Some Fries With Your Stupid?

He really tells Obama to listen to his follow Africans.

Which Scissorhead is this?

Which one of you plays the tuba and decided to follow around KKK marchers giving them a cartoony soundtrack?

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Oh, he didn't?!

Oh, he didn’t?!

Oh, you know, it’s never about race:

[Airway Heights, WA Mayor Patrick Rushing ] has refused to resign over a Facebook post that compared President Barack Obama’s family to gorillas and monkeys because he says that it would be conceding that he is a racist.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

Mike Huckabee, the 2016 Goat Rodeo Contender best known to Spitballers far and wide as Uncle Sugar, has discovered black people! Who knew?! BuzzFeed, that’s who!

“People are saying, ‘Well, churches shouldn’t have a tax-exempt status. A Christian school or a university should not have a tax-exempt status, shouldn’t be able to let students come on Pell Grants.’ Because if you equate same-sex marriage to a civil right—,” Huckabee said on a local radio station in Baton Rouge, interrupting himself to make his case against the comparison.

“First of all,” Huckabee said, “what an insult to African-Americans, who were hosed in the street, who were beaten, who were truly discriminated against with separate restrooms, separate drinking fountains, separate entrances. That was true discrimination and it was horrible. It’s hard to say that the redefinition of marriage is on the same basis as was racial discrimination throughout our history.”

Pretty amazing considering last week he told us that there was no racism, just people who needed to be converted to Jeebus.

A Trump Question For The 2016 Goat Rodeo Contenders

Short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump

Short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump

I hate making this obvious comment, but why is it the case that none of 2016 Goat Rodeo contenders have weighed in on Donald Trump’s incendiary statements about immigrants, in which he essentially called all hispanic immigrants criminals and rapists?

Trumps comments led to him being fired from NBC Universal, Univision has dropped his Miss Universe Pagent, Mexico is also pulling out of the pagent, and just this morning Macy*s severed their relationship with him.

So riddle me this Senators Cruz and Rubio: why no statement on Trump’s comments? ¡JEB! the Smartest Bush®, since you claim to be an honorary Latino, what about you?

An Important Goat Rodeo Update From Cliven Bundy

Hitching a ride goatTiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) might actually have a scoop on their hands:

“Rand Paul met privately with Cliven Bundy on Monday, the Nevada rancher and anti-government activist told POLITICO.

“The encounter came after Bundy attended an event for the Kentucky senator’s presidential campaign at the Eureka Casino in Mesquite, Nevada. When the larger group dispersed, Bundy said, he was escorted by Paul’s aides to a back room where he and the Republican 2016 contender spoke for approximately 45 minutes…

“The Nevada rancher said that he had expected only to have an opportunity to shake hands with Paul and make small-talk. He was surprised when campaign aides found a private room and allowed Bundy, his wife and son to speak with the candidate for the better part of an hour.

“According to Bundy, the two mainly discussed federal land oversight and states’ rights, in addition to education policy — a theme Paul brought up in his speech.”

None of the news accounts I read yesterday mentioned that the two huddled after the public meeting. On the face of it, so what? But given the outsized, armed resistance to the Federal Government (and white separatists militiamen who cling to him) that Cliven Bundy represents, this is really kind of shocking that Rand Paul would meet with him at all, let alone privately.


Why are the dogs barking, Rand?

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Jeebus SavesTheodore Shoebat (and I’m not making that name up) has a suggestion in light of all the news last week: Don’t Ban The Confederate Flag, Instead Ban The Blasphemous And Demonic Homosexual Flag

“…America is advancing the sodomite agenda, that is why it hoists this useless flag all over the world, because the sodomite movement is an imperialistic movement that seeks to take over world. It is truly a hateful symbol, hateful against Christianity, hateful against the very Faith that built civilization, hateful against the building block of all civilization — the Family. It is a despotic symbol that deserves nothing but the flames.

“I say keep the Confederate flag and strip every single one of these repulsive, diabolical little flags. Shred them to pieces, burn them, take them down and rip them up. Do whatever is necessary to destroy these idols. All of those in the South, who want to see the Confederate flag remain hoisted and presented, should, in multitudes, burn these horrid sodomite flags, to shake up the government and let them know: we know why you are doing this, you have an agenda, and that is to strip away traditional Southern culture and replace it with the modernist antichrist ideology.”

He seems nice.

This Shoebat (not to be confused with this Shoebat, the alleged terrorist who has found Jeebus) also offers for sale a series of lectures on CD, so, you know, Grifters Gotta Grift. Hey, maybe these Shoebats should get together?

Because We Love A Good Apology

walmartCNN tells us:

“As of Monday afternoon, carried the Confederate flag as well as attire featuring the flag’s design, such as T-shirts and belt buckles.

“We never want to offend anyone with the products that we offer. We have taken steps to remove all items promoting the confederate flag from our assortment — whether in our stores or on our web site,” said Walmart spokesman Brian Nick. “We have a process in place to help lead us to the right decisions when it comes to the merchandise we sell. Still, at times, items make their way into our assortment improperly — this is one of those instances.”

The teeshirts and belt buckles are sentient and somehow make their way into the assortment? Is this the Rise of the Machines?!

(Hat tip: Scissorhead and unindicted co-conspirator GRS)

When All You Have Is A Hammer, Cont.

Gomer and the Gomerette

Gomer and the Gomerette

Mike ‘Uncle Sugar’ Huckabee is distinguishing himself once again by suggesting that what we need is more Jeebus, nothing more, to work out all of our racial tensions:

“I keep hearing people saying we need more conversations about race,” the former Arkansas governor opined. “Actually we don’t need more conversations. What we need is conversions because the reconciliations that changes people is not a racial reconciliation, it’s a spiritual reconciliation when people are reconciled to God.”

“When I love God and I know that God created other people regardless of their color as much as he made me, I don’t have a problem with racism,” Huckabee insisted.

The candidate concluded: “It’s solved!”

If you are a Xristian theocrat running for the secular office of the preznint, as is Huckabee, then you have a policy prescription for everything: Jeebus. Honest-to-blog, he really is calling for everyone to convert to Christianity. And then what happens next? The Baptists square off against the Methodists who square off against the Presbyterians who square off against…

Huckabee is a walking, talking Exhibit A for why our founding fathers created the wall between church and state.

(Raw Story)

Petunia And Pals Wins The Morning!

Petunia II (electric boogaloo?) is worried that the uncouth and obvs. racist Kenyan Usurper is going to offend her Dumbo-sized ears and say the N-word in the State of the Union Address, you know, because he said it in context on a podcast with Mark Maron*:

This is our free and unfettered press hard at work.

*Misspelled originally. My bad.