Happy Hour Halloween News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink… BLOOD!

Crazy Unkka Pat will teach you how to give Ol’ Scratch a black eye! Just get on Pat’s mailing list. Heh.

  • Rick Wiles warns us about Demonic Posession on Halloween!

  • And speaking of Demonic Posession, staff-banging, serial-adulterer Newticles tells us about what his first day of his (imagined) presidency would be like:

  • Islam=Liberals=Dracula. Sweet baby Jeebus!

SPY Magazine Fan Weeps for Matt Taibbi

I’m so bummed that Racket, the Matt Taibbi to-be-led SPY-like online magazine died before the first issue due to (very) typical Silicon Valley mismanagement and smarter-than-thou hubris:

Taibbi and other journalists who came to First Look believed they were joining a free-wheeling, autonomous, and unstructured institution. What they found instead was a confounding array of rules, structures, and systems imposed by Omidyar and other First Look managers on matters both trivial—which computer program to use to internally communicate, mandatory regular company-wide meetings, mandated use of a “responsibility assignment matrix” called a “RASCI,” popular in business-school circles for managing projects—as well as more substantive issues.

Right off the bat, I know what Taibbi was up against and I can say he made a wise decision. I was on a committee that used RASCI analysis to figure out who had authority to do anything/everything. We meet for four hours weekly and never reached any conclusions that the entire group could agree upon.

At the end of six months of trying, the management had changed directions and it was as if RASCI had never existed. I’m not making this up: the new matrix-management system was called RACI.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, writes an lovely open letter to women who have had an abortion:

Know this about your choice: Yes, you are still a mother. Yes, you have killed your child… you purchased a bouquet of lies awash in the foul stench of death. You were told that for a few hundred dollars you could buy freedom, only to be bound by a horrible thing that, in this life, cannot be undone… Your blood-covered hands can be washed clean by the blood-covered hands of Christ the Savior.

He’s so very loving. But then Barber tells us about his own abortion:

I’m the father of five beautiful children, three of whom are with me and two of whom are in heaven. My wife and I lost our first child together in miscarriage; but long before that, my first child died at the hands of an abortionist…

“My mom thought it was right for me to tell you,” she said, “that I had an abortion and the kid was yours.”

Her mom sat in the car behind her glaring at me. I’ll never forget the expression on her face. It was a jarring blend of contempt, anger and pain…

I mourn the loss of my first child. I can’t know for sure, but I’ve always envisioned a girl. Today, she’d be about 27. Perhaps I’d be a grandfather by now.

So you see, it’s all about Matt. It is always all about Matt.

Abortion kills God’s children and hurts women and men alike. Your child has an earthly father, too, regardless of whether he took responsibility.

Abortion makes men fathers of dead sons and daughters.

Oh. Correction: it is about men.

The Morning Quote

“Vote Lee Terry guys, greatest Republican ever. He worships my [unintelligible],” Jenkins shouted.

“Vote for Lee Terry. He’s a great guy,” he added.

Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins, who gets the last laugh after being used, Willie Horton-like in an attack ad put out by Lee Terry.

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Frank Turek, who famously told us that gay kids who commit suicide are willing pawns to help further gay rights, tells us that Marriage is a states rights issue, you know, just like slavery.

  • Theology Update! - Rev. Fishsticks tells us that:

    By “God,” of course, the Muslims refer to Allah, the god of Islam. Now make no mistake: Allah is not the God of Christianity, for our God has a Son while their god does not. Muslims regard the claim that Allah has a Son as rank heresy and blasphemy. In many Muslim countries, they will cut your head off for even believing it.

    You know who else doesn’t have a Son, Fishsticks? The God of the Jews, so can we throw out that Old Testament now?

  • Poor Linda Harvey of Mission America, she doesn’t think she can trust the VA Health Commissioner in the age of the Ebowler Disease. Why, you ask? Because Dr. Mark Levine has come out as transgender, that’s why, and everyone knows a skirt cannot be a doctor, amiright?

    “It is incredibly disturbing that this kind of person with this kind of delusion in their own personal life has been appointed to this high public post with so much responsibility.”

  • Civics! - It’s a day ending in “y”, so it is time for Tony Perkins of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s favorite hate group Family Research Council to call for the impeachment of the Kenyan Usurper!

    I almost hate to break it to him, but… the Senate requires 66% to remove a president by impeachment. Because Y’all Qaeda loves the Constitution so much, you’d think that they would read it.

Just Desserts

Hey guys, remember that time when Don Surber the sole editorial writer for the Charleston Daily Mail wrote on his personal blog an inflaming statement about how Michael Brown deserved what he got (using, um, racial dog whistles)?

Guess who’s unemployed now?

Bad Presents, Cont.

soil

You know, if you get enough of Dracula’s soil, then he can spend the night, er, day with you!

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns, who suggests a get rich quick scheme: sell vials of soil from St. Ronnie’s grave!)