Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid, Texas-Style

texas-logo big.jpgEarlier in the week I posited that several other states were vying to take away Texas’ singular status as the National Lab For Bad Public Policy, but lo! no more:

Open carry will soon be the law in Texas
AUSTIN – Texas will soon be an open carry state.

“The state House and Senate on Friday gave final approval to the legislation, which starting on Jan. 1 will allow those with a concealed carry license to openly tote their handguns in a shoulder or hip holster.

“In a tweet immediately after the bill’s passage, Gov. Greg Abbott promised to sign it into law as soon as possible: “Next destination. My pen.”

“The House gave final approval to the bill by a vote of 102-43; in the Senate it passed 20-11 along party lines.

“…Under the new law, those with non-Texas concealed handgun licenses recognized by the state will also be allowed to open carry. Texas recognizes the licenses and permits from 41 other states. In Texas, licensees must be at least 21 and must pass a background check and written and range test.

“Texas law already allows the open carrying of long arms like rifles without any licensing requirements.”

I’m sure Texas will be sad to learn that I won’t visit it again for pleasure or bidness.

Allen West Connected the Dots, Sheeple!

The Tinfoil Follies of 2015

texas-logo big.jpgObama turns the screws on local police with sweeping equipment ban

“With the upcoming “Jade Helm” military exercises planned throughout the southwest this July in civilian areas, some folks are concerned the federal government has grander plans than simply a practice session.

“…Now Fox reports “In a surprise announcement coming nine months after police in riot gear dispelled racially-charged protests, President Barack Obama is banning the federal government from providing some military-style equipment to local departments and putting stricter controls on other weapons and gear distributed to law enforcement.””

West needs to get Screwie Louie on this, STAT!

I Guess We Can Pull Their Guns Out Of Their Cold, Dead Hands, Cont.

Remember The Ammo

texas-logo big.jpgSunday Biker Gang Shooting Leaves Nine Dead, 16 Injured

“… the fight quickly escalated from fists and feet to chains, clubs and knives, then to gunfire.

“Gang members were shooting at each other and officers at the scene fired their weapons, as well, Swanton said.

“Other patrons in Twin Peaks and some employees locked themselves in a freezer to escape the fight.”

The article says that no officers and no civilians were injured (and who then were the bikers, hmmm?), so I suppose that is good news.

Texas. Jeebus.

One Lump of Stupid or Two

The Sanctity of Marriage

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Texas State Senator Charles Perry, a Gawd-fearin’ Xristian, who is seeking to defeat the ‘mos who want to get married, finds himself in a bit of bind:

“An apparent stripper in Oklahoma has filed for a protective order against a Texas Republican state senator who likened what he called America’s “spiritual battle” to the Holocaust.

“The clerk in Creek County, Oklahoma, confirmed Tuesday that a request for an order had been issued against Sen. Charles Perry of Lubbock, Texas.

“The clerk said the document couldn’t be released since it hadn’t yet been served.”

Well at least his stripper was not a male.

Texas’ “We Don’t Serve Your Kind” Law Advances

texas-logo big.jpgWhile Texas is bravely fighting the scourge of Jade Helm 15, abandoned Walmart detention centers complete with tunnels and Maoist Prison Guards, ISIS-Drug Cartels Alliances and whatnot, the Texas Lege must be up to its Gohmert-sized ears protecting the Lone Start State Citizens from… well, what?

Senate Backs Allowing Pastors to Refuse to Marry Same-Sex Couples

So even though same-sex marriage is banned in Texas, the Lege wants to protect Y’all Qaeda from getting sued for not marryin’ the ‘mos? Is this like double-secret probation at Faber College?

“The so-called Pastor Protection Act — a bill that clarifies clergy members’ right to refuse to marry same-sex couples — tentatively passed the Texas Senate on Monday.

“…A challenge to the state’s ban against same-sex marriage is pending in the U.S. 5th Circuit Court of Appeals. The U.S. Supreme Court is expected to rule on four same-sex marriage cases in other states in June. Some expect the Supreme Court could rule in favor of striking down same-sex marriage bans nationwide.”

