One Lump of Stupid or Two, Westboro Baptist Church?

I’ve been waiting forever to use this:

Old Man Yells At Cloud

Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood (part infinity)

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

What is up with Kentucky? Why There?

“Casey County Clerk Casey Davis and Whitley County Clerk Kay Schwartz also stopped issuing marriage licenses because of their religious opposition to gay marriage.

“Now, Schwartz says she is granting licenses to “bride and groom” couples – and claims she never stopped issuing them – but will not provide the same services to same-sex couples.

“Schwartz was not interested in talking with us on camera about her office’s policies on issuing marriage licenses.

“Her deputies also refused to comment.

“Off camera, Schwartz told us she still refuses to issue licenses to same-sex couples.”

So far no same-sex couple has applied for a license so neither county is being sued. So this is a pre-emptive martyring? Yes.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong (News That Will Drive You To Drink)

Get off the cross, someone needs the wood

Onward Christian Mujahideen!

Onward Christian Mujahideen!

On the book of faces, Tennessee’s Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey:

The recent spike in mass shootings across the nation is truly troubling. Whether the perpetrators are motivated by aggressive secularism, jihadist extremism or racial supremacy, their targets remain the same: Christians and defenders of the West.

While this is not the time for widespread panic, it is a time to prepare. I would encourage my fellow Christians who are serious about their faith to think about getting a handgun carry permit. I have always believed that it is better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Our enemies are armed. We must do likewise.

Great idea. Let’s arm every self-aggrandized fetus-fondling god-botherer and tell them that they are the real targets of some gun-toting other. Let’s stroke their martyr complexes real good and see what happens.

Sorry Guys and Gals…

Jeebus is the light of the world.

Jeebus is the light of the world.

sex belongs to Xristians.

And in related news: Josh Duggar banged a second porn star.

Spending More Time With His Family

Poor Jud’s Career Is Dead

"It's for you!" (Stolen from Dr. Zaius)

“It’s for you!”
(Stolen from Dr. Zaius)

Whoopsie! Indiana State House Majority Leader Rep. Jud McMillin (R- naturally, as God intended) has resigned after “losing his phone.”

So what happened, you ask? Well, let’s just say someone found ol’ Jud’s phone and his spank bank was emailed to some of his colleagues.

So losing one’s phone is now Republican shorthand for sending dick pix? Yes.

(Raw Story)

He Seems Nice

Theodore Shoebat continues to agitate for theocracy (he doesn’t believe in democracy as he clearly states), but he’s now in favor of a one-world Xristian Theocracy, complete with a new Inquisition for the ‘mos, who will then be put to death.

This is what we are up against, and why I keep saying that the greatest threat to America are our Xristian Theocrats.

Scalise Throws His Hood Into The Ring!

KKK KarnivalHey guys, one of the likely candidates to move up the ladder—now that the very orange Boehner has resigned—is the very white Steve Scalise, you know, that guy who used to address David Duke’s rallies.

WASHINGTON — In January, House Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.) was damaged goods. He was struggling to distance himself from Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke after revelations that he spoke at a 2002 gathering hosted by a white supremacist group. It was not the image the GOP wanted to project heading into a presidential election.

Now, just 10 months later, Scalise may instead take on an even bigger role in the party and become majority leader, helping shape the direction and policies of House Republicans.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Hey guys, you know how American Xristians are the most put-upon, disenfranchised, and powerless people probably on the face of the earth, made to suffer, powerless to change their lot?

Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, today at the Family Research Council’s Hatenanny (Value Voters Summit 15), one of them decided to face the issue head-on: nominees to the Supreme Court must pass some sort of Xristian Litmus Test.

“Ken Klukowski, a Family Research Council official and Breitbart contributor, spoke Friday morning at the Values Voter Summit, where he warned that religious liberties were under attack by secular liberals.

“…He said that president should not appoint a candidate who would not be willing to carve out legal protections for Christians like Davis who want to impose their beliefs on others.

“Get them to state clearly, explicitly and on the record where they are protecting our rights to religious liberty free speech and all of the constitutional rights that we hold dear,” Klukowski said.”

Which ought to make for some great teevee drama. “Do you pinkie-swear to uphold the Constitution AND at the same time violate Article VI?”

Jeebus weeps.

The GOP Welcomes…

Get off the cross, someone else needs the wood

They say in time you get the face you deserve. Kim Davis got Dick Cheney's.

They say in time you get the face you deserve. Kim Davis got Dick Cheney’s.

Gawd’s Own Filing Clerk Kim Davis

“A county clerk in Kentucky who was briefly jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples said on Friday that she and her family have switched to the Republican Party because the Democrats no longer represented them.

“Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis, 50, who has said her beliefs as an Apostolic Christian prevent her from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, said they had changed parties last week. She was a long-time Democrat in eastern Kentucky.

“My husband and I had talked about it for quite a while and we came to the conclusion that the Democratic Party left us a long time ago, so why were we hanging on?” she told Reuters in an interview at a hotel in Washington, where she has traveled to be feted at a Family Research Council event later on Friday.”

It is absolutely predictable and a perfect fit. Get her on the speaking circuit, boys.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Get Off The Cross, Someone Needs The Wood

Hey guys, remember when we told you last week that Y’all Qaeda was not happy about rainbow colored Doritos? Well, it was only a matter of time before they would make themselves the victims:

Where are the Cross-inspired Doritos?

With the rising, crushing refugee crisis in the Middle East (not to mention Africa), it’s becoming more widely known that Christians, in particular, are being persecuted, killed, and tortured. “Being yourself” as a Christian is a death sentence — or a rape and torture sentence if you’re a woman — in ISIS territory.

…CNN recently reported that Muslims refugees threw 12 Christian refugees overboard in the sea, to their deaths, on a ship they all shared while trying to flee to freedom. So much for “being yourself.” When these Christians’ true selves were revealed, they were murdered for it.

And yet, despite the barbaric killing of Christians by ISIS and other violent groups around the globe, our brothers and sisters remain bold in their faith. Many refuse to deny Christ — Who they claim as the very essence of who they are. They suffer under unspeakable pain and torment and yet, they remain identified with the Savior.

If Doritos — and all of us — were to take a look around the world, we would see that these are the bold people. These are the ones who deserve our help, our funding, our aid. These are the ones who need the media attention, the hashtags, the news articles, the chip bags.

Seriously. It comes to the chip bag for them. All that self-pitying in the middle east, and they are upset over the chip bag.