News That Will Drive You To Drink (Schadenfreude Edition)

The Death of the Media

dbe27-teabaggingThe staff of the Tea Pary News Network resigned en masse because of lack of respect and other labor issues:

Mass Quit at Tea Party

I wonder if they wish that they had, oh, you know, A UNION?!

QED, Bitchez!

“How many detainees at Guantanamo Bay are engaging in terrorism or anti-American incitement?” He answered his own question: “None, because they’re detained.”

Cotton then asked, “How many detainees were at Guantanamo Bay on September 11, 2001?”

–Sen. Tom Cotton uses brainiac teabagger geometric logic to prove that Guantanamo should stay open because it wasn’t open before Sept. 11, so therefore it couldn’t have incited terrorism.

Hard To Believe


According to Mediaite, Rep. Blake Farenthold was accused of harassing a female staffer in a lawsuit filed last Friday. On Monday, it emerged that Farenthold is the owner of the URL “,” a currently inactive web address.

(Raw Story)

Claim Chowder: Massive Anti-Immigration Rally In DC

Hey guys, you know how like the Teabaggers were going to hold a massive rally in DC to oppose The Kenyan Usurper’s Amnesty for Swarthy Immigrants and maybe finally get him to resign?

Guess what happened?

(Right Wing Watch)

That’s right: No one showed up. Well, maybe less than a dozen?

Want Fries With Your Stupid?

Everyone is a Teabagger

Everyone is a Teabagger

Teebagger Republican Rob Maness, who is running for Senate in LA has an interesting idea in his noggin that healthcare is a zero-sum game:

“And what happens with health care is it’s a product, a service that has to be taken from one person or group of people and given to somebody [else] to make that a fundamental right for them. And that’s not the American way, that’s the way of totalitarianism and authoritarianism and socialism.”

Remember ReaganBook?

Hey guys, remember that time Wingnuttia decided to create their own, non-libtard book of My faces just for Jeebus-Reagan loving patriots and they called it ReaganBook and then it immediately got hacked and they took it down?


Anyway, it’s baaaaaa-ack. And it’s as ready for primetime as ever:

Screen Shot 2014-10-12 at 5.54.12 PM

Click to embiggen

I couldn’t explain what FreedomBook is about any better.

Anyway, it is now by invite only and being on Janet Porter’s shitlist for years and years, I doubt that I will get invited in. So if one of youse guys can wrangle and invite and become our secret agent behind enema lines, well, let me know.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Weird Dave)

Somewhere John C. Calhoun is Smiling

Famous castration scholar and Iowa’s Republican candidate for Senate Joni Ernst understands that to stop the spread of socialized medicine all you need to do is arrest the Federal Government:

question was: “Will you support legislation to nullify ObamaCare and authorize state and local law enforcement to arrest federal officials attempting to implement the unconstitutional health care scheme known as ObamaCare?” Ernst answered that question as “yes.”

You’re gonna need a bigger jail.

So add Ernst to the long list of 1850s-era Wingnuts who think that states can nullify laws that they don’t like?

In July TPM highlighted that Ernst had previously said that Congress shouldn’t pass laws “that the states would consider nullifying.” Ernst made those comments at a 2013 Iowa Faith & Freedom Coalition forum. States can’t nullify federal laws, as The Daily Beast, which first reported the story, noted.

So another Patriotic secessionist from the Tea Party.

Beware The Ides of, um, November?

Weepy McDrunky

Even without Iago Eric Cantor plotting a coup against John Boehner, revolution is still fomenting!

“In tough times, it doesn’t mean you play timid, it means to play bold, and I don’t see that. And you know what? Time’s up,” Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.), who vowed to vote against Boehner, told The Hill in an interview. “I’m tired of the status quo of what’s going on in Washington, D.C. America’s tired, America’s angry and they’re scared, because they don’t have leaders in Washington, D.C.”

That’s quite a list of grievances you got there, Sparky.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) was more succinct: “I’ll give him every bit as much support as I did last time.”

Gohmert in 2013 was one of a dozen Republicans who didn’t support Boehner for Speaker. Ten of them will return to the next Congress and have a vote on Boehner’s future.

Oh, NOES! He’s lost Screwie Louie?!!1!

The article goes on to describe, well, sleeper cells in the Wingnuttian caucus. For safety sake, they don’t know about each other or how many there are.

In fact, [Rep. Walter Jones (R-N.C.)] acknowledged he didn’t even know who the members of the other groups were, though he said that was by design to avoid being targeted by the Speaker and his allies. At some point, however, these Boehner foes will have to step forward and “show they will stick together on a vote,” Jones said. Then, one of them can be offered up as a candidate… “You’ve got to have 20 to 25 committed people that are willing to cut their wrist,” Jones explained, “and if you’re not willing to cut your wrist, you’re not really committed.”

“And then we will play Legos and have graham crackers and a nap,” he did not conclude.

Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

A dead-eyed dick

A dead-eyed dick

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin must have spent some time at Annapolis as one of her five of so colleges from which she did not earn her degree, and she takes to the awesome power of her MyFacePlace page to offer her sound, professional, and winning advice to Commander-in-Chief (and Kenyan Usurper) Barack HUSSEIN O’Bummer on how to defeat ISIS (emphasis mine):

War is hell. So go big or go home, Mr. President. Big means bold, confident, wise assurance from a trustworthy Commander-in-Chief that it shall all be worth it. Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.

Being Mooselini, she whines her usual grievances and then having lost track of her thesis (“Charge in, strike hard, get out”), contradicts herself (emphasis mine):

The rise of the animalistic terror group, ISIS, is the result of Obama’s lead-from-behind foreign policy. He had broadcast his war strategy for all the enemy to see in Iraq, so the enemy could wait us out and strike as soon as America turned tail and turned away from all we’d sacrificed there. Terrorists who we had under control got to regroup and grow after Obama’s premature pull out.

War is hell, Generalissimo Mooselini. But your writing seems to be hellish.

Maybe He’ll Run A Third Time?

Alaskastan’s not favorite son, Joe Miller has lost his bid to become their OTHER senator to former Alaska Attorney General Dan Sullivan.

The Tea Party’s Miller lost to Sullivan 32% to 40%, and will not be facing incumbent U.S. Sen. Mark Begich in the fall. Miller, a long-time protégé of Sarah Palin previously lost to a write-in campaign for incumbent U.S. Sen. Lisa Murkowski.

Condolences to Alaska’s part-time governor and full-tim grifter Mooselini in small bills. A grifter still’s gotta grift.