No Sex Please, We’re Texans

Don’t Mess With Texas

Sweet Jeebus on Viagra, what the heck is going on in Texas?

“Texas has the third highest rate of HIV infections in the country, but that didn’t stop lawmakers from passing an amendment that defunds HIV/STD prevention programs Tuesday. The amendment to the House budget proposal—offered by Rep. Stuart Spitzer (R-Kaufman)—diverts $3 million over the next biennium to abstinence-only sexual education programs.”

But wait. It get’s better:

House Democrats fought against the amendment in a debate that rapidly devolved into awkward farce, with Rep. Spitzer revealing details of his own sexual history as proof of the effectiveness of abstinence.

Oh my.

“Were you taught abstinence education?” asked state Rep. Harold Dutton Jr. (D-Houston). “Did it work?”

Spitzer told the lawmaker he had remained a virgin until he married at age 29.

“I’ve only had sex with one woman in my life, and that’s my wife,” Spitzer said.

“Since you brought it up, is that the first woman you asked?” Dutton said.

“This is my first year here, and I’m not sure what is normal — but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t usually devolve into discussion of a person’s sexual history,” Spitzer said.

“When he injected that abstinence had worked for him, and that he had his first sexual encounter when he was 29 — I thought it was appropriate to ask,” Dutton said. “Was that the result of abstinence, or was it that no one said yes?”

Never-Buy-Gribenes-From-a-Mohel Award Goes To…


Screwie Louie, who recently was awarded the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015” by his constituents:

Congressman Louie Gohmert was recognized as the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015.” The award is given biannually to a legislator that has shown outstanding efforts on behalf of the people of Deep East Texas.

Gohmert has served five terms representing the people of the First District in East Texas. The Congressman was most recently named Vice Chair of the U.S. House Judiciary subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security. His assistance of veterans and support of the Veterans Administration Clinic in Lufkin were noted during the ceremony. State Senator, Robert Nichols, a past recipient of the award, made the Presentation.

We give a hearty congrats to East Texas for recognizing excellence in dumbassery when they see it.

(Hat tip: long-time Scissorhead Willis on special assignment deep in the Yellow Rose of Texas)

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

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It’s from Texas (of course) and it doesn’t involve Screwie Louie (whoddathunkit?!):

Four Republican lawmakers from the Plano area plan to introduce legislation that would bar cities and counties from adopting ordinances prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people, the Observer has learned. The proposed legislation also threatens to nullify existing LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinances in cities that are home to roughly 7.5 million Texans—or more than one-quarter of the state’s population.

The bill comes in response to the Plano City Council’s passage last month of an equal rights ordinance banning discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing and public accommodations.

And what is their reasoning, you ask, and by reasoning you mean fig leaf:

“It should be a uniform standard statewide, and cities can’t just arbitrarily create new classes that criminalize a whole segment of the majority of the population,” Welch said. “It’s just self-evident that they’re going to try to do it city by city. We’re dealing with a broad public policy that creates criminal punishments. That’s a pretty serious issue, and when it’s based on a special agenda by a small, tiny fragment of the population … that’s a legitimate need and reason for the state Legislature to act.”

Who is this “they” of whom you speak? Sounds like “they” have an agenda?… But less you think this is aimed solely at the ‘mos, well, think again:

“Nobody supports discrimination and nobody supports discriminating against anybody in the GLBT community,” Welch told the Observer. “What we’re against is laws that are passed that essentially give them privileged-class status and threaten with criminal penalties business owners and individuals and ultimately churches and pastors for practicing historic beliefs that have been part of this country since it’s founding, and that’s something that’s a direct threat against our First Amendment, and that’s what this is all about.”

That is indeed what this is all about: your need to discriminate is the lone-star reason to go down this road, boys, and it is aimed very specifically at a specific minority. Also/too, so much for local control of which Wingnuttia sings the praises so often. Let’s watch this one closely in a future Claim Chowder: will Texas hatred of gay people push them to take away local autonomy of cities and counties?

Today in Texas Secessionists

One Texas lawmaker is trying to declare Texas a sovereign state so they can continue to discriminate against the ‘mos, as Sweet Baby Jeebus wants. Anyway, Rep. Cecil Bell Jr. introduced House Bill 623, which he’s calling the Texas Preservation of Sovereignty and Marriage Act.

Take it away, Texas Observer:

HB 623 would amend the Texas Family Code to prohibit the use of taxpayer funds for the “the licensing or support of same-sex marriage.” It would also bar government employees from recognizing, granting or enforcing same-sex marriage licenses. Any government employee who violates the provision would be barred from collecting “a salary, pension, or other employee benefit.”

HB 623 would also require Texas courts to dismiss challenges to the law and award attorneys’ fees to defendants. And it would grant Texas sovereign immunity under the 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution when it comes to enforcing the law, “regardless of a contrary federal court ruling.”

“When I was elected, I made a promise to my constituents to fight to protect our traditional values and to stand strong in the defense of our constitutional rights as Texans and Americans,” Bell said in a release. “Texas is a sovereign state and our citizens have the right to define marriage. We as Texans voted in 2005 to define marriage as being solely between a man and a woman. In Texas marriage is sacred and traditional families are recognized as the fabric of our society.”

It worked so well for the Confederacy last time they tried this sovereign state gambit, why not try it again?

Some Stupid With Your Coffee?

Hey, San Antonio! S’up?

A resolution that will be presented at the January 8 meeting of the executive committee of the Bexar County Republican Party urges the “repeal of our local governments’ pro-homosexual policies.”

