BREAKING The 2016 Goat Rodeo: Now With Santorum

rick-santorum-busy-fist

We interrupt our regularly scheduled 3-Martini Stupid to bring you this breaking news:

Today’s the big day when that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum splashes into the 2016 Goat Rodeo, ABC Reports.

And guess what? This Week With A Greek Dwarf’s George Stephanopoulos got the exclusive interview with Frothy, probably to pay penance to the gods of Wingnuttia for having donated money to a charity headed by the Clintons.

You cannot make this s*** up

Told Ya So, Bobby Jindal!

Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal

Hey guys, remember that time when boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal signed his own We Don’t Serve Your Kind executive order to allow Louisiana Xristian bidnesses to discriminate against the ‘mos? It seems we were right: the New Orleans Convention and Visitors Bureau (NOCVB) doesn’t like it very much!

Speaking at the Travel Weekly Leadership Forum in New Orleans on May 21, NOCVB President Stephen Perry said his group had worked hard to prevent the Marriage and Conscience Act from passing, arguing that if it had, 80% to 85% of the city’s top convention customers told him they would have been unlikely to return.

Confirming Perry’s fears, a New York lawmaker requested that Gov. Andrew Cuomo take similar action against Louisiana, but Perry said he was confident he could convince Cuomo that Jindal’s order would not hold up.

“We stand for religious freedom, but we do not stand and will not stand for bigotry and intolerance in the marketplace,” he said.

“It’s becoming a profound issue in America,” Perry said, “especially in cities with large conventions and special events. Based on the letters we’re seeing, it affects the leisure traveler dramatically, as well, because every one of them emotionally connects with the places they choose to go.”

Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted:

Jeebus weepsI’m not making this up: Josh Duggar—the incestuous Xristian, home-schooled pedophilia aficionado, deemed too toxic for an official hate group—has pulled-out of a home-schooling event.. in Sandusky Ohio.

The 3-Martini Stupid Is Served

Rake-Stepping for Speed and Accuracy

One of them is a dummy and the other is Charlie McCarthy.

One of them is a dummy and the other is Charlie McCarthy.

The Scourge of Human Rights Abuse (as long as it is Cuban), Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio, the Cold Warrior for a New Generation, beloved of Wingnuts over the age of 65, takes another rake to the face:

“On Tuesday, ThinkProgress reported that Jennifer Lukawski, one of the hosts of a Marco Rubio campaign fundraiser scheduled for Wednesday, recently served as a registered foreign agent for a western African regime known for its human rights abuses — including repeated threats to behead gay people. In response, Pasamba Jow, spokesman for the Democratic Union of Gambian Activists, has called for Rubio to remove her from the host committee for the event.”

You know, Rubio would be really conflicted if Lukawski was agitating the Congress on behalf of Cubans Who Want To Behead Gays. Just sayin’.

The Morning Quote

“We should not be ashamed of the war we conducted in Iraq.”.

–Noted birthday cake-eating fiend and poisoned pen letter auteur Tom Cotton not/answering the hypothetical question, knowing what we know now, would you have invaded Iraq?

(Livewire)

History’s Greatest Reporter Reports!

Bill-O

Bill-O, the greatest reporter in all of history tells us that: ‘All Allegations… Are 100% False’ — the allegations being that he committed spousal abuse in front of his children. He has subsequently lost custody:

“Fox News host Bill O’Reilly denied an explosive report by Gawker on Monday that alleged he had been accused of assault against his ex-wife before they were separated.

“All allegations against me in these circumstances are 100% false,” O’Reilly told Politico later that day in a statement through his personal attorney.

“I am going to respect the court-mandated confidentiality put in place to protect my children and will not comment any further,” he said.”

I was going to write something snarky about how as History’s Greatest Reporter he was on the scene for great moments of spousal and child abuse and re-learned that abuse is never, ever funny.

Now, as for Bill always going on about how African Americans are, um, raised by single parents, etc., he just lost yet another of his spin cycle.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Grifters Gotta Grift

Jeebus weepsAs was foretold, Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear Cindy Jacobs saved us from economic collapse this past April.