Some Fries With Your Stupid, Y’all Qaeda?

So, Jeebus is a betting man?

I swear to blog, if a grifter like Rick Joyner got a sure-fire tip from The Almighty, he’d be in Vegas. I’m calling BS.

Ted Cruz: ‘Say a Little Prayer For Me’

The stupid... it burns

The stupid… it burns

It’s all about Him (Ted, not Jeebus):

To capitalize, and build his list of supporters and donors, Cruz said Thursday that he is forming a “national prayer team.” Those who sign up will receive weekly emails that include prayer requests from Cruz and his wife as well as from the campaign team and other volunteers. Members will also be invited each Tuesday to pray together on 20-minute conference calls.

“We experience the power of prayer every day,” Cruz said in a statement, using religious language that resonates with evangelicals. “We’re organizing ‘A Time for Prayer’ to establish a direct line of communication between our campaign and the thousands of Americans who are lifting us up before the Lord.”

The Messiah Complex is strong in this one.

And now the song, Aretha sings my favorite rendition of the classic, but I don’t think she’s singing it for Ted Cruz:

Your Venti Soy Stupid Is Served, Xristians

Get Off The Cross, Someone Needs The Wood

Starbucks still sells Christmas Blend, you tool.

My Jewish friends would love to see a solid blue cup for Hannukah, and I can tell you that to a one, they all see Red as a Xristian symbol this time of year.

Your 3-Martini Stupid is Served, Huckabee

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Well, Uncle Sugar hisself has gone and done it: he’s advocating for a return to slavery, you know, for poor people:

He was also about one heart-beat away from hit, but now he’s right there. Y’all Qaeda salutes you, and The New Confederacy is gonna take another look.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs


Award winning ancient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly tells us that there is a reason women should not be in combat: because they have never won the Medal of Honor!

There’s a reason why no woman has ever won our nation’s highest award for valor. The Medal of Honor recognizes a willingness to charge toward danger, to remove a threat, while everyone else is running away. …For all recorded human history, combat has been a profession for young men who bond together in small groups – a phenomenon known as unit cohesion. No nation in the world has successfully introduced women into combat units. This incident on a French train proves that all-male combat units are still needed, even in the era of push-button warfare.

Or could it be that because women have been kept out of combat that they’ve never won the Medal of Honor? I swear to blog she makes my head hurt.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs


Ancient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly won the much-coveted “William F. Buckley Jr. Award for Media Excellence” last night, and that should tell you everything you need to know about Conservative Journalism.

But then again, there’s this line in the report that so scared me I couldn’t click the link: “To see former Saturday Night Live star (and current talk radio host) Joe Piscopo present “The Funnies” category, go here.”

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Westboro Baptist Church?

I’ve been waiting forever to use this:

Old Man Yells At Cloud

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Get Off The Cross, Someone Needs The Wood

Hey guys, remember when we told you last week that Y’all Qaeda was not happy about rainbow colored Doritos? Well, it was only a matter of time before they would make themselves the victims:

Where are the Cross-inspired Doritos?

With the rising, crushing refugee crisis in the Middle East (not to mention Africa), it’s becoming more widely known that Christians, in particular, are being persecuted, killed, and tortured. “Being yourself” as a Christian is a death sentence — or a rape and torture sentence if you’re a woman — in ISIS territory.

…CNN recently reported that Muslims refugees threw 12 Christian refugees overboard in the sea, to their deaths, on a ship they all shared while trying to flee to freedom. So much for “being yourself.” When these Christians’ true selves were revealed, they were murdered for it.

And yet, despite the barbaric killing of Christians by ISIS and other violent groups around the globe, our brothers and sisters remain bold in their faith. Many refuse to deny Christ — Who they claim as the very essence of who they are. They suffer under unspeakable pain and torment and yet, they remain identified with the Savior.

If Doritos — and all of us — were to take a look around the world, we would see that these are the bold people. These are the ones who deserve our help, our funding, our aid. These are the ones who need the media attention, the hashtags, the news articles, the chip bags.

Seriously. It comes to the chip bag for them. All that self-pitying in the middle east, and they are upset over the chip bag.

Not Jade Helm 15, But Still Texas

By now, everyone’s already heard about Ahmed Mohamad, the over-achieving science-loving kid in Texas who was arrested after trying to impress his teachers by showing them one of his home-made inventions, a clock. A clock that they thought was a bomb.

Have we gotten so panicked and so inured to racial profiling that a smart kid in a NASA shirt could be arrested for nothing more than being a Muslim in Texas?

Saying that they mistook the clock for a bomb is just weasel-words for saying they mistook the kid for a bomb-thrower.

We note that Ahmed has also been suspended from his Texas school.

“Sweet Jeebus,” the math teacher did not say, “the kid was sayin’ somethin’ about lovin’ Al-Gebra!”

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Onward, Theocratic Soldiers!

Nuns with Guns

Assault rifle with Bible verse to repel Muslim terrorists unveiled in Apopka

I cannot stress this enough: this thing is real!

“Spike’s Tactical is marketing an assault rifle it claims was “designed to never be used by Muslim terrorists.” The AR-15 assault rifle is laser-etched on one side with a Knights Templar Long Cross – a symbol of the Christian Crusades to reclaim the Holy Land from Muslims – and Psalm 144:1 on the other side: “Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.”

“The company’s spokesman, former Navy SEAL Ben “Mookie” Thomas said he came up with the idea and believes no devout Muslim would touch such a weapon.

“Off the cuff I said I’d like to have a gun that if a Muslim terrorist picked it up a bolt of lightning would hit and knock him dead,” Thomas said.

So some Bible verse is to muslims what garlic is to vampires? How do Muslim-Americans feel about this thing?

“Is it designed for Christian terrorists?” asked Hasan Shibly, executive director of [Council on American-Islamic Relations of Florida], who said out of 205 mass killings so far this year in the U.S. only one involved a Muslim. “We need to have a conversation on gun violence. There has been utter silence from gun manufacturers. It’s time for them to stop trying to make a buck on this.”