Mountjoy’s Poetry Corner

Nooners does Haiku:
Channels winter snow, hard work.
Stick to boozing, lush!

And the inspiration? La bloggue de Peggington Noonington, bien sûr!

Mountjoy’s Poetry Corner

Sanya nude beach shuts,
Too much sexy time for some.
Man named Wang protests!

And here is the source of his inspiration.

Mountjoy’s Poetry Corner

Jennifer Garner
looks like a duck’s vagina?
That’s one sexy duck.

(Inspired by Cate Blanchett, George Clooney and Matt Damon read mean tweets about themselves)

Mountjoy’s Poetry Corner

Naked guy gets trapped
Playing in washing machine.
Needs lube to get out

As our Poet Laureate says, “Too much Gambling with his Proctor, I’d say.”

Mountjoy’s Poetry Corner

Miners found alive!
But now they get the bad news:
Fatties get out last

Bad Statues, cont.

Precious Moments hangover

I’m calling it, “That’s a helluva bunion.”

The reprehensible and morally degenerate Mountjoy Center for the Appreciation of Cultural Delights is proud to present tonight’s installation from Scissorhead SkinnyDennis who seems to have a serious knack for finding these things.

This one will be taken down to keep MPS your workplace safe snark emporium of choice. That said, you can always visit the entire collection by clicking on the link to The Mountjoy Center for the Appreciation of Cultural Delights in the sidebar. If you dare, that is.

(Tips? Hints? Bad Statues? Send ’em to tengrain AT mockpaperscissors DOT com.)

The birth of a Haiku

Scissorheads –

I thought you might like to see some of the elaborate process that Mountjoy and I go through (sometimes) to create offerings for the Mountjoy Poetry Corner. Mountjoy, as you probably know is in Australia, and I am in California-stan. We communicate by e-mail.

This case study is particularly illustrative:

To: Tengrain
From: “Donnie Mountjoy”
Subject: Too Soon?

Patrick Swayze’s will states he is to be cremated.

“Nobody puts Baby in a coffin”

Yep. Too soon.

– Mounty

You are a very bad man.

I think we might have to wait until the funeral, but I think that ought to be the key line in a Haiku.



Geez, Tengrain. That’s harder than Azerbaijani… cos it’s 10 syllables.

What about this:

Cos nobody
puts Baby in a coffin,
Swayze cremated.

(I do my best work early in the morning, apparently!)

Yep. That’ll do it.




Is he really being cremated? I didn’t read that.



Oh, hell no, neither did I TGI!!!!!! ROFPMSL!!!!!!

Of course if he’s being buried, I’m gonna have to rework it.

Check back in 15 minutes, ;-)


(15 minutes later…)


Swayze is buried;
sales of pottery wheels
shoot up off the charts

(think about it, kiddies)

That’s a nicer way to go about it all, really. Wanted to get a line in about Whoopi hearing voices, but I couldn’t get past the idea of hundreds of swooning cougars buying pottery wheels in the hope that a dead PS would come and manhandle them….



Mounty –

Yes, that is good – would you mind if I included the first one and our back and forth? No email addresses, of course.

I think the birth of a Haiku might be really interesting for the Scissorheads to read.




So long as you substitute “Donnie Mountjoy” in place of my actual name and remove my email address (and any of the employer tags), I have no problem at all with the whole exchange going into the public domain (gotta protect my image as an International Man of Mystery™… and what is left of my employer’s reputation)

Even I find this is interesting process… so I have no problem exposing myself, as it were.




I’ll send you a draft first so you can yay or nay it. I don’t want to post again tonight ( “Too much, too much,” as Nooner would say).



Mounjoy’s Poetry Corner

Diamond Dogs redux:
Try fitting sixteen inches
on an LP sleeve

(Link is arguably NSFW)

L’il Kim shoots his load…

into the ocean, but claims that they launched a communication satellite into space and now they can listen to K-ROQ!

And from Mountjoy…

Kim Jong, Dear Leader
with Missile-Manhood problem:
Couldn’t keep it up.

Special edition haiku!

A bonus haiku from our poet laureate, Mountjoy, who else:

Visiting Detroit?
Get out fast, if the steakhouse
serves Baby Back Ribs.