President’s onerous health-care law for this and many other reasons.

Left in place, the health law will create pressures that will eventually lead to a single-payer system in which the federal government determines how much health care Americans need and what kind of care they can receive. This budget recommends repealing the architecture of this new law, which puts health- care decisions into the hands of bureaucrats, and instead allowing Congress to pursue patient centered health-care reforms that actually bring down the cost of care by empowering consumers.

The Zombie-eyed Granny-starver says it like it would be a bad thing?

(Think Progress)

Good Luck With That, Paul Ryan

Hiway-to-Hell

Brown paper bag fabulist and Zombie-eyed Granny-starver Paul Ryan will meet with the Congressional Black Caucus (the Blah Caucus to Rick Santorum) as part of his on-going damage control after dog whistling on Bill ‘Sporting Life’ Bennett’s electronic radio program about the lazy blah (Hi Rick!) men of the inner city.

(Livewire)

The Washington Monthly has a very good article up on Paul Ryan’s dog whistle and what Ryan doesn’t understand about race and poverty, as does Campaign for America’s Future. I recommend both, short reads.

Claim Chowder: Paul Ryan and the Paper Bag Kid

Paul Ryan Zombie of Love

Yesterday we reported the apocryphal story that Zombie-eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan told at CPAC about the kid who didn’t want a free lunch, and that’s why Paul Ryan wants to cut the free lunch program: their stomaches might be empty, but their souls will be full of Ayn Rand goodness.

Well, it turns out that story was lifted and perverted from a book, An Invisible Thread, a story about a homeless kid and his benefactor. Here’s the original story:

“Look, Maurice, I don’t want you out there hungry on the nights I don’t see you, so this is what we can do. I can either give you some money for the week–and you’ll have to be really careful about how you spend it–or when you come over on Monday night we can go to the supermarket and I can buy all the things you like to eat and make you lunch for the week. I’ll leave it with the doormen, and you can pick it up on the way to school.”

Maurice looked at me and asked me a question.

“If you make me lunch,” he said, “will you put it in a brown paper bag?”

I didn’t really understand the question. “Do you want it in a brown paper bag?” I asked. “Or how would you prefer it?”

“Miss Laura,” he said, “I don’t want your money. I want my lunch in a brown paper bag.”

“Okay, sure. But why do you want it in a bag?”

“Because when I see kids come to school with their lunch in a paper bag, that means someone cares about them. Miss Laura, can I please have my lunch in a paper bag?”

Ryan was very careful in telling the story to ensure that he credited it to WI Republican, Eloise Anderson, who told it to him during official testimony before his committee. This now leads us to wonder where she got the story. Take it away, NY Magazine:

Third update: Anderson’s spokesperson tells Kessler she “misspoke” — “Secretary Anderson was referring to a television interview which she had seen with Maurice Mazyck.” So, by mistake she somehow believed the interview she saw on television was a conversation that happened with her personally, and that the boy’s request for a paper bag lunch was actually a request not to get a school lunch.

Uh-huh. That’s as believable as one of St. Ronnie’s world war two stories that always turned out to be the plot of some old movie.

UPDATE 1: The WaPo Fact Checker gives the story, and Ryan’s retelling of it 4 Pinocchios.

(Hat tip: NYMag and Wonkette via Scissorhead Big Bad Bald Bastard in the comments.)

The Morning Quote

In which Paul Ryan explains that free school lunches means poor parents don’t care about their kids:

[Eloise Anderson, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker's (R) Department of Children and Families secretary] once met a young boy from a very poor family, and every day at school, he would get a free lunch from a government program.”

“He told Eloise he didn’t want a free lunch. He wanted his own lunch, one in a brown-paper bag just like the other kids. He wanted one, he said, because he knew a kid with a brown-paper bag had someone who cared for him. This is what the left does not understand. People don’t just want a life of comfort … they want a life of self-determination…”

…and that’s why we must cut up the social safety net. You really cannot make this shit up. Zombie-eyed Granny-and-kiddie-starver Paul Ryan.