E-Squared Wants To Take The Kobayashi Maru Out For A Spin

Vikings and Beekeepers

Vikings and Beekeepers

Star Trek nerds know that the Kobayashi Maru is a no-win training scenario that is designed to see how leaders react under pressure of imminent failure:

I mention this only because our old Pal E-Squared has decided to lead his forced-birthers into battle over the lack of willpower to defund Planned Parenthood over the rat-fucking that Y’all Qaeda has long planned:

“If Republicans are not willing to make this their hill to die on and even see the government shutdown to stop this, the Republican Party needs to be shut down.” (emphasis mine)

Please shut it down, Ewick. I’ll be your best pal if you do in the lead-up to the 2016 Goat Rodeo.

“You will be made to care about this. You will not be allowed to sit by and make excuses.”

We have ways of making you talk. Oh, wait. Wrong meme.

UPDATE 1: In a second post (just in case the first one was not clear enough), Dorquemado goes further:

“Republicans in the Congress are beginning to use the word “try.” They will try to defund Planned Parenthood. But the President has a veto and they do not have the votes to override the veto.

“Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) 47% has moved from try to “can’t.” He says Republicans cannot defund Planned Parenthood because of the President’s veto.

“This is really, really simple.”

You know what’s coming, right?

“If Abraham Lincoln’s Party cannot go to war against that where war is not bullets, just a government shut down until the President relents, then Abraham Lincoln’s Party needs to be put on the ash heap of history. It really is that simple.” (emphasis mine)

Your words fascinate me, Eric Son of Eric. I say in the lead-up to the 2016 Goat Rodeo if you want to lead your Christian Soldiers into another theocratic war and shut down the government, go to town. Make sure those seniors who vote have their Social Security checks halted and the planes carrying their beloved grandchildren for a visit are grounded. Good plan.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a  crucifix!

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a crucifix!

It’s been a while since we checked in with our old pal Coach Dave, who is now writing for News With Views. Let’s see what he’s up to, shall we?

“The root word of violence is violate. To violate is “to take away, interfere with, or ignore (something, such as a person’s rights or privacy) in an unfair or illegal way.”

“Despite what we have been taught, violence does not always imply the use of physical weapons such as guns, knives, bombs, or clubs. It is possible to be violent simply by using words.”

It’s called ‘Hate Speech’. Go on, Dave. You’re an expert and I’m all ears.

“Our nation, once purposed to be modeled after God’s Kingdom has been stolen from us. We have been violated, not with physical weapons, but by the use of words, laws, ridicule, and indoctrination.”

No! Not ridicule! Say it ain’t so!

“…But Christians have bought a lie. We have swallowed the bait that Christians are not supposed to be aggressive…forceful…warriors.”

Yeah, first thing I think of is baby Jeebus, warrior.

“Christians are losing the culture war. Every institution in America is now under the control of those who hate God. Our public schools, government, universities, entertainment, legal, media, political parties, and churches are under the control of the kingdom of darkness.”

That would be the Republican Party, Dave. They are running most of the state governments. Do continue.

“They slaughter unborn babies and force us to pay for it. They sell their little body-parts for personal gain. The [sic] command you to bake homo-cakes and demand you violate your conscience.”

Homo-cakes? Is that a cake that does it with other cakes?

“…Loving the sinner and hating the sin hasn’t worked. That was Gandhi’s suggestion, not our Lord’s. Loving sinners more than we hate their sin validates our own shortcomings. Jesus called us to “be perfect”, not “love the sinner.”

So sweet Baby Jeebus was really all about the hate, huh? Have another slice of homo-cake, Dave.

Anything you want to say in conclusion?

“People are flocking to Donald Trump because he is violent and militant in his language. The church needs some militant, violent, Christian Donald Trumps. It is time to man-up.”

Oh, FFS. This whole thing was leading up to a Xristian Xrazie endorsement of The Donald?

The Morning Claim Chowder

Gov. Pence: wooden, but not sharp.

Gov. Pence: wooden, but not sharp.

Hey guys, remember that time when termite infested blockhead Mike Pence said that Indiana didn’t need LGBTQ anti-discrimination laws because their economy was good (it isn’t)? Seems like the answer didn’t satisfy his bidness critics: Indiana convention’s CEO calls for broader LGBT protections

“The CEO of a massive gamers’ convention that threatened to leave Indiana earlier this year over a divisive religious objections law said Thursday that organizers are “shopping the show” to other cities and could relocate if lawmakers don’t expand protections for gays and lesbians.

“…Gen Con’s departure could mean a significant drop in revenue. The convention draws thousands of costumed damsels, dungeon masters and roll-play game aficionados to Indianapolis each year. Last year, more than 56,000 people visited, bringing in an estimated $67 million in revenue.”

The Gamers play to win, d’uh. Fifty-six million Ameros is a lot of money and there are forty-nine other states in play for their business. Well played, Pence.

The GoFundMe We’ve All Been Waiting For!

Grifters Gotta Grift

Grifters Gotta Grift

The Duggars—reportedly worth millions—want some Ameros so they can produce their lovely, quality Xristian “content” now that their show is cancelled.

(We suspect it might go for a group Ashleigh Madison account for the menfolk, but we’re only guessing.)


Lions, and Tigers, and Babies Oh My!

The War on Women, Cont.

And so once again we are reminded of Fran Lebowitz’ quip, “Hello, you don’t know me but my hair dresser occasionally sleeps with your press agent, so why don’t you show me Paris,” in which a series of unrelated things are tied together to benefit the speaker. The Right Wing Outrage Machine is really good at this sort of straw man argument. At first blush it seems cogent, but any examination of the details and it starts to fall apart.

