Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Your Daily Gohmert – Screwie Louie, this word massages, I don’t think it means what you think it means.

  • NYTimes sex-phobic scold Cardinal Ross Douthat, oopsie, spoke at a fundraiser for Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF). ADF is known mostly for wanting to re-criminalize homosexuality in the United States (literally, they would lock up in prison Ellen and Neil Patrick Harris, and they have cheered-on Russian oppression). Anyway, since then he’s issued his non-apology:

    On Wednesday, Douthat explained that he did not know ADF’s event was a fundraiser and said he plans to decline the honorarium he received from the event.

    “I was not aware in advance that this event was a fundraiser and had I known, I would not have agreed to participate,” he said in a statement issued to Media Matters through the Times Wednesday. “I was invited by an events organizing group, not by ADF directly. I understood this to be a public conversation about religious liberty. This is my fault for not doing my due diligence, and I will be declining the honorarium.”

    Notice that L’il Ross isn’t apologizing for associating with bigots of the first order, and he’s not apologizing for speaking to them, either. He’s only apologizing for speaking to them at a fundraiser, which he claims he did not know about, but if you watch the video on Media Matters, it is pretty obvious that ADF are fundraising from the very stage during the event.

  • Hurt Fee-Fees - American Family Association says that the big meanie Southern Poverty Law Center calling them a hate group is just mean and arbitrary. In the meanwhile, here is the AFA’s own cuddly Rev. Fishsticks doubling down on calling the LGBTQ Rainbow the Mark of the Beast, and hating on the ‘mos.
  • Save the Date! - Nov. 2 is the I Stand Sunday hate-a-palooza being put on by famous hate group Family Research Council, and will star Gomer, The Duck Dynasty grifters, The Frosted Tip Twins, and more theocrats than there are stars in the night sky!

Some Stupid For Your Coffee

Animal husbandry enthusiast IA senate candidate Joni Ernst returns a pig stye to present some of her policy ideas, including what has to be the worst idea ever: a balanced budget amendment.

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Grifter-prophet-entrepreneur Jim Bakker hopes you will enjoy his desserts after the coming apocalypse, so order now!

  • Spending More Time With Family - Litigious person and some-time movie actor Matt Staver has resigned as Dean of Jerry Falwell’s (now fully accredited) Liberty Law School.
  • Ex-terrorist (more likely an actor/grifter) Kamal Saleem has co-authored a novel with… wait for it… retired Army general and Family Research Council vice president Jerry Boykin! You may recall Boykin from his active duty days under Commander-in-Chief Chimpy McStagger calling for a holy crusade against the infidels, and saying such things as how his god was more powerful than theirs. (No link, you can find it yourselves on Amazon for pre-order.)
  • He Seems Nice:

    As a final note, if you have a problem with me using terms like “queer,” “homosexual,” and “sodomite,” you might want to check yourself. This is what these people are. They are not “gay.” They are degenerates and they have your children as a target. If you don’t stand up to them Christians and get rid of your spineless, easily offended thin-skinned, you are going to get steamrolled and your children will be the ultimate victims. Call on your elected officials to enforce the state laws, which remain on the books against the sodomites…..for the sake of the gospel and the sake of your children!

    That was Tim Brown, and his bio states that he “is an author and Editor at FreedomOutpost.com, husband to his wife, father of 10, jack of all trades, Christian and lover of liberty. He resides in the U.S. occupied Great State of South Carolina. Tim is also an affiliate for the brand new Joshua Mark 5 AR/AK hybrid semi-automatic rifle,” writing at BarbWire, the blog-like thingie of Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night.

Some Stupid For Your Coffee?

“What we have is, I made a comment that same-sex couples that want to destroy traditional marriage and our way of life, they’re Gremlins. They’re these creatures that are so destructive.”

–GOP SC congressional candidate Anthony Culler

Well, Y’all Qaeda is forever saying LGBTQ people are demonically posessed, so at least now they are being specific. Puts a whole new spin on that ’80s movie, though.

(LiveWire)

Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy!

The GOP is screwed, demographically.

The GOP is screwed, demographically.

For a while now (at least since 2008), Mock, Paper, Scissors has been saying that Y’all Qaeda is demographically challenged. The phrase we used was something along the lines of a dinosaur thrashing about in a tar pit, having no idea that it is doomed.

They keep thrashing:

Since 2007, the number of white evangelical Protestants nationwide has slipped from 22 percent in 2007 to 18 percent today. A look at generational differences demonstrates that this is only the beginnings of a major shift away from a robust white evangelical presence and influence in the country. While white evangelical Protestants constitute roughly three in 10 (29 percent) seniors (age 65 and older), they account for only one in 10 (10 percent) members of the Millennial generation (age 18-29).

Republicans and Conservatives (generally) are better at off-year elections, and while losing 4% of a sure thing might not seem like a lot, it is pretty close to the plus/minus of 5% of all polling. I’m sure the polls already take that into consideration, but it is significant. It might be what finally ends the culture wars.

There isn’t a thing that they can do about it, but in the meanwhile we need to keep being vigilant and voting.

(The Atlantic)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Rev. Fishsticks warns us of Secular Sharia and says that The Lavender Menace want to lock up Y’all Qaeda.

  • RejoiceFocus on the Family actually has denounced Rick Wiles for finding the silver lining on the Ebowlers Disease, you know, when he said it will rid the US of gays, atheists, pornographers, and abortion.
  • What’s Black, Brown, and Harvey all-over? Trick Question, haha, they are the featured speakers at Peter LaBarbera’s hate-fest Americans for Truth About Homosexuality. Yes, ex-gay Stephen Black, Dr. Michael Brown (whose latest book, Can You Be Gay and Christian will no doubt be available for purchase), and our old pal, Linda Harvey (author of Maybe He’s Not Gay, which we discussed due to her activism and open grift using Banned Book Week to get it purchased and on the shelves at school libraries) will be the headliners. Oddly, tickets are still available, go figure.
  • Sequels! – Get excited! There really will be a God Is Not Dead II. Here’s a big hint as to why it earned nearly $9M: it was not made by that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, Rick Santorum.

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Let’s watch free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck tells us, calm, rationally, about the Ebowlers Disease. Sorry if anyone goes deaf as he screams and shrieks like a baby.

  • Now it can be told - Grifter author BILL MUEHLENBERG has a long ad, er, article on BarbWire, the blog-like thingy of Matt Barber, the man who thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night. He tells us about his newest book that explains how:

    Godless communists and secular Nazis saw the importance of controlling the churches with an iron grip. The homosexual Nazis have learned well from the past, and are now happy to operate in the same fashion.

  • PANIC - Dana Loesch gives us all the calm, soothing reasons that we are ALL GOING TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH FROM THE EBOWLERS!!1! (watch the vid, she’s a master!)
  • Forget about the NRO pity cruise! Everyone get onboard the Huckabee Reagan, Thatcher, Pope John Paul II Tour! Yes, Uncle Sugar is going to take 18 Damned lucky Iowans to Europe to visit Auschwitz and conclude at St. Ronnie’s lieberry in California (work with it, he’s talking to Y’all Qaeda after all)!