Theocrats Are Building a Stairway To Heaven


I’ve been thinking a lot about what our old pal One-L has been peddling since her forced retirement from grifting the people of Minnesota:

“Almost every article in the paper” has to do with conflicts in Israel, Bachmann said, “and it ties with so much biblical prophecy. This week really was about biblical prophecy in many ways. And we’re seeing as events are speeding up, events are speeding up so quickly right now, and we see how relevant the Bible is, and we’re reading our newspaper, at the same time we’re learning about these biblical events, and it’s literally day by day by day, we’re seeing the fulfillment of scripture right in front of our eyes, even while we’re on the ground.”

“We recognize the shortness of the hour,” she said, “and that’s why we as a remnant want to be faithful in these days and do what it is that the Holy Spirit is speaking to each one of us, to be faithful in the Kingdom and to help bring in as many as we can — even among the Jews — share Jesus Christ with everyone that we possibly can because, again, He’s coming soon.”

…because her End of Days joy is exactly the flip side of the ISIS theology. The goal of both is the end of the world. The Debbil is in the details.

I personally find it disconcerting when theocrats of every stripe are aligning as if they are hearing the same thing from a host of demented angels. The comedic novelist Christopher Moore postulates (in The Stupidest Angel, which if you have not read you must for The Holidays) that angels are attracted to crazy people. Something about the energy crazy people emit and because when crazy people talk about seeing/talking to angels, well, no one believes them because they are crazy. But I digress.

ISIS is as much of a doomsday cult as evangelical Christianity is. I did not understand the importance of the Last Caliphate when I would read about ISIS, and finally looked it up. Did you know that there is an Islamic equivalent to the Book of Revelations, a step-by-step guide as it were to how to bring about The Big Bang, just like Revelations? Bachmann and her ilk are reading from one instruction set, and ISIS from the other.

Anyway, the Islamic version has The Last Caliphate, and it is a territory large enough to be its own country and thus inspiring the final showdown with the rest of the world. That ISIS now is now achieving that goal is inspiring their young, disillusioned warriors to join them.

This Last Caliphate is as significant in their prophecies as if Bachmann and her nutty evangelical crew somehow conquered Jerusalem following the step-by-step in Revelations (and converted the jews). Evangelicals would flock to them to finish the job.

As I’ve noted before, I’m not a theologian. But purely as an overly simplified, Buffy-the-Vampire Slayer tactic, it seems that if you want to stop the theocrats, first you stop the prophecies. Take away the proof to the true believers that they are the chosen ones in the chosen time, and the theocrats become just another crazy person shouting on a street corner. The Muslim world needs to lead on this, otherwise it is just more Western aggression. And they would understand the culture better than we ever will.

I hope that someone in our vast intelligence operation is looking in that direction.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

For once, I agree with the blog’s ol’ pal and fetus-fondling god-botherer Rev. Fishsticks, but maybe not as he might hope:

I do think all of Y’all Qaeda needs to be on record. We need to separate the theocrats from the (little “d”) democrats, and then we need to ensure we do everything to point and laugh at them as they fight against democracy and for a theocracy.

If you believe in biblical supremacy over civil law, then you do not belong in the branch of government that is constitutionally tasked with the enforcement of law.

It really is that simple.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

“I spoke with Kim Davis this morning to offer my prayers and support,” Huckabee said. “I let her know how proud I am of her for not abandoning her religious convictions and standing strong for religious liberty. She is showing more courage and humility than just about any federal office holder in Washington.

“Kim is asking the perfect question: ‘Under what law am I authorized to issue homosexual couples a marriage license?’ That simple question is giving many in Congress a civics lesson that they never got in grade school,” Huckabee added. “The Supreme Court cannot and did not make a law. They only made a ruling on a law. Congress makes the laws. Because Congress has made no law allowing for same sex marriage, Kim does not have the constitutional authority to issue a marriage license to homosexual couples.

“Kim is a person of great conviction,” Huckabee continued. “When people of conviction fight for what’s right they often pay a price, but if they don’t and we surrender, we will pay a far greater price for bowing to the false God of judicial supremacy. Government is not God. No man – and certainly no unelected lawyer – has the right to redefine the laws of nature or of nature’s God. Five unelected lawyers have abused their power by ruling in favor of a national right to same-sex marriage with no legal precedent and with nothing in our Constitution to back it up. They have violated American’s most fundamental right guaranteed by our Constitution – religious liberty.

“I stand with Kim Davis and every American of faith under attack by Washington elites who have nothing but disdain for us, our faith and the Constitution,” Huckabee concluded.

(Sunshine State News)

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Religious Freedom in America is only for Xristians? This guy is one fork shy of a place setting if he really believes that. And of course, next up: which sect of Xristians is it really for…

It never stops with the Theocrats. Ever.

Which Scissorhead is this?

Which one of you plays the tuba and decided to follow around KKK marchers giving them a cartoony soundtrack?

News That Will Drive You To Drink, Ohio

Happy Hour News Briefs

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a  crucifix!

