New Year’s Resolution FAIL

SarahPalinShooting

OK, one of my resolutions was to keep posts about Mooselini to a minimum, and I already had one yesterday and it looks like this is another:

Sarah Palin ‘rambles incoherently’ in Iowa after teleprompter freezes… a day after she declared an interest in 2016 run

And this, my friends is from the very conservative Fox-like UK Daily Mail. But what I love about this headline more than anything else is that the teleprompters have come back to bite Wingnuttia in the ass.

Word Salad Served Literally Fresh

I debated putting up another Sarah Palin because I hate rewarding grifters. But when I listened to Mooselini’s free-verse Poetry Slam I stopped fighting it.

Sunday Brunch: Claim Chowder With Word Salad

SarahPalinShooting

I should have seen this one coming: Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin responds to criticism of posting Trig, the likable Palin® standing on the back of—and I’m not making this up—Jill Hadassah, the family dog.

PETA wrote:

It’s odd that anyone—let alone a mother—would find it appropriate to post such a thing, with no apparent sympathy for the dog in the photo. Then again, PETA, along with everyone else, is used to the hard-hearted, seeming obliviousness of this bizarrely callous woman, who actually thought it appropriate to be filmed while turkeys were being slaughtered right behind her in full view of the camera.

…And so Mooselini felt compelled to reply, and lay the blame squarly at the feet of: The Kenyan Usurper for some reason:

Dear PETA,
Chill. At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.

Or maybe it’s Ellen DeGeneres’s fault:

Hey, by the way, remember your “Woman of the Year”, Ellen DeGeneres? Did you get all wee-wee’d up when she posted this sweet picture? http://conservatives4palin.com/2015/01/peta-woman-year-posts-photo-child-standing-dog.html Hypocritical, much?

Naw, it’s the Kenyan’s fault:

Did you go as crazy when your heroic Man-of-Your-Lifetime, Barack Obama, revealed he actually enjoyed eating dead dog meat?

OK, I’m getting dizzy with her blaming everyone. The point still remains that instead of doing something a real mom would do, like stopping Trig, or helping him reach the counter, Mooselini photographed it, and posted it on her Book of Faces. Yesterday some of her fans were appalled, what do they say today?

Keith Christenson Wow , I just read you post and some responses. The liberal left comments are laced with hatred toward you. I didnt realize just how vile they are to you and your family! I support you Sarah Palin. You’re spot on!

Melinda Pierce Garcia Think your amazing. I’m sure the dog was in heaven and loves your children playfulness. Stay you! Stay strong

Randy Karnes Give ‘em hell, Sarah! And PLEASE run for President!!!!!

Donald Rhodes The only way you could make your loyal followers happier is to say that you will run for president.

You see, she came back swinging at her big, liberal detractors (PETA in this case). Y’all Qaeda loves to be the little victim fighting against the monolithic hippy under the bed. She (for some reason) also attacked the Kenyan, and for good measure attacked a godless lesbian, so it was all red meat for the mouthbreathers.

I think it is safe to say that this was move was planned from the Mooselini Outrage Factory. And her 15 minutes rolls-on.

UPDATE 1: PETA replies:

PETA simply believes that people shouldn’t step on dogs, and judging by the reaction that we’ve seen to Sarah Palin’s Instagram photo, we’re far from alone in that belief. Palin’s Facebook response shows us that she knows PETA about as well as she knows geography. Yes, we campaign against the Iditarod because when the dogs aren’t being driven—sometimes to death—most live chained or inside cages for their entire lives. And we’re a vegan organization, so we sit on pleather couches, wear stylish vegan kicks, and consider fish friends, not food. (Also, by the way, we just sent a case of vegan caviar to Vladimir Putin—and no, you can’t see his house from yours, Ms. Palin.) We have no reason to believe that the Palin companion animals aren’t ordinarily pampered, and we wish the entire family a peaceful and humane 2015.

The 3-Martini Stupid

Mooselini Bobblehead Doll

It’s from Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin of course. She posted on her powerful facebook page a quick story about how you can turn every block into a stepping stone, and then posted pictures of Trigg the Likable Palin® using the family dog as a step stool to reach the counter.

What is clear is that Mooselini realized what was happening and took pictures instead of stopping the kid from possibly injuring the dog.

And of course the Narcissis Borealis is now getting all the media attention that she craves, but even many of her Facebook friends are appalled.

Mooselini’s Christmas Homily (Word Salad)

Star of Mooselini

Star of Mooselini

Christmas is so extremely important. And not just for Christians — of course that’s the foundation of our faith, the birth of Christ — but also for those who just want to celebrate, to have a holiday that they can unite around, and today, unfortunately, people feel that they have to be so politically correct around that holiday, Christmas, that the joy of Christmas I think is diminishing, but it’s not too late, you can get that back, and we can keep working together to get the joy back into Christmas by putting Christ back into Christmas.