The Planned Parenthood outrage is a strangely timed affair. The Center for Medical Progress (the Xristian Xrazies behind the videos) has said that they have twelve vids to share and have been pushing them out of the factory at about one per week to see them take flight. If my math is right (always dubious) that means that they will be releasing them into the fall, when presumably the 2016 Goat Rodeo will be racing along with all hooves in motion.

The CMP (which has strange ties to Operation Rescue, amongst other forced-birth groups) stated proudly that this is the work of a “a nearly 3-year-long investigative journalism study”, which puts its genesis (see what I did there?) at somewhere around the time that Mitt Romney (‘The Stench’) and Paul Ryan (‘Gilligan’) were still wondering what went wrong on the way to their coronation the White House. I don’t think that this is a coincidence.

The Tweet from Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio (above) is a sort of promise that this disinformation campaign is going to be an issue in the election. Already Sen. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has put together a panel to defund Planned Parenthood. And according to Fact Check, no taxpayer money goes to Planned Parenthood to provide abortions, so this is really about politics and keeping the Right frothing. The vote to defund Planned Parenthood failed.

Which will keep the issue alive into the fall, even though The Los Angeles Superior Court has issued a temporary restraining order against CMP to stop releasing more videos.

There is not a single doubt in my mind that the War on Women is real, but it is not the final battle from Y’all Qaeda by any means. The real goal of a theocrat is to remove democracy and install their religious world view in its place. That most of the contenders in the 2016 Goat Rodeo are Elmer Gantry wannabes should come as little surprise.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Get Off The Cross Someone Needs The Wood

Have you checked the children?

Have you checked the children?

We often kid (not really) that with all the boycotts One Million Moms runs that sooner or later they will end up living in mud huts eating insects because they cannot support anything

1MM  seems to consist of Monica Cole sitting with a fax machine in a spare cubicle in the American Family Association’s hate-a-plex somewhere in a business park in Virginia. But I digress…

So what is Monica hatin’ on today? E-Z, she hates the electric cable teevee channel TVLand! Specifically, she hates the program Impastor. Why does she hate it? She hates it because it makes a mockery of Xristians:

“TV Land calls their new program “Impastor” an irreverend new comedy. Christians are calling it disgusting! “Impastor” is a show set to air July 15 10:30 p.m. ET/9:30 p.m. CT that includes a man stealing someone’s identity who happens to be a pastor. The main character, posing as a gay preacher, recently hired sight unseen by a church that was aware of his lifestyle choice, but then start to notice other characteristics not typical of a pastor. The previews which air earlier in the evening are including the pastor having extensive knowledge of the quality of drugs and insinuating sexual relations with fruit such as cantaloupe. The church secretary catches the pastor sleeping around with women and other behaviors not typical of a Christian, much less a pastor.

“This show not only depicts pastors in a negative light, but the entire program will also be based on lies about Christianity. TV Land has crossed the line by belittling the Christian religion with foul jokes.”

And speaking of mocking Xristians, People Magazine tell us:

“When news broke that the Duggars’ hit TLC show 19 Kids and Counting had been officially canceled, no one was more disappointed than the family, a source who has worked closely with them tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue.

“…The source says the evangelical Christian family, who often discussed their religious faith on their TLC show, is “heartbroken that they’ve now lost that platform.”

Shouldda thought of that before you did a cover-up of your incestuous finger-banging, under-aged sister-diddler Josh, now shouldn’t you?

“The Duggars want to return to TV because they truly believe it was part of God’s plan for them to spread the word about their faith,” the source says. “

Maybe it was part of The Almighty’s Plan to show the rest of us what kind of pervy sanctimonious hypocrites theocrats are.

Seemed to work. Thanks God!

Oh, there is no mention of The Duggars on the 1MM website. I guess ol’ Monica was OK with Duggar-diddling because it wasn’t anti-Xristian.

Invasion of Jackalopes Not Covered By MSM…

Mother Rabbit

The Elusive Jackalope

…for a reason: it’s bullshit.

And so is the fabricated Planned Parenthood video story, and that’s why the legit media isn’t covering it. Exhibit A:

planned parenthood vid scam

Anyone want to point out a single, credible source for me?

Anyway, Y’all Qaeda is claiming a liberal conspiracy is keeping it off the from the front pages, and as we all know, Libs are ghouls and the real racists, and… and… and these people need their meds adjusted.

It’s Very Profitable To Lose

Get Off The Cross Someone Needs The Wood

Thank you Jeebus!

Thank you Jeebus!

Hey guys, remember the Oregon bakers who refused to bake a cake for a same sex couple because (as everyone knows) bakers are actually priestly participants somehow, too, during the ceremony or something? Remember how they were fined $135,000 (most of which was actually punitive for releasing their non-customers address and contact info to the mouth-breathing Xristians who then stalked and made death threats to their kids in the most Xristian way possible) and also told that they cannot violate public accommodation laws by posting any sort of We Don’t Serve Your Kind signs in the window?

You know, Sweet Cakes By Melissa, Aaron and Melissa Klein. Them. Those guys?

They’ve raised $352,000 in their second funding campaign, in addition to $109,000 in the first one (before GoFundMe banned them)!

Blessed are The Grifters, for they shall have rubes forever.

TLC: No Longer Quivering

duggar2TLC officially cancels ’19 Kids and Counting’ after Josh Duggar admits to molesting girls as a teen

Expect much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Mr. Starnes?

Get Off The Cross Someone Needs The Wood

Todd Starnes has turned up the nuttiness to 11:

I was transfixed, it’s like watching a car wreck, or spotting a puddle of vomit on the sidewalk.