News That Will Drive You To Drink

Once again, we turn our gimlet eye to Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio, the Cold Warrior for a New Generation, and beloved grandson figure of Wingnuts over the age of 65 and under the age of death:

“Sometimes in contemporary American life, we come to believe that all the great causes are over, that the past generation fought all the important battles: abolition, the Civil Rights Movement, women’s suffrage. But it’s not true. In fact, one of the most important battles is the one that you are engaged in now.”

And thus Big Gulp pledges to be a culture warrior and fight Roe V. Wade until Hell freezes over and then fighting against it on the ice.

Conservatives Discover Women. Run For Cover!

Spanking just liked dear old dadOh, boy! Another think piece from the WaPo for how The Confederacy can help those binders full of women:

“It’s not that Republicans don’t want to help women. They would rather help women the conservative way, some GOP strategists said.”

That sounds like getting dining tips from Jeffrey Dahmer.

Tell us more.

“Politicians should not focus on one group, the strategists argued, but the country as a whole. After all, if the economy flourishes, everyone prospers. Other Republicans say considerations for working women should be balanced against the needs of small businesses, as well as other economic concerns.”

“Skirts,” the strategists sighed, “Amiright?”

“Conservative economists tend to fear the unintended consequences of “one-size-fits-all” policies, said Katie Packer Gage, who co-founded Burning Glass, a political consulting firm that aims to help politicians connect with female voters.”

But wait a second, isn’t a one-size-fits-all policy what the ‘graph above says that the conservatives are advocating? Screw the demographics?

“The more Republican position is: There is only so much employers can bear before they stop hiring people and before the economy starts to suffer,” said Gage, a former Romney strategist. “Democrats are always going to hand out more tax dollars. But what is the breaking point?”

I think the breaking point is that the conservatives only want to help their paymasters raid the Treasury. Women and small bidnesses can pound sand until they can buy the congress, too. And then there are the conservatives like ancient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly don’t want women to be working.

So when you read this article is there actually anything that the conservative suggest that will connect with women voters? Not really, but there is a small quote from an actual woman(!) with a suggestion for the modern wingnut:

“A mother of three young children, Stapleton said she spends about $2,000 each month on day care, a cost that nearly matches her mortgage payment.

“Republicans, on a federal level, don’t look too much at working women, period,” she said. “If someone like Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio came up with a feasible plan to make child care cheaper, they’d win my vote.”

Keep waiting, Stapleton. The Rapture will come before conservatives do anything to help, and if they did it would be something along the lines of Schlafly’s advice: have your husband get a better job so you can stay home then you wouldn’t have such high day care bills.

Shorter Republican Policy: Bootstraps For Men, Go-Go Boots For Women.

The Return of Legitimate Rape, Gov. Walker?

"Where are the rabbits, George?"

“Where are the rabbits, George?”

Scott Walker, the wall-eyed git hired to enrich the Koch Brothers fortune in the midwest and notable ultrasound wand enthusiast has decided to weigh in on why he is excited to sign a 20-week abortion ban into law that has NO EXCEPTIONS FOR RAPE OR INCEST:

“Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) said Monday that he’d be willing to sign a 20-week abortion ban without exceptions for rape or incest, adding that women were mostly concerned about those issues “in the initial months” of pregnancy, television station WKOW reported.

“I mean, I think for most people who are concerned about that, it’s in the initial months where they’re most concerned about it,” Walker said of pregnancies caused by rape and incest.

“In this case, again, it’s an unborn life, it’s an unborn child and that’s why we feel strongly about it,” Walker said. “I’m prepared to sign it either way that they send it to us.”

As Dan Savage said, “Scott Walker knows best about how women feel about being forced to give birth to their rapist’s baby.

We note again that the War on Women is very real and being waged by Theocrats as part of their War on Democracy.

Save the Date!

womanscreaming.jpgWoot-Woot! June 6 is Show The Pill Kills Day!

“The truth is the pill is killing babies, killing and crippling women, and tearing away at the very fabric of society—the family,” added Diller. “There is no end to the lies that are planted by population controllers to ensure every woman takes her daily dose of the death-dealing pill. We will refute the lies.”

