One Lump of Stupid or Two, Mr. Huckabee

Get off the cross, we need the wood

Gomer and the Gomerette

Gomer and the Gomerette

“Christian convictions are under attack as never before,” Huckabee said in the call, which was meant to rally pastors to participate in the FRC’s upcoming “Stand for Marriage” event. “Not just in our lifetime, but ever before in the history of this great nation. We are moving rapidly towards the criminalization of Christianity.

Because we know that Y’all Qaeda and the Xristians are the most abused and powerless people in America.

(Right Wing Watch)

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Rep. King?

Xristian Xrazy is as Xristian Xrazy does.

Xristian Xrazy is as Xristian Xrazy does.

The Pride of Iowa, ol’ Cantaloupe Calves hisself, Steve King is proposing legislation that will strip federal courts of the ability to make any ruling on marriage. You know, Article 3 of the Constitution. The bill also prevents any federal monies from being used for any enforcement of any order or any judgment by any federal court.

We guess that King doesn’t want the ‘mos to get married, but is cool with wive-sisters?

Says King:

“For too long, federal courts have overstepped their constitutionally limited duty to interpret the Constitution. Rather, federal courts have perverted the Constitution to make law and create constitutional rights to things such as privacy, birth control, and abortion. These unenumerated, so-called constitutionally-protected rights were not envisioned by our Founding Fathers.”

King essentially just gave Konstitushunonal Konservatives an essential boner, essentially.

Saddle-Up Another Goat… in May?

Swatch Dogs and Diet Coke Heads

Gomer and the Gomerette

Gomer and the Gomerette

Uncle Sugar hisself Mike Huckabee punked the elite political press Friday night by calling a press conference… in which he announced that he was not yet announcing his entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo until May 5. And they fell for it, stayed late at work and then filed short, filler stories.

I’ll give Gomer a prize for that stunt, and for demonstrating once again that the press doesn’t cover issues, just the horse race.

The Afternoon Quote

No Regrets

The Smart Bush and Chimpy

The Smart Bush and Chimpy

“I don’t think I would have changed anything [ED. -about his involvement in the ghoulish and gruesome Terri Schiavo case],” [Jeb Bush] said in response to a questioner during a “Politics and Eggs” breakfast here Friday. “I stayed within the constitutional responsibilities or authority that I had. We changed the law first and then a year later it was ruled unconstitutional and then basically didn’t have the ability to do anything. The federal government then intervened and that was ruled unconstitutional. So, she starved to death.” (WaPo)

So The Smart Bush® would do it all again? We’re being warned that the amateur necromancer is back and ready to use the government like a bludgeon to enforce his ghoulish theocratic views, you know, into your personal lives.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Tennessee?

Today in Theocracy

Tennessee stands on the Bible.

Tennessee stands on the Bible.

Sweet Jeebus, does Y’all Qaeda even keep up with current events?

Tennessee House Approves Bill To Make Bible Official State Book

The Republican-controlled state House of Representatives voted 55-38 to approve the Bible as state book. A companion bill could be considered as soon as Thursday in the state Senate, where Republicans hold 28 seats to five for Democrats.

So I guess it will go on a list, next to the state flower (Passion Flower), the state bird (Mockingbird), and the state beverage (Milk), and for that they are willing to bleed the state coffers dry defending it as it winds its way to the Supremes who will strike it down.

Santorum Is On Everyone’s Lips (Ew, Gross)

What is that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum shoving down our throats today:

(Raw Story has the transcript—the audio is pretty poor.)

The Return Of Hogan Gidley!

gidley

You guys, our favorite spox from the long gone and lamented 2012 Goat Rodeo ride of Frothy Santorum has risen from the ashes, and Phoenix-like, taken flight and landed with Team Huckabee (again). Yes, we are talking Hogan Gidley lives!

(H/T Tiger Beat on the Potomac morning email thingie)

The Pat Robertson Challenge!

Krazy Unkka Pat says that he wants to see a baby created from anal sex (so he’s a peeper, eh?), which I think means he wants to see a lot more butt sechs out in the world to prove him right. So hop to it, kids!

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood (part infinity)

Bless Y'all Qaeda's heart.

Bless Y’all Qaeda’s heart.

World Nut Daily presents… What’s Wrong With Discrimination?

“…So what’s so bad about discrimination anyway? Discrimination has always been a hallmark of freedom. The ability to discriminate is given to us by God so that we can make right choices. People discriminate all the time. We discriminate when we date, marry, pick our friends and in countless other ways, just like homosexuals do. And LGBT groups and liberals discriminate against people of faith all day long!”

And then oddly, he leaves his theme of discrimination and just starts whinging about the lonely struggle of Y’all Qaeda.

Christian families today are largely not modeling authentic Christianity. The proof of that is in the children. They have shallow roots that are easily pulled up by a culture that mocks traditional values.

Christian children are led into the government schools, like sheep to the slaughter. The schools use a well-developed brainwashing system: 1) Challenge the traditional beliefs, 2) Replace with new immoral beliefs, 3) Demonstrate a consensus about the new belief – “Here’s what educated, cool people think,” 4) Repetition: Keep pounding the message home, day after day, year after year, until it sticks deep.

The public-school system, the liberal news media and Hollywood also reinforce the lie that the older generation is “intolerant.” After all, they’re the descendants of slaveholders and those who denied women the vote. Oh yeah, and they “hate” gays.

It’s a Tour-de-Derp, a world of butthurt.

The Morning Quote

Gomer and the Gomerette

Gomer and the Gomerette

“There’s been more pressure this week to put sanctions on Indiana than Iran. The reason that those corporations put the pressure on Indiana and Arkansas was because the militant gay community put the pressure on them.”

–Known theocrat and diabetes vector, Uncle Sugar hisself Mike Huckabee, blaming the ‘mos for bidnesses deciding to pull out of Indiana.