The Afternoon Quote


“You have to understand,” Coulter said, “screaming and defacing things is how Latin Americans express disagreement. At least as long as they were destroying books and screaming in a book store, they weren’t molesting any 4-year-olds.”

“Wait a second,” Coulter didn’t say as she looked around the room. “Phew! There are no Duggars here,” she didn’t add.

(Hat tip: Mediaite)

Petunia and Pals Serves Your 3-Martini Stupid

The Other Stupid One tells us that all of our laws come from The Ten Commandments. I like the way the guest tells us that he and his wife home schooled their children and taught them to recite the names of the Presidents and Oklahoma Governors, because: Why Not?

This is like watching a couple of two year olds on a play date just babbling whatever comes to mind.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Schlafly surrealAncient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly urges Congress to pass a symbolic resolution affirming the special status of opposite-sex marriages

“…Therein lies a first response: Congress should formally recognize the dignity of opposite-sex married couples and resolve to protect that dignity in our laws. A joint resolution should recite the many reasons why the special union of husband and wife has been honored for “millennia,” as Kennedy admitted.”

And because Schlafly sort of hates other women with careers, she couldn’t resist adding:

“Once Congress is on a roll to confer dignity, it should confer an extra measure of dignity on the single-earner family, where a provider-husband is the principal breadwinner and his wife is dedicated to the job of homemaker, a role more socially beneficial than working in the paid labor force.”

God Don’t Like Ugly

Watch this to the end, it’s priceless. I wish I could embed it.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

Only Two?

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Fr. Morris is a regular “analyst” on Fox News, where one can find him often with Petunia and Pals. Let’s just say his relationship with Commandment #9 always seems shaky to me.

Also/Too what was he doing at the NYC Gay Pride Parade?

Your Sunday Bottomless Mimosa of Stupid

diaper-man.jpgSometimes we wonder what the moral scolds are thinking, but usually we don’t have to wonder for long. A scold will scold just like a grifter’s gotta grift. What separates the men from the boys (a crowbar? Yes.) is their absolute inability to see themeselves in context.

Friday diaper fetishist and area bordello frequent buyer punch card holder Sen. David Vitter treated us to how he celebrated marriage equality:

Which of course only led to the electronic Twitter Machine reacting in kind.

What a maroon.

What Comes Next?

Get Off The Cross Someone Needs The Wood

The last time Y'all Qaeda tried to rally against marriage equality had a few glitches...

There were a few glitches in the messaging the last time Y’all Qaeda tried to rally against marriage…

And so today (mark your calendars, kids) is the beginning of equal rights for the LGBTQ communities, and the wailing and gnashing of teeth is only just starting. As you know, Y’all Qaeda has been preparing for the End Times, well, since the beginning of time. Each time one of these apocalyptic moments arrives, they do something squirrelly.

They’ve been predicting everything from the imminent wrath of the Divine to civil war with stops in between to nail themselves to the cross. We’ve read that they know that they will be interned in FEMA camps, and in variations on the theme, that churches will be confiscated and ministers thrown into jail. We’ve even read that they claim the Bible will be outlawed.

The Xristian Xrazies, when they have not been nailing themselves to the cross, have been making contingency plans: separatists want to leave godless America for Russia (I still giggle over that one, and I’ve offered to buy a box on #2 lead pencils and direct them to the Post Office for the Change of Address cards to no avail), they have vowed a Constitutional Amendment to outlaw marriage equality, and have declared civil disobedience will be the rule of the day. And of course, they have vowed to enact more We Don’t Serve Your Kind laws.

I’m sure they are protest-marching to the Walmart in Possum Hollar even as I write this.

When Lady Liberty met Lady Justice…

And so now the big day is upon us, and when I took a quick survey of the Xristian Websites, so far nothing much had been posted. I’m sure that the roar will start soon and it will be furious. I’m also sure that the Republikan Klown Kar will be fundraising off of this decision and each of the 2016 Goat Rodeo contenders will be declaring themselves the One True Conservative.

Deer Eating PopcornAnd like Voting Rights, they will begin nibbling away where they can, and like Roe V. Wade, marriage equality will be their litmus test for public office. I have no idea how long it took when interracial marriage became legal to becoming acceptable to them, but I suspect this will be different and will take longer to settle down.

In the meanwhile, Popcorn anyone?

Leave No Cliché Behind: Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz smells his record.

Ted Cruz smells his record.