I plan on having a lot of eggs and caviar to celebrate. Honest to blog, these people are Morlocks.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Gov. Walker

"Where are the rabbits, George?"

“Where are the rabbits, George?”

Potential 2016 Goat Rodeo contender, and small gubmint fanboi Scott Walker—the wall-eyed git hired to enrich the Koch Brothers fortune in the midwest—gets giddy talking about the bill he signed that forces women to have the unneeded, intrusive and yet loving touch of an ultrasound wand before they can exercise their right to have a safe and legal abortion:

You know, because sticking big gubmint into a woman’s woo-ha is cool.

The Morning Quote

The GOP Healthcare Plan for Ladies

The GOP Healthcare Plan for Ladies

These Republicans are the Morlocks:

“After 20 weeks if you wanted to get an abortion you could go and say you were raped and you could have the abortion,” Bright said. “You wouldn’t be denied. There’s no police report.”

Bright also argued that, even in the case of a woman being sexually assaulted and immediately taken to a hospital, the fetus “had a right.”

Maybe it’s just me, but given the tender administrations of the police and prosecutors when a woman when reports a rape, why the f*** would she lie about it?

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

This segment dives head first into misogyny with some douche mansplaining what women really want:

“Women do earn less in America because they choose to. They would rather go to their daughter’s piano recital than stay all night at work, working on a proposal, so they end up earning less. They’re less ambitious. And I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids, they’re happier there.”

–Gavin McInnes, co-founder of VICE

If you wonder why I tagged this as a Blog Against Theocracy, it is because McInnes uses God to justify his outrageous statements. The war on women is very real, and it is a front in the larger war that the theocrats are waging against Democracy. Whether he is himself a theocrat doesn’t matter, he’s a soldier in their larger cause.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Dr. Ablow?

Fox News resident psychological consultant (who may or may not be certified (!) and licensed to practice), Keith Ablow:

“You know, I’ve been outspoken on this. I think men should be able to veto women’s abortions if they’re willing to care for the child after it’s born.”

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Don Feder, the president of listed hate group World Congress of Families presents the Top Ten Reasons Why Hitlery Will Never Be President. Here’s a taste from his introduction before he gets to his list

“Think Evita after Botox treatments. Think Madame Defarge on a bad hair day. Think Lady Macbeth with serious issues (“Out, out, damned bimbo!”).”

“To listen to the babbling heads, you’d think the Goldwater girl-turned-Alinsky-disciple could start preparing her acceptance speech (maybe Eleanor Roosevelt will help her write it). “Ooh, she’ll raise so much money.” “Ooh, women want a woman president.” In the immortal words of General Anthony McAuliffe: “Nuts!”

“Win the White House? Hillary couldn’t win a popularity contest if she was the only contestant. “

“Here are the Top Ten Reasons Hillary Rodham Clinton is more likely to become a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model than the next president…”

Writing comedy is hard, Barbie!

Let’s just say that he then does his best 1990s Yakov Smirnoff-Letterman Top 10 Countdown hybrid, his two-drink minimum routine is mostly hitting Bill Clinton’s weiner for punch lines. That is, until he gets to the recycled Yo Momma So Ugly part of his routine:

10. The Hideousness Factor – Lyndon Baines Johnson was the last profoundly ugly candidate to be elected president, and he was a legacy of the martyred JFK. Voters don’t want a leader who looks frazzled or frumpy. We’re told that Lincoln was too homely to be elected president in an age of television and paparazzi. But Lincoln’s homely face had a dignity, a gravitas. If nothing else, we want a face that reassures us, not one that scares us, a la Night of the Living Alinskyites.

Feder-800x430

And just so you know that his assessment of the attractiveness of Clinton is completely on the up and up, as you can see, he’s a hunka-hunka burnin’ love, a veritable handsome devil hisself.

The Morning Quote

Maybe K-Lo is available, boys!

Maybe K-Lo is available, boys!

The GOP-controlled Congress has only one woman chairing a committee, and she is due to retire at the end of the year, and due to the arcane rules of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club (Motto: What War on Women?), there are no contenders in the wings to fill her pumps:

“If we don’t have a woman chairman, that will be a big problem,” said a former GOP leadership aide.

Maybe they should try Craig’s List?

(The Hill)