News That Will Drive You To Drink

We have not heard from our old pal Rev. Fishsticks yet this year, but thankfully he is here now to tell us that 1) gay people should not be allowed to hold public office and 2) that the First Amendment is being destroyed by gay people having equal rights, because somehow giving rights to the ‘mos is taking them away from Y’all Qaeda.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Jeebus wept

Today’s news is a Theocrat’s Blue Plate Special:

“I don’t see what good it would be to take it out of the constitution. I don’t think you would have the support to remove that from our constitution at all,” DeLano said.

DeLano says he thinks the requirement reflects the culture and beliefs of the majority of Mississippians.

So what is this “it” of which Mississippi’s House Constitution chair Scott DeLano (R-Y’all Qaeda) speaks? Why, it is a provision that bans atheists from holding public office in that state:

Article 14, Section 265 of the state’s Constitution reads:
No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office in this state.

It’s patently unconstitutional and completely unenforceable, but Jeebus wept anyway.

Some Stupid For Your Coffee?

Woman arrested in attack on Satanic Temple display

Officers arrested a Tallahassee woman who they say began to rip apart a Satanic Temple holiday display in the lobby of the Florida Capitol on Tuesday.

Susan Hemeryck, 54, told two Florida Department of Law Enforcement Capitol Police officers that she was “sorry and had to take down the Satanic display,” because it was “not right” before she attempted to tear it about 11:30 a.m.

Hemeryck then tried to remove the display. Officers stopped her and told her to put it back.

One of the officers explained to her that removing the display was in violation of the law. In response, Hemeryck said, she “could not take it anymore” and began to rip the display apart.

She was then escorted away and placed under arrest.

For the record, it was next to a Festivus Pole made of PBR cans.

Ohio: First Amendment Is For You, Too

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus enjoys the swing while on recess in Ohio.

What is it with Y’all Qaeda not understanding the First Amendment?

Under a new Ohio law, Gov. John Kasich (R) will require schools to partner with a religious group in order to receive state funding for mentoring programs.

OK, so we have Public Schools using Public Money for mentoring (which is good, though the amount seems sort of puny), but as part of the strings attached, the schools have to partner with a so-called Faith-Based Group (and a corporation, but it was not in TPM’s lede graf). And presumably if they do not partner with a religious organization, well, no mentoring for them!

Buddy Harris, a senior police analyst for the Ohio Department of Education, told the audience at a Thursday information session about the requirement.

“The faith-based organization is clearly at the heart of the vision of the governor,” he said after the session, according to the Plain Dealer.

“We do not forsee any proseletyzing happening between mentors and students,” Harris added. “That’s not really what we’re seeking.”

Indeed, the faith-based organization is in the vision of the Governor who is long-rumored to be a 2016 Goat Rodeo contender. What better way to get into Y’all Qaeda’s good graces and grab the spotlight away from scolds like Frothy Santorum and Uncle Sugar Mike Huckabee. I bet you before this is over, boy exorcist Bobby Jindal will have this scam down in Louisiana, too.

At first blush, you might say that because Kasich didn’t specify which religious denomination that the public schools must partner with, that somehow he got around the establishment clause of the First Amendment, and as Wonkette said/wished, perhaps the Satanists will step in with a faith-based org to be a partner, which would be pretty funny.

But where the whole thing falls apart and what will undoubtedly get this law thrown-out (if not thrown-up) will be that it forces religion onto the atheists, which is a well-known First Amendment violation.

Kasich, clearly not a bright man, is cunning. He will be able to talk about how the secular humanists kicked Sweet Baby Jeebus out of the schools, proclaim himself a victim (the Xristian Xrazies are so moist for victimhood), and have his bonafides proven.

And we all know that everything is better with Sweet Baby Jeebus on it.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

The theocrats are the single greatest threat to our American Democracy. They would impose Biblical law on all of us faster than you can say Separation of Church and State:

He seems nice.

This man and his theocratic brethren, they are what all of us are up against. But look closely there, that is the face of hatred and it is carrying a cross and speaking from a pulpit. There is a reason I call then Y’all Qaeda.

Some Stupid for Your Coffee? Church and State Edition

Tax ‘em. They are doing political work and preaching from the pulpit, and yes: his show on the electronic TeeVee machine is indeed a pulpit.

Want Some Stupid With Your Coffee?

Teen Could Get Two Years for Facebook Photos with Jesus Statue

Some horned-up teen is facing criminal charges and up to two years in a juvie for posting pictures on his MyFace wall of him getting a beejay from a statue of Jesus. “Eat, for this is my body” takes on a new meaning. The picture is kinda funny, but that there is a statute on the books for “Desecration of a Venerated Object” is not.

Petunia: “Want Fries With Your Stupid?”

So… let me get this right: a public school in Florida, funded by tax-payer dollars, had a program wherein a Xristian Xrazie pastor was foisted on the football team? And Petunia and Pals thinks that it is unconstitutional to end that program?

Somewhere, my high school civics teacher is weeping.

Ken Ham Isn’t Hiring!

Jeebus on a dino

Jeebus on a dino and zip-line ministries founder Ken Hamm’s latest grift, The Ark Encounter, has yet to get off the ground (er, on the zip line? In the water?) in Kentucky, and they are re-applying for a state tax incentive of more than $18 million because, well, time ran out on their last grift. Anyway, they are hiring!:

“Our work at Ark Encounter is not just a job, it is also a ministry. Our employees work together as a team to serve each other to produce the best solutions for our design requirements. Our purpose through the Ark Encounter is to serve and glorify the Lord with our God-given talents with the goal of edifying believers and evangelizing the lost.”

…which should make that whole First Amendment thingy kinda shudder, you know, with the state giving money to a fundamentalist Xristian Xrazie.

“But what about Dawson?,” as they used to say in the ’90s. Yes, Ken Ham has plans to discriminate against anyone who isn’t as nutty as he is:

The ad has specific religious requirements for employment. These include a salvation testimony, a “creation belief statement” and a requirement that applicants agree with the organization’s “statement of faith.” This required statement includes articles that imply that fundamentalist Christianity is the only acceptable religion and that denigrate non-Christians non-fundamentalist Christians, and homosexuals (regardless of their theological views).

Nice work if you can get it.

(Kentucky.com)