An Now, An Update From History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly

Bill-O

It keeps happening to History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly:

I was in a situation one time, in a war zone in Argentina, in the Falklands, where my photographer got run down and then hit his head and was bleeding from the ear on the concrete. And the army was chasing us. I had to make a decision. And I dragged him off, you know, but at the same time, I’m looking around and trying to do my job, but I figure I had to get this guy out of there because that was more important.

Bill is a hero! Just doing his job, reporting the news and saving people left and right!

“The record is clear, and O’Reilly’s own report for CBS News confirms this: Argentine soldiers did not massacre civilians during this protest. And now the cameraman who shot the video that O’Reilly filed from this demonstration says another part of the Fox host’s account is untrue: O’Reilly never came to his aid, nor was he in need of rescue.”

“I put my trusty Bowie knife between my teeth,” Bill-O didn’t say, “and I swam through shark infested waters, fighting off killer whales on either side of me, to reach the Falkland Islands setting a new world-record for open sea long-distance swimming, a personal best for me. Then, into the war zone, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

On Lump of Stupid or Two, Sen. Paul?

Rand-in-Box-2

Schrödinger’s Candidate, Rand Paul is renowned far and wide for his unique ability to use social media to troll his foes (and even has hired staff to do it), so it is rare that he steps out of the box and onto a rake:

Pinterest deleted Rand Paul’s sexist and unfunny Hillary Clinton ‘parody’

On Saturday, presidential hopeful/bona fide troll Rand Paul made a fake Pinterest page for Hillary Clinton. And shortly thereafter, Pinterest deleted the page — because making a fake Pinterest for a female politician is not only sexist, unfunny and painfully lame, but also explicitly violates Pinterest’s Terms of Service.

…The page, before Pinterest took it down, was presumably meant to “burn” Clinton, as my colleague Hunter Schwarz wrote Saturday. It included a “Power Couple” board with pictures of the Clintons. An “Inspirational Quotes” page, with text images of things Clinton has said. And, apropos of nothing, a “White House Remodel” page, complete with pictures of the furniture Clinton would buy to make the Oval Office “more chic.”

…But it’s impossible not to read into Paul’s choice of Pinterest for this particular stunt, particularly given that his past gags have gone down on Twitter only. Pinterest’s user base is overwhelmingly female — in fact, with default boards like “For the Home” and “My Style,” Pinterest is pretty explicitly branded that way.

On top of that, while most of the boards on the Clinton parody account targeted Clinton’s record — which is certainly fair game — the “White House Remodel” board has no apparent connection to Clinton, as a person or a politician. In fact, it’s unclear what aspects of her record Paul is “parodying” there — beside the fact that (heyo!) Clinton is a lady. It even came complete with stereotypical photo captions, falsely attributed to Clinton and crimped straight from suburban-mom speak: “LOVE this,” “lol,” hearts, smileys.

Good work, bro.

Hard To Believe

Blake-Farenthold-Pajamas

According to Mediaite, Rep. Blake Farenthold was accused of harassing a female staffer in a lawsuit filed last Friday. On Monday, it emerged that Farenthold is the owner of the URL “www.blow-me.org,” a currently inactive web address.

(Raw Story)

The Morning Quote

“Any woman can come forward right now and say ‘Billy Cosby did this to me 40 years ago’ and be on the cover of US Weekly,” he said. “With no vetting.”

“They will print your story, and maybe it happened,” Scarborough said. “If it did, it’s tragic. But if it didn’t happen, you get your 15 minutes of fame,” he added.

Joe Scarborough, the patron saint of dead interns.

(TPM)

It’s In The Stars

Nancy Reagan glamor couch

Nancy Reagan is having a bad week. First she loses Oscar De La Renta the designer (and the only straight man to put clothes on her), and now she has lost her astrologer, San Francisco heiress and socialite Joan Quigley.

In his 1988 memoir, For The Record, Donald T. Regan, a former chief of staff for St. Ronnie, revealed what he called the administration’s “most closely guarded secret.” Quigley was kept on a $3,000 month retainer and conversed with Nancy up to three times daily, and had set the time for summit meetings, presidential debates, State of the Union addresses, etc. Without an O.K. from Quigley, Regan said, Air Force One did not take off.

Needless to say, Regan was Nancy’s arch nemesis.

Once again, we turn to The Clothes Have No Emperor, by Paul Slansky (Buy this book, you will love it; oh and the author is a Scissorhead and has given me permission to excerpt it as long as there is a link to buy it.)

“5/8/88
Donald Regan’s memoir, For the Record, exposes Nancy Reagan’s secret obsession with astrology, which led her to consult a stargazing “friend,” San Francisco heiress Joan Quigley, before approving her husband’s schedule. “Feb 20-26 be careful,” Quigley would warn. “March 19-25 no public exposure … April 21-28 stay home.” Among the other highlights:
*Nancy’s comment about Raisa Gorbachev after an evening in which she held forth on Marxist-Leninist theory (“Who does that dame think she is?”)
*Her efforts to keep abortion out of Presidential speeches (“I don’t give a damn about those right-to-lifers!”)
*Her insistence that Casey be fired as he lay dying of cancer (“He’s dragging Ronnie down!”)
*The President’s reaction when fire broke out in his study (“He continued reading … until guards asked if he wouldn’t like to move while they put out the fire. He hadn’t wanted to bother anybody.”)

Actually sounds like the Regan book might be fun, too.

Your Daily Gohmert

Today In Irresponsibility…

gohmert

“As far as I know, I’m okay. But do any of us really know for sure?”

Screwie Louie telling us that he doesn’t have the ebowlar disease… he thinks. I guess because he comes from Texas?

Some Stupid For Your Afternoon Tea?

kill-myself-neil-patrick-harris-How-I-Met-Your-Mother

“There was never a cow going around slobbering on another cow, sending a signal that I’m in love with this cow,” he said. “And when the bull got in the pasture, we didn’t have to give them a course in bullology or cowology. They had an inborn nature, they knew exactly and precisely what they needed to do to make sure that the Baity family had cows 20 years from now.”

–Berean Baptist Church Pastor Pastor Ron Baity, comparing LGBT people to cows.

WTF?

Oh, that will win over women and the youth, who are nothing but marriage-hungry harridans.

Notice that the one thing never shown in this ad is… Florida’s own bat boy, Rick Scott. Methinks these retrograde women would flee from the showroom, screaming.

So Reince, once again I ask: How goes the rebranding?

Stupidularity, Otherwise known as the “Scheisskopf Radius” Has Occurred

Flying Elephant

The Blog’s old pals, One-L, Screwie Louie, and Cruz Missile participated in David Barton’s WallBuilder’s Pastoral Briefing in Sodom and Gomorrah East, Washington DC.

There’s not a chance that we can survive this much stupid in one place.