News That Will Drive You To Drink

Don Feder, the president of listed hate group World Congress of Families presents the Top Ten Reasons Why Hitlery Will Never Be President. Here’s a taste from his introduction before he gets to his list

“Think Evita after Botox treatments. Think Madame Defarge on a bad hair day. Think Lady Macbeth with serious issues (“Out, out, damned bimbo!”).”

“To listen to the babbling heads, you’d think the Goldwater girl-turned-Alinsky-disciple could start preparing her acceptance speech (maybe Eleanor Roosevelt will help her write it). “Ooh, she’ll raise so much money.” “Ooh, women want a woman president.” In the immortal words of General Anthony McAuliffe: “Nuts!”

“Win the White House? Hillary couldn’t win a popularity contest if she was the only contestant. “

“Here are the Top Ten Reasons Hillary Rodham Clinton is more likely to become a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model than the next president…”

Writing comedy is hard, Barbie!

Let’s just say that he then does his best 1990s Yakov Smirnoff-Letterman Top 10 Countdown hybrid, his two-drink minimum routine is mostly hitting Bill Clinton’s weiner for punch lines. That is, until he gets to the recycled Yo Momma So Ugly part of his routine:

10. The Hideousness Factor – Lyndon Baines Johnson was the last profoundly ugly candidate to be elected president, and he was a legacy of the martyred JFK. Voters don’t want a leader who looks frazzled or frumpy. We’re told that Lincoln was too homely to be elected president in an age of television and paparazzi. But Lincoln’s homely face had a dignity, a gravitas. If nothing else, we want a face that reassures us, not one that scares us, a la Night of the Living Alinskyites.


And just so you know that his assessment of the attractiveness of Clinton is completely on the up and up, as you can see, he’s a hunka-hunka burnin’ love, a veritable handsome devil hisself.

The Morning Quote


texas-logo big.jpg

In case anyone wonders why I call the theocrats Y’all Qaeda:

“We’re built differently, we have different hormones,” Go Ape Marketing CEO Cheryl Rios told KTXA-TV. “In the world that we live in, I understand that there’s equal rights and that’s a wonderful thing and I support all of that. I don’t support a woman being president.”

…“There’s an old biblical sound reasoning why a woman shouldn’t be President,” she added, though she did not mention any specific passages to support her argument.

“Well,” Rios didn’t say, “Ah suppose Ann Coulter could become president someday. Y’all know what Ah mean?”

(Raw Story)

Goat Down!

So on Squint and the Meat Puppet… the 90% announced 2016 Goat Rodeo contestant and vagina-owning person Carly ‘Fire-Em-All’ Fiorina visited to do a little Republican sanctified sexism on Hillary Clinton (as we predicted):

“You have an amazing round of accomplishments in your life,” Brzezinski said, “but someone could say it like this you ran for Senate and lost. You worked for John McCain, you were moved off that campaign, and he lost. You had a tenure at Hewlett-Packard that a lot of people describe as extremely rocky, destroying jobs, and destroying the company’s reputation. Are you really the right person to be criticizing Hillary Clinton’s accomplishments or lack thereof?”

“Fiorina accused Brzezinski of “reading Democratic talking points,” though Brzezinski responded that she was actually reading Fortune and New York Times. Rattner went so far as to remind Fiorina that she’d been fired from Hewlett-Packard after the company’s stock tanked following a merger.”

Goat Rodeo goat down

Well, not to spin it too much, whether Brezesinski is reading talking points or not doesn’t change any of the facts. Nice try, though. And by the end of the interview, Fiorina finally concedes that, yes, Hillary Clinton has opened doors for a lot of women.

The Death of the (Sexist) Media, Cont.

Hussies Today

The field is crowded

The field is crowded

The NYTimes might as well call Hillary a demirep:

“Many factors played into the timing of Mrs. Clinton’s announcement. Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, whom Mrs. Clinton’s advisers are watching closely as a potential opponent, staked a claim on Monday as his announcement date. Mrs. Clinton’s announcement on Sunday will certainly draw attention from Mr. Rubio’s entry into the race and could well eclipse it.”