“The bill’s author, state Sen. Craig Estes, R-Wichita Falls, suggested on the floor Monday that his measure would be needed if that became the case.”

But no one is forcing churches to perform weddings. What else is in there?

“The legislation also stipulates that clergy, religious organizations and people employed by a religious group could not be sued for damages, prosecuted for criminal violations, lose tax-exempt status or forfeit a government contract or grant for refusing to provide services, open facilities or sell goods related to same-sex marriages.

“I think the language is awfully broad,” said Sen. Kirk Watson, D-Austin, adding that a clause protecting groups supervised and controlled by a religious organization would seem to allow for-profit health care, nursing home and other companies to refuse to serve same-sex couples.

But he said it wasn’t about discrimination, you know, like all those other RFRA bills. Say, what else is Texas doing to protect the existential threats Texans face?

“…Also Tuesday, the House is set to begin debate on separate bill to all but ban gay marriage in Texas no matter how the U.S. Supreme Court rules this summer.

“House Bill 4105, which has 78 Republican co-authors — more than half of the 150 representatives — would prohibit any government employee in Texas from issuing a same-sex marriage license and bar state or local tax money from being spent to “enforce or recognize” same-sex marriages, even those legally performed in another state.”

Totally legal. Texas remains in undisputed first place as the US Lab for Bad Policy.

Your Daily Gohmert

gohmertI don’t know how I missed this the other day (yes I do: I was traveling), but our buddy Screwie Louie has weighed in on the Conspiracy Theory du Jour, Jade Helm 15 in which the drooling fucknuckles in Texas believe that the US Government is going to attack Texas and put POWs in shuttered WalMart stores before inviting in the Chinese to something-something-something, and tunnels! Anyway, Rep. Gohmert has released the following statement to clear things up:

Over the past few weeks, my office has been inundated with calls referring to the Jade Helm 15 military exercise scheduled to take place between July 15 and September 15, 2015. This military practice has some concerned that the U.S. Army is preparing for modern-day martial law.

Certainly, I can understand these concerns. When leaders within the current administration believe that major threats to the country include those who support the Constitution, are military veterans, or even ‘cling to guns or religion,’ patriotic Americans have reason to be concerned. We have seen people working in this administration use their government positions to persecute people with conservative beliefs in God, country, and notions such as honor and self-reliance. Because of the contempt and antipathy for the true patriots or even Christian saints persecuted for their Christian beliefs, it is no surprise that those who have experienced or noticed such persecution are legitimately suspicious.

Having served in the U.S. Army, I can understand why military officials have a goal to see if groups of Special Forces can move around a civilian population without being noticed and can handle various threat scenarios. In military science classes or in my years on active duty, I have participated in or observed military exercises; however, we never named an existing city or state as a “hostile.” We would use fictitious names before we would do such a thing.

Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution. When the federal government begins, even in practice, games or exercises, to consider any U.S. city or state in ‘hostile’ control and trying to retake it, the message becomes extremely calloused and suspicious.

Such labeling tends to make people who have grown leery of federal government overreach become suspicious of whether their big brother government anticipates certain states may start another civil war or be overtaken by foreign radical Islamist elements which have been reported to be just across our border. Such labeling by a government that is normally not allowed to use military force against its own citizens is an affront to the residents of that particular state considered as ‘hostile,’ as if the government is trying to provoke a fight with them. The map of the exercise needs to change, the names on the map need to change, and the tone of the exercise needs to be completely revamped so the federal government is not intentionally practicing war against its own states.

Texas History

The U.S. Lab for Bad Policy

The U.S. Lab for Bad Policy

Texas Monthly Explains the Jade Helm conspiracy theory and puts it in historical context. Also, too, I laughed until I cried:

“…The State of Texas is surrounded by federal troops, but the black helicopter crowd is worried the takeover is starting disguised as the military training exercise Jade Helm 15 at the Walmart in Bastrop?

Bastrop has been under siege by federal forces before; of course. They were Mexican federals and the year was 1836. Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad! Remember Bastrop? Nope.”

