Some Fries With Your Stupid? Or 40 Acres and a Fool

On April 12, a triumphant Cliven Bundy and his supporters chased away federal authorities and set the rancher’s impounded cattle free once more to roam public land in northeast Clark County.

Two days later, a car collided with one of Bundy’s cows on Interstate 15, about 10 miles from his Bunkerville ranch, killing the animal and sending the vehicle careening down an embankment.

Now a Las Vegas woman injured in the crash is suing Bundy for negligence.

The lawsuit filed Sunday in Clark County District Court alleges Bundy “recklessly, carelessly and negligently allowed his cows to enter onto Interstate 15 through an area where he had no grazing or other rights.”

… Bundy had not been served with notice of the lawsuit Wednesday, but he was familiar with the accident. He said it was his cow that was hit, but he denied any responsibility.

He said it is the state’s job to maintain the fence that keeps his livestock off the interstate.

“It’s a state problem. It’s not our problem,” Bundy said. “We really feel bad when it happens. We sure don’t want it to happen. But we’re not liable.”

So let’s diagram this. Bundy’s property is grazing on not his property, trespassing as it were. Bundy’s property walks onto the road and causes grievous injury. Bundy says it is not his problem.

At this point, I’m surprised that he isn’t counter-suing that his cow was murdered by a Buick.

Also/Too: I’m sorta-kinda catering a family wedding this weekend (120 guests), so light posting as they say (or as I say).

Jefferson Weeps for Scotland

kilts

The Neosecessionist movement took a body blow last night as the Kilts voted to stay part of Old Blighty, losing by about 10%, so somewhat decisive. Rick Perry and all the other American secessionist yahoos weeps for thee, Scotland.

So Let This Be a Lesson For Rand Paul

paper-training-e

Hey guys, remember that time when RUSSELL PEARCE, the first vice-chair of the Terrible Sand Kingdom of Arizonistan’s Republican Party had to resign shortly after saying—in public with his outdoor voice— that if he was in charge he’d sterilize poor people?

“You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations. Then we’ll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to [reproduce] or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job.”

Me Neither! – OK, we got that out of the way, but as Special Research Scissorhead A.J. tells us in the comments, ol’ Russ plagiarized it.

So being a lazy Hardy Boy journalist, I googled his name (Russel Pearce) and letter and lo! we found the original from 2010:

Put me in charge …
Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville

So, as A.J. succinctly said:

This just shows ho intellectually and physically lazy Pearce is. I recognized that statement right away… Pearce too lazy to come up with his own home-grown hate-filled bile so he used someone else’s.

…and now he’s out of his elected job, the root cause of which was sloppy plagiarism. Let this be a lesson to GOP’s star copy-and-paste artist Sen. Aqua Buddha that stealing—even words—has consequences.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead A.J.)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Rev. Fishsticks using only geometric logic and delicious meat products irrefutably proves that the U.S. is a Xristian Xrazy nation. Trigger Warning: hunger pangs.

  • Not coming to a theater near you - Y’all Qaeda’s former teen heart throb and noted banana breeding expert Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas will only be in empty theaters for two weeks, so book your tickets now to Satan’s Holler to catch it at the Bijoux.
  • Rejoice! D’Vorce D’Spousa already is planning to write a prison memoir. Spoiler alert: the bride will not wear white.
  • He knows whose been naughty and nice –

    “Any effeminate person will not enter into the Kingdom of God just for acting like a homo,” the pastor insisted. “I mean, you just act sweet, you ain’t going to Heaven, homie. Read it right there. Read it and weep.”

    Sorry ladies (and laddies), Rev. Rev. James David Manning say only rdal he-men will make it to heaven. (Raw Story)

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

The he-men, manly, man’s men, The Frosted Tips Twins sets off everyone’s gaydar when they say that they will don combat boots and wedding gowns to defeat Ol’ Scratch hisself. Say what?

  • Today in (non)Conspiracy Theories - Jeebus’ favorite sportsball warrior Coach Dave worries that something is being sprayed on us, but you know, he’s NOT a conspiracy theorist.
  • The Debbil Wears Pleather from Unionized, Lesbian Collectives (or something)- Writing in BarbWire, the blog-like thingy of Matt Barber, the man who thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, horror-novelist/reporter LEE DUIGON tells us that whenever liberals are unhappy, the Debbil is unhappy. Coincidence?
  • You Say Tomato, I say, um Tomato - Watch in awe as free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck gives birth to a new conspiracy theory to explain why it is that the Kenyan Usurper prefers to call it ISIL instead of ISIS.

And News From Janesville (Paul Ryan’s home district)

(TowleRoad)

The 19-year old running for state Representative has apologized after tweeting last year that:

“10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rejects #Utah’s request to stop same-sex marriages.” fags need 2 leave my favorite state alone.”

Betcha can’t guess which party he belongs to. Here’s a hint:

“I regret using unacceptable and hurtful language on social media last year.

