Richard Cohen, World’s Worst Writer
As we mentioned earlier, Richard Cohen
The Worst Writer In The World®
wrote another one of his gruesome abecedarian works. What I failed to notice is that he gave a gift to bloggers at the end:
“Now for a blogger alert: Please note that I do not think racism is no longer a problem or that campus rape has not been an unaddressed horror. I know better.”
For one-half of one point counting towards your midterm essay, write a Blogger Alert for any columnist of your choice, which disclaims their usual craptastic writing and asks you not to mock them.
In the comments. #2 Pencils only.
Here’s my example:
- Peggy Noonan:
— Blogger Alert: “Please not that I wrote this column on the way to St. Ronnie’s Library, while riding topless with the Hell’s Angels, high on ether and cheap rum…”
We were astonished to learn that those tea bagging party animals at #CPAC had to time to get their drink on:
National Harbor, Maryland (CNN)The cocktail menu at Harrington’s Pub, a watering hole next to the hotel hosting an annual gathering of the nation’s top Republicans, listed 10 specialty drinks, each named after a possible GOP presidential candidate.
Would I try my luck with “The Fiorina Freedom” or “The Captain Carson”? Perhaps “Rubio’s Thirst Quencher” or “Rand’s Liquid Liberty”?
Now, of course if we Scissorheads were to design the cocktail menu at CPAC, the names of the libations would be much, much snarkier and better. Fiorina Freedom? How about trying a Carley’s Golden Parachute! Of course the drinks would consist of Kool Aid with perhaps some Ex-Lax, but that’s not the subject of the Pop Quiz:
For 1/2016th of a point counting towards your midterm grade, come up with a drink name for any of the 2016 Goat Rodeo Contenders. The name of the drink does not have to have the name of the contender if the subject matter is so closely attributed to him/her. (A Frothy Mix, for instance, tells us that it is a class full of warm Santorum. [Ew, gross!])
Number 2 lead pencils only in the comments.
Scott Walker, the wall-eyed git hired to enrich the Koch Brothers answer is so completely empty (Our Lady of Merlot would have us believe that this is brilliant, disciplined, politicking), it is impossible to know that he was actually being asked about Net Neutrality.
For ⅓ of 1 point towards your final grade, pose a question for Scottie that could use his answer in the vid. Blue Books, #2 lead pencils only.
(I’m going with “Boxers or briefs?”)
The Candidate Who Will Drive You To Drink
Millennials for Jeb is selling… a flask because Chimpy was a boozer, why not raise money for NotChimpy by selling flasks, thus proving that The Smart Bush is his own man!
I’m already howling that there is such a thing as Millennials For Jeb, so here’s the quiz: for ⅓ point towards your midterm exam, come up with a slogan that embraces the unlikely fandom that millennials would have for Jeb Bush. Something pithy that could be engraved under the bad posterized art on the flask.
OK, Scissorheads, this is a POP QUIZ! There’s no jacket description for this book, so for ⅛ of 1 point towards your final score, write the inside flap copy remembering that this is a family-friendly blog.
Bonus point: give us the title of the companion book for girls, and some jacket copy for it, too. We are, after all, equal opportunity.
Blue books, #2 Pencils in the comments.
(Hat tip: Scissorhead Moeman)
Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.
[Senatorette Lindsey] Graham: I’ve got what GOP needs in 2016
- Thorozine and a Polo Mallet?
- Whip and a Chair?
- Splash towels?
It really feels like Lindsey is trolling us, But I know that we are up to challenge. For a third of a point counting towards your midterm grade, add more things to this list of what Senatorette Graham has that the GOP needs.
In the comments, #2 Pencils only.
“You really sent the National Guard to Terri Schiavo’s room?”
Your turn. In the comments.
By all means, let’s have a Deliverance-style theocrat tell us about Islam.
For 1/10 of 1% of your midterm grade, complete the following analogy: “Having the Duck Dynasty dude tell us about radical Islam is like having _________________ tell us about _______________.”
#2 Pencils only, in the comments.
Earlier today we reported the foundation of the wingnuttian holy grail, the social network known as ReaganBook, and almost immediately we were informed by Scissorhead M. Bouffant (of the world-famous blog Web of Evil) that people signing up for it included: A Hugh G Rection, Adolf Hitler, Amanda Huginkiss, Anita Swallow, Anita Schauer, Ass Clown & so on.
For one tenth of one 16th of a point towards your final exam score, come up with the ultimate fake name to use when signing up for ReaganBook. In the comments with a #2 lead pencil.
A FULL POINT if you actually signup under the name. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear and your mileage may vary.
NOTE: I’m already laying claim to Wilma Ballsdrop.
NOTE 2: I’m keeping this on top because: fun. Fresh posts below until 6PM or so.
NOTE 3: ReaganBook just surrendered:
Thank you to all those who participated in the pre-release of ReaganBook.com Your participation is helping us build a more secure site. Thank you! Please be patient while we make the necessary changes to keep the site free from obscenity, pornography, and those intent on the destruction of life, liberty, and the family. We will be opening the doors again soon with additional protections in place. As Reagan taught us, trust, but verify.
It is good to know that with all the problems we face in the country, the Senate could more or less agree to act on an issue so important to us all: Sportsball
Fifty United States Senators have called for a change to change the name of the Washington Redskins in a letter to National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell released Thursday. The letter, first reported by the New York Times, cites the NBA’s swift action against the racism of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling and asks Goodell and the NFL to take similar action against a name Native American activists call a “dictionary-defined slur.”
So… for 1/17 of a point towards your final grade, help the NFL come up with an appropriate name for a team representing DC! In the comments and #2 lead pencils only.
I suggest that they change the name to D.C. Bribes, you know, to reflect the values of the community.
(And all snark aside, when the hell is the NFL going to force the DC Team to change their name? This is seriously wrong.)