Senator Ted Cruz, the Canadian-born latino and immigrant-hating southern white supremacist, is not happy with the SCOTUS decision on Obamacare and he gets out his most florid purple pen to let us know:

“Today’s decision in King v. Burwell is judicial activism, plain and simple. For the second time in just a few years, a handful of unelected judges has rewritten the text of Obamacare in order to impose this failed law on millions of Americans. The first time, the Court ignored federal law and magically transformed a statutory ‘penalty’ into a ‘tax.’ Today, these robed Houdinis transmogrified a ‘federal exchange’ into an exchange ‘established by the State.’

“…For nakedly political reasons, the Supreme Court willfully ignored the words that Congress wrote, and instead read into the law their preferred policy outcome. These judges have joined with President Obama in harming millions of Americans. Unelected judges have once again become legislators, and bad ones at that. They are lawless, and they hide their prevarication in legalese. Our government was designed to be one of laws, not of men, and this transparent distortion is disgraceful.

“…At the same time, crocodile tears are flooding our nation’s capital today over the Supreme Court’s decision to illegally rewrite Obamacare, which has been a disaster since its inception. But one day of faux outrage from the Washington Cartel won’t fool the millions of courageous conservatives across our country. They know the Republican leadership in Washington is quietly celebrating the Court’s decision. If they believe this issue is now settled so they don’t have to address it, they are sorely mistaken.”

Transmorgified, lawless, robed Houdinis, nakedly political, crying crocodile tears of faux outrage. Yes, I’m cherry picking, but I would do that if I was editing his press release, too, and maybe he should consider editing one of these days. Hey, I’m just a blogger, he’s a Senator, he should be held to a higher standard.

The Kubler Ross Stages of Grief as Illustrated by Todd Starnes

Todd Starnes Carries His Grief Well.

Todd Starnes Carries His Grief Well.

Todd Starnes, the Confederacy’s aw-schucks grifter and noted Drama Queen at Fox News, is having a twitter melt-down over his beloved flag of traitors, seditionists, separatists, and losers being removed from places of prominence.

But we say, toughen-up, little dogwood blossom, tomorrow is another day!

As a public service, Mock, Paper, Scissors is offering the Kubler Ross Stages of Grief as Illustrated by Todd Starnes’ tweets:

Denial — One of the first reactions is denial, wherein the survivor imagines a false, preferable reality.

Anger — When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, it becomes frustrated, especially at proximate individuals.

Bargaining — The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief:

Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”

Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”

Wingnuts Taste The Rainbow

Tiny Ben plays a tiny violin.

Tiny Ben plays a tiny violin.

Tiny terror Ben Shapiro, official rope-puller of the Breitbart Belfry for the Criminally Stupid went on a Twitter binge last night trying to find analogies to the demand to remove the Confederate Flag from, well, everywhere, and decided that the Rainbow Flag was the best target. This  tweet was my favorite:

Another wingnut suggested that crosswalks should be filled with Xristian crosses to show religious freedom. Yes, they are that smart. Last time I checked there were 4,000+ religions in the world, but it is rare that you will find an intersection that could hold that many (plus a blank cross walk for the non-religious).

(FYI, the Seattle cross walks are real, and close by in my neighborhood of Capitol Hill. )

But Shapiro was not alone, he was joined by Breitbart writer John Nolte:

…who then decides to expand on his premise (fair warning! The link goes to Breitbart):

“Under the banner of what is dishonestly called a gay pride or gay ‘rights’ flag, hate, fascism, and intolerance has festered for years, specifically against Christians and conservatives. Under the auspices of a ‘rights and equality’ symbol, Leftists have been on a rampage to take way the rights of others through bullying, lies, and online terrorism.”

“…Under the banner of what is dishonestly called a gay pride or gay “rights” flag, hate, fascism, and intolerance has festered for years, specifically against Christians and conservatives.”

Which is of course patently untrue. Please show us any government building that flies a Pride Flag 365 days a year. I can point to the state capitols of the old Confederacy and point to the rebel flag flying every day. I can also point to the statutes in those states requiring the Confederate Flag be flown.

I know I’m always returning to the ür-text of Both-Sides, but this is just lame attempt to try to diffuse the immense unpopularity of the far right for defending The Confederacy. While one flag is about a political system of literal human bondage and oppression, the other flag is a symbol of human freedom and liberation. These are quite literally not equal symbols in practice or intent.

Oh, PS: the story at Breitbart has over 6,000 comments. Sweet Jeebus!