The Afternoon Quote

Parts is parts, cont.

“They tell you that there’s a war on women. There is no war on women. There may be a war on what’s inside of women, but there is no war on women in this country.”

–2016 Goat Rodeo GOP novelty candidate Dr. Ben Carson, and if that doesn’t send a chill up and down your spine, I don’t know what will.

Hope They Glued Oven Mitts On His Hands

Methinks Josh Duggar is gonna be starring at locks, longingly.

Methinks Josh Duggar is gonna be starring at locks, longingly.

Josh Duggar, the poster boy of the hypocritical Xristian Xrazies and Theocrats everywhere, has checked into rehab for his porn addiction as TMZ tells us.

And his family, the quivering quiverfull grifters, er, Duggars, have released a statement that even Dr. Freud might describe as a slip:

“We are so thankful for the outpouring of love, care and prayers for our family during this most difficult situation with Josh.”

“As parents we are so deeply grieved by our son’s decisions and actions. His wrong choices have deeply hurt his precious wife and children and have negatively affected so many others. He has also brought great insult to the values and faith we hold dear.”

“He negatively affected our bottom line,” the CEO of Grift Inc, didn’t say in the first draft. “The little putz killed the self-righteous goose that laid the golden egg. He wanted to get fucked, so now he’s fucked. But good.”

Midday Sermonette

In case you are wondering, Rena Lindevaldsen is the (acting) Dean of Liberty University Law School (which may or may not be accredited in all states, your mileage may vary, objects in mirror are closer than they appear, kind-clean-and-reverent, etc.), which as we all know is the proud alma mater of our old pal and Konstitutional Skolar One-L.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

And no one boo’ed, the hook didn’t appear to yank Gomer off the stage. The wagons didn’t arrive to take him away before he hurt himself and anyone nearby.

The thing to keep in mind is that while we all think that each one of us is more likely to become preznint of the United States than Mike Huckabee (Uncle Sugar hisself), every single Republican—without exception—in the 2016 Goat Rodeo is now for overturning a woman’s right to choose.

Most of the Republican candidates would force a woman to carry her rapist’s baby, too. It is no longer an outlier position, this is now mainstream position on the right.

Think about that, it should send shudders down your spine.

We keep saying it: the war on women is very real. That said it is but one battle in the theocrats larger war against democracy.

Anatomy of a Rat-F***ing

Only the Shadow knows!

Only the Shadow knows!

This piece in Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) by Sen. Claire McCaskill (the Blue Dog Dim I love to hate) is absolutely priceless: she describes in great detail how she rat-f***ed Todd Akin.

Essentially, McCaskill and her team knew that Akin was the weakest potential candidate in the pack running against her, so they wanted him to be the one she would face. Pretty standard stuff to hope and wish for.

But what sort of sets this ahead of the game is that she also knows how much she is hated in her state and uses that to her advantage:

“…So how could we maneuver Akin into the GOP driver’s seat?

“Using the guidance of my campaign staff and consultants, we came up with the idea for a “dog whistle” ad, a message that was pitched in such a way that it would be heard only by a certain group of people. I told my team we needed to put Akin’s uber-conservative bona fides in an ad—and then, using reverse psychology, tell voters not to vote for him. And we needed to run the hell out of that ad.”

“As it turned out, we spent more money for Todd Akin in the last two weeks of the primary than he spent on his whole primary campaign… This presentation made it look as though I was trying to disqualify him, though, as we know, when you call someone “too conservative” in a Republican primary, that’s giving him or her a badge of honor. At the end of the ad, my voice was heard saying, “I’m Claire McCaskill, and I approve this message.”

So essentially she paid to have the uber-conservative message of Akin broadcast all over her state so the Xristian Xrazies would come out in droves to make him the GOP nominee, and then in the general election she squashed him like a bug.

It’s a fun read. She shotguns a beer in victory (maybe I’m too harsh on her?) and laughs at the nutty religious things her very conservative constituents think/believe.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Religious Freedom in America is only for Xristians? This guy is one fork shy of a place setting if he really believes that. And of course, next up: which sect of Xristians is it really for…

It never stops with the Theocrats. Ever.

Tipping Their Hand

Erick the Red

Erick the Red

Our old pal e-Squared is giving out his Christmas presents early:

This tweet baffled me until I learned that there is something called the Gathering, which will be held at the end of this week. The Gathering (sounds like bad fantasy writing for an ABC movie of the week, but what do you expect from Ewick son of Ewick?) is something similar to a debate or cattle call and at least 8 of the 2016 Goat Rodeo candidates are confirmed to be there.

So the question is: why would you broadcast ahead of time one of your gotcha questions?

Take it away, Brian Beutler:

“By attempting to capitalize on the videos in an unscrupulous way, conservatives have unleashed political forces Republicans can’t control. Anti-abortion zealots are now demanding that Republicans in Congress refuse to appropriate money for government operations unless Planned Parenthood’s funding is abolished—a new test of Republican pro-life bona fides. To force Congress’ hand, they’re admonishing Republican presidential candidates that the anti-abortion vote will only follow those who support the shutdown effort. The purpose of Erick Erickson’s above tweet, alerting the candidates to his question days in advance, is to eclipse the instinctual aversion many of them will have to promoting a government shutdown, and get as many of them on the same page as possible.”

I think Beutler has it exactly right.

The larger, more Frankenstein story is pretty simple: preznint Reagan, who was not a religious man, invited the evangelicals inside the tent because he needed them, and he thought they were useful idiots. Since his time, they have slipped out of their straight jackets, taken over the party, and now they are running things. (In so far you can describe anything going on in the GOP as “running”. Takes some imagination, I know.) The monster always comes back to destroy the maker. Always.

If this Planned Parenthood fight were really about donated tissue research, Wingnuttia would just make that illegal (the GOP made it legal back in the ’90s saying it was no different than donated cadaver tissue). And of course there was also the emotional plea from Nancy Reagan when St. Ronnie admitted that he had dementia, and research would help other sufferers.

The Planned Parenthood defunding fight is about chipping away at abortion rights, and ultimately it is about chipping away at our democracy and in favor of installing a Xristian theocracy. There’s a reason I call them Y’all Qaeda.

The War on Women continues.

E-Squared Wants To Take The Kobayashi Maru Out For A Spin

Vikings and Beekeepers

Vikings and Beekeepers

Star Trek nerds know that the Kobayashi Maru is a no-win training scenario that is designed to see how leaders react under pressure of imminent failure:

I mention this only because our old Pal E-Squared has decided to lead his forced-birthers into battle over the lack of willpower to defund Planned Parenthood over the rat-fucking that Y’all Qaeda has long planned:

“If Republicans are not willing to make this their hill to die on and even see the government shutdown to stop this, the Republican Party needs to be shut down.” (emphasis mine)

Please shut it down, Ewick. I’ll be your best pal if you do in the lead-up to the 2016 Goat Rodeo.

“You will be made to care about this. You will not be allowed to sit by and make excuses.”

We have ways of making you talk. Oh, wait. Wrong meme.

UPDATE 1: In a second post (just in case the first one was not clear enough), Dorquemado goes further:

“Republicans in the Congress are beginning to use the word “try.” They will try to defund Planned Parenthood. But the President has a veto and they do not have the votes to override the veto.

“Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) 47% has moved from try to “can’t.” He says Republicans cannot defund Planned Parenthood because of the President’s veto.

“This is really, really simple.”

You know what’s coming, right?

“If Abraham Lincoln’s Party cannot go to war against that where war is not bullets, just a government shut down until the President relents, then Abraham Lincoln’s Party needs to be put on the ash heap of history. It really is that simple.” (emphasis mine)

Your words fascinate me, Eric Son of Eric. I say in the lead-up to the 2016 Goat Rodeo if you want to lead your Christian Soldiers into another theocratic war and shut down the government, go to town. Make sure those seniors who vote have their Social Security checks halted and the planes carrying their beloved grandchildren for a visit are grounded. Good plan.

The Evening Tweet

(Hat tip: Scissorhead If the Thunder…)

Lions, and Tigers, and Babies Oh My!

The War on Women, Cont.

And so once again we are reminded of Fran Lebowitz’ quip, “Hello, you don’t know me but my hair dresser occasionally sleeps with your press agent, so why don’t you show me Paris,” in which a series of unrelated things are tied together to benefit the speaker. The Right Wing Outrage Machine is really good at this sort of straw man argument. At first blush it seems cogent, but any examination of the details and it starts to fall apart.

The Planned Parenthood outrage is a strangely timed affair. The Center for Medical Progress (the Xristian Xrazies behind the videos) has said that they have twelve vids to share and have been pushing them out of the factory at about one per week to see them take flight. If my math is right (always dubious) that means that they will be releasing them into the fall, when presumably the 2016 Goat Rodeo will be racing along with all hooves in motion.

The CMP (which has strange ties to Operation Rescue, amongst other forced-birth groups) stated proudly that this is the work of a “a nearly 3-year-long investigative journalism study”, which puts its genesis (see what I did there?) at somewhere around the time that Mitt Romney (‘The Stench’) and Paul Ryan (‘Gilligan’) were still wondering what went wrong on the way to their coronation the White House. I don’t think that this is a coincidence.

The Tweet from Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio (above) is a sort of promise that this disinformation campaign is going to be an issue in the election. Already Sen. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has put together a panel to defund Planned Parenthood. And according to Fact Check, no taxpayer money goes to Planned Parenthood to provide abortions, so this is really about politics and keeping the Right frothing. The vote to defund Planned Parenthood failed.

Which will keep the issue alive into the fall, even though The Los Angeles Superior Court has issued a temporary restraining order against CMP to stop releasing more videos.

There is not a single doubt in my mind that the War on Women is real, but it is not the final battle from Y’all Qaeda by any means. The real goal of a theocrat is to remove democracy and install their religious world view in its place. That most of the contenders in the 2016 Goat Rodeo are Elmer Gantry wannabes should come as little surprise.