Shorter David Brooks:

bobo tongues the world surreal

White, Like Me

Brothers Pierce and Driftglass are on the case, so I don’t feel I’m needed here, but if you have a moment and you want to read some banal pretension on class and race, Brooks is your man. Dressing robe, cigar, and snifter optional. You’re a better man than I, Gunga Din.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

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Elsa, She-Wolf of the Nazis Ann Coulter has an opinion on Ferguson.

Here’s Your Stupid, On The Rocks

Todd Starnes Status

When I snapped that, it was shared 1800 times and liked by 7700+ others.

Is David Brooks Trolling Us Now?

David-F-Brooks

This move would also make it much less likely that we’ll have immigration reform anytime soon. White House officials are often misinformed on what Republicans are privately discussing, so they don’t understand that many in the Republican Party are trying to find a way to get immigration reform out of the way. This executive order would destroy their efforts.

David F***ing Brooks

With apologies to Driftglass for stepping into his beat… but what the fck is Bobo smoking? The Senate bill was smothered in the cradle nearly 17 months ago, and its author Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio has all but gone into the Witness Protection Program on the topic. And less we all forget, in the House, the immigration reform bill was developed by:

Far-away Eyes

Steve ‘Cantaloupe Calves’ King and our old pal One-L

Bad Advice

The Dick Whisperer Dana Milbank says:

Back in July, when President Obama was deciding whether to take executive action on immigration before the midterm elections, I got into one of those cable-news debates that offer the president unsolicited advice from the unqualified.

I argued that the move would boost Hispanic turnout and rally a depressed Democratic base. Yes, it might hurt some vulnerable Democratic candidates, but it would cement Hispanic loyalty to the party in the long run: “It’s a question of, whose interest is he looking out for?”

My opposite, Bloomberg News’s Mark Halperin, countered against “inflaming” the Republican base. “There’s almost no competitive races where the Hispanic vote is going to be decisive,” he argued, and “there are a lot of Democratic strategists who say, ‘This will hurt our chances in the midterms. Why not wait until November to do it?’ ”

“So,” asked the host, “why are they even considering it?”

Replied Halperin: “My sources and I, we can’t figure it out.”

And so the White House followed the Halperin advice, breaking what I think is an axiomatic rule: if you ever find yourself considering Mark Halperin’s advice on anything at all (including which mustard is good on a hot dog), you need to ask yourself solemnly, why do you want to be wrong?

Good News (sort of)

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CNN’s dreadful show Crossfire is cancelled. What will Parker Warby spokesmodel S.E. Cupp and staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles do with their spare time?

While we’d like to think that someone at CNN realized that their decision to kill it 10 years ago (thanks Jon Stewart!) was still the right decision, it appears to be a victim of other cost-cutting measures.

The first time it went out with a bang — this time it went out with a whimper; CNN’s Crossfire is no more. Again. The show had been missing in action for weeks and already some of its co-hosts — Stephanie Cutter, Newt Gingrich, S.E. Cupp and Van Jones — have been popping up as contributors around the network’s landscape. Some staff have been moved to other programs, and the remainder have been encouraged to apply for open positions within the bureau, source say — surprising, given that CNN is in the process of slashing about 300 positions… But today’s big CNN headline is the cancellation of Crossfire, which had been exhumed in September of ’13, and quickly did not catch on with viewers.

Ooh, that’s good and snarky!

Anyway, we are sorry for anyone losing a job these days and so for all the people who worked behind the scenes, we wish you all the luck in the world. Advice: at your next gig, if you see Newticles or Sippy Cupp, run like hell.

Bad People Behaving Badly

On Fox, this counts as informed commentary:

The Clenis is going to be an issue again?

Also/too: wait until the end of the short clip to see what a living, ice water douche looks like when ’80s power bow tie spokesmodel—crypt keeper George Will realizes that he has made a deal with the devil.

Here’s Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid, Sarah

Sweet Baby Jeebus: Mooselini opposes and supports putting troops in Iraq? And some poor schmuck is paying $10/mo for this sort of insight.

Once again, we must thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this dingbat to our nation’s attention, and suggesting that she should be one heartbeat away from the nuclear codes.

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Mo-Do Made Me Do It

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Her piece today made me fish this out of the archive. Here’s the take-away:

As our interview ended, I was telling him about my friend Michael Kelly’s idea for a 1-900 number, not one to call Asian beauties or Swedish babes, but where you’d have an amorous chat with a repressed Irish woman. Williams delightedly riffed on the caricature, playing the role of an older Irish woman answering the sex line in a brusque brogue, ordering a horny caller to go to the devil with his impure thoughts and disgusting desire.

I couldn’t wait to play the tape for Kelly, who doubled over in laughter.

So when I think of Williams, I think of Kelly. And when I think of Kelly, I think of Hillary, because Michael was the first American reporter to die in the Iraq invasion, and Hillary Clinton was one of the 29 Democratic senators who voted to authorize that baloney war.

That is hackery at it’s finest, the absolute zenith.