This Exists

Getting blasted with a Han Solo blaster-gun flask

Even though I am anti-gun, I find the idea of getting a shot from a blaster gun strangely… desirable.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Fart Trump, er, Tumpet.

Fart Trump, er, Tumpet.

OK, no one wants to listen to 11 minutes of Breitbart News, so here’s the quote from Donald Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski and of course it is about how short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump (thanks Spy Magazine!) n’uh-uh did too see thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrate the World Trade Center’s collapse during the attacks of 9-11:

For the mainstream media to go out and say that this didn’t happen is just factually inaccurate. We know it happened. They should go back and check the FBI records. Mr. Trump has provided them local media outlets that have covered this coverage that they don’t want to go and talk about. He’s provided many opportunities for them to go and see it but they have their own agenda, the media has their own agenda. They want to try and discredit as many people as possible so they can have an establishment candidate come in and think that everything is going to be the same because they are all controlled by the special interests and they are all controlled by the media and it is what the American people are just so tired of.

You know, the thousands and thousands of NJ Muslims who celebrated of which there is no documentary evidence at all. If you wanna listen, here it is:

About Last Night…

“God bless you, I am eternally grateful. I won’t let you down.”

And with those words from Governor-elect John Bel Edwards, a Democrat elected to a deep-red state in the deep-red south, begins a new era in Louisiana.

Edwards is going to have his work cut-out for himself trying to right the wreckage that boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal left the state. Allegedly the first day in office, he plans to accept free money and expand Medicaid in his state. In effect, a Republican state just voted for Obamacare.

Is this an omen for the 2016 Goat Rodeo? Probably not, as down-ticket the state remains red. ‘Sinator’ David Vitter was as loathed on the right as he was on the left, and as New Orleans blogger Adrastos from the always-excellent First-Draft noted on the Twitters last night,

…which was his way of noting that Vitter announced his retirement, too. He knows that no one would vote for him to keep his current job. And that means that there is an open seat race now in New Orleans.

And an open-seat race means a brand new way for noted incompetent DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz to fuck up. Nothing is within her grasp except the innate ability to fail.

Vitter Election Eve: Sleeping on the Couch Tonight!


This is too rich. According to The Advocate, Sin. Diaper Dave is going to a he-man, woman-hater’s meeting with no wives or daughters allowed (bet I know why the chicks are not allowed!):

Vitter, meanwhile, will be attending a “Real Men” conference in Gonzales, put on by The Church in St. Amant. The conference does not allow women (a frequently asked questions page on the conference website explains that this is to “create a safe place for men.”)

…a safe place for men to put some Benjamin’s in the stripper’s G-string. Seriously, a safe place for men?

Vitter, who is Catholic, has often talked of his deep personal faith and his desire to have a close-knit group of faith advisers, if elected.

Faith advisers? Is that what the Republican men are calling their posse of c-hounds/wrecking crew bros these days?

One of the featured speakers at the Real Men event is Dino Rizzo, the Healing Place Church after it was revealed that he had an “inappropriate” relationship with a woman other than his wife. Rizzo has since been welcomed back to the pulpit and now serves as the executive director of the Association of Related Churches.

Can Hardly Wait…

…for the American Family Association’s astroturf group One Million Morons, er, Moms to announce a boycott of Kohl’s for this:

The gay couple having a toast at the end (engagement? probably) is going to push the one Mom into the cooking sherry to calm her nerves. And as for the rest of The New Confederacy that they gay couple are interracial is probably enough.

1MM has been out for Kohl’s for a while, so this should be pretty funny.

And Now You’ve Seen It Too

Tom Jones in a speedo on a boat (via poor quality VHS). Now that’s truly a sailor’s version of a sea shanty.

Bad Ads, Cont.

Actually, I think this is pretty funny. Conservative heads to explode in 3… 2… 1…

Your 3-Martini Stupid is Served

Obama is the antchristAnd now, the exciting conclusion from World Nut Daily’s Sunday Sermon: IS MR. ‘MY MUSLIM FAITH’ A TERRORIST SYMPATHIZER?, in which they achieve the Wingnut trifecta:

  1. The preznint is a Muslim.
  2. Muslims should not hold elective office.
  3. the Preznint is a terrorist sympathizer

“…Perhaps Mr. Obama and others who share his Muslim faith should be debarred from holding any public office on grounds of a grievous and life-threatening conflict of interest. To be silent in the face of Islamic terror is to be a sympathizer with that terror.”

This Exists

The LED shoe!

Yes, I’m having some sort of weird pseudo ’80s Michael Jackson flashback – and the shoes can be yours for only $85.

Now Is The Time For All Good Scissorheads…

…to come to the aid of Snark: