When the Cannibals Attack…

Hey guys, remember the other day when sexually disgraced pastor Jim Bakker told us about the marauding blah gangs of Chicago and NYC urban cannibals that are going to descend to feast upon us as we go into the End Times so please buy his buckets of potato slop?

Yeah. That guy.

Well, it seems that he has a new grift warning for us today so we better buy his buckets of glop: the sun is going to attack us too, and when it does the electrical grid will go down, just like it did in 1859, so buy a horse (probably from him?):

I’ll leave it to your imaginations how the the downing of the grid of 1859 set free the cannibals of that day.

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

The Fox Effect, cont.

Erick the Red

Erick the Red

Our blog’s old pal E-Squared has disinvited short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump from addressing his gathering of paste-eating mouth-breathers at the Redstate Gathering (which still sounds like a bad horror flick on the ABC Movie of the Week to me). Take it away, Ewick!

“I have tried to give a great deal of latitude to Donald Trump in his run for the Presidency.

“He is not a professional politician and is known for being a blunt talker. He connects with so much of the anger in the Republican base and is not afraid to be outspoken on a lot of issues. But there are even lines blunt talkers and unprofessional politicians should not cross.

“Decency is one of those lines.

“As much as I do personally like Donald Trump, his comment about Megyn Kelly on CNN is a bridge too far for me.

“In a CNN interview, Mr. Trump said of Megyn Kelly, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”

“It was not the “blood coming out of her eyes” part that was the problem.

“I think there is no way to otherwise interpret Mr. Trump’s comment. In an attempted clarification, Mr. Trump’s team tells me he meant “whatever”, not “where ever.”

Can it be that Ewick son of Ewick, the man who called a sitting Justice of the US Supreme Court a child-molesting goat f***er has boundaries? Or is it that as a Fox News contributor (not sure he’s still on the payroll, but whatevs) he’s just following orders.

Anyway the liberal side of Twitter is going a little frothy finding some of his more choice lines about the ladies, and the conservative side is taking Ewick to the woodshed, you know, for being politically correct.

Deer Eating PopcornPopcorn, anyone?

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Ah'm as popular as a fart in church back home!

Ah’m as popular as a fart in church back home!

Boy exorcist and famous volcano scholar Bobby Jindal tells us that we should study him. And I am NOT making this up, it’s from his campaign website:

Bobby Jindal

News That Will Drive You To Drink – Indiana Style

face-palmDumb as a stump with twice as many termites, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, still reeling from his disasterous We Don’t Serve Your Kind debacle, has declared June as Gay Pride Month in the Hoosier state:

Greetings,

On behalf of the people of Indiana, welcome to Indianapolis. I am confident that those of you who traveled from out of state will come to know our famous Hoosier Hospitality.

Our state’s capital city is well known as a destination for conventions, festivals, business meetings and other events. In fact, a recent USA TODAY Reader’s Choice digital poll ranked Indianapolis as the Best Convention City in the country.

Like so many other organizations who continue to use Indianapolis as their destination of choice, I am confident you will come to know a vibrant city.

During your stay, please explore the many entertainment options Indianapolis has to offer such as our museums, restaurants, theaters, historic landmarks, White River State Park, and the Indianapolis Zoo, just to name a few.

So, once again, welcome to Indiana. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Which should be really welcoming to all the LGBTQ people that he never mentions. Oops!

White, Like Me — Andrea Tantaros Edition

Get Off The Cross

Kiss Jeebus on the lips, Andrea

Kiss Jeebus on the lips, Andrea

“The last acceptable form of discrimination in this country now is two groups — one, Christians and, two, white men.”

Sometimes I think I’m stuck in a Cohen Brothers’ film when I see statements like this.

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Dr. Carson?

Really? You really think that one of Jeebus’s two daddies cheated on your Chem final for you?

The Court Is Now In Session

Jeebus weepsI’m guessing that Sylvia Driskell’s favorite movie is Miracle on 34th St., in which a court proves the existence of Santa Clause. Anyway, Driskell is planning to sue homosexuals. All homosexuals to prove the validity of the word of God:

Sylvia Driskell, 66, said in the suit that she is petitioning the U.S. District Court of Omaha to be heard “in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?”

In a seven-page letter framed as a lawsuit, she cited Bible passages that described homosexuality as an abomination and against nature, and she said never before has the nation or the state been “besiege(d) by sin.”

“Will all the judges of this nation judge God to be a lier [sic]?” Driskell asked.

Oh, if you are wondering how she has standing to sue: she claims to be the Ambassador on earth from Jeebus and his Daddy.

WTF Republicans, Honest-to-Blog?

It takes a lot to stun me, really it does.

And So Now You Know!

hitler-and-unicornsIf they had a time machine, men would be more likely than women to travel to pre-World War II Europe and kill Hitler, according to a recently published study.

…According to the study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, both men and women calculated the consequences of such a difficult decision, but women felt more conflicted about committing murder.

[Haaretz]

But of course, PJ Media is already on it as only they can be (not linking obvs, but trust me on this): What’s Wrong with Women?

“It’s not murder; it’s a mercy killing.

Let’s get one thing straight — Hitler was evil. No matter what, he was going to end up dead in a bunker somewhere, surrounded by the death and destruction he himself wrought.

There’s no reason for any handwringing. You simply kill Hitler at the first available opportunity.”

Next up on PJMedia: “What if you were Spiderman?”

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

Meet Sylvia Allen, a proud, gun-carrying member of Y’all Qaeda and State Senator from the terrible sand kingdom of Arizonastan. Ms. Allen has a great idea for us to consider: we should legislate that EVERYONE has to go to church on Sundays (but, you know, she would let us go to the church of our choice, so that’s cool, she’s no extremist) to “rebirth morals,” which sounds kinda messy: