Scientists Should Study Megan Fox

This is a long video of sustained stupidity. I thought at first it had to be a parody, but it seems that Ms. Fox goes out hunting for things that offend her religious sensibilities, you know, as a hobby or something. It also seems that Fox homeschools her children and that ought to make all of us pause as we look with hope to the next generation.

(Hat tip: Crooks and Liars)

Here’s Some Stupid for Your Thanksgiving Coffee

National Review editor Rich Lowry has suggested an innovative new way for Republicans to express their displeasure: ban President Obama from delivering the State of the Union Address:

“If I were John Boehner,” he said, referring to the House speaker, “I’d say to the president: ‘Send us your State of the Union in writing. You’re not welcome in our chamber.’ ”

Uh-huh. The Party of Lincoln telling the First Black President that he isn’t welcome in Congress will really go over well.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Writing in World Nut Daily, Erik Rush—who has frequently stated that The Kenyan Usurper Barack HUSSEIN Obama is going to put Xristians into internment camps—asks Is it time to deport, intern foreign Muslims?*:

We deported, expelled and interned foreign nationals and naturalized citizens for a whole lot less during World War II, and I would certainly call for the deportation or expulsion of all Muslim foreign nationals at this juncture.

Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, is giggling and plans to take the rest of the day off.

*Betteridges’s Law of Headlines applies.

And a Child Shall Lead Them

The kid is a natural:

A candidate running to represent Michigan’s 95th House district in the state legislature wants you to know that once you look past his bizarre sexual fetish and multiple felony convictions, he is a rock-ribbed conservative Republican, whose “stool of conservatism” is held up by “faith, family and freedom.”

His “stool of conservatism”? Oh, my. Is it Mark Sanford? John Ensign? Newt Gingrich? Larry Craig? Henry Hyde? Mark Foley? David Vitter? Who is it?!

Michigan Live reported Friday that Saginaw’s Jordan D. Haskins dismisses the arrests and prison time as the results of youthful indiscretion and said that he is ready to “move on from that and do what I can” to serve his state as a Republican state Representative.

“I have dreams,” Haskins said to Michigan Live, “and I want to make a difference.”

Oh, we all have had those dreams, son.

Haskins, 24, has served prison time in two states and is currently on parole, but there are no rules preventing him from running for the state House.

He’s qualified as any Wingnut anywhere in Greater Wingnuttia! He should run for the Goat Rodeo! Teabaggers, we have found your King!

On four occasions between April of 2010 and January of 2011, Haskins broke into vehicles on public and private property, disconnected the ignition wires, then started the engine. As the wires snapped and spit sparks, Haskins would masturbate to climax in a sexualized ritual he calls “cranking.”

Well, that’s different. Auto auto-erotica?

Here’s Your Cheese Sandwich With a Side of Stupid

Fox resident psychiatrist Keith Ablow (who may or may not have a license to practice) says that The World Cup is conspiracy to distract the masses from, you know, The Kenyan Usurper’s many impeachable offenses.

Who Let The Pigs Out?

Castrating pigs is like cutting spending? Make politicians squeal by castrating them? Metaphors are hard for me. And yes, this is real.

The Creation Debate, cont.

From BuzzFeed

BuzzFeed “asked 22 self-identifying creationists at the Bill Nye/Ken Ham debate to write a message/question/note to the other side.” The messages are jaw-droppingly stupid, and few of them have much of anything to do with evolution or natural selection. But the happy fellow above actually makes me feel sorry for him with the dumbest question of the lot.

We know that sex ed for Xristian Xrazies consists of Don’t Do It and is followed by prayer and weeping, but surely even they have noticed that they look different from their own parents, and from their own siblings. Genetic diversity is one of the most comforting facts in all of science for this reason alone.


God looks after the simple.

I might have mentioned elsewhere that my family is not Catholic, but the parochial school was two blocks away and for convenience my parents enrolled me there where I lasted about two weeks. When we were being instructed on the origins of the universe as being created by God, I asked the logical follow-on question, “OK, so who created God?”

Boom. Kicked out for heresy. I always suspected my father was rather proud of that, but back to the public school for me on the other side of town.


A New Hope for Florida: Victoria Jackson

Generally, MPS stays out of local politics, you know, being from somewhere and not from somewhere else we think national politics is the subject at which all the Scissorheads can take aim, but this bit of news from Wonkette might change all that:

Victoria Jackson is thinking about (hahaha, Wonkette just slays me) running for local office in whatever hellhole she lives in. Take it away, Dr. Zoom:

Victoria, we love you and your tenuous grasp on reality, and so of course we urge you to go for it. Don’t worry about the mechanics of campaigning: If you run, Wonkette will be delighted to serve as your campaign committee and one-stop campaign headquarters! We know you’ve got what it takes to succeed in politics in the Sunshine State: A fierce devotion to your principles, regardless of “facts” or “logic,” and a deep-down love of what you think is in the Constitution. You can do this, Victoria — You can make the run for Alderaan, and in less than 12 parsecs, too!

We fully endorse Wonkette endorsing Victoria Jackson’s candidacy, and if there is anything we can do to help that Florida coconut take root in her city council’s race, we’ll sign on with Dr. Zoom’s campaign.