Your Daily Gohmert

gohmert
Changes needed in Jade Helm military exercises

“…When the federal government begins, even in practice, games or exercises, to consider any U.S. city or state in “hostile” control and trying to retake it, the message becomes extremely calloused and suspicious.

“Such labeling tends to make people who have grown leery of federal government overreach become suspicious of whether their big brother government anticipates certain states may start another civil war or be overtaken by foreign radical Islamist elements which have been reported to be just across our border.

“Such labeling by a government that is normally not allowed to use military force against its own citizens is an affront to the residents of that particular state considered as hostile, as if the government is trying to provoke a fight with them.

“The map of the exercise needs to change, the names on the map need to change, and the tone of the exercise needs to be completely revamped so the federal government is not intentionally practicing war against its own states.”

The Feel-Good Article of the Day

Not all GOPers are racist. But if you are a racist, you're probably a GOPer.

Not all GOPers are racist. But if you are a racist, you’re probably a GOPer.

…is at Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!): The GOP Is Dying Off. Literally.

The author’s premise is that the oldsters in the Grand OLD Party are going to that segregated community in the sky and are not being replaced by enough young blood. While the math is dubious at best, it does have an element of truthiness to it.

Of course one could make the counter-argument that minorities in this country, who typically vote for the Dims, never make it to old age…

Get the Popcorn, The GOP Passed A Budget Agreement

Deer Eating PopcornSo Bravo, the GOP passed a budget for the first time since during Chimpy’s Reign of Error, The Hill breathlessly tells us:

Congressional Republicans scored a major legislative victory on Tuesday as the Senate adopted the first bicameral GOP budget agreement in a decade.

The 51-48 vote capped weeks of work by Republican leaders in the House and Senate, who shepherded the blueprint through a messy debate over defense spending that at times threatened to split their conferences.

The blueprint passed the House last week, and will not require a signature from President Obama.

And do you know why it does not need a signature from The Kenyan Usurper? Because it is not legislation (yet). Take it away, Mr. Kilgore:

“But now comes the part that’s real: actually implementing the resolution via appropriations bills and maybe a reconciliation bill. The former are subject to filibusters while the latter are not, but both require a presidential signature.”

And I think we can all sit back and watch what happens next as the various Wingnuts from The Island of Broken Toys take to this thing with an axe and picks as each one fights for their own personal, grandstanding agenda. Expect yet another government shutdown and at least one more filibuster from the senators in the 2016 Goat Rodeo as they work to prove that they are more pure than the waterhead to each of their lefts.

Today in History

Twenty years ago today, Timothy McVeigh detonated a truck bomb in front of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK. To this day, Wingnuttia has a hard time calling it right-wing domestic terrorism.

Both Sides Don’t

WTF Republicans, Honest-to-Blog?

It takes a lot to stun me, really it does.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Don Feder, the president of listed hate group World Congress of Families presents the Top Ten Reasons Why Hitlery Will Never Be President. Here’s a taste from his introduction before he gets to his list

“Think Evita after Botox treatments. Think Madame Defarge on a bad hair day. Think Lady Macbeth with serious issues (“Out, out, damned bimbo!”).”

“To listen to the babbling heads, you’d think the Goldwater girl-turned-Alinsky-disciple could start preparing her acceptance speech (maybe Eleanor Roosevelt will help her write it). “Ooh, she’ll raise so much money.” “Ooh, women want a woman president.” In the immortal words of General Anthony McAuliffe: “Nuts!”

“Win the White House? Hillary couldn’t win a popularity contest if she was the only contestant. “

“Here are the Top Ten Reasons Hillary Rodham Clinton is more likely to become a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model than the next president…”

Writing comedy is hard, Barbie!

Let’s just say that he then does his best 1990s Yakov Smirnoff-Letterman Top 10 Countdown hybrid, his two-drink minimum routine is mostly hitting Bill Clinton’s weiner for punch lines. That is, until he gets to the recycled Yo Momma So Ugly part of his routine:

10. The Hideousness Factor – Lyndon Baines Johnson was the last profoundly ugly candidate to be elected president, and he was a legacy of the martyred JFK. Voters don’t want a leader who looks frazzled or frumpy. We’re told that Lincoln was too homely to be elected president in an age of television and paparazzi. But Lincoln’s homely face had a dignity, a gravitas. If nothing else, we want a face that reassures us, not one that scares us, a la Night of the Living Alinskyites.

Feder-800x430

And just so you know that his assessment of the attractiveness of Clinton is completely on the up and up, as you can see, he’s a hunka-hunka burnin’ love, a veritable handsome devil hisself.

And So Now You Know!

hitler-and-unicornsIf they had a time machine, men would be more likely than women to travel to pre-World War II Europe and kill Hitler, according to a recently published study.

…According to the study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, both men and women calculated the consequences of such a difficult decision, but women felt more conflicted about committing murder.

[Haaretz]

But of course, PJ Media is already on it as only they can be (not linking obvs, but trust me on this): What’s Wrong with Women?

“It’s not murder; it’s a mercy killing.

Let’s get one thing straight — Hitler was evil. No matter what, he was going to end up dead in a bunker somewhere, surrounded by the death and destruction he himself wrought.

There’s no reason for any handwringing. You simply kill Hitler at the first available opportunity.”

Next up on PJMedia: “What if you were Spiderman?”

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Schlafly surreal

Ancient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly is on to us, my fellow Liberals!

Damn, the plan was so flawless, to “get the illegals to jimmy the election.” Who ratted us out?

The Morning Quote

vitter.jpg

Diaper-fetishist Y’all Qaeda Sen. David Vitter (R-Dead Hooker) objected to a proposal by Senate Budget Committee Chairman Mike Enzi who wants to switch to dollar coins as a budget-cutting measure. So Diaper Dave filed an amendment with the Senate Budget Committee that would…

“strike out a provision that makes it easier for Washington elites to force Americans to give up their dollar bills and use dollar coins, like Europeans.”

The Gold Buggers in the Ayn Rand Fanclub are going to have a sad today.

Patriots For Freedumb!

teabagging for jeebusWhere’s a good jihadist when you need one?

“[Michael Conrade Sibley, a resident of Marietta, Ga.] who described himself as a “patriot” confessed to placing homemade bombs in a Georgia park to help people realize “that this type of activity could happen anywhere,” according to court documents obtained by TPM on Tuesday.”

He was only doing it to help you, don’t you see! You should be grateful!

…Along with the bombs, Sibley put print-outs of the Atlanta Falcons’ schedule as well as public transportation timetables and the locations of Marcus Jewish Centers into the backpack because he thought officials would see those as “soft targets,” the documents said.

Sibley told the agents he also placed a copy of the Quran and a book titled “The Rape of Kuwait” in the bag. 

In the movie Heathers, at the scene of one of the crimes Veronica and JD put bottled water nearby so the police would think that Ram and Kurt were gay lovers in a suicide pact.

Sibley said he placed the bombs in the park because he’s a “patriot.” He said he regretted that people weren’t “paying attention to what was going on (sic) the world” and he wanted to remind people “that this type of activity could happen anywhere,” according to the documents.

Indeed it can happen, apparently in Marietta Georgia, with Xristian Fundamentalists, or as the Republicans like to call them, Lone Wolves.