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a crucifix!

(COLUMBUS, Ohio) – Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine today announced a $300,000 grant for Athletes in Action (AIA), a Xenia-based nonprofit organization that works to help form well-rounded athletes of integrity in their sport and beyond.

“For more than 45 years, Athletes in Action has helped competitors of many ages,” said Attorney General DeWine. “I am pleased that this grant will help them continue to serve Ohio communities through athletic programming.”

Congrats, Ohio! Your Attorney General just gave $300,000 of your taxpayer Ameros to Y’all Qaeda in your name! Interesting how AG DeWine doesn’t mention any of the Jeebus-y stuff at all in his press release. What, you don’t believe me? It’s not like Athletes in Action were hiding it:

“Since 1966, Athletes in Action has been using sports as a platform to help people answer questions of faith and to point them to Jesus. We believe that sports has the power to open doors and create connections in a way that few other things can, and that’s why we are constantly working to create new ways of reaching out to athletes and sports fans alike. Ultimately, our goal is to see peoples’ lives changed as they discover God’s purpose for their life.

“We dream of a day when there are Christ-followers on every team, in sport, in every nation. We believe this is possible when organizations and individuals — who want every athlete to know someone who truly follows Jesus — work together toward the common goal of furthering God’s kingdom.”

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

This segment dives head first into misogyny with some douche mansplaining what women really want:

“Women do earn less in America because they choose to. They would rather go to their daughter’s piano recital than stay all night at work, working on a proposal, so they end up earning less. They’re less ambitious. And I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids, they’re happier there.”

–Gavin McInnes, co-founder of VICE

If you wonder why I tagged this as a Blog Against Theocracy, it is because McInnes uses God to justify his outrageous statements. The war on women is very real, and it is a front in the larger war that the theocrats are waging against Democracy. Whether he is himself a theocrat doesn’t matter, he’s a soldier in their larger cause.

One Lump of Stupid or Two

The Sanctity of Marriage

texas-logo big.jpg
Texas State Senator Charles Perry, a Gawd-fearin’ Xristian, who is seeking to defeat the ‘mos who want to get married, finds himself in a bit of bind:

“An apparent stripper in Oklahoma has filed for a protective order against a Texas Republican state senator who likened what he called America’s “spiritual battle” to the Holocaust.

“The clerk in Creek County, Oklahoma, confirmed Tuesday that a request for an order had been issued against Sen. Charles Perry of Lubbock, Texas.

“The clerk said the document couldn’t be released since it hadn’t yet been served.”

Well at least his stripper was not a male.

We Don’t Give An Eff, Y’all Qaeda

Jeebus weeps

Once again Y’all Qaeda is marching against Marriage Equality…

The question is raised: why is Y’all Qaeda so scared of Marriage Equality that they would be willing to die on that cross, so to speak. They say that letting the ‘mos marry will lead to the destruction of the family, to the destruction of America, to the destruction of civilization itself (my favorite). Why don’t you do something about it?!

Also/Too Y’all Qaeda has said it will lead to the end of the species (no babies!), which leads me to think that they are so worried about their own innate carnal desires that they would all gladly go the way of the ‘mos if given the chance. But I digress.

My theory of their fear is not that the marrying ‘mos will end family/America/Civilization/mankind, but the lack of those things happening will end their iron-clad grip on theocracy. I think what they are afraid of is both losing power, but to the real believers (not the Elmer Gantry wannabe grifters) is the fear of the ineffable Plan of God.


(c) XristiM 1998-2006

Into their Lazarus mouths they pop
God like round peppermint lozenges,
and with their resurrected teeth
grind Him small,
roll the bits with their tongues,
flooding them with saliva and
the exhalations of digestion.
Then they amble forth
to perform the work for which
they have anointed themselves
and each other,
breathing the judgment of an angry God strongly
into the nostrils of others.

We can hear them at a distance,
from close enough can detect the stench
of self-righteousness.
And a wary eye can detect them in our midst,
with coats that show glossy fronts,
but on their backs,
hidden from their view
and from ours
unless we trouble ourselves to look,
reveal scraps and patches
like bandages over festering sores.

We may protest, draw back in distaste,
alarmed to have God thrust upon us
smelling so pungently of mint
and the charnel house,
but they are relentless in pursuit
of fleeing souls.
They paralyze us with their certainty
that God lives in their mouths.

For myself, I think the God has filed
His change of address:
He resides
not in the mouth, but in the heart.

What if the Plan was always to let us scurry about on our lovely Blue Dot, sniffing the flowers like Ferdinand the Bull, and enjoying ourselves and (someday) being kind to each other? What if the plan is for us to love each other and form families of own own devising?

Because no one can know what The Plan Is, the theocrats always tell us what The Plan Isn’t.

Petunia & Pals Show Us…

…why anti-discrimination laws are needed:

So protecting atheists from discrimination is anti-Xristian? “We lost beating up on the ‘mos, so can’t you give us these guys to kick, you know, as a consolation prize?”

(The video changes topics after three minutes plus change.)