Rand Paul Keeps On Running…

…away from his previous positions.

Rand Paul wants to be left alone

“When you’re in the neonatal nursery and you’ve got a one-pound baby, everybody acknowledges that that baby has rights, the Bill of Rights applies to that baby and nobody can hurt that baby. It’s a one-pound baby. But a week before, even a full-term seven-pound baby has no rights, according to the way people are looking at it, and I think that is a big mistake.”

– Famous plagiarist, Ayn Rand Fanboi, likely 2016 Goat Rodeo Contender and Hair Club for Men most wanted list designate Sen. Aqua Buddha, who recently said that he wouldn’t try to knock down Roe V. Wade, you know, when he was NOT talking to the Xristians. He has introduced Personhood legislation in Congress, which his idol Ayn Rand would hate.

The GOP Rebranding, Cont.

As Opus once said, you can lead a yak to water, but you cannot make a silk purse out of a pig-in-a-poke.

Today’s silk purse is brought to us by God’s Own Party’s favorite marketing whiz kid Kellyann Conway. Kellyann Conway also counts as one of her clients Todd Akin, so you know that she is really good at marketing. Kellyann Conway is working on helping to rebrand Wingnuttia away from their War on Women image that they have worked so hard to cultivate that even über genius Fire’em All Fiorina couldn’t shake on Fox News. Way to go towards the light, Kellyann!

Anyway, Kellyann Conway wants Republicans to talk a little less about legitimate rape and abortion and a little more about Women’s Health, which Kellyann Conway tells us means osteoporosis or breast cancer. So when the Dims start in on Women’s Health, Wingnuts should pivot to bones and boobs, and away from slut pills and baby-killing.

Kellyann Conway also wants Republicans to never mention the word rape again. So I guess you can lead a yak to water?

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side of Stupid

“You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam’s sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam’s sin, but because they are not Adam’s descendants, they can’t have salvation,” he explained. “Jesus did not become the ‘GodKlingon’ or the ‘GodMartian’! Only descendants of Adam can be saved. God’s Son remains the ‘Godman’ as our Savior.”

–Theocrat Ken Ham, Answers in Genesis pride and joy, explaining to us that space Aliens are going to Hell, and that’s why we should defund NASA.

(More proof that the War on Women is driven by Xristian Xrazie fundamentalism. They will never, Never, NEVER stop blaming women for Original Sin.)

Hobby Lobby Ain’t Got Nothing On Me

Boss: We’re glad you applied for a job with ACME moving company. Can you lift boxes weighing 40 lbs?
Applicant: Yes I can. But I won’t lift them.
Boss: You do know that lifting boxes is a big part of this job?
Applicant: Yes.
Boss: Your resume says you’re part of an organization that promotes “Anti Box Lifting”.
Applicant: Yes.
Boss: Well I don’t think you’re cut out for this position. Thanks anyway.
Applicant: I’m suing you.

And so it goes. It sounds like a set-up from the get go: Sara Hellwege, soon to be graduating nurse in Georgia with a membership in an anti-abortion organization, applies for a job at a Title X clinic in Florida, gets rejected as a candidate for a position because she refuses to perform a large portion of the proposed job, files federal law suit alleging religious discrimination. Again we see birth control being equated with abortifacients in the lawsuit.

Thank You Todd Akin

Former Republican candidate for Senate Todd Legitimat-Rape Akin is back, and he has retracted his whole apologia, just in time to have an impact on another election:

Two years after the Missouri Republican’s comments on rape, pregnancy and abortion doomed his campaign and fueled a “war on women” message that carried Democrats to victory in the Senate, one of the few regrets he mentions in a new book is the decision to air a campaign ad apologizing for his remarks.

“By asking the public at large for forgiveness,” Akin writes, “I was validating the willful misinterpretation of what I had said.”

And when it comes to his infamous line about rape and pregnancy, that “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down,” he writes defiantly: “My comment about a woman’s body shutting the pregnancy down was directed to the impact of stress on fertilization. This is something fertility doctors debate and discuss,” Akin writes. “Doubt me? Google ‘stress and infertility,’ and you will find a library of research on the subject.”

You know what, Todd? If I Google ‘Jackalope’ I get whole library of research on that subject too. And pictures.

Some Stupid To Go With Your Afternoon Tea?

[T]hank God for the men on the Supreme Court. At least someone is sticking up for “everywoman” against the Elite Women.

–The Ruth Institute’s Bernadette Arnold Jennifer Roback Morse, who also finds time to shame the childless women of the Supreme Court as she fawns over the Fab 5 Supremes. Her column actually had me laughing out loud it is so preposterous. Poor thing has Stockholm Syndrome.

Fire-‘Em All Fiorina On The War On Women

I’m not really sure what ol’ Fire-‘em All Fiorina is really trying to say here, because it sounds like she is insulted that only women have vaginas and so anything that men (Republicans) do to regulate vaginas doesn’t affect men… and oops, maybe she just made the point all of us on the left have been making?

For those of you who do not remember, Carly Fiorina was the HP CEO who started modern trend of the mass firing of employees following the acquisition of Compaq, of which she said,

“Don’t think of it as downsizing, think of it as ‘right sizing.'”

She fired a lot of women, too.

Today in the Lysistrata Chronicles…

“Today, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of religious freedom by taking a stand with Hobby Lobby. Religious liberty will remain intact and all Americans can stay true to their faith without fear of big government intervention or punishment,” Sen. Paul said. “Our nation was founded on the principle of freedom, and with this decision, America will continue to serve as a safe haven for those looking to exercise religious liberty.”

–Sen. Aqua Buddha, who clearly doesn’t understand how 50+% of the voting population thinks about contraception.