News That Will Drive You To Drink

i_heart_huckabees

Huck-mentum continues:

““I’m convinced that this is a very different atmosphere,” Huckabee tells me. “Yes there are going to be a lot of candidates but unlike eight years ago when I just had a tough time getting people to support me financially, I’m seeing a very different climate out there, people who are bundlers for previous presidential candidates, McCain, Bush, even Romney and others are now coming to me and saying ‘we think you can win, we think you can communicate to voters that we have not been winning and we think that’s more important than us agreeing with you on every single issue and so I am encouraged.”

Um, Uncle Sugar does know that he just bragged that the bagmen for 3 men who never won their respective Goat Rodeos are supporting him, right? (And no, Chimpy never won.)

Your Daily Gohmert

gohmert

“Thank God for Martin Luther King Jr. People in Egypt know about Dr. King. He wanted a peaceful demonstration and they were part of a peaceful demonstration. Unfortunately, radical Islam did not like being removed. They burned churches. They went after Christians. They went after Jews.”

Screwie Louie, whom we suppose just saw Selma and wrote his own ending?

News That Will Drive You To Drink: Clarence Thomas Edition

So why should you fill up the I.V. bags (not bread bags) with booze for this tweet? Take it away Jeremy Hooper:

Robert George is the cofounder (along with Maggie Gallagher) of the National Organization For Marriage and one of the authors of the Federal Marriage Amendment. Ryan T. Anderson is a Heritage Foundation staffer and a top voice against marriage equality.

But you know, no one will ask Ol’ Clarence to recuse himself from the upcoming ruling on same-sex marriage unlike the chorus of Y’all Qaeda who are screaming for the women of the SCOTUS to recuse themselves because they know gay people.

Your 3-Martini Stupid, Mr. Huckabee

i_heart_huckabees

Just a little history before we get to the 3-martini quote: “The Little Rock Nine were a group of nine African American students enrolled in Little Rock Central High School in 1957. Their enrollment was followed by the Little Rock Crisis, in which the students were initially prevented from entering the racially segregated school by Orval Faubus, the Governor of Arkansas. They then attended after the intervention of President Dwight D. Eisenhower.” It seems that Gov. Faubus thought that the orders from the Supreme Court were not valid, and the President and the National Guard educated him otherwise.

One thing I am angry about, though, Hugh, is this notion of judicial supremacy, where if the courts make a decision, I hear governors and even some aspirants to the presidency say well, that’s settled, and it’s the law of the land. No, it isn’t the law of the land. Constitutionally, the courts cannot make a law. They can interpret one. And then the legislature has to create enabling legislation, and the executive has to sign it, and has to enforce it.

Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, who you would think might know the history of his state.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Bobby Jindal?

Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Boy exorcist and renowned volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Boy exorcist and renowned volcano scholar LA Gov. Bobby Jindal has returned from his London foreign policy credential-polishing boondoggle wherein he told the Brits that they indeed had Muslim No-Go Zones, and he continues to make this strange assertion:

On Wednesday, Fox host Neil Cavuto provided the governor an opportunity to walk back the terminology. But Jindal would not relent.

“If people don’t want to come here to integrate and assimilate, what they’re really trying to do is set up their own culture, their own communities,” Jindal said. “What they’re really trying to do is overturn our culture. We need to recognize that threat.”

“If we don’t, we’re gonna see a replica of what’s happening in Europe in America,” Jindal continued. “We’re gonna see our own no-go zones if we’re not serious about insisting on assimilation and integration.”

But the pièce de resistance of the interview has to be the following exchange between the likely 2016 Goat Rodeo contender and Cavuto:

Cavuto also asked Jindal to comment on former MSNBC guest Arsalan Iftikhar who on Monday accused Jindal of “trying to scrub some of the brown off his skin.”

“It’s foolish that MSNBC even gave somebody like this a platform,” Jindal said.

At which point the blogs old friend Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted.

GOP Women Are Revolting

So Republican’s Y’all Qaeda faction accidentally lost the latest skirmish on the War on Women when the Republican Women in Congress scuttled the 20-week abortion ban:

House Republican leaders abruptly dropped plans late Wednesday to hold votes on an anti-abortion bill amid a revolt by female GOP lawmakers concerned that the legislation’s restrictive language would once again spoil the party’s chances of broadening its appeal to women and younger voters.

…again, not because banning abortions is bad policy, but because it might hurt them electorally. I’ll take it as a victory, regardless. And as we pointed out previously, it marks the return of the Todd Akin Legitimate Rape Theory which states that the rape didn’t happen if the woman didn’t report it to the police and go through the loving embrace of the Criminal Justice System. And, you know, her body has a way of shutting that down.

