Christmas Muzak. It’s already starting.
I couldn’t help but notice yesterday as I was wandering about that Christmas Carols are already flooding the Commons. I was treated to no less than 5 versions of The Little Drummer Boy during my perambulations. No one should be subjected to so much as a single verse of that thing.
Unless, of course you are watching the David Bowie/Bing Crosby awkward-a-thon on YouTube:
So your assignment… go out and find the worst Christmas Carol on YouTube. Paste the URL into a comment (not the embed code, just the URL in the address bar. WordPress will do the rest).
This week’s Pop Quiz takes an ominous turn: Yuletide festivities.
Background: I was out the other night and saw that a holiday claymation animated program was playing on the electronic TeeVee machine over the bar. Too soon. Also/Too: because of those great monster movies on matinee TeeVee after school, I always thought that claymation was supposed to be scary, not heart-warming.
So for 1/10 of one point going to your mid-term grade, propose a Holiday Kiddie Show that could use claymation at its full, gruesome monastery-best. Example:
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping
In the comments, #2 Lead Pencils only.
(This post will remain on top, fresh snark–if any–will be below.)
In the final analysis, VA gubernatorial candidate and foe of consensual sex between adults (especially oral sex) Ken Cuccinelli’s dream to become the Teabagger’s sex scold of choice to rule over all of Wingnuttia was all for naught. It seems that women didn’t want him at their cervix.
For one half of one 1/10 of one point towards your final grade, write your dream headline showing his defeat. Example:
Cuccinelli Goes Down
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only. (This important pop quiz will remain on top, fresh snark—if any—is below)
We reported recently that the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum is now a studio chief and he is releasing his first movie, The Christmas Candle, which looks to be as ghastly as you would expect.
We want to help Frothy stay in the movies so he stays out of our bedrooms (and wombs), so let’s give him some more movie ideas.
For 3/23s of a point towards your midterm grade, give Rick Santorum a film title that speaks to his incompetence. Example:
Bang the Dumb Slowly
Run Silent, Run Derp
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only. As always this post will be on top while the quiz is being held, fresh snark—if any—is below.
We seem to be a people who make enumerated lists. Ten Commandments, Seven Dwarves, Four Seasons, etc.
Tell us about the thing you’d add to any well-known list.
Example: Denial – the 51st state
We call this quiz, Added Attractions. Answer in the comments, #2 lead pencils.
(As always, this will be on top today, and fresh snark—if any—is below…)
What a week for broken hearts.
Wingnuttia has a sad that the hostage lived and all $24 Billion that they wasted to save us from affordable healthcare didn’t do the trick.
They say that during the Great Depression people flocked to the movies to forget their woes for a few hours, so let’s warm the cockles of the GOPers’ hearts (or where their hearts would be if they had any).
For 3/16 of your final grade, take the name of a real movie and alter it such that it would be boffo box office for the ‘baggers.
Example: Ferris Bueller’s Laid Off. Bonus points if you develop a movie poster. Have at it in the comments, #2 Lead Pencils only.
(As always, this will be stuck on top, fresh snark—if any—down below.)
The TeeVee machine beckons, but usually what is on is crap, amiright? Of course I am!
For this weekend’s word play, which we call “See BS”, you should devise a name of a teevee show that should be cancelled maybe before the first commercial break. Take the name of a real show and change something about it.
Example: Marcus Welby, M.D. becomes Marcus Bachmann, M.D.. Hilarity ensues.
In the comments, #2 pencils only.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was The Times… we seem to live in a period wherein every newspaper wants to put a pun in the headline, whether it is for a Feature story or a News story.
For this edition of the Weekend Word Play, your assignment is to make up a headline with a pun in it, and craft it in such a way that we know what the story is about. Think of the NY Post’s famous headlines, like the classic: Headless Woman Found in Topless Bar.
We call this assignment All The News That Gives Me Fits.
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only.
In our continuing series of mirth and merriment, this Weekend’s Word Play is Omissions Implausible.
- Take a name, catch-phrase/Tagline, song title, or other well-known phrase…
- …remove one letter to give it a different meaning…
- …and tell us your definition.
Here’s an example:
The Lady is a Tram — a real streetcar named desire!
Have at it in the comments, Scissorheads.
Taegan Goddard’s Political Wire reports…
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) has a deal for a book about the state of conservatism, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.
According to the publisher, Where Do We Go from Here? will “delve into the state of the conservative movement in America today, how it contrasts with liberal progressivism, and what needs to be done to save the American Idea. It will challenge conventional thinking, renew the conservative vision for 2014 and beyond, and show how it is essential for the well-being of our communities and the future of our nation.”
For 0.64% of your final grade, give the Zombie-eyed Granny-staver’s book a name. Bonus point if you include a Photoshop of the cover.
In the comments, #2 lead pencils only.