I am a staunch supporter of traditional marriage, but the language I used is not in keeping with my character, family values and Christian upbringing.”

Sonny, I think you displayed your character, values, and upbringing perfectly.

(TowleRoad)

Here’s Some Stupid For Your Coffee

“You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations. Then we’ll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to [reproduce] or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job.”

Russell Pearce, the first vice-chair of the Terrible Sand Kingdom of Arizonistan’s Republican Party

So once again I gotta ask: Reince, how’s that rebranding working out?

Mark Sanford: Castanets of Fire Have Cooled

sanford-and-some-pigs-surreal

Bad-haired GOP sex-lizard and notorious Appalachian trail hiking, amateur castanet playing Lothario, South Carolina Governor Mark “Kiss Me South of the Border” Sanford, like any love-sick 14-year old boy, has posted a weepy break-up explanation to his MyFace Place:

I apologize for the length of this post, but given the gravity of the issue at hand when I sat down to write late last night a long list of things came to my mind.

Oh. Please. Dear God. No. A grown man writing those free-verse lists of meaning-filled moments, scenes from an affair. Not his dreadful poetry about eating a salad under a palm treeeeeeeee!

More than anything, I am struck by two truths. One, it seems that history well documents that those who work to avoid conflict at all costs wind up being those destined in many instances to find much conflict. Peace at all costs rarely brings it. On the other hand, Jesus was incredibly clear in the book of Luke that we are to turn the other cheek at offenses and that if someone took our shirt, we were to offer our coat as well.

Weary is the crown… oh, hawt! He wants her to go topless again?! For Jeebus!

In this light I have struggled in how to respond since being contacted little more than a week ago regarding yet another lawsuit by yet a new, and third, lawyer retained by my former wife Jenny. I first learned of it through the media and I didn’t want to respond at all, but given the level of accusation after waiting a day I gave a brief response.

My question now though is how to respond given I am being summoned to the court room again on Monday. I have prayed on it, thought on it and asked the advice of friends.

This is what happens when you ditch a southern belle for a firecracker lady, pal. Especially a very successful, high-powered and well-connected belle.

I cannot do this anymore.

So resign, you schmuck. Or jump. Whatever. Just do it, and get off the pot.

In all life there comes a point wherein lines must be drawn in the way that we attempt to respond in ways that don’t invite more in the way of conflict and add more in the way of modeling Christ’s humility in giving in every instance. I’ll never get that mix right, none of us do, but I believe it’s what we are to pursue in all of our responses to the inevitable reality of conflict in our lives.

Yeah, putz, you get to start quoting Bible words at us? That takes some brass castanets, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

I am going to get a lawyer to defend me on this case. I will instruct them not to fight back, to work to de-escalate and defuse and to look for measured justice and an end to controversy. At the time of the divorce I did not get a lawyer because I could not imagine standing in a court room with one in some adversarial form against the mother of our boys.

But you could imagine playing motorboat with a lady not your wife. What a shitheel.

Since then, and almost as clock work over the last four and one half years since the divorce, unfortunately there has been either the threat of lawsuit or actual lawsuit about every six months. In every instance I have either settled, represented myself or gotten two longtime friends to help me in responding.

So not just a shitheel, a cheap-ass shitheel. And you know what they say about lawyers representing themselves, fool?

There was also the issue of money. Spending money getting lawyers to resolve differences, when I believed any two people sitting down could do the same, also broke with my belief on stewardship…or what some would call my frugal ways.

Told ya he was a cheap screw.

As mentioned I never hired a lawyer at the time of the divorce which in practical terms means I just folded all the cards in giving Jenny what she wanted at that time. She wanted a certain financial number that I didn’t have, and so I gave her pieces of our family farm that my dad and mom assembled in the 1950’s and 60’s… I also did it because in that chapter of life I could not take any more controversy, and what Jenny had said at that time was that if she didn’t get those things we would go to court and just have another public spectacle. I found that idea haunting, and so I indeed folded all the cards and that brings us to today.

You couldn’t take any more controversy? You?! Not just a cheat, but a gutless cheat.

No relationship can stand forever this tension of being forced to pick between the one you love and your own son or daughter, and for this reason Belen and I have decided to call off the engagement.

Bet me he’s putting on his Appalachian Trail hiking boots.

Maybe there will be another chapter when waters calm with Jenny, but at this point the environment is not conducive to building anything given no one would want to be caught in the middle of what’s now happening. Belen is a remarkably wonderful woman who I have always loved and I will be forever grateful for not only the many years we have known and loved each other, but the last six very tough ones wherein she has encouraged me and silently borne its tribulations with her ever warm and kind spirit.

And let’s not forget the salad under the palm trees. He concludes with a lot of Bible words and the blessings of Jeebus who says that gutless, cheap-ass shitheels will inherit the earth. The end.