One Lump of Stupid or Two, Westboro Baptist Church?

I’ve been waiting forever to use this:

Old Man Yells At Cloud

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Get Off The Cross, Someone Needs The Wood

Hey guys, remember when we told you last week that Y’all Qaeda was not happy about rainbow colored Doritos? Well, it was only a matter of time before they would make themselves the victims:

Where are the Cross-inspired Doritos?

With the rising, crushing refugee crisis in the Middle East (not to mention Africa), it’s becoming more widely known that Christians, in particular, are being persecuted, killed, and tortured. “Being yourself” as a Christian is a death sentence — or a rape and torture sentence if you’re a woman — in ISIS territory.

…CNN recently reported that Muslims refugees threw 12 Christian refugees overboard in the sea, to their deaths, on a ship they all shared while trying to flee to freedom. So much for “being yourself.” When these Christians’ true selves were revealed, they were murdered for it.

And yet, despite the barbaric killing of Christians by ISIS and other violent groups around the globe, our brothers and sisters remain bold in their faith. Many refuse to deny Christ — Who they claim as the very essence of who they are. They suffer under unspeakable pain and torment and yet, they remain identified with the Savior.

If Doritos — and all of us — were to take a look around the world, we would see that these are the bold people. These are the ones who deserve our help, our funding, our aid. These are the ones who need the media attention, the hashtags, the news articles, the chip bags.

Seriously. It comes to the chip bag for them. All that self-pitying in the middle east, and they are upset over the chip bag.

Not Jade Helm 15, But Still Texas

By now, everyone’s already heard about Ahmed Mohamad, the over-achieving science-loving kid in Texas who was arrested after trying to impress his teachers by showing them one of his home-made inventions, a clock. A clock that they thought was a bomb.

Have we gotten so panicked and so inured to racial profiling that a smart kid in a NASA shirt could be arrested for nothing more than being a Muslim in Texas?

Saying that they mistook the clock for a bomb is just weasel-words for saying they mistook the kid for a bomb-thrower.

We note that Ahmed has also been suspended from his Texas school.

“Sweet Jeebus,” the math teacher did not say, “the kid was sayin’ somethin’ about lovin’ Al-Gebra!”

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Onward, Theocratic Soldiers!

Nuns with Guns

Assault rifle with Bible verse to repel Muslim terrorists unveiled in Apopka

I cannot stress this enough: this thing is real!

“Spike’s Tactical is marketing an assault rifle it claims was “designed to never be used by Muslim terrorists.” The AR-15 assault rifle is laser-etched on one side with a Knights Templar Long Cross – a symbol of the Christian Crusades to reclaim the Holy Land from Muslims – and Psalm 144:1 on the other side: “Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.”

“The company’s spokesman, former Navy SEAL Ben “Mookie” Thomas said he came up with the idea and believes no devout Muslim would touch such a weapon.

“Off the cuff I said I’d like to have a gun that if a Muslim terrorist picked it up a bolt of lightning would hit and knock him dead,” Thomas said.

So some Bible verse is to muslims what garlic is to vampires? How do Muslim-Americans feel about this thing?

“Is it designed for Christian terrorists?” asked Hasan Shibly, executive director of [Council on American-Islamic Relations of Florida], who said out of 205 mass killings so far this year in the U.S. only one involved a Muslim. “We need to have a conversation on gun violence. There has been utter silence from gun manufacturers. It’s time for them to stop trying to make a buck on this.”

When the Cannibals Attack…

Hey guys, remember the other day when sexually disgraced pastor Jim Bakker told us about the marauding blah gangs of Chicago and NYC urban cannibals that are going to descend to feast upon us as we go into the End Times so please buy his buckets of potato slop?

Yeah. That guy.

Well, it seems that he has a new grift warning for us today so we better buy his buckets of glop: the sun is going to attack us too, and when it does the electrical grid will go down, just like it did in 1859, so buy a horse (probably from him?):

I’ll leave it to your imaginations how the the downing of the grid of 1859 set free the cannibals of that day.

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

The Fox Effect, cont.

Erick the Red

Erick the Red

Our blog’s old pal E-Squared has disinvited short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump from addressing his gathering of paste-eating mouth-breathers at the Redstate Gathering (which still sounds like a bad horror flick on the ABC Movie of the Week to me). Take it away, Ewick!

“I have tried to give a great deal of latitude to Donald Trump in his run for the Presidency.

“He is not a professional politician and is known for being a blunt talker. He connects with so much of the anger in the Republican base and is not afraid to be outspoken on a lot of issues. But there are even lines blunt talkers and unprofessional politicians should not cross.

“Decency is one of those lines.

“As much as I do personally like Donald Trump, his comment about Megyn Kelly on CNN is a bridge too far for me.

“In a CNN interview, Mr. Trump said of Megyn Kelly, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”

“It was not the “blood coming out of her eyes” part that was the problem.

“I think there is no way to otherwise interpret Mr. Trump’s comment. In an attempted clarification, Mr. Trump’s team tells me he meant “whatever”, not “where ever.”

Can it be that Ewick son of Ewick, the man who called a sitting Justice of the US Supreme Court a child-molesting goat f***er has boundaries? Or is it that as a Fox News contributor (not sure he’s still on the payroll, but whatevs) he’s just following orders.

Anyway the liberal side of Twitter is going a little frothy finding some of his more choice lines about the ladies, and the conservative side is taking Ewick to the woodshed, you know, for being politically correct.

Deer Eating PopcornPopcorn, anyone?

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Ah'm as popular as a fart in church back home!

Ah’m as popular as a fart in church back home!

Boy exorcist and famous volcano scholar Bobby Jindal tells us that we should study him. And I am NOT making this up, it’s from his campaign website:

Bobby Jindal

News That Will Drive You To Drink – Indiana Style

face-palmDumb as a stump with twice as many termites, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, still reeling from his disasterous We Don’t Serve Your Kind debacle, has declared June as Gay Pride Month in the Hoosier state:


On behalf of the people of Indiana, welcome to Indianapolis. I am confident that those of you who traveled from out of state will come to know our famous Hoosier Hospitality.

Our state’s capital city is well known as a destination for conventions, festivals, business meetings and other events. In fact, a recent USA TODAY Reader’s Choice digital poll ranked Indianapolis as the Best Convention City in the country.

Like so many other organizations who continue to use Indianapolis as their destination of choice, I am confident you will come to know a vibrant city.

During your stay, please explore the many entertainment options Indianapolis has to offer such as our museums, restaurants, theaters, historic landmarks, White River State Park, and the Indianapolis Zoo, just to name a few.

So, once again, welcome to Indiana. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Which should be really welcoming to all the LGBTQ people that he never mentions. Oops!

White, Like Me — Andrea Tantaros Edition

Get Off The Cross

Kiss Jeebus on the lips, Andrea

Kiss Jeebus on the lips, Andrea

“The last acceptable form of discrimination in this country now is two groups — one, Christians and, two, white men.”

Sometimes I think I’m stuck in a Cohen Brothers’ film when I see statements like this.

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Dr. Carson?

Really? You really think that one of Jeebus’s two daddies cheated on your Chem final for you?