Ohio: First Amendment Is For You, Too

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus enjoys the swing while on recess in Ohio.

What is it with Y’all Qaeda not understanding the First Amendment?

Under a new Ohio law, Gov. John Kasich (R) will require schools to partner with a religious group in order to receive state funding for mentoring programs.

OK, so we have Public Schools using Public Money for mentoring (which is good, though the amount seems sort of puny), but as part of the strings attached, the schools have to partner with a so-called Faith-Based Group (and a corporation, but it was not in TPM’s lede graf). And presumably if they do not partner with a religious organization, well, no mentoring for them!

Buddy Harris, a senior police analyst for the Ohio Department of Education, told the audience at a Thursday information session about the requirement.

“The faith-based organization is clearly at the heart of the vision of the governor,” he said after the session, according to the Plain Dealer.

“We do not forsee any proseletyzing happening between mentors and students,” Harris added. “That’s not really what we’re seeking.”

Indeed, the faith-based organization is in the vision of the Governor who is long-rumored to be a 2016 Goat Rodeo contender. What better way to get into Y’all Qaeda’s good graces and grab the spotlight away from scolds like Frothy Santorum and Uncle Sugar Mike Huckabee. I bet you before this is over, boy exorcist Bobby Jindal will have this scam down in Louisiana, too.

At first blush, you might say that because Kasich didn’t specify which religious denomination that the public schools must partner with, that somehow he got around the establishment clause of the First Amendment, and as Wonkette said/wished, perhaps the Satanists will step in with a faith-based org to be a partner, which would be pretty funny.

But where the whole thing falls apart and what will undoubtedly get this law thrown-out (if not thrown-up) will be that it forces religion onto the atheists, which is a well-known First Amendment violation.

Kasich, clearly not a bright man, is cunning. He will be able to talk about how the secular humanists kicked Sweet Baby Jeebus out of the schools, proclaim himself a victim (the Xristian Xrazies are so moist for victimhood), and have his bonafides proven.

And we all know that everything is better with Sweet Baby Jeebus on it.

Bad Signs, Cont.

sink-this-ship

And here we go again. Theocrat grifter Ken Ham somehow thinks this will help him win a tax break from Kentucky so he can recoup 25% of all the taxes on his yet-to-be-built (with tax payer dollars) Noah’s Ark Park After Dark Lark (or whatever he is calling it these days)?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Patrick)

Pity Them: It’s That Time Of Year Again!

jeebus light switch

When the Xristians, who as we all know are the most persecuted people in America, once again ask us to rate the Top 10 Anti-Christian Acts (of 2014). It’s like some kind of demented popularity contest.

As for me, I’m gonna vote for the Frosted Tips Twins having their never-shown HGTV show cancelled. Yes, in their strange belief system cancelling a show about flipping houses counts as Xristian persecution.

Jeebus weeps.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Bill-DonohueThat happy-go-lucky fella Bill Donohue of the Catholic League has prepared his Holiday Card already! It will take the form of a billboard in Los Angeles, because he wants to ensure Hollywood feels the love of Baby Jeebus:

NOT ALL CHRISTIAN HATERS ARE EQUAL:
ABROAD WE’RE BEHEADED
AT HOME WE’RE BASHED
THE DIFFERENCES ARE PROFOUND;
SO ARE THE SIMILARITIES
HAVE A PEACEFUL AND JOYOUS CHRISTMAS

Psst, Bill: I suspect that there are very few muslims heading up Hollywood Studios.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Remember Megan Fox, the home-schooling fundamentalist who is always on the look-out for things that offend her Christian beliefs? Today she goes to the Zoo and finds dragons.

How’s That Rebranding Working, Reince?

Theocrats’ War on Democracy

GOP Video Game

Not well. The youngs might have a problem with this one, as all polling indicates that youngsters just do not care about the Culture Wars:

House Democrats who initiated a discharge petition to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act were optimistic about its prospects despite obstacles ahead for the legislative maneuver.

Rep. Jared Polis (D-Colo.), who’s gay and chief sponsor of ENDA, held a news conference on Capitol Hill with Democratic colleagues Wednesday to tout the importance of the discharge petition, which he had filed with the House clerk’s office earlier in the day.

Polis described the discharge petition as a means to move forward “in preventing people from being fired for their job just because of who they love or their gender orientation.”

At the time of news conference, Polis said the discharge petition already has more than 75 names, and momentum continues “to pressure Speaker Boehner to simply allow the House to work its will and pass ENDA.” It takes a total of 218 names for a discharge petition to succeed and move a bill to the House floor.

What is not so obvious is that Not. One. Single. Republican. has signed on to this. None. Just like the all the other initiatives that are meant to protect women and minorities, Y’all Qaeda is only interesting in helping straight, white, Xristian men.

We at MPS continue to insist that the War on Women is real, but we want to remind everyone that it is only one front in Y’all Qaeda’s real goal: War on Democracy.

Like Mitch McConnell Doesn’t Have Enough To Worry About

…without this asshole from Y’all Qaeda running a write-in candidacy for Mitch’s KY Senate seat.

(Raw Story)

A white supremacist is running a write-in campaign for U.S. Senate in Kentucky to promote his anti-Semitic slogan: “With Jews we lose.”

Robert Ransdell’s name won’t appear on ballots, but county clerks must count write-in votes for the Cincinnati-area coordinator of National Alliance who is also affiliated with the Ku Klux Klan.

He’s going to split the vote for ol’ amply be-chinned Mitch.

Here’s Some Stupid for Your Mid-Morning Coffee

“How can I be racist against Muslims or Islam when the ethnicity is actually Arab? This is kind of confusing.”

[The goal of all Muslims is] “the destruction of Western civilization from within. This is a cancer in our nation that needs to be cut out. The media is playing right into their hands.”

—Oklahoma state Senator John Bennett, a proud member of Y’all Qaeda.

Castanets of Fire, Cont.

sanford-and-some-pigs-surreal

Bad-haired GOP sex-lizard and notorious Appalachian trail hiking, amateur castanet playing Lothario, former South Carolina Governor Mark “Kiss Me South of the Border” Sanford is now alleged by his former firecracker lady fiancée to have used her:

The Facebook post caught Chapur off guard, and she told the New York Times Saturday that she found out about it through the news.

She also explained the events leading up to her break-up with Sanford. She told the Times that Sanford has asked to postpone the engagement until his son was 18 and the custody battles wouldn’t matter as much anymore.

“I’ve already been five years waiting and two years since the engagement,” she said, and explained that she couldn’t stay with him and postpone the wedding.

Chapur said that Sanford’s explanation that the two ended their engagement due to his divorce and custody issues does not tell the whole story.

“I think that I was not useful to him anymore — he made the engagement thing four months before the elections,” she told the Times. “So this is not about his son, this is about his career and his ambitions.”

I told you I thought he was putting on his Appalachian Trail hiking boots. What a shitheel.