Buy her War on X-Mas book? Yes, I think that’s what it meant.

Want Something To Be Thankful For?

Mooselini-is-Evita

Be thankful for the lizard brain of the Teabaggers:

And in their most audacious plans, Tea Party groups are preparing to recruit challengers to run against high-profile Republicans they accuse of betraying them — as they did when they toppled Eric Cantor, the former House majority leader.

At the top of their list of potential targets are politicians like Senator John McCain of Arizona, a proponent of an immigration overhaul. Their fantasy candidate: Sarah Palin, Mr. McCain’s former running mate, who now spends much of the year at her home in Scottsdale, Ariz. Two prominent conservative activists, who spoke anonymously to reveal private discussions, said leading Tea Party figures planned to reach out to Ms. Palin to see if she was interested in running against Mr. McCain.

Thank you Sweet Baby Jeebus for this gift we are about to receive. But on the other hand, she’ll probably quit about 6-weeks into the campaign, blaming the librul media for going after a conservative, constitutional-woman, or some such word salad, you betcha!

Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

mooselini blingee

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has assembled from spare words she found around the turkey slaughter pen, another, um, essay?

Anyway, it seems that The Kenyan Usurper has insulted women by saying women should have better pay and that parents should have access to better daycare to keep their careers on track:

Sometimes, someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. And that’s not a choice we want Americans to make.

So you can see how he was declaring a blood libel on Mooselini, who has 4 kids (or 5 kids, depending on who is counting) herself and 2 grandchildren (or 3 grandchildren, again depending on who is counting)!

And so now, without further ado, we bring her thesis statement:

Well that just takes the cake. Sure, Obama’s latest shot across the bow in his own “War on Women” is easily deflected by women like my friends and me testifying to the most precious, irreplaceable seasons of our lives when we were BLESSED to be “stay-at-home moms” (though I don’t remember any of us actually “staying home” in those busiest times of our children’s lives), but Friday’s jab deserves something right back nonetheless. On behalf of former and current stay-at-homers, including my girlfriends who still get together to bake cookies for the bake sale (see photos in my kitchen above), and volunteer to coach kids ball teams, and man the church’s food bank, and entertain latchkey kids, and all that other obnoxiously “housewifey” stuff, the President needs to be spanked.

I’d like to buy a vowel, please. The rest of the post is just as well-written and cogent.

McCain-celebration

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this moron to the nation’s attention and suggesting that she should be within one melanoma of the nuclear launch codes.

(Sarah Palin’s MyFace Place)

Well, Mooselini’s Not A Scientist, Fer Sure

Mooselini whatevs

“The global warming hysteria is to this century what eugenics was to the last. So much of it is junk science that will inevitably be discredited once the hysteria dies down and actual science prevails.”

–From Sarah Palin’s MyFace Place

Bristolnacht, Cont. The UnBristling #PalinBrawl

bristol-the-nun

Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin’s daughter Brisket® decides, in print, to tell her side of what happened at Bristolnacht:

First, the media said Trig was not really my mom’s kid.

Then, they claimed my mom said “I can see Russia from my house.”

Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce.

And now, they’re saying my family started a “drunken brawl.”

Thanks for the reminders. Say, your mom promised at one point to produce Trigg’s birth certificate… oh well. SNL is not the media. Your mother was the one who hinted a divorce was coming. There is a Police report (a legal document that can be introduced as evidence in a court of law) that indicates YOU started a drunken brawl.

Our friend got knocked out from a cheap shot from behind. (His injury resulted in ten stitches, so it was really low.)

Why would anyone do this? Well, here’s a hint. The guy was on social media during this incident, tweeting, “about to get famous.”

When Willow saw all this happening she looked at the guy’s mom and said “get ahold of your son.”

But apparently the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, because his mom pushed Willow. A grown woman pushed my little sister.

By this point, I’d already gotten into the car. But when Willow ran to me crying, telling me that some lady had pushed her down, I got out of the car to go talk to her. Any big sister would do this.

It drones on and on, play-by-play.

All of this comes a day after the audio was released from the police interview with a very drunken Bristol, so the timing is both serendipitous and perhaps damning, too. Methinks given the love that the Palins engender means that those alleged and rumored cell phone videos and audio recording are gonna come like a wave.

McCain-celebration

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this family of grifters and waterheads to our attention, and potentially one very old heartbeat away from the nuclear codes.

Bristolnacht, Cont. #PalinBrawl

bristol-the-naughty-nun

Our pal and Scissorhead M. Bouffant over at The Web Of Evil has the soundtrack of the interview with a drunken Brisket® Palin taken during the melée in Alaskastan.

NSFW Audio, so call around your co-workers and boss as she freely uses s***, f***, c***, and that’s just to describe herself.

Raw Story has a bit of the background including that the host was the one to call the cops, and that he considered pressing charges.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Weird Dave)