BREAKING: Kim Davis in Federal Custody For Contempt — UPDATED

We Don’t Serve Your Kind

Well, Gawd’s Own Filing Clerk Kim Davis got her wish for martyrdom and is now in Federal Custody for contempt of a court order to provide services to her constituents, as per her oath of office:

“The court cannot condone the willful disobedience of its lawfully issued order. If you give people the opportunity to choose which orders they follow, that’s what potentially causes problems.”

I’d be sweating bullets if I were Liberty Council’s Mat Staver her legal council that advised her to defy the law: that really is grounds for punishment from the American Bar Association.

And what is perhaps more shocking is that so far only two of the Daddy Party’s Law and Order candidates have gone on record saying that Davis should obey the law or resign: Carly ‘Fire ‘Em All’ Fiorina and Sen. Huckleberry Closetcase. All the usual gawd-bothering fetus fondlers have come out in favor of breaking the law, and the mainstream candidates have remained strangely silent.

UPDATE 1: TMZ has her mugshot, and given her strange resemblance to Blam-Blam, this is probably the most vicarious thrill I will ever have with that war criminal.

News That Will Drive You To Drink: The Fox Effect, cont.

The Linda Blair of the 2016 Goat Rodeo

The Linda Blair of the 2016 Goat Rodeo

Fox Effect Background: obvious anagram Reince Priebus, who only had one job, punted the whole debate rules and regulations to Fox News; Fox News is now officially in the position of being the kingmaker of the the 2016 Goat Rodeo because they decided that they will only include 10 of the 16 candidates in the first debate which is in two weeks. We predicted, admirably I might add, that the lower-tier candidates will do whatever it takes to climb up the ladder, appearing on Fox News shows, trying to make headlines, and of course spending a lot of money on ads—where else—on Fox News. Their antics have been stunning.

We saw in the past few days Schrödinger’s Candidate Rand Paul burn, chip, and chainsaw the tax code; we’ve seen Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase destroy his cellphone, and today we see Uncle Sugar blow-up Disney characters.

Because, Why Not?

I mean we linked to Rand Paul’s fire/chipper/chainsaw.

The entire party is officially nuts, and we have 15 days (counting today) before the first debate. We are in The Full Fox Effect.

Dedicated to Lindsey Graham

This flash-back rock block presented by Donald Trump.

Claim Chowder, cont.

I told ya so:

“THE THREE AMIGOS REUNITE: POLITICO’s Katie Glueck reports: John McCain, Joe Lieberman and LINDSEY GRAHAM will all appear together at a New York City fundraiser for Graham’s presidential bid on Monday. The three, who were inseparable when Lieberman was in the Senate, often worked closely together on national security issues, an issue likely to come up at the event to benefit Graham’s foreign policy-focused campaign. Tickets start at $1,000 and go up to $2,700.”

From the email thingie from Tiger Beat on the Potomac (Thanks Charlie!)

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Lindsey?

graham-howdy-doodyThis headline is going to be tough to beat when we have to decide which contender in the 2016 Goat Rodeo pandered the most:

In N.H., Graham speaks highly of visit to town dump

“South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham’s new favorite place to campaign in New Hampshire is the Bedford town dump, he told about 25 people who gathered at Robie’s General Store in Hooksett on Sunday morning.”

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Wingnuttia?

A Patriot At The White House

A Patriot At The White House

Hey guys, remember the other day after a white supremacist killed nine black people in Charleston South Carolina’s historic Emanuel AME Church and pretty much the entire nation told The Confederacy to get over it after 150 years and take down the flag of traitors, seditionists, and well, sore losers? Remember when Y’all Qaeda replied to us, N’uh-uh, and not one single manly-man in the 2016 Goat Rodeo said a word in favor of removing the flag?

Even 2012 Goat Rodeo flip-flopping impresario Willard Romney had enough of a spine to tweet out:

Guess what? It took a woman to say the obvious to the oblivious! Said SC Gov. Nikki Haley,

“Today, we are here in a moment of unity in our state, without ill will, to say it is time to move the flag from the Capitol grounds,” Haley said. “One hundred fifty years after the end of the Civil War … the time has come.”

Things are a little slow in the South.

And speaking of being a little slow, Senatorette Lindsey Graham is suddenly right by Haley’s side after a weekend of humiliating kicks to his crotch for saying that flying the flag of traitors, seditionists, and losers worked for South Carolina:

“Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), a candidate for president who just last week defended his home state’s use of the Confederate flag, also will call for it to be removed, according to a source familiar with his decision.”

Which means that if ¡Jeb! as the likely winner of the conservative primary now has three choices for a split-gender ticket, with Haley, and Fiorina! And speaking of The Smartest Bush®, ¡Jeb! told the book of faces that:

“My position on how to address the Confederate flag is clear. In Florida, we acted, moving the flag from the state grounds to a museum where it belonged.”

…where Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio, the Cold Warrior for a New Generation, and beloved grandson figure of Wingnuts over the age of 65 and under the age of death, tried to pass legislation to keep it flying.

Just as a side note: for those who claim that the flag of traitors and losers is part of their heritage, it didn’t start flying over South Carolina’s capitol until 1961:

“The Battle Flag of the Northern Virginia Army, made famous by Robert Lee but never formerly adopted as the national flag of the confederacy, was first placed above South Carolina’s State Capitol’s Dome in 1961. It arrived, like many other appropriations of the controversial symbol, in response to the civil rights and desegregation movements.”

That’s something to be proud of?

The Rhett or Ashleigh Chronicles, Cont.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman. Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

In light of the comments yesterday of Senatorette Lindsey Graham defending the flag of traitors and sedition as in relationship to the racially-motivated Charleston Massacre, we recall:

“The demographics race we’re losing badly,” said Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (S.C.). “We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.”

It seems Lindsey got his wish.

The 3-Martini Stupid is Served

A Patriot At The White House

A Patriot At The White House

What is it with these crackers that they don’t understand that the Confederate Flag is divisive, offensive, and un-American?

“Well, at the end of the day it’s time for people in South Carolina to revisit that decision. [That] would be fine with me, but this is part of who we are,” Graham said on CNN when asked if the flag should stop flying at the Statehouse…

“… Graham, who canceled campaign events to return to South Carolina following the shooting, suggested that racial issues in his state and other areas are not the result of symbolic items “but what’s in people’s heart.”

To misquote Scissorhead Oregon Beer Snob, what’s in the hearts of nine people in Charleston are bullets.

“In the interview on CNN, Graham called for a “balanced” approach to the issue of the flag, noting that near the Civil War memorial honoring fallen Confederate soldiers is another one honoring African-Americans.

“It works here, that’s what the Statehouse agreed to do. You could probably visit other places in the country near some symbol that doesn’t quite strike you right.”

All kidding aside, Lindsey Graham is running for President of the United States of America and he says that the flag of rebels and traitors works here? I think he’s unfit for office on that remark alone.

The Afternoon Quote

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman. Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

I’ve been joking with Lindsey. Did you see that? He’s going to have a rotating first lady. He’s a bro with no ho.”

-Sen. Mark Kirk, speaking about Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase.