Here’s Your Eggs With a Side Of Texas-Sized Stupid

Rick Perry Guns and Sputter

“I am confident we will ultimately prevail, that this farce of a prosecution will be revealed for what it is, and that those responsible will be held to account.”

–Theocrat Nitwit Secessionist Rick Perry.

The stupid part? “The Texas Penal Code that outlaws obstruction and retaliation says that anyone who “intentionally or knowingly harms or threatens to harm” a grand juror faces a second degree felony, which is punishable by up to 20 years in prison.”

Texas’ legal system is now looking into Gov. Goodhair’s threatening statement.

Texas Politics: A Primer – UPDATED

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Austin, Texas’s capital, is the Berkeley of that state, decidedly blue in a red sea. Travis County, where Austin is located, elects their county attorney who in turn oversees criminal cases in Austin. They have a special prosecutorial agency that prosecutes corruption cases for all of Texas, because it is the capital. Following me still? The liberal city of Austin has legal obligations and power to prosecute crooked politicians, who oddly seem to be Republicans. Go figure.

This has gotten under the chaps of the Republicans in power for years. They cannot do anything about it. The Republican state-wide candidates often run on a platform of “reforming” the watch dog prosecutorial abilities of Travis, but generally fail. Travis county, however, has successfully prosecuted Tom Delay, and is currently investigating Republican Candidate for Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton. Keep that thought in mind, it is important.

Rosemary Lehmberg is the (Democratic) elected (and not answerable to Rick Perry) Travis County District Attorney. She was arrested for DUI (though oddly, she was not driving at the time), pleaded guilty and did some jail time. For the reasons stated above, Rick Perry wanted her to resign, the DUI gave him cover to ask for her resignation. Her replacement for the rest of her term would be appointed, and presumably investigations into corrupt politicians (Republicans) would stop, and maybe Ken Paxton would be elected.

There’s no way to prove this, of course, otherwise this indictment might also include obstruction of justice or some variation thereof. Can you indict for a future crime yet to be committed? No. But it could be shown as motive for what he was doing. Anyway, this is probably the reason behind the official abuse charge: he cannot ask for the resignation of a duly elected official nor demand it.

So Lehmberg did not resign her office, nor was she required to. Rick Perry then upped the ante: resign or he would line-item veto the county of Travis’ budget to prosecute corruption cases; that is certainly coercion: do what I want or your department is defunded from prosecuting me and my buddies. And then he proceeded to do just that, and being not the sharpest thorn on that yellow rose, he bragged about it very publicly. Perry is rumored to have gone so far as to offer her a state-wide job if she would resign her county job, and, you know, let him pick her replacement.

So that is what the Grand Jury investigated: abuse of official capacity and coercion of a public servant, which are felonies and if convicted and would hold a maximum prison sentence of 109 years. It isn’t going to happen, or very unlikely anyway. I mean Tom Delay was prosecuted in 2006 and he’s now close to a decade into the process of fighting it, much of the original charges having been overturned by a Republican, sympathetic judge.

In the meanwhile, it is pretty funny that Wingnuts all over the place are trying to defend Perry with video of Lehmberg’s drunken antics. It clearly was not her finest hour, but it is also not the issue at hand. Her drunken escapades was the opportunity that motivated Perry. So Texas politics, as usual.

UPDATE: I forgot that I wrote about this before, and it is actually a funny story.

“It’s Texas, Jake”

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Today in projection…

“The district court broadened the definition of the ‘existing right to marry’ as one that includes the right of people to ‘select the partners of their choosing’ for marriage, without regard to sex,” the brief states. “If the right to select ‘partners of their choosing’ is the criterion used to invoke marriage as a fundamental right, then marriage restrictions on age, polygamy, and consanguinity are also ripe for challenge.”

We’re back to the argument that left to their own devices, Texans would marry a sheep.

Hey Reince, How’s That Rebranding Working? Texas Edition

Stolen from Juanita Jean’s

This is an opposition ad for Texas Gubinatorial Candidate Wendy Davis, presumably put up by supporters of Xristian Xrazie Greg Abbott. If you feel so compelled, please visit Juanita Jean’s where she lists various ways you can help; you don’t have to be in Texas, by the way.

Rick Perry Made Eiron, The Goddess Of Irony, Laugh So Hard She Farted

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Theocrat secessionist nitwit Rick Perry is under investigation for bribery, coercion, and abuse of office. At issue is his attempt to force Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg to resign after her DUI last year.

Now, with that bit of a refresher course, you might find this is delicious:

The Travis County grand jury investigating Rick Perry’s potential abuse of power convened on Friday, and Perry may very well have to testify. According to new reports, Rick Perry asked for a non-public entrance into the courthouse in advance of the grand jury hearing. His team has apparently “asked if there was a back door way to get to the grand jury room, away from reporters, cameras and the public.”

So why is that delicious, you ask?

In an ironic twist, it turns out that the only non-public entrance to the grand jury room is through Rosemary Lehmberg’s office. That means that if Perry wants to hide from the media when he goes into the courtroom, he’ll have to go through the office of the very person he’s accused of threatening.

Did ya hear the one about…

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…the Texas GOP Womens PAC director (who is supposed to recruit more women to vote for Republicans) who says that women are too busy to fight for equal pay for equal work?

Take it away, Raw Story:

“We believe that Texas women want and deserve equal pay,” Christman admitted. “But honestly, Jason, we don’t believe the Lilly Ledbetter Act is what’s going to solve that problem for women. We believe that women want real-world solutions to this problem, not more rhetoric.”

But after Whitely asked Christman to provide a better solution for equal pay, the PAC leader stumbled with some awkward rhetoric of her own.

“If you look at it, women are… extremely busy, we lead busy lives,” she explained. “And times are extremely busy. It’s just — it’s a busy cycle for women, and we’ve got a lot to juggle.”

“And so when we look at this issue, we think, what’s practical?” Christman continued. “And we want more access to jobs. And we want to be able to go to get a higher education degree at the same time we’re working or raising a family. That’s common sense. And we believe that real-world solution is a more practical way to approach the problem.”

You just cannot write material like this, no one would believe you.

Teh Stoopid: it buuuuuuurns

It seems that Wingnuttia doesn’t like it when The Kenyan Usurper does something popular with the youth:

I really think that Screwie Louie needs to look over his shoulder: he has competition for the Klown Kar’s driver seat, right there, in Texas!

Update:

I’m told that when they were planning this, the White House said it was something likely to make David Gergen barf. Success!

And the editorial board doesn’t recommend them?

Here’s why the Dallas News Editorial Board recommended John Cornyn over his many, Many, MANY teabagging challengers:

South Texas businessman Chris Mapp, 53, told this editorial board that ranchers should be allowed to shoot on sight anyone illegally crossing the border on to their land, referred to such people as “wetbacks,” and called the president a “socialist son of a bitch.” Ken Cope, 60, a retired aerospace executive, wants to build a fence along the entire border and deport anyone who fails to learn English. U.S. Rep. Steve Stockman has run a clownish campaign with the baseless claim that Cornyn supports the Affordable Care Act.

Attorney Linda Vega, 47, and small-business owners Dwayne Stovall, 48, Curt Cleaver, 47, also are on the ballot. They didn’t respond to interview requests, and their questionnaire answers give us pause about their ability to lead. Reid Reasor neither attended the interview nor filled out the questionnaire.