Mooselini Wants to Death Panel Paul Ryan’s Budget

A dead-eyed dick

A dead-eyed dick

“The latest Ryan (R, Wisconsin) Budget is not an April Fool’s joke,” Palin wrote in a Facebook post. “But it really IS a joke because it is STILL not seeing the problem; it STILL is not proposing reining in wasteful government overspending TODAY, instead of speculating years out that some future Congress and White House may possibly, hopefully, eh-who-knows, take responsibility for today’s budgetary selfishness and shortsightedness to do so. THIS is the definition of insanity.”

Kudos to her ghost writer for not letting The Boreal Narcissus toss her usual word salad all over the place.


So what has Paul Ryan’s panties in a bunch today?

Paul Ryan (pic Gregg Segal for TIME)

Just like the swallows returning to San Juan Capistrano, the brown-paper bag fabulist and dog-whistler of note Paul Ryan has released his yearly budget document, this time with extra angst:

The new law couples these subsidies with a mandate for individuals to purchase health insurance and bureaucratic controls on the types of insurance that may legally be offered. Taken together, these provisions will undermine the private insurance market, which serves as the backbone of the current U.S. health-care system. Exchange subsidies will undermine the competitive forces of the marketplace. Government mandates will drive out all but the largest insurance companies. Punitive tax penalties will force individuals to purchase coverage whether they choose to or not. Further, this budget does not condone any policy that would require entities or individuals to finance activities or make health decisions that violate their religious beliefs. This budget provides for the repeal of the President’s onerous health-care law for this and many other reasons.

Left in place, the health law will create pressures that will eventually lead to a single-payer system in which the federal government determines how much health care Americans need and what kind of care they can receive. This budget recommends repealing the architecture of this new law, which puts health- care decisions into the hands of bureaucrats, and instead allowing Congress to pursue patient centered health-care reforms that actually bring down the cost of care by empowering consumers.

The Zombie-eyed Granny-starver says it like it would be a bad thing?

(Think Progress)

Good Luck With That, Paul Ryan


Brown paper bag fabulist and Zombie-eyed Granny-starver Paul Ryan will meet with the Congressional Black Caucus (the Blah Caucus to Rick Santorum) as part of his on-going damage control after dog whistling on Bill ‘Sporting Life’ Bennett’s electronic radio program about the lazy blah (Hi Rick!) men of the inner city.


The Washington Monthly has a very good article up on Paul Ryan’s dog whistle and what Ryan doesn’t understand about race and poverty, as does Campaign for America’s Future. I recommend both, short reads.

Claim Chowder: Paul Ryan and the Paper Bag Kid

Paul Ryan Zombie of Love

Yesterday we reported the apocryphal story that Zombie-eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan told at CPAC about the kid who didn’t want a free lunch, and that’s why Paul Ryan wants to cut the free lunch program: their stomaches might be empty, but their souls will be full of Ayn Rand goodness.

Well, it turns out that story was lifted and perverted from a book, An Invisible Thread, a story about a homeless kid and his benefactor. Here’s the original story:

“Look, Maurice, I don’t want you out there hungry on the nights I don’t see you, so this is what we can do. I can either give you some money for the week–and you’ll have to be really careful about how you spend it–or when you come over on Monday night we can go to the supermarket and I can buy all the things you like to eat and make you lunch for the week. I’ll leave it with the doormen, and you can pick it up on the way to school.”

Maurice looked at me and asked me a question.

“If you make me lunch,” he said, “will you put it in a brown paper bag?”

I didn’t really understand the question. “Do you want it in a brown paper bag?” I asked. “Or how would you prefer it?”

“Miss Laura,” he said, “I don’t want your money. I want my lunch in a brown paper bag.”

“Okay, sure. But why do you want it in a bag?”

“Because when I see kids come to school with their lunch in a paper bag, that means someone cares about them. Miss Laura, can I please have my lunch in a paper bag?”

