News That Will Drive You To Drink

Convicted felon accuses Hillary Clinton of lawlessness, and yes, Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted:

Documentarian fabulist, convicted felon, fired Y’all Qaeda business school dean, and would-be bigamist D’VORCE D’SPOUSA is currently serving his eight month sentence in a community confinement center and has another five years probation for violating campaign finance laws.

If Only They Would Legalize It

We’re reaching the point in this country where we need to legalize science. At first, maybe only legalize science for medicinal purposes. After that, maybe tax science heavily and allow recreational use of science. But until science is legal, the black market will own science.

This will be the latest cover of National Geographic:

If Gary Larson was still making comic strips he would have a field day.

Have You Seen This Woman?

A dead-eyed dick

A dead-eyed dick

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has gone missing from her internet channel ($9.95/month, bitches!) for the past 10 days.

Last seen grifting the rubes.

One Lump of Stupid, or Two?

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Palin to speak at CPAC

“Gov. Sarah Palin possesses a unique ability to speak directly to the American people,” American Conservative Union Chairman Matt Schlapp said in a statement Wednesday announcing her appearance.

Well, that was insulting.

New Year’s Resolution FAIL

SarahPalinShooting

OK, one of my resolutions was to keep posts about Mooselini to a minimum, and I already had one yesterday and it looks like this is another:

Sarah Palin ‘rambles incoherently’ in Iowa after teleprompter freezes… a day after she declared an interest in 2016 run

And this, my friends is from the very conservative Fox-like UK Daily Mail. But what I love about this headline more than anything else is that the teleprompters have come back to bite Wingnuttia in the ass.

Word Salad Served Literally Fresh

I debated putting up another Sarah Palin because I hate rewarding grifters. But when I listened to Mooselini’s free-verse Poetry Slam I stopped fighting it.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

We have not heard from our old pal Rev. Fishsticks yet this year, but thankfully he is here now to tell us that 1) gay people should not be allowed to hold public office and 2) that the First Amendment is being destroyed by gay people having equal rights, because somehow giving rights to the ‘mos is taking them away from Y’all Qaeda.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Jeebus wept

Today’s news is a Theocrat’s Blue Plate Special:

“I don’t see what good it would be to take it out of the constitution. I don’t think you would have the support to remove that from our constitution at all,” DeLano said.

DeLano says he thinks the requirement reflects the culture and beliefs of the majority of Mississippians.

So what is this “it” of which Mississippi’s House Constitution chair Scott DeLano (R-Y’all Qaeda) speaks? Why, it is a provision that bans atheists from holding public office in that state:

Article 14, Section 265 of the state’s Constitution reads:
No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office in this state.

It’s patently unconstitutional and completely unenforceable, but Jeebus wept anyway.

Sunday Brunch: Claim Chowder With Word Salad

SarahPalinShooting

I should have seen this one coming: Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin responds to criticism of posting Trig, the likable Palin® standing on the back of—and I’m not making this up—Jill Hadassah, the family dog.

PETA wrote:

It’s odd that anyone—let alone a mother—would find it appropriate to post such a thing, with no apparent sympathy for the dog in the photo. Then again, PETA, along with everyone else, is used to the hard-hearted, seeming obliviousness of this bizarrely callous woman, who actually thought it appropriate to be filmed while turkeys were being slaughtered right behind her in full view of the camera.

…And so Mooselini felt compelled to reply, and lay the blame squarly at the feet of: The Kenyan Usurper for some reason:

Dear PETA,
Chill. At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.

Or maybe it’s Ellen DeGeneres’s fault:

Hey, by the way, remember your “Woman of the Year”, Ellen DeGeneres? Did you get all wee-wee’d up when she posted this sweet picture? http://conservatives4palin.com/2015/01/peta-woman-year-posts-photo-child-standing-dog.html Hypocritical, much?

Naw, it’s the Kenyan’s fault:

Did you go as crazy when your heroic Man-of-Your-Lifetime, Barack Obama, revealed he actually enjoyed eating dead dog meat?

OK, I’m getting dizzy with her blaming everyone. The point still remains that instead of doing something a real mom would do, like stopping Trig, or helping him reach the counter, Mooselini photographed it, and posted it on her Book of Faces. Yesterday some of her fans were appalled, what do they say today?

Keith Christenson Wow , I just read you post and some responses. The liberal left comments are laced with hatred toward you. I didnt realize just how vile they are to you and your family! I support you Sarah Palin. You’re spot on!

Melinda Pierce Garcia Think your amazing. I’m sure the dog was in heaven and loves your children playfulness. Stay you! Stay strong

Randy Karnes Give ‘em hell, Sarah! And PLEASE run for President!!!!!

Donald Rhodes The only way you could make your loyal followers happier is to say that you will run for president.

You see, she came back swinging at her big, liberal detractors (PETA in this case). Y’all Qaeda loves to be the little victim fighting against the monolithic hippy under the bed. She (for some reason) also attacked the Kenyan, and for good measure attacked a godless lesbian, so it was all red meat for the mouthbreathers.

I think it is safe to say that this was move was planned from the Mooselini Outrage Factory. And her 15 minutes rolls-on.

UPDATE 1: PETA replies:

PETA simply believes that people shouldn’t step on dogs, and judging by the reaction that we’ve seen to Sarah Palin’s Instagram photo, we’re far from alone in that belief. Palin’s Facebook response shows us that she knows PETA about as well as she knows geography. Yes, we campaign against the Iditarod because when the dogs aren’t being driven—sometimes to death—most live chained or inside cages for their entire lives. And we’re a vegan organization, so we sit on pleather couches, wear stylish vegan kicks, and consider fish friends, not food. (Also, by the way, we just sent a case of vegan caviar to Vladimir Putin—and no, you can’t see his house from yours, Ms. Palin.) We have no reason to believe that the Palin companion animals aren’t ordinarily pampered, and we wish the entire family a peaceful and humane 2015.

The 3-Martini Stupid

Mooselini Bobblehead Doll

It’s from Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin of course. She posted on her powerful facebook page a quick story about how you can turn every block into a stepping stone, and then posted pictures of Trigg the Likable Palin® using the family dog as a step stool to reach the counter.

What is clear is that Mooselini realized what was happening and took pictures instead of stopping the kid from possibly injuring the dog.

And of course the Narcissis Borealis is now getting all the media attention that she craves, but even many of her Facebook friends are appalled.