Petunia and Pals Wins The Morning!

(Politically) Dead Man Talking

“I believe in the Golden Rule that you should ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ If I saw a restaurant owner refuse to serve a gay couple, I wouldn’t eat there anymore…As governor of Indiana, if I were presented a bill that legalized discrimination against any person or group, I would veto it.”

But you didn’t Mike, and no amount of bleating and mewling will change the fact that you did sign exactly such a bill. So you are either dumb as a stump, or a liar. Personally I think you are both.

And really saying you walked across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, so therefore you cannot be a bigot is offensive. I’m waiting for the some-of-my-best-friends moment.

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid: Sippy Cupp Edition

Looks like the Mayo read S.E. Cupp's column today.

Looks like the Mayo read S.E. Cupp’s column today.

I really thought I was being trolled:

Tribune Content Agency is proud to add columnist, author and broadcast commentator S.E. Cupp to our roster of Premium Content creators. We invite you to try Cupp’s new syndicated weekly column for a free 60-day trial via Tribune News Service.

Proud of that, are they? It’s a big world.

S.E. Cupp provides a fresh and nuanced conservative viewpoint tackling topics across the spectrum and engaging audiences with stylish writing and clear thinking.

Clear Thinking?

“S.E. Cupp always adds a lively voice to the political discussion,” said John Barron, editor and general manager at Tribune Content Agency. “When taking on complex and controversial topics, she will always leave a reader with new knowledge, new perspectives and maybe even a change of mind.”

And as an example of Cupp’s lively voice taking on a controversial topic, here she is at TownHall exhorting Conservatives, Get Serious in which she spends an entire column persuading conservatives to not take seriously novelty 2016 Goat Rodeo candidate Ben Carson, without seemingly understanding that no one takes Carson seriously, least of all the Confederacy.

And as if on cue…

The 3-Martini Stupid

First off, my apologies for making you listen to the high-pitched squeal of Ted Cruz, especially when it is so hard to follow his incomprehensible rhetoric. Here’s the pertinent quote:

“Today the global warming alarmists are the equivalent of the flat-Earthers. You know it used to be it is accepted scientific wisdom the Earth is flat, and this heretic named Galileo was branded a denier.”

Galileo’s observations proved that the earth was not the center of the universe, he had nothing to do with flat earth. Secondly, Galileo was right, and his methodology was to look at the evidence and see where it took him; the theocrats with their common knowledge were wrong. So… Isn’t Cruz saying he’s a flat earther, and that he’s wrong and the scientists are right?

How did Cruz ever make it out of law school if he cannot follow or construct an analogy that makes sense.

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Andrea Tantaros?

Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood

Snow days are conspiring with Libtards to strip Xristians of holy days.

Jeebus, some people.

In Which We Reply To Sen. Cotton

Tom CottonOur new favorite dumber-than-a-lugnut, Beaker ‘s Brother From Another Mother, Senator Tom Cotton’s slight grasp on history, geography and geopolitics was the subject of some great snark last night on the twitters, following his hysterical claim that Tehran is now under the control of the Iranians:

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

When NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that Muslim holidays will be observed in the public schools, it sent Y’all Qaeda into a tailspin, because as we know you cannot give something nice to anyone non-Xristian without taking something away from the Xristians (who are, after all, the most put-upon people in the history of the world if not longer), and we all know that there are a strict limit on the number of rights that there are, so giving a right to someone means you have to take that right away from the Xrazies.

All together now, Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood:

Tony Perkins: “But yet when it comes to Christmas and Easter, two very prominent Christian holidays, they’re not on the school calendar, they’re called ‘winter break’ and ‘spring break.’”

Todd Starnes: “Oh yes. For the sake of tolerance and diversity, that normally means the Christians are going to be discriminated against or their holidays are going to be minimalized.”

Um, boys, not to split hairs here but: Easter SUNDAY. It has a strange way of falling on Sundays when School is not in session. And look at that! The School Year Calendar (PDF, fair warning!) has Christmas on it!

Thanks for playing our game.

The Saga of Downton Abbey in Peoria, Cont.

Aaron Schock has a turquoise belt in white-ing out his expense reports.

Aaron Schock has a turquoise belt in white-ing out his expense reports.

Poor, fashion-forward Aaron Schock (R-Lindsey Graham’s Closet) just cannot seem to get a break:

Rep. Aaron Schock used taxpayer money for private plane flight to Bears game

PEORIA — Rep. Aaron Schock, R-Ill., used taxpayer money to pay for a private plane to travel from Peoria to Chicago for the Bears-Vikings game on Nov. 16, the Chicago Sun-Times has learned.

And a Sun-Times examination of House disbursement records and campaign finance reports suggests that Schock used taxpayer money to help underwrite a September trip to New York, where a political action committee he controls spent $3,000 for Global Citizen Festival concert tickets.

The use of $20,855 in taxpayer money for the Chicago and New York trips will raise more legal and ethical issues for Schock.

The story about going to the game includes chartering a plane that seats six, three passengers are identified (Schock, the pilot, and his district director, Dayne LaHood, and three who are not ID’d, and there is no way to find out how much the tickets cost, though they range from $100 to nearly $500 apiece. And that’s before he went to NY for the Global Citizen-sponsored concert.

Maybe it’s time we start a pool on how long Aaron will remain in office, before he announces he wants to spend time with his family, er, belt collection?

The Stupid Is Strong In This One

I particularly liked that after saying that the government shouldn’t force anyone to do anything, he then said that people with infectious diseases should be forcibly quarantined.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Hey Kids! Wanna Earn $2500 The Easy Way? All you have to do is rat-out any of the trans kids! E-Z, huh?

Sen. C.B. Embry Jr. (R) has introduced what he calls the Kentucky Student Privacy Act (SB 76), which would force all students to be identified by their “biological sex” as determined by their chromosomes and what was assigned to them according to their anatomy at birth, essentially erasing transgender students. The bill requires that bathrooms and locker rooms must be divided according to “biological sex,” and schools are forbidden from accommodating transgender students by allowing them access to any facility “designated for use by students of the opposite biological sex while students of the opposite biological sex are present or could be present.”

…Moreover, Embry wants to actually punish schools (like Atherton) that respect trans students’ identities. The bill provides that any student who encounters “a person of the opposite biological sex” in a bathroom or locker room shall have a legal cause of action if it’s because the school gave the trans student permission or didn’t explicitly prohibit the trans student from using that facility. The “aggrieved” student would be entitled to $2,500 from the offending school “for each instance” he or she encountered a trans student in a sex-divided facility in addition to monetary damages “for all psychological, emotional, and physical harm suffered” and attorney fees.

I cannot imagine what could possibly go wrong.

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

“That’s my question about these guys because if we know they were speaking unaccented French and they had, you know, ski masks on, do we even know what color they were. What the tone of their skin was. I mean what if they didn’t look like typical bad guys?’

–Fox News anchor Shannon Bream

Why are all the dogs barking, Shannon?