Ryan was very careful in telling the story to ensure that he credited it to WI Republican, Eloise Anderson, who told it to him during official testimony before his committee. This now leads us to wonder where she got the story. Take it away, NY Magazine:

Third update: Anderson’s spokesperson tells Kessler she “misspoke” — “Secretary Anderson was referring to a television interview which she had seen with Maurice Mazyck.” So, by mistake she somehow believed the interview she saw on television was a conversation that happened with her personally, and that the boy’s request for a paper bag lunch was actually a request not to get a school lunch.

Uh-huh. That’s as believable as one of St. Ronnie’s world war two stories that always turned out to be the plot of some old movie.

UPDATE 1: The WaPo Fact Checker gives the story, and Ryan’s retelling of it 4 Pinocchios.

(Hat tip: NYMag and Wonkette via Scissorhead Big Bad Bald Bastard in the comments.)

The Morning Quote

In which Paul Ryan explains that free school lunches means poor parents don’t care about their kids:

[Eloise Anderson, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker's (R) Department of Children and Families secretary] once met a young boy from a very poor family, and every day at school, he would get a free lunch from a government program.”

“He told Eloise he didn’t want a free lunch. He wanted his own lunch, one in a brown-paper bag just like the other kids. He wanted one, he said, because he knew a kid with a brown-paper bag had someone who cared for him. This is what the left does not understand. People don’t just want a life of comfort … they want a life of self-determination…”

…and that’s why we must cut up the social safety net. You really cannot make this shit up. Zombie-eyed Granny-and-kiddie-starver Paul Ryan.

Shorter Paul Ryan


“Prostitution is a growth industry.”

What he really said:

“This document is a precursor not only of our budget but of our larger project to introduce poverty reforms over the course of this year,” Ryan said. “The president may focus on inequality because he can’t talk about growth. We’re focused on upward mobility, speaking directly to people who have fallen through the cracks.”

Food stamps, low-income hous­ing, and a flurry of other social service programs and tax credits are also targeted in the report. Ryan said Republicans will soon offer specific prescriptions to the problems he outlines. Putting a comprehensive anti-poverty agenda alongside efforts to devise an alternative to the federal health-care law is a GOP priority, he said.

Poverty Reforms is such a nice euphemism for the eugenics of killing the poors or at least kicking them in the junk. Yup, the Zombie-eyed Granny-starver is competing in the 2016 Goat Rodeo.


Coaching Republicans to be empathetic…

Autism Flashcards

…might be easier if they gave them those flashcards for reading emotions that are used with autistic kids.

Anyway, someone leaked a GOP memo about how to talk about unemployment insurance (and how to deny UI while sounding nice):

This continues with the GOP’s earnest theme that if they could just find the right words—the magic words to say—that everyone would love them.

The problem isn’t the messaging, boys. The problem is you.

Paul Ryan wants you to sell your family’s silver…


The negotiations between Senate Budget Chair Patty Murray (D-WA) and Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan (R-WI) are taking an ominous turn:

There is broad agreement that a portion of the sequester should be replaced with targeted cuts to discretionary spending. But Democrats demand revenues in the mix and Republicans categorically reject new taxes. So to thread that needle, sources familiar with the negotiations say, Murray and Ryan are weighing revenues in the form of asset sales and government fees, rather than Democrats’ preference for raising revenue by scaling back tax loopholes.

Aside from the fact that the US is not broke and does not need to sell off assets, and aside from the fact that a long-time stated goal of the GOP is to sell off federal lands (including national parks) to the extraction industries, I cannot think of a worse idea. Sure, selling a battleship or a squadron of bombers is likely to go unnoticed at first but in general selling off assets is the strategy you take right before you end up sleeping in your car.


Pop Quiz!


Paul Ryan (pic Gregg Segal for TIME)

Taegan Goddard’s Political Wire reports…

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) has a deal for a book about the state of conservatism, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.

According to the publisher, Where Do We Go from Here? will “delve into the state of the conservative movement in America today, how it contrasts with liberal progressivism, and what needs to be done to save the American Idea. It will challenge conventional thinking, renew the conservative vision for 2014 and beyond, and show how it is essential for the well-being of our communities and the future of our nation.”

For 0.64% of your final grade, give the Zombie-eyed Granny-staver’s book a name. Bonus point if you include a Photoshop of the cover.

In the comments, #2 lead pencils only.