News That Will Drive You To Drink

Presented by D’vorce D’spousa, documentarian fabulist, convicted felon, fired Y’all Qaeda business school dean, and would-be bigamist:

Very post-racial of D’Souza. Surely he won’t pass up a chance to call Obama a bigot, will he?

It’s sort of pathological with D’Vorce D’Spousa, innit?

But what about his other favorite punch-line?

Phew! I’d hate for a straight guy who went to prison to miss a chance to punch his dance card, so to speak. Ben Carson is smiling somewhere

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Bill-O?

Bill-O“More Americans are simply ignorant of the consequences involving social behavior. The rise of the Net has taken people away from the real world and put them in a fantasy world.”

“I believe only about 50 percent of the American people take the time to understand important issues. Half the country does not. They are simpletons, unwilling and unable to discipline themselves into formulating a philosophy of life.”

“I tried to discipline my ex-wife ino formulating a philosophy of life,” Bill-O, History’s Greatest Reporter didn’t say, as his fingers twitched, “but that pinhead wouldn’t listen. And the rest, as they say, is history.”

News That Will Drive You To Drink

The Death of the Media

Don't be the news, Chris.

Don’t be the news, Chris.

The problem with Tweetie is almost always that he is single-mindedly focused on tactics. “Will this ad/issue/decision work,” not “is ad/issue/decision foul,” which is why most of the time he comes across as an amoral blowhard.

In this clip, Matthews seems to have his usual efficacy schtick going (the right wing attack ads aimed at Sen. Rand Paul ads will not be effective), but also he seems personally offended by them. After a moment you realize that what has offended him the most is that the segment essentially was playing some ads for free.

“I certainly wouldn’t put them on free, Tom. That’s what we should stop doing. Stop running rightwing ads for free on our network.”

Given all today’s bad news from the world of NBC, he might have a point.

The Morning Quote

“Any woman can come forward right now and say ‘Billy Cosby did this to me 40 years ago’ and be on the cover of US Weekly,” he said. “With no vetting.”

“They will print your story, and maybe it happened,” Scarborough said. “If it did, it’s tragic. But if it didn’t happen, you get your 15 minutes of fame,” he added.

Joe Scarborough, the patron saint of dead interns.


The War on Halloween, Cont.

Petunia and Pals are so hip, they unnerstand what the youngsters of today dig, amiright?

Good News (sort of)


CNN’s dreadful show Crossfire is cancelled. What will Parker Warby spokesmodel S.E. Cupp and staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles do with their spare time?

While we’d like to think that someone at CNN realized that their decision to kill it 10 years ago (thanks Jon Stewart!) was still the right decision, it appears to be a victim of other cost-cutting measures.

The first time it went out with a bang — this time it went out with a whimper; CNN’s Crossfire is no more. Again. The show had been missing in action for weeks and already some of its co-hosts — Stephanie Cutter, Newt Gingrich, S.E. Cupp and Van Jones — have been popping up as contributors around the network’s landscape. Some staff have been moved to other programs, and the remainder have been encouraged to apply for open positions within the bureau, source say — surprising, given that CNN is in the process of slashing about 300 positions… But today’s big CNN headline is the cancellation of Crossfire, which had been exhumed in September of ’13, and quickly did not catch on with viewers.

Ooh, that’s good and snarky!

Anyway, we are sorry for anyone losing a job these days and so for all the people who worked behind the scenes, we wish you all the luck in the world. Advice: at your next gig, if you see Newticles or Sippy Cupp, run like hell.

The Crass Menagerie


The reality TV stars will next release “The Duck Commander Faith and Family Bible,” a King James translation of the Old and New Testaments that will include branded features about the family.

The Bible, which will be published Oct. 28 by Thomas Nelson, will focus on patriarch Phil Robertson’s five core values — faith, family, fellowship, forgiveness, and freedom…

The Bible will include “30 life-changing testimonials along with 125 ‘Set Your Sights’ features” from Robertson and his oldest son, Al Robertson, who serve as executive editors for the project.

Cash only.

Kill Me Now

Right now, Larry Summers is the front-runner for Fed chair

Oh, sweet baby Jeebus, what have I ever done to you?

The only person grateful for Rubio’s reponse

…was noted volcano scholar and Kenneth-the-Page impersonator Governor Bobby Jindal.

“An’ now y’all kin ferget about mah performance in th’ rebuttal tha’ done sunk mah national aspirations, y’all,” Jindal did not say.

Shorter Politico:

“All men are created equal, but white dudes are more equal.”

Here’s the full bit:

“If President Barack Obama wins, he will be the popular choice of Hispanics, African-Americans, single women and highly educated urban whites. That’s what the polling has consistently shown in the final days of the campaign. It looks more likely than not that he will lose independents, and it’s possible he will get a lower percentage of white voters than George W. Bush got of Hispanic voters in 2000.

“A broad mandate this is not.”

So, some votes are better than others, eh Politico?