Hey Reince, How’s That Rebranding Working? Texas Edition

Stolen from Juanita Jean’s

This is an opposition ad for Texas Gubinatorial Candidate Wendy Davis, presumably put up by supporters of Xristian Xrazie Greg Abbott. If you feel so compelled, please visit Juanita Jean’s where she lists various ways you can help; you don’t have to be in Texas, by the way.

Rick Perry Made Eiron, The Goddess Of Irony, Laugh So Hard She Farted

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Theocrat secessionist nitwit Rick Perry is under investigation for bribery, coercion, and abuse of office. At issue is his attempt to force Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg to resign after her DUI last year.

Now, with that bit of a refresher course, you might find this is delicious:

The Travis County grand jury investigating Rick Perry’s potential abuse of power convened on Friday, and Perry may very well have to testify. According to new reports, Rick Perry asked for a non-public entrance into the courthouse in advance of the grand jury hearing. His team has apparently “asked if there was a back door way to get to the grand jury room, away from reporters, cameras and the public.”

So why is that delicious, you ask?

In an ironic twist, it turns out that the only non-public entrance to the grand jury room is through Rosemary Lehmberg’s office. That means that if Perry wants to hide from the media when he goes into the courtroom, he’ll have to go through the office of the very person he’s accused of threatening.

Did ya hear the one about…

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…the Texas GOP Womens PAC director (who is supposed to recruit more women to vote for Republicans) who says that women are too busy to fight for equal pay for equal work?

Take it away, Raw Story:

“We believe that Texas women want and deserve equal pay,” Christman admitted. “But honestly, Jason, we don’t believe the Lilly Ledbetter Act is what’s going to solve that problem for women. We believe that women want real-world solutions to this problem, not more rhetoric.”

But after Whitely asked Christman to provide a better solution for equal pay, the PAC leader stumbled with some awkward rhetoric of her own.

“If you look at it, women are… extremely busy, we lead busy lives,” she explained. “And times are extremely busy. It’s just — it’s a busy cycle for women, and we’ve got a lot to juggle.”

“And so when we look at this issue, we think, what’s practical?” Christman continued. “And we want more access to jobs. And we want to be able to go to get a higher education degree at the same time we’re working or raising a family. That’s common sense. And we believe that real-world solution is a more practical way to approach the problem.”

You just cannot write material like this, no one would believe you.

Teh Stoopid: it buuuuuuurns

It seems that Wingnuttia doesn’t like it when The Kenyan Usurper does something popular with the youth:

I really think that Screwie Louie needs to look over his shoulder: he has competition for the Klown Kar’s driver seat, right there, in Texas!

Update:

I’m told that when they were planning this, the White House said it was something likely to make David Gergen barf. Success!

And the editorial board doesn’t recommend them?

Here’s why the Dallas News Editorial Board recommended John Cornyn over his many, Many, MANY teabagging challengers:

South Texas businessman Chris Mapp, 53, told this editorial board that ranchers should be allowed to shoot on sight anyone illegally crossing the border on to their land, referred to such people as “wetbacks,” and called the president a “socialist son of a bitch.” Ken Cope, 60, a retired aerospace executive, wants to build a fence along the entire border and deport anyone who fails to learn English. U.S. Rep. Steve Stockman has run a clownish campaign with the baseless claim that Cornyn supports the Affordable Care Act.

Attorney Linda Vega, 47, and small-business owners Dwayne Stovall, 48, Curt Cleaver, 47, also are on the ballot. They didn’t respond to interview requests, and their questionnaire answers give us pause about their ability to lead. Reid Reasor neither attended the interview nor filled out the questionnaire.

The Morning Quote

“I think the current administration has taken lying to a new level.”

“Since the terrible tragedy that took four American lives in Benghazi, we’ve had difficulty, to put it mildly, trying to get to the bottom of this. Now the goal is to talk to the Benghazi survivors – people who were actually there who could tell the truth and expose what happened and hold the people responsible accountable. This has been a cover up from the very beginning.”

–Sen. John Conryn (R-TX), vying for some sweet, sweet Ted Cruz mojo teabagger support.

The Afternoon Quote

“President Obama should take his broken promises tour elsewhere so Texans can continue focusing on the solutions that have allowed our state to become and remain the nation’s economic and job creation powerhouse.”

–Ted Cruz, who seems to be unaware of the sad history of Presidents in Dallas in November or who is perhaps dog whistling again? It’s still in bad taste and poor form. Texas is better than this.

(TPM)

In Texas, Even the Dogs Pack Heat

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FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) — North Texas police are investigating a canine caper that left a dog owner with a shotgun wound.

The dog was ambling about its Fort Worth home Saturday night when it knocked over a shotgun leaning near the homeowner. The gun discharged when it fell to the ground, striking the 78-year-old woman in the left foot as she watched television.

“I said walkies, I meant walkies!”

(The Times Union via Scissorhead Fran)