“And while the move could invite criticism as unsportsmanlike, her campaign is betting that Democrats will applaud the show of force against a Republican. (Others involved insisted the date was selected before Mr. Rubio scheduled his event, but said that the juxtaposition was an added bonus.)”

You know, with half of Y’all Qaeda running in the 2016 Goat Rodeo, would there be an announcement date in which a real lady could politely defer to a man?

(On the bright side of course, this is yet another rake that Marco Rubio gets to step on.)

The Afternoon Quote

“Well, I hate to sound like the reporterette [Savannah Guthrie] that was giving him a hard time on television yesterday morning, but [Rand Paul] is going to have to explain a lot of things.”

–Y’all Qaeda’s own Tom Tancredo, former Rep. from Colorado.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Sen. Paul?

Get the Popcorn!

Deer Eating Popcorn

You may recall that yesterday Rand Paul Schrödinger’s Candidate announced his 2016 Goat Rodeo run, and today he’s (again) mansplaining to the wimminfolk how to do their jobs:

“Why don’t you let me explain instead of talking over me,” replied Paul, before repeatedly accusing Guthrie of “editorializing.”

Then he gave her some free journalism advice: “Before we go through a litany of things you say I’ve changed on, why don’t you ask me a question, ‘Have I changed my opinion?’ That would be better way to approach an interview.” [Salon]

You might also recall that Sen. Aqua Buddha did something similar with CNBC’s Kelly Evans, when he sushed her and ordered her to stop talking while he was speaking. He’s a one-man front on the War on Women.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Just a spoon full of roofies...

Just a spoon full of roofies…

Did you know that free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck was also part of the achingly glamourous world du fashion? (Altogether now, ME NEITHER!)

Well ladies, rejoice, as Glenn manages to market his clothes to you in the most, well, Beckian way:

1791 [Beck’s clothing line] is proud to announce our new line of women’s Denim. We begin with denim jacket and jeans.

They were designed for and tested on all the girls in my life. It has taken us almost two years to get the design just right.

Yes, he tested them on all the girls in his life.

I am proud that finally I can rest knowing any dad who feels the way I do about the most beautiful girl ever born, my daughter, will be able to feel that way when she slips into her favorite jeans, blouse and jacket.

That’s starting get a little creepy, imagining you daughter dressing in the morning, let alone that she is the most beautiful girl ever born.

My wife who is a little more like the current runway models and my daughter who is more classic both can wear and love their new 1791s.

So Glenn, why not just hold up a scorecard to let the little lady know what you think?

I kind of think it is one of those fundamental God given rights. To feel pretty.

Because you are.

Sweet Jeebus, I want to take a shower after that.

As we grow so will our selection and sizes because it is time we celebrate real diversity. After all, God made us different colors, shapes and sizes.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Please check out the beginning of our new line of women’s clothing at and see what the power of a dads love for his daughter can build.

I’m calling child protective services, and I hope they remember to look in the basement. What are the sheep saying Clarice?

Hey, Boston Herald! ‘No’ Means No

Spanking just liked dear old dad

DEMOCRATS WOULD be making a big mistake if they let Hillary Clinton coast to the presidential nomination without real opposition, and, as a national leader, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren can make sure that doesn’t happen. While Warren has repeatedly vowed that she won’t run for president herself, she ought to reconsider. And if Warren sticks to her refusal, she should make it her responsibility to help recruit candidates to provide voters with a vigorous debate on her signature cause, reducing income inequality, over the next year.

You know, boys, when a woman says “No,” it means no.

Bad Ads, Cont.


Think how happy she would be if you bought her a gun. Just guessin’.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Patrick Bjork)

Great Sexism, Cont.

Strange post title, huh, but wait! it’s true:


More, please!