We Don’t Give An Eff, Y’all Qaeda

Jeebus weeps

Once again Y’all Qaeda is marching against Marriage Equality…

The question is raised: why is Y’all Qaeda so scared of Marriage Equality that they would be willing to die on that cross, so to speak. They say that letting the ‘mos marry will lead to the destruction of the family, to the destruction of America, to the destruction of civilization itself (my favorite). Why don’t you do something about it?!

Also/Too Y’all Qaeda has said it will lead to the end of the species (no babies!), which leads me to think that they are so worried about their own innate carnal desires that they would all gladly go the way of the ‘mos if given the chance. But I digress.

My theory of their fear is not that the marrying ‘mos will end family/America/Civilization/mankind, but the lack of those things happening will end their iron-clad grip on theocracy. I think what they are afraid of is both losing power, but to the real believers (not the Elmer Gantry wannabe grifters) is the fear of the ineffable Plan of God.


(c) XristiM 1998-2006

Into their Lazarus mouths they pop
God like round peppermint lozenges,
and with their resurrected teeth
grind Him small,
roll the bits with their tongues,
flooding them with saliva and
the exhalations of digestion.
Then they amble forth
to perform the work for which
they have anointed themselves
and each other,
breathing the judgment of an angry God strongly
into the nostrils of others.

We can hear them at a distance,
from close enough can detect the stench
of self-righteousness.
And a wary eye can detect them in our midst,
with coats that show glossy fronts,
but on their backs,
hidden from their view
and from ours
unless we trouble ourselves to look,
reveal scraps and patches
like bandages over festering sores.

We may protest, draw back in distaste,
alarmed to have God thrust upon us
smelling so pungently of mint
and the charnel house,
but they are relentless in pursuit
of fleeing souls.
They paralyze us with their certainty
that God lives in their mouths.

For myself, I think the God has filed
His change of address:
He resides
not in the mouth, but in the heart.

What if the Plan was always to let us scurry about on our lovely Blue Dot, sniffing the flowers like Ferdinand the Bull, and enjoying ourselves and (someday) being kind to each other? What if the plan is for us to love each other and form families of own own devising?

Because no one can know what The Plan Is, the theocrats always tell us what The Plan Isn’t.

News That Will Drive You To Drink



Well, Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter is once again proving her legal acumen:

Sarah Palin agreed in December to pay a New Jersey newspaper $15,000 to settle a lawsuit over her campaign’s unauthorized use of an iconic photograph of firefighters hoisting the American flag on 9/11 — but the deal remains stalled over the former GOP vice presidential candidate’s insistence on confidentiality, according to court papers filed Monday in U.S. District Court.

Say what?

“Shortly thereafter, Palin’s counsel, Ronald Coleman, Esq., told me that Palin required a confidentiality clause because her political action committee did not want any hint of a compromise associated with her name,” Dunnegan writes.

So instead, Mooselini’s name is now in the public record for copyright infranchisement and trying to settle out of court? Shocked, I am.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Your Three Martini Stupid is Served, With a Side of…

SarahPalinShooting…Word Salad:

Hmmm, as people all over the country are reminding each other, this Hillary Scooby-Doo Tour thing sure looks familiar. We’re flattered the liberals think the idea is really keen! Since it’s #ThrowbackThursday, it’s also pretty keen to thank the democrats for taking a page out of our playbook and also to share the picturesque, sincere, no-media “One Nation” RV trek of ours a few years ago. From way up North in the natural resource-rich state of Alaska down to the inspirational, loud and patriotic Rolling Thunder Rally in DC to a calm clambake on a cool New Hampshire night, it was a blast to introduce American people and places to folks who crave the reminders of what makes our nation exceptional and free! Our tour is proof we dare not go backwards and fundamentally transform America; instead we must move ahead to fundamentally restore all that is good and safe and strong in America. And we’re pretty good about doing it without letting the media get in the way. (In fact, it was great to see the media finally have to do what the rest of the middle class does every single day – WORK FOR IT. Though I don’t know why they were frustrated not being able to keep up with us, I mean, I was in our bus wrapped in the Constitution!)

McCain-celebrationAnd once again, we must thank Grandpa Walnuts for brining this moron to the nation’s stage.

Petunia & Pals Show Us…

…why anti-discrimination laws are needed:

So protecting atheists from discrimination is anti-Xristian? “We lost beating up on the ‘mos, so can’t you give us these guys to kick, you know, as a consolation prize?”

(The video changes topics after three minutes plus change.)

Blog Against Theocracy 2015

Jeebus weeps

I am reminded again that it is time to Blog Against Theocracy. This past week in Indiana and elsewhere in Jeebusland has shown us that the fight isn’t over, the theocrats are on the move (against all deep-fried odds), and their goal continues to be the destruction of democracy.

I’m not anti-religion, and neither is the Blog Against Theocracy. I’m pro-democracy. I don’t care if you believe in the Dead Guy, Scientology, Mormonism, or anything else; just don’t try to force me along for the ride.

i-cry-for-thee-constitution.jpgI believe strongly in the First Amendment. I don’t want to see anyone lose their rights, I want to see more rights; it is not as if there are a limit. The First Amendment with the much-loved separation of church and state protects the religious as much as it protects atheists, and we should all be grateful.

