Meet Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase’s teabagger challenger Lee Bright:
Let’s go down the Saint Ronnie checklist, shall we? Ungrateful takers, Nicest cars=Cadillac-driving welfare cheats, nicest food=young bucks eating T-bone steaks, let the church take care of the aged and infirmed but able-bodied and not working people should not eat. Yup, he hit all the Southern Strategy Talking Points.
St. Ronnie and Lee Atwater: together again
Somewhere, Lee Atwater is smiling.
Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.
Senator Huckleberry Closetcase swears as God is his witness that he’ll never help his colleague Tim Scott again:
“You just mentioned Lindsey Graham, the great Lindsey Graham of your state, are you supporting him for reelection?” CNN Crossfire host Van Jones asked Scott.
“You know, as you three have just heard recently, I am up for reelection next year myself,” Scott said. “I’m going to make sure that Tim Scott gets out and knocks on as many doors as possible, and I’m going to allow for all the other folks on the ballot to represent themselves very well. But I’m going to continue to work hard for my election.”
“So, no endorsement for Lindsey tonight,” Jones said.
“I’m certainly going to be working really hard for Tim Scott’s reelection,” Scott replied.
…ends at birth:
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) on Thursday introduced legislation that would ban abortions nationwide for women more than 20 weeks pregnant, the senator’s office announced.
The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act draws on scientific evidence that says an unborn child can feel pain, according to Graham’s office. The legislation would make it illegal for any person to perform or attempt to perform an abortion after 20 weeks, or six months, of pregnancy and would mandate a determination of the probable post-fertilization age of the unborn child prior to any abortion operation.
Introduced by Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase, who doesn’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, is participating in his first three-way, um, primary for the GOP nomination. He’s gotta butch it up for the rubes back in the seething hotbed of unbridled lust that is South Carolina.
“This is a debate worthy of a great democracy. When do you become you? At 20 weeks of a pregnancy, what is the proper role of the government in protecting that child?”
We’ve had that debate, Huckleberry. It is settled law.
Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase’s approval poll numbers are dropping, so expect to see some butching up soon.
“As expected, Nancy Mace officially announced her candidacy to challenge Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) in the state’s 2014 Republican primary on Saturday.”
“That Bitch!,” Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase did not sob into his pillow.
This past weekend, a group of conservatives met in Columbia, trying to come up with a plan to defeat [Senator Lindsey Graham] in the GOP primary, according to a Patch.com report.
“I expect them to mount a challenge, and I expect to fight back and push back,”Graham said Monday. “I feel good about my re-election.”
“Mmmmm, mount,” Graham did not whisper to himself, flicking his lips.
In the never-ending quest to prevent a primary challenge from his right, SC Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Closet) has been on a manly-man quest to tack hard-right to please the teabaggers (a constituency he should know very well, if you catch my drift and I think you do). When he puts on his hunting togs–we’re thinking jodhpurs and knee-high boots, red velvet coat, and yes, we believe he has them in his closet, probably on a houseboy–we will have a good laugh.
Anyway, today instead of screaming Benghazi at us, he’s found a new show tune:
“Here’s my belief: let’s take Obamacare and put it on the table. If you want to look at ways to find $1.2 trillion in savings over the next decade, let’s look at Obamacare. Let’s don’t destroy the military and just cut blindly across the board.”
Huckleberry hopes that screaming socialism will line up the rubes behind him. That boat done set sail, Senator.
(Think Progress has a non-snarky look at what cutting healthcare would mean in real terms. Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham ought to be ashamed.)
Poor Senatorette, she’s just not sure about her dance card these days:
BOB SCHIEFFER (HOST): I’m not sure I understand. What do you plan to do if they don’t give you an answer? Are you going to put a hold on these two nominations?
GRAHAM: Yes…How could Susan Rice come on to your show and say there’s no evidence of a terrorist attack when the Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs said they knew that night? I think that was a misleading narrative three weeks before our election.
SCHIEFFER: Let me just make sure, because you’re about to make some news here, I think. You are saying that you are going to block the nominations — you’re going to block them from coming to a vote until you get an answer to this? Now, John McCain has already said he doesn’t think the Republicans ought to filibuster this. What will you do? You’re just going to put a hold on it? [...]
GRAHAM: I want to know who changed the talking points. Who took the references to Al Qaeda out of the talking points given to Susan Rice? We still don’t know…. I want to know what our president did. What did he do as commander in chief? Did he ever pick up the phone and call anybody? I think this is the stuff the country needs to know.
So there you have it. Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham, from the wingnuttiest state of South Carolina, who is facing a likely Teabagger primary challenge, is going all butch and is going to serve trouble to the uppity Kenyan Usurper.
“I haven’t forgotten about Benghazi. Hillary Clinton got away with murder, in my view.”
–Senatorette Miss Huckleberry Closetcase
The ghost of Vince Foster seeks his revenge!
Huckleberry is going to be primaried. He’s acting all butch and macho for his base of mouth-breathing paste-eaters, but notice that Kerry got his confirmation vote.
“The one thing I’m not going to do is vote on a new secretary of Defense until the old secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta, who I like very much, testifies about what happened in Benghazi.”