The resolution, which was circulated to local GOP precinct chairs, denounces the passage of the nondiscrimination ordinance that was approved by the City Council in September of last year, saying that it uses taxpayer dollars to :

  • Allow men to freely use the women’s restroom, locker rooms and changing facilities
  • Gag any city board or commission member from speaking against homosexual behavior or be subjected to the removal from the group
  • Subject businesses run by people of faith to criminal penalties and expensive lawsuits if they refuse to provide services that conflict with religious beliefs relating to homosexual behavior.

The resolution also seeks to roll back domestic partner benefits to city and county employees because they give “special rights to homosexuals” and because the benefits dishonor traditional marriage.

Some more fallout from the November elections, you know, when Y’all Qaeda said that the Culture Wars were dead, and Libtards stayed home.

Thanks To Ted Cruz…

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…Texas is getting their first openly gay federal judge:

WASHINGTON — The Senate confirmed three Texans Tuesday night for lifetime judicial appointments, capping an effort to fill vacancies in the state that have languished for years.

The nominees — U.S. Attorney Robert Pitman of San Antonio, Texarkana lawyer Robert Schroeder III and Sherman Magistrate Judge Amos Mazzant III — were approved by a voice vote on Congress’ final night this year. Pitman, the first openly gay U.S. attorney in Texas history, will be the state’s first openly gay federal judge.

The process was sped up over the weekend, when Sen. Ted Cruz forced action on the constitutionality of the president’s immigration policies. The move failed badly — but gave Majority Leader Harry Reid more time to set up votes on a slew of nominees in the final days of the chamber’s session.

From The Legal Mind of Grifter Ted Cruz


From Canadian-born latino and immigrant-hating southern white supremacist Senator Ted Cruz’s Senate Web page:

“This is judicial activism at its worst. The Constitution entrusts state legislatures, elected by the People, to define marriage consistent with the values and mores of their citizens. Unelected judges should not be imposing their policy preferences to subvert the considered judgments of democratically elected legislatures.

But what about judges appointed by democratically elected presidents and confirmed by the Senate, Ted? What about those people whose jobs are in the Constitution, you know, to ensure that laws pass Constitutional muster?

“Marriage is a question for the States. That is why I have introduced legislation, S. 2024, to protect the authority of state legislatures to define marriage. And that is why, when Congress returns to session, I will be introducing a constitutional amendment to prevent the federal government or the courts from attacking or striking down state marriage laws.

So Cruz will introduce legislation that will amend the Constitution to prevent the Supreme Court from ruling on The Constitutionality of laws?

Well, I’m certain that this is playing really well in Jebusland, and that’s all that counts. Theocrat Cruz must be hoovering in the bucks from the rubes in Lubbock.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side Of Texas-Sized Stupid

Rick Perry Guns and Sputter

“I am confident we will ultimately prevail, that this farce of a prosecution will be revealed for what it is, and that those responsible will be held to account.”

–Theocrat Nitwit Secessionist Rick Perry.

The stupid part? “The Texas Penal Code that outlaws obstruction and retaliation says that anyone who “intentionally or knowingly harms or threatens to harm” a grand juror faces a second degree felony, which is punishable by up to 20 years in prison.”

Texas’ legal system is now looking into Gov. Goodhair’s threatening statement.

Texas Politics: A Primer – UPDATED

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Austin, Texas’s capital, is the Berkeley of that state, decidedly blue in a red sea. Travis County, where Austin is located, elects their county attorney who in turn oversees criminal cases in Austin. They have a special prosecutorial agency that prosecutes corruption cases for all of Texas, because it is the capital. Following me still? The liberal city of Austin has legal obligations and power to prosecute crooked politicians, who oddly seem to be Republicans. Go figure.

This has gotten under the chaps of the Republicans in power for years. They cannot do anything about it. The Republican state-wide candidates often run on a platform of “reforming” the watch dog prosecutorial abilities of Travis, but generally fail. Travis county, however, has successfully prosecuted Tom Delay, and is currently investigating Republican Candidate for Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton. Keep that thought in mind, it is important.

Rosemary Lehmberg is the (Democratic) elected (and not answerable to Rick Perry) Travis County District Attorney. She was arrested for DUI (though oddly, she was not driving at the time), pleaded guilty and did some jail time. For the reasons stated above, Rick Perry wanted her to resign, the DUI gave him cover to ask for her resignation. Her replacement for the rest of her term would be appointed, and presumably investigations into corrupt politicians (Republicans) would stop, and maybe Ken Paxton would be elected.

There’s no way to prove this, of course, otherwise this indictment might also include obstruction of justice or some variation thereof. Can you indict for a future crime yet to be committed? No. But it could be shown as motive for what he was doing. Anyway, this is probably the reason behind the official abuse charge: he cannot ask for the resignation of a duly elected official nor demand it.

So Lehmberg did not resign her office, nor was she required to. Rick Perry then upped the ante: resign or he would line-item veto the county of Travis’ budget to prosecute corruption cases; that is certainly coercion: do what I want or your department is defunded from prosecuting me and my buddies. And then he proceeded to do just that, and being not the sharpest thorn on that yellow rose, he bragged about it very publicly. Perry is rumored to have gone so far as to offer her a state-wide job if she would resign her county job, and, you know, let him pick her replacement.

So that is what the Grand Jury investigated: abuse of official capacity and coercion of a public servant, which are felonies and if convicted and would hold a maximum prison sentence of 109 years. It isn’t going to happen, or very unlikely anyway. I mean Tom Delay was prosecuted in 2006 and he’s now close to a decade into the process of fighting it, much of the original charges having been overturned by a Republican, sympathetic judge.

In the meanwhile, it is pretty funny that Wingnuts all over the place are trying to defend Perry with video of Lehmberg’s drunken antics. It clearly was not her finest hour, but it is also not the issue at hand. Her drunken escapades was the opportunity that motivated Perry. So Texas politics, as usual.

UPDATE: I forgot that I wrote about this before, and it is actually a funny story.