Get off the cross we need the wood

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Y’all Qaeda has a secret weapon, Martyrdom, which tells them that they are somehow the picked upon minority, as they work tirelessly to deny everyone else their rights; you can fill in your own example here, women, LGBTQ, and people of color. We hear the cry from all the usual Xristian Xrazies that the people truly being discriminated against are the Xristians themselves.


And so for a few days we saw The 2016 Goat Rodeo contenders embarrass themselves by coming to the aid of Mike Pence, a man who should have his head checked for termites, when he proudly signed Indiana’s We Don’t Serve Your Kind law under the guise of protecting religious freedom. No one bothered to ask protecting it from whom or what, but it hardly matters; it was pandering to the base and that’s all that counted.

No one asked Memories Pizzeria to cater a same-sex wedding, and yet somehow they made themselves into the victim (of their own construction). Ultimately this pizza joint became the beneficiary of nearly $1M—yes, with an M—raised by Wingnuts to defend them for preemptively declaring that they would not serve pizza at a same-sex wedding (that to this day no one has asked them to do). Not bad for not working for a few days.

We look forward to the first Jewish Deli refusing to sell bagels and lox to the goyim, for religious freedom.

The Right to Life Ends At Birth

baby cake

We saw again this week that the state of Texas (the laboratory of bad policy) is moving funds around to promote Abstinence Education. What was new was that the Texas Lege took money from HIV prevention to pump up Abstinence Education funding. Texas has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country (so much for abstinence education), and a very high HIV infection rate, so this move is almost surely to increase both issues.

When Mike Pence did something similar in Indiana (defunded Planned Parenthood, but work with me), a sudden outbreak of HIV erupted. He is now funding as a trial a needle exchange in a particularly hard-hit county.

And once again we can look at personhood bills, 20-week abortion limits, and other ways that the theocrats want to force women who have unwanted/unplanned pregnancies to give birth. We’ve covered this topic so many times over all the years of Blogging Against Theocracy, it is hard to believe that we are still fighting the forced-birth battle.

womanscreaming.jpgThe War on Women is a real thing, it is a front in the larger war against democracy that the theocrats are waging.

Grifters Gotta Grift

Jeebus on a dinoAnd now we turn to Ken Ham, Answers in Genesis’ Elmer Gantry without the looks or charm.

What happened was almost comical in the extreme: AiG posted job openings on their website (since taken down) that had requirements of signing a religious belief statement that the world is 6,000 years old and other fealties to his ministries strange precepts, so from the get-go it would discriminate against hiring non-believers. It also said (essentially) that gay people need not apply. Kentucky saw it and said, whoa! That’s a church and we cannot give public money to you.

So Ham is currently suing the state of Kentucky because they have wisely realized that his embarrassing Ark Park is actually a Xristian Mission in disguise. He has already received close to $100M of public funds, set asides, roads, but he wants even more: $18M in tax rebates. Seems like he should be able to raise that money privately: See Memories Pizza.


So again, it is not anti-religious to Blog Against Theocracy, it is pro-democratic. I enourage you to return to your own blogs, Facebook pages, and Twitter stream and do the same.

We’ve seen various attempts to codify the theocrats beliefs. We’ve seen banned books, banned science classes, altered history courses; we’ve seen proposals to adopt the Bible as states’ book; we’ve even seen a kid who tried to have her state adopt a certain dinosaur fossil, only to see have proposal become an affirmation that The Flood was real. With the help of groups like Americans United For Separation of Church and State, and the ACLU, these theocratic efforts have been fought in court (and mostly won, hooray for the good guys!), but there always will be more trials to come and battles to fight. Our job is to carry on, not be discouraged, and to resist their attempts to subvert our democracy.

I know that there are some who say that the greatest existential threat America faces is ISIS/Al Qaeda, etc., but I would put our greatest threat with the theocrats we already have here, and many of them are running for public office. You see, that’s how we will lose the country: hucksters wrapped in a flag and carrying a Bible.

[Ed. Note: We’re keeping this on top today. Fresher posts are below.]

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Convicted felon accuses Hillary Clinton of lawlessness, and yes, Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted:

Documentarian fabulist, convicted felon, fired Y’all Qaeda business school dean, and would-be bigamist D’VORCE D’SPOUSA is currently serving his eight month sentence in a community confinement center and has another five years probation for violating campaign finance laws.

If Only They Would Legalize It

We’re reaching the point in this country where we need to legalize science. At first, maybe only legalize science for medicinal purposes. After that, maybe tax science heavily and allow recreational use of science. But until science is legal, the black market will own science.

This will be the latest cover of National Geographic:

If Gary Larson was still making comic strips he would have a field day.

Have You Seen This Woman?

A dead-eyed dick

A dead-eyed dick

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has gone missing from her internet channel ($9.95/month, bitches!) for the past 10 days.

Last seen grifting the rubes.

One Lump of Stupid, or Two?

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Palin to speak at CPAC

“Gov. Sarah Palin possesses a unique ability to speak directly to the American people,” American Conservative Union Chairman Matt Schlapp said in a statement Wednesday announcing her appearance.

Well, that was insulting.

New Year’s Resolution FAIL


OK, one of my resolutions was to keep posts about Mooselini to a minimum, and I already had one yesterday and it looks like this is another:

Sarah Palin ‘rambles incoherently’ in Iowa after teleprompter freezes… a day after she declared an interest in 2016 run

And this, my friends is from the very conservative Fox-like UK Daily Mail. But what I love about this headline more than anything else is that the teleprompters have come back to bite Wingnuttia in the ass.