Your Three Martini Stupid Is Served, Glenn Beck

Protesting against Indiana’s We Dont Serve Your Kind law logically concludes at concentration camps, or at least so says free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck:

An Now, An Update From History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly


It keeps happening to History’s Greatest Reporter® Bill O’Reilly:

I was in a situation one time, in a war zone in Argentina, in the Falklands, where my photographer got run down and then hit his head and was bleeding from the ear on the concrete. And the army was chasing us. I had to make a decision. And I dragged him off, you know, but at the same time, I’m looking around and trying to do my job, but I figure I had to get this guy out of there because that was more important.

Bill is a hero! Just doing his job, reporting the news and saving people left and right!

“The record is clear, and O’Reilly’s own report for CBS News confirms this: Argentine soldiers did not massacre civilians during this protest. And now the cameraman who shot the video that O’Reilly filed from this demonstration says another part of the Fox host’s account is untrue: O’Reilly never came to his aid, nor was he in need of rescue.”

“I put my trusty Bowie knife between my teeth,” Bill-O didn’t say, “and I swam through shark infested waters, fighting off killer whales on either side of me, to reach the Falkland Islands setting a new world-record for open sea long-distance swimming, a personal best for me. Then, into the war zone, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid: Sippy Cupp Edition

Looks like the Mayo read S.E. Cupp's column today.

Looks like the Mayo read S.E. Cupp’s column today.

I really thought I was being trolled:

Tribune Content Agency is proud to add columnist, author and broadcast commentator S.E. Cupp to our roster of Premium Content creators. We invite you to try Cupp’s new syndicated weekly column for a free 60-day trial via Tribune News Service.

Proud of that, are they? It’s a big world.

S.E. Cupp provides a fresh and nuanced conservative viewpoint tackling topics across the spectrum and engaging audiences with stylish writing and clear thinking.

Clear Thinking?

“S.E. Cupp always adds a lively voice to the political discussion,” said John Barron, editor and general manager at Tribune Content Agency. “When taking on complex and controversial topics, she will always leave a reader with new knowledge, new perspectives and maybe even a change of mind.”

And as an example of Cupp’s lively voice taking on a controversial topic, here she is at TownHall exhorting Conservatives, Get Serious in which she spends an entire column persuading conservatives to not take seriously novelty 2016 Goat Rodeo candidate Ben Carson, without seemingly understanding that no one takes Carson seriously, least of all the Confederacy.

And as if on cue…

Pop Quiz!

Richard  Cohen, World's Worst Writer

Richard Cohen, World’s Worst Writer

As we mentioned earlier, Richard Cohen The Worst Writer In The World® wrote another one of his gruesome abecedarian works. What I failed to notice is that he gave a gift to bloggers at the end:

“Now for a blogger alert: Please note that I do not think racism is no longer a problem or that campus rape has not been an unaddressed horror. I know better.”

For one-half of one point counting towards your midterm essay, write a Blogger Alert for any columnist of your choice, which disclaims their usual craptastic writing and asks you not to mock them.

In the comments. #2 Pencils only.

Here’s my example:

  • Peggy Noonan:
  • — Blogger Alert: “Please not that I wrote this column on the way to St. Ronnie’s Library, while riding topless with the Hell’s Angels, high on ether and cheap rum…”

Have fun!

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Andrea Tantaros?

Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood

Snow days are conspiring with Libtards to strip Xristians of holy days.

Jeebus, some people.

Shorter Cardinal Douthat


“If only the hippies had not discovered sex, there would be no poor people.”

That idea makes some people on the left angry. As they see it, it’s money and only money that Murray’s Fishtown and Putnam’s hometown lack and need. And it’s unchecked capitalism and Republican stinginess, not the sexual revolution, that has devastated working-class society over the last few decades. Fight poverty, redistribute wealth, and you’ll revive family and community — it’s as simple as that.

So here’s the moral of the lesson (see what I did there?): have sex-phobic, professional scold Ross Douthat sign your permission slips before you get your freak on.

You Cannot Make This Up


Over at Wingnuttia’s Free Bacon…

I Don’t Love Spock
Column: President Obama’s favorite Star Trek character is an appeasing arrogant jerk

Matthew Continetti really dislikes Star Trek’s Mr. Spock because the character reminds him of the Kenyan Usurper. The good news is that he likes Commander Data. You know, the robot/android who—like Pinocchio—wants to become a little human boy.

