Earlier today we reported the foundation of the wingnuttian holy grail, the social network known as ReaganBook, and almost immediately we were informed by Scissorhead M. Bouffant (of the world-famous blog Web of Evil) that people signing up for it included: A Hugh G Rection, Adolf Hitler, Amanda Huginkiss, Anita Swallow, Anita Schauer, Ass Clown & so on.
For one tenth of one 16th of a point towards your final exam score, come up with the ultimate fake name to use when signing up for ReaganBook. In the comments with a #2 lead pencil.
A FULL POINT if you actually signup under the name. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear and your mileage may vary.
NOTE: I’m already laying claim to Wilma Ballsdrop.
NOTE 2: I’m keeping this on top because: fun. Fresh posts below until 6PM or so.
NOTE 3: ReaganBook just surrendered:
Thank you to all those who participated in the pre-release of ReaganBook.com Your participation is helping us build a more secure site. Thank you! Please be patient while we make the necessary changes to keep the site free from obscenity, pornography, and those intent on the destruction of life, liberty, and the family. We will be opening the doors again soon with additional protections in place. As Reagan taught us, trust, but verify.
It is good to know that with all the problems we face in the country, the Senate could more or less agree to act on an issue so important to us all: Sportsball
Fifty United States Senators have called for a change to change the name of the Washington Redskins in a letter to National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell released Thursday. The letter, first reported by the New York Times, cites the NBA’s swift action against the racism of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling and asks Goodell and the NFL to take similar action against a name Native American activists call a “dictionary-defined slur.”
So… for 1/17 of a point towards your final grade, help the NFL come up with an appropriate name for a team representing DC! In the comments and #2 lead pencils only.
I suggest that they change the name to D.C. Bribes, you know, to reflect the values of the community.
(And all snark aside, when the hell is the NFL going to force the DC Team to change their name? This is seriously wrong.)
Some alert Scissorheads may have felt a disturbance in the Force earlier this week when
Elsa, She-Wolf of the Nazis Ann Coulter posted this picture on Twitter to mock Michelle Obama:
…which of course led to all sorts of fun and wonderful backlash photoshops:
Panda Whale’s Coulter Meme
…and this one (my personal fav):
…or this one that some wag put up to make a certain Scissorhead happy:
For ¼ of 1% of your final grade, create your own entry in the great Coulter Hashtag Meme of 2014. If you are so inclined and have image editing software, here is a blank you can fill in (send it to me and I will post it here):
Snark in the Comments, #2 Lead Pencils Only.
“No Time For Blogging!,” as the Great Ape, my friend and fellow blogger Doctor Zaius used to say… I’m packing up for the return trip to Seattle (and moving house, still), so Light Posting Ahead.
Anyway, here’s the background of the quiz. I happened to see a re-run of Murphy Brown over the holiday and the episode was the one in which the FYI News Team learned that Corkie Sherwood had married an anchor man, Ron Forest and discovered that her married name had become Corkie Sherwood-Forest.
So for one 1/14 of one point counting towards your final grade, create an ideal marriage (and remember, same sex marriage is legal now!) to give them a combined name that they might regret. Here’s an example:
- If Ida Lupino married Don Ho, she’d be Ida Ho.
- If Edgar Allen Poe married Sharon Tate, divorced her, and then married Don Ho, he’d be Edgar Poe-Tate-Ho
And while it would be fun for it to be only real people (and living) why limit ourselves? The sky is the limit!
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only!
(I’ll be back online on the weekend…)
As you might have heard, George Zimmerman, famous hunter of free-range unarmed black teens, has taken to creating art (rather like Chimpy that other famously violent George) and has created a masterpiece that is for sale on eBay for nearly $100,000. (It’s from his blue period.)
First hand painted artwork by me, George Zimmerman. Everyone has been asking what I have been doing with myself. I found a creative, way to express myself, my emotions and the symbols that represent my experiences. My art work allows me to reflect, providing a therapeutic outlet and allows me to remain indoors :-) I hope you enjoy owning this piece as much as I enjoyed creating it. Your friend, George Zimmerman
As you can see the wittiness of having these words Under God. Get it? Get it? On top of a flag? Get it?
And you must read the Q&A from an art lover:
Q: Just wanted to tell you we all love you and stand behind you. You have so many people on your side I hope you know that!
A: Thank you so much for the words of kindness and support. I do know how many great Americans are still here, I run into at least 3-5 a day that go out of their way to tell me the same. Your Friend, GZ @therealGeorgeZ
Anyway, for ⅓ of a point towards your final grade, what theme should George Zimmerman’s next work of art be? Answers in the comments, #2 Lead Pencils only.
Christmas Muzak. It’s already starting.
I couldn’t help but notice yesterday as I was wandering about that Christmas Carols are already flooding the Commons. I was treated to no less than 5 versions of The Little Drummer Boy during my perambulations. No one should be subjected to so much as a single verse of that thing.
Unless, of course you are watching the David Bowie/Bing Crosby awkward-a-thon on YouTube:
So your assignment… go out and find the worst Christmas Carol on YouTube. Paste the URL into a comment (not the embed code, just the URL in the address bar. WordPress will do the rest).
This week’s Pop Quiz takes an ominous turn: Yuletide festivities.
Background: I was out the other night and saw that a holiday claymation animated program was playing on the electronic TeeVee machine over the bar. Too soon. Also/Too: because of those great monster movies on matinee TeeVee after school, I always thought that claymation was supposed to be scary, not heart-warming.
So for 1/10 of one point going to your mid-term grade, propose a Holiday Kiddie Show that could use claymation at its full, gruesome monastery-best. Example:
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping
In the comments, #2 Lead Pencils only.
(This post will remain on top, fresh snark–if any–will be below.)
In the final analysis, VA gubernatorial candidate and foe of consensual sex between adults (especially oral sex) Ken Cuccinelli’s dream to become the Teabagger’s sex scold of choice to rule over all of Wingnuttia was all for naught. It seems that women didn’t want him at their cervix.
For one half of one 1/10 of one point towards your final grade, write your dream headline showing his defeat. Example:
Cuccinelli Goes Down
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only. (This important pop quiz will remain on top, fresh snark—if any—is below)
We reported recently that the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum is now a studio chief and he is releasing his first movie, The Christmas Candle, which looks to be as ghastly as you would expect.
We want to help Frothy stay in the movies so he stays out of our bedrooms (and wombs), so let’s give him some more movie ideas.
For 3/23s of a point towards your midterm grade, give Rick Santorum a film title that speaks to his incompetence. Example:
Bang the Dumb Slowly
Run Silent, Run Derp
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only. As always this post will be on top while the quiz is being held, fresh snark—if any—is below.
We seem to be a people who make enumerated lists. Ten Commandments, Seven Dwarves, Four Seasons, etc.
Tell us about the thing you’d add to any well-known list.
Example: Denial – the 51st state
We call this quiz, Added Attractions. Answer in the comments, #2 lead pencils.
(As always, this will be on top today, and fresh snark—if any—is below…)