Want Some Fries With Your Stupid?

A local high school places new policy on leggings, jeggings and tight jeans

Yup, once again the boys cannot control their impure thoughts and so the girls gotta quit dressing like sluts, but this story takes the Blue Ribbon at the county fair:

The assistant principal said they had the girls watch two clips from the movie “Pretty Woman” and compared their attire to the main character…who is a prostitute.

It also probably goes without saying (so I’ll say it anyway), anything anyone wears will be sexy to a hormonal boy. I also should add that teenage girls are sexual beings, too, and so when will a school tell a boy what to wear because it is distracting the girls?

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Coach Dave explains to us about how professional sports is being feminized, you know, like Ray Rice not being able to punch out his wife.

  • Revanchist human scarecrow Laura Ingraham explains how The Kenyan Usurper Barack HUSSEIN Obama plans to expose the US Military to Ebola, you know, as payback for colonialism. (Media Matters)
  • At the recent Hatenanny, Wingnuttia’s own brain surgeon Ben Carson explains to us how the 2016 elections will be cancelled due to all the anarchy going on. (Liberaland)
  • New Nefarious Conspiracy Revealed! - Legal scholar Chuck Norris takes to the pages of World Nut Daily to prepare us for the inevitable: the nomination of US AG Eric Holder to the Supreme Court:

    After six bumpy years of controversial service, the besieged but bolstered Attorney General Eric Holder resigned. But is this close friend and confidant of President Obama really stepping down for some benign reason at a critical time in our country, or is there another much more sinister and strategic plan behind it all?

Here’s Some Stupid For Your Coffee

Hebephrenic TeeVee Dinner heir and vanity press owner Tucker Carlson thinks that the death penalty might be too strong to give litterers. Mighty white of you, Tucks. Also, too: people making minimum wage don’t care about the environment.

The Morning Quote

From Livewire:

mccain-party-hats

“I’ve seen [Sen. Aqua Buddha] grow and I’ve seen him mature and I’ve seen him become more centrist,” Grandpa Walnuts told the New Yorker’s Ryan Lizza in August. “I know that if he were President or a nominee I could influence him, particularly some of his views and positions on national security. He trusts me particularly on the military side of things, so I could easily work with him. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I can get behind that shag-carpet topped imbecile as easily as I did Mooselini,” he did not add. “It’s all about me.”

Here’s Your Bottomless Mimosa of Corporate Stupid

(Culture Map) Logo for Yum! Brands banh mi restaurant angers Vietnamese community

Let’s jump right into it: Yum Brands opens a Vietnamese-style sandwich shop and uses the Communist Red Star as the logo, and also refers to it as Saigon Street Food:

“The problem with the logo is so obvious,” Koenig says. “When I first saw it, that was my first thought. ‘Why is there a Communist star in the logo?’ Why is it called Saigon, which is the independent republic of Vietnam? Any Vietnamese person or anyone who knows the history of Vietnam and the Vietnam war would absolutely recognize it.”

Corporate America at its finest, Yum Brands did not respond to inquiries about the logo.

Map of Bahn Mi Shop

But here’s the kicker (to me, anyway): the map in the article about the location of the store.

(Culture Map Dallas)

They Were Just Trying To Be Helpful

fat-cat

The Americans for Prosperity Koch Brothers (pronounced “coke”, just like Boehner is pronounced “bay-ner”) out of the goodness of their hearts want the people of North Carolina to register to vote and that’s why they sent out voter registration forms with instructions:

  • At the top, the form states voter registrations are due 30 days before an election to the State Board of Elections’ office. Below, in smaller type, it states the deadline is 25 days before the election.
  • The deadline to register to vote is actually 25 days before the general election, but people should send information to their county elections board, not the state board, Lawson said. If voters do send their information to the state board, it will be forwarded to the appropriate county board, Lawson said.

  • The first page also states people should return the registration to the N.C. Secretary of State’s office, though the envelope is addressed to the State Board of Elections.
  • It states the Secretary of State’s office has an elections division and can answer questions about registration.
  • The Secretary of State’s office does not handle elections, Lawson said, though other states do house their elections division within their secretary of state’s office. The form also gives the wrong phone number for the Secretary of State’s office – the number is actually for the State Board of Elections.

  • The form states that after voters mail in their information, they will be notified of their precinct by their local county clerk.
  • “There’s no county clerk that would do these things,” said Lawson. “It would come from the county board of elections or the elections director, under their signature.”

  • The registration form also includes the wrong ZIP code for the State Board of Elections. The ZIP code associated with the board’s post office box is 27611, and the board’s office ZIP code is 27603.

Oh, they also sent the forms addressed to people’s pets. You know that Fluffy wants to vote.

Bah!

I’ve been working on a Value Voter Summit cut-out-and-keep table for the past two days, only to learn that my hosted WordPress install doesn’t support tables anymore.

Is it too early to start drinking?

Rick Perry: Oops!

Rick Perry Guns and Sputter

Audit: Perry’s business fund gave millions to firms, universities that never sent an application

The 98-page report by the state auditor, released to lawmakers Thursday, paints a picture of a $500 million fund that, at least in its early years, gave away taxpayer money without a set evaluation process or a consistent criteria.

Early grants were awarded to companies or universities without their submitting formal applications, and some large projects were never required to create a single job — although that is the legislative mandate by which the fund was started.

Numerous contracts showed inconsistent requirements, weak compliance monitoring and led the auditor to state that it cannot verify many of the jobs or investments that were credited to the program.

Critics have complained that the Texas Enterprise Fund was a loosely controlled treasure trove for Perry to dole out state money to favored projects. The audit did little to dispel that.

But you guys, he’s a good Xristian secessionist, so you know, trust him.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Karen Zipdrive)