We shed a tear today when we learned that Petunia II, Elizabeth Hasselbeck will be retiring from The Curvy Couch of Dumb to allegedly spend more time with her family and less time with the Dumb One and the Other Dumb One:
“Oftentimes, the most difficult decisions are between two great things. Throughout my 14 years working in television, I have never experienced a more positive and thoughtful atmosphere than FOX News Channel, thanks to the strong leadership of (FOX News Chairman & CEO) Roger Ailes, who has created the best working environment a woman and mother could ask for. His understanding, compassion, and kindness was exemplified when I shared with him that I am entering into a season where I want to start my day with my children first, and he offered his blessing to do so. With a heart full of gratitude and the peace that God has given me, I am confident that this personal decision is the right one for our family, and we will be joining all of you watching Fox & Friends each morning as we get ready for school together.”
Let’s see: she hasn’t been home for breakfast in 14 years and now that Junior is shaving, she wants to put Cheerios in his bowl and force him to watch her old show? Two words: Geneva Convention.
Anyway, Petunia II took over from the original Petunia (and still the best) Gretchen Carlson when she fled the couch. Petunia and Pals will have a series of guest hosts while Roger Ailes tests out a new blonde hair dye formulation on random women to see who will be Petunia III.