Housekeeping Note

news reporter

I’m over at Crooks and Liars this week doing the Mike’s Blog Round-Up, so if you have a post you are particularly proud of, or read a post somewhere you really like (especially if it is from a small blog that deserves more traffic), send me a tip here at the ol’ Thunderbolt Grease-slapper (Tengrain AT mockpaperscissors DOT com) or there MBRU AT crooksandliars DOT com. Please put something about MBRU in the subject line.

Scissorheads are the best sources of links in the Universe, both known and unknown. The Quantum Mechanics of snark, as it were.

Arkansas: Come For The Adopted Daughter Door Prizes, Stay For The Eggs

chicken-pecker

Arkansas politicians continues to impress in the Crazee State Contest. They’ve added a new dramatic twist to their ground-breaking re-homing of adopted children to rapists (after precautionary exorcisms), to now banning California wines. And it’s all because of their Arkansas eggs.

You see, California had the nerve to pass a referendum that chicken eggs must come from chickens that must have enough room to stand up, turn around, and to flap their wings, something for which Arkansas chickens apparently are not allowed to do, for Jeebus. This of course means that Arkansas has to grow dry (90% of wine sold in Arkansas is Californian).

It makes no sense to me either, but it’s Arkansas, Jake.

Unless You Are The Lead Dog, The View Never Changes #Indiana

Mike Pence was in a war zone once before.

Mike Pence was in a war zone once before.

Indiana Governor Mike Pence, the life-like automaton made entirely out of termite infested wood, seems genuinely shocked at the reaction to his signing the now-notorious We Don’t Serve Your Kind law.

This is what happens when you believe your own press. I’m willing to believe that Pence, living in his Saddam-like wingnuttian spider-hole, only gets his news filtered through Fox News and other Roger Ailes-approved sources, and culled by Y’all Qaeda’s various trolls, toadies, and minions.

This firestorm has forced him, no doubt against his will, to look outside and see that there is a world beyond the Xristian Xrazies and other dead-enders in the demographically challenged GOP. Pence appears unprepared in the interview (linked earlier) to answer the most obvious question. His handlers really thought he could deflect it by mewling and bleating robotically that it is not about discrimination, without offering any proof that it is anything other than being about discrimination. Even his powerful conjuring words, Bill Clinton, didn’t seem to help him.

“Despite the irresponsible headlines that have appeared in the national media, this law is not about discrimination. If it was, I would have vetoed it.”

And so he offers a fig leaf to cover his asshole…

“I support religious liberty, and I support this law. But we are in discussions with legislative leaders this weekend to see if there’s a way to clarify the intent of the law.”

…and then quickly burns it when asked if that legislation might include making gay and lesbian Hoosiers a protected legal class: “That’s not on my agenda.”

So here’s my thumbnail analysis: Pence knows he stepped in it, but has no idea how to stop dragging it through his house. Pence just poisoned any national ambitions he might have had to be Preznint, and effectively just removed himself from the VP spot in the 2016 Goat Rodeo. He’s toast, box office poison. I suspect he won’t win re-election to the governorship.

And in conclusion:

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Fashion-forward Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Lindsey Graham’s Closet), the man who gives millenials an even worse reputation, gives his final speech in Congress:

So you see, he’s just like Honest Abe (except for the honesty part, and that Schock served 3 terms and Lincoln only one, and….)