Go read it.

(Hat tip Scissorhead Karen Zipdrive)

No Sex Please, We’re Texans

Don’t Mess With Texas

Sweet Jeebus on Viagra, what the heck is going on in Texas?

“Texas has the third highest rate of HIV infections in the country, but that didn’t stop lawmakers from passing an amendment that defunds HIV/STD prevention programs Tuesday. The amendment to the House budget proposal—offered by Rep. Stuart Spitzer (R-Kaufman)—diverts $3 million over the next biennium to abstinence-only sexual education programs.”

But wait. It get’s better:

House Democrats fought against the amendment in a debate that rapidly devolved into awkward farce, with Rep. Spitzer revealing details of his own sexual history as proof of the effectiveness of abstinence.

Oh my.

“Were you taught abstinence education?” asked state Rep. Harold Dutton Jr. (D-Houston). “Did it work?”

Spitzer told the lawmaker he had remained a virgin until he married at age 29.

“I’ve only had sex with one woman in my life, and that’s my wife,” Spitzer said.

“Since you brought it up, is that the first woman you asked?” Dutton said.

“This is my first year here, and I’m not sure what is normal — but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t usually devolve into discussion of a person’s sexual history,” Spitzer said.

“When he injected that abstinence had worked for him, and that he had his first sexual encounter when he was 29 — I thought it was appropriate to ask,” Dutton said. “Was that the result of abstinence, or was it that no one said yes?”

Never-Buy-Gribenes-From-a-Mohel Award Goes To…


Screwie Louie, who recently was awarded the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015” by his constituents:

Congressman Louie Gohmert was recognized as the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015.” The award is given biannually to a legislator that has shown outstanding efforts on behalf of the people of Deep East Texas.

Gohmert has served five terms representing the people of the First District in East Texas. The Congressman was most recently named Vice Chair of the U.S. House Judiciary subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security. His assistance of veterans and support of the Veterans Administration Clinic in Lufkin were noted during the ceremony. State Senator, Robert Nichols, a past recipient of the award, made the Presentation.

We give a hearty congrats to East Texas for recognizing excellence in dumbassery when they see it.

(Hat tip: long-time Scissorhead Willis on special assignment deep in the Yellow Rose of Texas)

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

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It’s from Texas (of course) and it doesn’t involve Screwie Louie (whoddathunkit?!):

Four Republican lawmakers from the Plano area plan to introduce legislation that would bar cities and counties from adopting ordinances prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people, the Observer has learned. The proposed legislation also threatens to nullify existing LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinances in cities that are home to roughly 7.5 million Texans—or more than one-quarter of the state’s population.

The bill comes in response to the Plano City Council’s passage last month of an equal rights ordinance banning discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing and public accommodations.

And what is their reasoning, you ask, and by reasoning you mean fig leaf:

“It should be a uniform standard statewide, and cities can’t just arbitrarily create new classes that criminalize a whole segment of the majority of the population,” Welch said. “It’s just self-evident that they’re going to try to do it city by city. We’re dealing with a broad public policy that creates criminal punishments. That’s a pretty serious issue, and when it’s based on a special agenda by a small, tiny fragment of the population … that’s a legitimate need and reason for the state Legislature to act.”

Who is this “they” of whom you speak? Sounds like “they” have an agenda?… But less you think this is aimed solely at the ‘mos, well, think again:

“Nobody supports discrimination and nobody supports discriminating against anybody in the GLBT community,” Welch told the Observer. “What we’re against is laws that are passed that essentially give them privileged-class status and threaten with criminal penalties business owners and individuals and ultimately churches and pastors for practicing historic beliefs that have been part of this country since it’s founding, and that’s something that’s a direct threat against our First Amendment, and that’s what this is all about.”

That is indeed what this is all about: your need to discriminate is the lone-star reason to go down this road, boys, and it is aimed very specifically at a specific minority. Also/too, so much for local control of which Wingnuttia sings the praises so often. Let’s watch this one closely in a future Claim Chowder: will Texas hatred of gay people push them to take away local autonomy of cities and counties?