Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Our old pal Coach Dave tells us that The Kenyan Usurper is destroying America on purpose. And of course, umbrella salesmen.

Here’s Your Brunch With a Bottomless Mug of Stupid

Oh, lord. Why doesn’t Curt Clawson just call them B’wana Devils? Well, at least he didn’t start reciting Kipling or telling them that India really is the Jewel in the Crown. Putz.

Clawson, as you might recall, is the Teabagger who won a special election to replace Bolivian Nose Candy Fiend Trey Radel, who resigned after being convicted for cocaine possession.

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

D’vorce D’Spousa projects his envy on free-range grifter Glenn Beck’s show.

The GOP Rebranding, Cont.

As Opus once said, you can lead a yak to water, but you cannot make a silk purse out of a pig-in-a-poke.

Today’s silk purse is brought to us by God’s Own Party’s favorite marketing whiz kid Kellyann Conway. Kellyann Conway also counts as one of her clients Todd Akin, so you know that she is really good at marketing. Kellyann Conway is working on helping to rebrand Wingnuttia away from their War on Women image that they have worked so hard to cultivate that even über genius Fire’em All Fiorina couldn’t shake on Fox News. Way to go towards the light, Kellyann!

Anyway, Kellyann Conway wants Republicans to talk a little less about legitimate rape and abortion and a little more about Women’s Health, which Kellyann Conway tells us means osteoporosis or breast cancer. So when the Dims start in on Women’s Health, Wingnuts should pivot to bones and boobs, and away from slut pills and baby-killing.

Kellyann Conway also wants Republicans to never mention the word rape again. So I guess you can lead a yak to water?

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

klingenschmitt and cruz

Demon Hunters! Canadian-born latino and immigrant-hating southern white supremacist Senator Ted Cruz cuddles up to Dr. “Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt (his nickname, not mine! I swear!), the Republican candidate for the Colorado General Assembly, for State Representative for House District 15

  • Claim Chowder - Hey guys, remember last week when Stephen Steinlight at conservative think tank The Center for Immigration Studies suggested, oh, you know, hanging, drawing, and quartering The Kenyan Usurper? Just kidding!
  • Grifters Gotta Grift - Ralph Reed, Jack Abramoff’s glabrous grifting pool boy invites you to listen to Ted Cruz spout off about something or other, you know, professional courtesy. Gullible marks should please RSVP with your financial data, OK?
  • Now playing at an empty theater near you - This is rich: famous pot-smoking Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher wants to hold hearings about how The Google discriminated against convicted felon, and would-be bigamist D’VORCE D’SPOUSA’s latest failed documentary fable America which somehow or other was not the first hit when you, ahem, googled America. Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, reached for the gin, screw the ice.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side of Stupid

Sand-People

“One thing is certain, however, inmate Wood died in a lawful manner and by eyewitness and medical accounts he did not suffer. This is in stark comparison to the gruesome, vicious suffering that he inflicted on his two victims – and the lifetime of suffering he has caused their family.”

Jan Brewer, The Terrible Queen of the Terrible Sand Kingdom of Arizonastan, (commenting? dissembling? lying? we’ll go with covering her ass) on the botched 2-hour execution of convicted double murderer, Joseph Wood.

We are barbarians that we still let these state-run executions happen.

Bad Headlines, Cont.

Ebony

Well, bad everything, actually.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

blogging-addiction

Heading back to Seattle tonight, will be there by tomorrow night. Posting will be lite in the meanwhile, so why not choose a few blogs from the blogroll to visit? Everyone of’em is a proven winner (Scissorheads rule, after all), and see what your friends and neighbors are up to?

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

The Kenyan Usurper should be hung, drawn, and quartered. By the way, this is from the Center for Immigration Studies, a Wingnuttian think tank.

  • James Robison thinks that the religious are NOT involved enough in US Politics. But please disregard if you are not a Xristian Xrazie.
  • Get Off The Cross, We Need the Wood - Constitutional Scholar and Gay Studies Theorist Matt Staver says that The Kenyan Usurper’s secret goal with the LGBT non-discrimination executive order is to discriminate against Xristian Xrazies:

    “I think it ought to wake up the American people and certainly legislators to see what the end game here is,” Staver tells OneNewNow. “It’s not non-discrimination, it’s not tolerance: it is absolute dominance particularly not only of all worldviews but of the Christian and Judeo-Christian worldview. That’s really what this is about.”

  • You Have Been Warned! - Archie Comics Embraces Homosexuality, Witchcraft Demons and Occult Practices. What’s gotten into Archie? Well not Kevin Keller… but the alternate future storyline where Archie is killed by a gun nut when he tries to save gay Kevin’s life. The Xristian Xrazies, you see, thinks that the gun nut is the hero?