That’s wearing your heart on your sleeve, Continetti.

Insightful Analysis From Our Lady of Merlot

I didn't know she smoked.

I didn’t know she smoked.

Seriously, Our Lady of Merlot, Ann Althouse wrote this stunning and insightful analysis of the on-going Brian Williams kerfuffle at NBC:

  1. Williams should be fired. A voluntary (or coerced) hiatus is too piddling to matter.
  2. I never watch any nightly new shows. It’s like a corruption scandal in a sport I don’t watch.

As you know, I have made a policy of not linking to the Monkey Cage ever since the time her drunken commenter/stalker/husband, the appropriately named Mead showed up here, but it’s easy enough to find: just look for the wine stain on the internet.

News That Will Drive You To Drink: Toe-Sucking Pundit Predicts Walker Win

-Buh-Bye Scott Walker: Dick Morris Says You're Gonna Win!

-Buh-Bye Scott Walker: Dick Morris Says You’re Gonna Win!

Ah, the last time we checked in with ol’ Hungry, Hungry Hooker-hooves hisself, Dick Morris, he was predicting a 2012 Goat Rodeo landslide win for the Stench & Gilligan, and he was shamed, shushed, and removed from the payroll at Fox.

But today, we have some of his brilliant, always wrong punditry to point and laugh at:

The Wisconsin governor has been elected and reelected, and defeated a recall attempt in a key swing state. His combat credentials are enough to assuage worries the establishment might have about a first-time candidate. His record on job creation and fiscal discipline is admirable. He is the Christie who succeeded; Wisconsin is where the New Jersey governor dreamed his state would be.

Yet Walker’s credentials as a battler against the left earn him backing from the right wing of the Republican Party, including his stand against municipal unions, amnesty and Common Core.

From the Republican point of view, he is America’s most successful governor. He offers a chance to take the education issue away from Hillary Clinton. He has actually turned a school system around, ironically, by applying some of the very same remedies Clinton first proposed in Arkansas in 1982 but has long since abandoned in her sycophancy toward the National Education Association and the American Federation of Teachers.

And Walker has been vetted. He has been through a trial by fire that no other GOP presidential aspirant has. Under the constant pressure of the municipal labor unions, continuously tested in recalls (both his own and his senators’), he has survived nicely.

Energetic, young, charismatic and fresh, Walker provides just the kind of generational contrast Clinton has most to fear. And, now with Mitt Romney out of the race, he can spread his wings.

And so there you have it: Scott Walker will not be the next president of the United States. Dick Morris’s prediction is the ultimate abettor to a massive, world-class FAIL.

The Event Horizon of Punditry Has Occurred

Megan McArdle

Oh, gawd, Megan McArdle cites Peggy Noonan to defend Joni Ernst’s silly bread bags story. T’is a marvel to behold.

I am a few years younger than Noonan, but I grew up in a very different world — one where a number of my grammar school classmates were living in public housing or on food stamps, but everyone had more than one pair of shoes. In rural areas, like the one where Joni Ernst grew up, this lingered longer. But all along, Americans got richer and things got cheaper — especially when global markets opened up. Payless will sell you a pair of child’s shoes for $15, which is two hours of work even at minimum wage.

And then, helpfully, McArdle let’s us know her age in relationship to Ernst, because why not?

Joni Ernst, who is just a few years older than me, had a much more affluent childhood than the generation that settled the prairies, and more affluent still than the generations before them. But in many ways, she was much poorer than the people making fun of her on Twitter, simply because so many goods have gotten so much more abundant. Not just processed foods and flat-screen televisions — the favorite target of people who like to pooh-pooh economic progress. But good and necessary things such as shoes for your children and fresh vegetables to feed them, even in winter.

Why is it that no Wingnuttian pundit ever mentions the rise of Unions in the early part of the last century, that helped kids have more shoes as a rising middle class was created? Why do they always forget that when explaining away how so many of us have more than one pair of shoes? And why do they always sound nostalgic for days of want? Why one would think that they want to take away shoes from the needy, just so that the needy can be better people for wanting shoes.