Happy Hour News Briefs

Drink-up, Bitchez!

babyghazi! Babyghazi! BABYGHAZI!!1! Just make sure you get the baby’s birf certificate notarized so they cannot accuse it of being Kenyan.

  • Grifters Gotta Grift - The National Draft Ben Carson for President Committee raised $2.4 million over the past three months, according to documents filed with the Federal Election Commission, outpacing far more prominent rivals. The odd thing is, they have no actual affiliation with Carson. Oopsie! (Time)
  • Comings and Goings - Tea Party Express Chairman and bus scheduling Mepe Amy Kremer resigned Friday to join the campaign of cock-fighting enthusiast Matt Bevin, who’s challenging amply be-chinned Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in the May 20 Kentucky Republican primary. The Tea Party Express is noted for picking winners, such as masturbation authority and notable practitioner of the black arts Christine O’Donnell in the 2010 U.S. Senate election in Delaware and forced-birth rape-baby aficionado Richard Mourdock in the 2012 U.S. Senate election in Indiana, so ol’ Mitch is probably going to sail right through this one. (Washington Examiner)
  • The 9th Commandment – Historical fabulist and fact-free grifter David Barton lied from the pulpit to a church full of pastors. (TFN Insider)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

McCarthy-lite, notoriously Islamaphobic, one-term former congressman Allen West breathlessly tells Petunia and Pals that American Muslims are voting and engaging in their civic rights and duties to gain political power. The horror!

  • Helpful Hints! - Steven Camarota, director of research at dusky-person phobic, anti-immigrant Center for Immigration Studies has a swell idea to help the GOP win elections: cut legal immigration!

    “[James Gimpel, a political science professor at the University of Maryland] looked at what happened to the Republican vote at the county level over the last three decades,” Camarota explains. “What he found was that each 10 percent increase in the immigrant share of the county’s population reduced the Republican vote by about six percentage points.”

    So Camarota says the Republican Party faces a choice, one of which is reducing the level of legal immigration from 11 million a decade to three or four million per decade.

    “That would help the Republicans a lot,” he explains. “It would facilitate the assimilation of immigrants.”

    Let’s see… that’s about a reduction of about 73%. Yes, that would do it. (One News Now)

  • Let’s just say that Matt Barber, the man who thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, will not be licking the Harvey Milk commemorative stamps. Now, the Tom of Finland stamps might be more his style, no? (One News Now)
  • More Speakers Announced! - It’s Commencement season, and so today we learned that Boy Exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby “Bubba” Jindal will be giving the address to Liberty University; who of course is suitably upset that a swarthy alleged Catholic would be talking to gawd-fearin’ Baptist snake-handlers. (Religion News Service)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck is adding ‘prophet’ into his long list of attributes.

  • Shark jumping in our time - Dr. Greg Brannon, a candidate for the GOP Senate nomination in the officially now crazy state of North Carolina, says that U.S. property taxes are central planning, and notes that the Holocaust and Soviet Union as other examples of central planning. 0-to-Godwin’s law in under 60 seconds, so that’s a land-speed record. (BuzzFeed)
  • Speakers Announced - Crazee-eyed Minnesota Congresswoman and the pride of Oral Roberts University, One-L has been confirmed as the 2014 commencement speaker, because: why not? Bachmann-the-Nut will be speaking in tongues in front of more than 700 ORU graduates, who should immediately demand their tuition back. (Oral Roberts University)
  • Straight to Video - Actually, straight-to-video would be a step up for Echo Light Studios, so Xristian Xrazie hypocrite Frothy Santorum (motto: Google Me) has hit upon the best way to distribute his plodding, unwatchable scolds (The Christmas Candle grossed only $2 million over seven weeks last winter): Straight-to-Church. (Christian Post)

“Your father’s a drunk, and your mother’s a slut, but I like you”

titanic sinking

(I don’t think that the subject of this story knows that we can hear him… — Tengrain)

Marionville’s new mayor Dan Clevenger says that he came to know Frazier Glenn Miller—who was charged Tuesday with three counts of murder in the deaths of a 14-year-old boy, his grandfather, and another woman at a Kansas City-area Jewish Community Center—12 years ago as a customer at his auto repair shop.

“I considered him a friend, and everyone is entitled to freedom of speech and I didn’t keep him away because he was a customer,” Clevenger said. “I can just ignore things that people say.”

OK, fair enough.

He said Miller — whose self-published memoir, “A White Man Speaks Out,” sits on the town library’s shelf — was honest and respectful of others, particularly older people.

“As long as they were the same color as him,” Clevenger said, laughing.

Uh-oh. I’m hearing alarm bells go off.

“Kind of agreed with him on some things but, I don’t like to express that too much,” said Clevenger.

OOOW-OOOO-GAAA! OOOW-OOOO-GAAA! OOOW-OOOO-GAAA!

He has expressed his agreement with Miller before, such as a letter to the editor of the Aurora Advertiser he wrote about 10 years ago.

“I am a friend of Frazier Miller helping to spread his warnings,” wrote Clevenger. “The Jew-run medical industry has succeeded in destroying the United State’s workforce.”

He claimed Americans had “made a few Jews rich by killin’ us off” and complained the “Jew-run government backed banking industry turned the U.S into the world’s largest debtor nation.”

ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!

OK, but that was 10 years ago, people change. What’s he saying now?

Despite his claims to the contrary, Clevenger’s views haven’t changed much since then.

“There some things that are going on in this country that are destroying us,” he said. “We’ve got a false economy and it’s, some of those corporations are run by Jews because the names are there. The fact that the Federal Reserve prints up phony money and freely hands it out, I think that’s completely wrong. The people that run the Federal Reserve, they’re Jewish.”

WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!

But the mayor insisted he doesn’t hate anyone and deplores violence.

All hands were lost. *Plays Taps*

(Raw Story)