UPDATED! The Quotable ¡JEB! The Smartest Bush® (Some Fries With Your Stupid?)

White Punks on Dope

The Smartest Bush®

The Smartest Bush®

“I don’t find [the racially offensive name of the Wasington DC football team] offensive. Native American tribes generally don’t find it offensive… It’s a sport, for crying out loud. It’s a football team. Washington has a huge fan base — I’m missing something here, I guess.”


UPDATE 1: What ¡JEB! “missed” is that Dan Snyder, the owner of the team in question, paid $100K Ameros to ¡JEB’s! campaign.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Dinesh?

Is this the face that launched a thousand derps?

Our favorite documentarian fabulist, convicted felon, fired Y’all Qaeda business school dean, and would-be bigamist D’VORCE D’SPOUSA appealed to Manhattan federal Judge Richard Berman to have a summer vacation from his time in the slammer:

“With respect to [his parole officer’s ] request that Mr. D’Souza’s community service hours be ‘waived’ from June 1, 2015 until July 13, 2015, the request is respectfully denied,” Berman wrote.

“The short explanation is, as all criminal defendants are aware, that we don’t provide ‘summer breaks’ in these circumstances.”

Oh, man! D’Vorce D’Spousa even included a recent Vanity Fair article to help sway the judge to let him have time off:

“With respect to the Vanity Fair article, the court has no immediate reaction other than the article suggests several fertile areas of discussion during Mr. D’Souza’s required therapeutic counseling,” wrote Berman.”

So the long and the short of it is that D’Vorce D’Spousa is now a political prisoner (thanks Obama!) and the judge thinks he needs to seek out help. The End.

An Now, An Update From History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly


It keeps happening to History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly:

I was in a situation one time, in a war zone in Argentina, in the Falklands, where my photographer got run down and then hit his head and was bleeding from the ear on the concrete. And the army was chasing us. I had to make a decision. And I dragged him off, you know, but at the same time, I’m looking around and trying to do my job, but I figure I had to get this guy out of there because that was more important.

Bill is a hero! Just doing his job, reporting the news and saving people left and right!

“The record is clear, and O’Reilly’s own report for CBS News confirms this: Argentine soldiers did not massacre civilians during this protest. And now the cameraman who shot the video that O’Reilly filed from this demonstration says another part of the Fox host’s account is untrue: O’Reilly never came to his aid, nor was he in need of rescue.”

“I put my trusty Bowie knife between my teeth,” Bill-O didn’t say, “and I swam through shark infested waters, fighting off killer whales on either side of me, to reach the Falkland Islands setting a new world-record for open sea long-distance swimming, a personal best for me. Then, into the war zone, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

On Lump of Stupid or Two, Sen. Paul?


Schrödinger’s Candidate, Rand Paul is renowned far and wide for his unique ability to use social media to troll his foes (and even has hired staff to do it), so it is rare that he steps out of the box and onto a rake:

Pinterest deleted Rand Paul’s sexist and unfunny Hillary Clinton ‘parody’

On Saturday, presidential hopeful/bona fide troll Rand Paul made a fake Pinterest page for Hillary Clinton. And shortly thereafter, Pinterest deleted the page — because making a fake Pinterest for a female politician is not only sexist, unfunny and painfully lame, but also explicitly violates Pinterest’s Terms of Service.

…The page, before Pinterest took it down, was presumably meant to “burn” Clinton, as my colleague Hunter Schwarz wrote Saturday. It included a “Power Couple” board with pictures of the Clintons. An “Inspirational Quotes” page, with text images of things Clinton has said. And, apropos of nothing, a “White House Remodel” page, complete with pictures of the furniture Clinton would buy to make the Oval Office “more chic.”

…But it’s impossible not to read into Paul’s choice of Pinterest for this particular stunt, particularly given that his past gags have gone down on Twitter only. Pinterest’s user base is overwhelmingly female — in fact, with default boards like “For the Home” and “My Style,” Pinterest is pretty explicitly branded that way.