Just as a reminder: the position of MPS is that the War on Women is real, and it is a front in the much larger War on Democracy that the theocrats are waging.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Boy exorcist and world-renown Muslim Scholar LA Gov. Bobby Jindal had invited the nations 49 other governors to come to his snake handling tent revival in Baton Rouge:

Dear Governor,

America, our great nation, is in great need.

We are faced with fatherless homes, an epidemic of drugs and crime, a saturation of pornography, an increase in the polarization, division, and hopelessness amongst many. We need trust, respect and civility restored. Yet as I trust you would agree, there are limits to our own influence as governmental leaders. Lasting change does not come only from laws and legislation, but from the changing of hearts produced by spiritual revival.

In 2 Chronicles 7:14, the Lord makes this promise to us, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” The Bible also speaks of the prophet Joel, who lived in days of great challenge and crises. His response to these challenges was a clear call for prayer, “Declare a holy fast; call a solemn assembly. Summon the elders and all who live in the land to the house of the Lord your God and cry out to the Lord.” Joel 1:14.

Likewise, I believe now is the time for us to have a similar posture of humility, honesty and honor before The Lord on behalf of our nation. We need an appeal to heaven for heaven’s intervention over us.

We need to pray to the Lord that He will send spiritual revival to our nation.

That is why I am inviting everyone to join us on January 24th at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center in Baton Rouge from 10:00 am till 4:00 pm for a Solemn assembly of Worship, Prayer and Fasting, as we corporately lift up the name of The Lord. There will be no politicians giving speeches and no preachers pontificating. This gathering will be apolitical in nature and open to all who would like to join us in humble posture before our Creator to intervene on behalf of our people and nation. There will only be one name lifted up that day – Jesus!

On Saturday, all ages, denominations, ethnic and racial backgrounds will gather to pray for America, asking God for His mercy and Abounding Grace. Christians will choose to cross their racial, denominational, generational and political preferences, to meet at the Cross of Christ together to pray for revival.

If you would like to join us, for all or part of this day of prayer, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Bobby Jindal
Governor, Louisiana

Oy! I’m sure Gov. Jack Markell of Delaware is thrilled that some goyim putz is having a Jump for Jeebus.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

So the blog’s long-time pal Gomer almost officially announced his entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo on disgraced televangelist Elmer Gantry-lite’s show.

Oh, and the title of Uncle Sugar’s book is God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, and not God, Guns, Grifts and Gravy. We regret the error.

Save the Date!

Todd Starnes wants to invite you to attend his first annual fleecing of the rubes er, event:

I am so excited to announce plans for my inaugural Fall Getaway! I hope you will join me Oct. 16-18 at The Cove at the Billy Graham Training Center in North Carolina! We are expecting a wonderful weekend of worship, Bible study, fellowship, delicious meals and lots of laughter!

And what better place to watch the leaves change colors than the Blue Ridge Mountains?

My weekend getaway is designed to be relaxing! We want you to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. We want you to meet new friends. Renew and Refresh!

Dr. Robert Jeffress, the pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, will be our Bible teacher for the weekend. You’ve probably recognized him from Fox News Channel – where he is one of our great contributors. I always enjoy those moments when Dr. Jeffress is discussing theology on The O’Reilly Factor!

Brian Free & Assurance, one of Southern Gospel’s hottest bands, will be singing in all of our services — and on Oct. 17th they will be performing a full concert — just for our gathering!

Michelle Cox is a name very familiar to our readers. She provides weekly recipes for my website – and she’s also one of the best Christian authors I know. You will be blessed by her sweet southern spirit!

Voices of Lee will be performing a special concert for us on Oct. 18th. Voices is a vocal group from Lee University, one of our nation’s greatest Christian schools! You might remember Voices when they performed nationally on NBC’s “The Sing-Off.”

And warm up your voices for an old-fashioned church sing-along! We’ll be tapping our toes and raising our hands as we sing some of those old-time Gospel songs — like “I’ll Fly Away” and “When the Roll is Called Up Yonder.”

The Cove also has renowned chefs – who prepare buffet-style meals! The food is simply outstanding! And there will be an unlimited supply of snacks and refreshments in-between meals!voices

You will also have a chance to explore the beautiful mountains and the historic chapel – truly breathtaking!

You’ll have a chance to share meals with all of our guest speakers and artists. And they have all agreed to do book and CD signings!

Can hardly wait. I guess he wanted to get in on the NRO Cruise type grift.

Starnes is a man so slimy, snakes refuse to touch him. Or maybe it’s just professional courtesy?

The Morning Quote

Today, the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is being lived out by bakers, photographers, florists, ministers, county clerks, and owners of wedding venues who have lost their businesses, been forced to pay exorbitant fines, been threatened with jail, and made to choose between the natural created order of marriage between one man and one woman and judges who side with same-sex couples.

–Renowned Southern Poverty Law Center hate group Liberty Council’s Matt Staver, on Martin Luther King Day.