On top of that, while most of the boards on the Clinton parody account targeted Clinton’s record — which is certainly fair game — the “White House Remodel” board has no apparent connection to Clinton, as a person or a politician. In fact, it’s unclear what aspects of her record Paul is “parodying” there — beside the fact that (heyo!) Clinton is a lady. It even came complete with stereotypical photo captions, falsely attributed to Clinton and crimped straight from suburban-mom speak: “LOVE this,” “lol,” hearts, smileys.

Good work, bro.

Hard To Believe


According to Mediaite, Rep. Blake Farenthold was accused of harassing a female staffer in a lawsuit filed last Friday. On Monday, it emerged that Farenthold is the owner of the URL “www.blow-me.org,” a currently inactive web address.

(Raw Story)

The Morning Quote

“Any woman can come forward right now and say ‘Billy Cosby did this to me 40 years ago’ and be on the cover of US Weekly,” he said. “With no vetting.”

“They will print your story, and maybe it happened,” Scarborough said. “If it did, it’s tragic. But if it didn’t happen, you get your 15 minutes of fame,” he added.

Joe Scarborough, the patron saint of dead interns.


It’s In The Stars

Nancy Reagan glamor couch

Nancy Reagan is having a bad week. First she loses Oscar De La Renta the designer (and the only straight man to put clothes on her), and now she has lost her astrologer, San Francisco heiress and socialite Joan Quigley.

In his 1988 memoir, For The Record, Donald T. Regan, a former chief of staff for St. Ronnie, revealed what he called the administration’s “most closely guarded secret.” Quigley was kept on a $3,000 month retainer and conversed with Nancy up to three times daily, and had set the time for summit meetings, presidential debates, State of the Union addresses, etc. Without an O.K. from Quigley, Regan said, Air Force One did not take off.

Needless to say, Regan was Nancy’s arch nemesis.

Once again, we turn to The Clothes Have No Emperor, by Paul Slansky (Buy this book, you will love it; oh and the author is a Scissorhead and has given me permission to excerpt it as long as there is a link to buy it.)

Donald Regan’s memoir, For the Record, exposes Nancy Reagan’s secret obsession with astrology, which led her to consult a stargazing “friend,” San Francisco heiress Joan Quigley, before approving her husband’s schedule. “Feb 20-26 be careful,” Quigley would warn. “March 19-25 no public exposure … April 21-28 stay home.” Among the other highlights:
*Nancy’s comment about Raisa Gorbachev after an evening in which she held forth on Marxist-Leninist theory (“Who does that dame think she is?”)
*Her efforts to keep abortion out of Presidential speeches (“I don’t give a damn about those right-to-lifers!”)
*Her insistence that Casey be fired as he lay dying of cancer (“He’s dragging Ronnie down!”)
*The President’s reaction when fire broke out in his study (“He continued reading … until guards asked if he wouldn’t like to move while they put out the fire. He hadn’t wanted to bother anybody.”)

Actually sounds like the Regan book might be fun, too.

Your Daily Gohmert

Today In Irresponsibility…


“As far as I know, I’m okay. But do any of us really know for sure?”

Screwie Louie telling us that he doesn’t have the ebowlar disease… he thinks. I guess because he comes from Texas?

Some Stupid For Your Afternoon Tea?


“There was never a cow going around slobbering on another cow, sending a signal that I’m in love with this cow,” he said. “And when the bull got in the pasture, we didn’t have to give them a course in bullology or cowology. They had an inborn nature, they knew exactly and precisely what they needed to do to make sure that the Baity family had cows 20 years from now.”

–Berean Baptist Church Pastor Pastor Ron Baity, comparing LGBT people to cows.


Oh, that will win over women and the youth, who are nothing but marriage-hungry harridans.

Notice that the one thing never shown in this ad is… Florida’s own bat boy, Rick Scott. Methinks these retrograde women would flee from the showroom, screaming.

So Reince, once again I ask: How goes the rebranding?