Ohio: First Amendment Is For You, Too

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus enjoys the swing while on recess in Ohio.

What is it with Y’all Qaeda not understanding the First Amendment?

Under a new Ohio law, Gov. John Kasich (R) will require schools to partner with a religious group in order to receive state funding for mentoring programs.

OK, so we have Public Schools using Public Money for mentoring (which is good, though the amount seems sort of puny), but as part of the strings attached, the schools have to partner with a so-called Faith-Based Group (and a corporation, but it was not in TPM’s lede graf). And presumably if they do not partner with a religious organization, well, no mentoring for them!

Buddy Harris, a senior police analyst for the Ohio Department of Education, told the audience at a Thursday information session about the requirement.

“The faith-based organization is clearly at the heart of the vision of the governor,” he said after the session, according to the Plain Dealer.

“We do not forsee any proseletyzing happening between mentors and students,” Harris added. “That’s not really what we’re seeking.”

Indeed, the faith-based organization is in the vision of the Governor who is long-rumored to be a 2016 Goat Rodeo contender. What better way to get into Y’all Qaeda’s good graces and grab the spotlight away from scolds like Frothy Santorum and Uncle Sugar Mike Huckabee. I bet you before this is over, boy exorcist Bobby Jindal will have this scam down in Louisiana, too.

At first blush, you might say that because Kasich didn’t specify which religious denomination that the public schools must partner with, that somehow he got around the establishment clause of the First Amendment, and as Wonkette said/wished, perhaps the Satanists will step in with a faith-based org to be a partner, which would be pretty funny.

But where the whole thing falls apart and what will undoubtedly get this law thrown-out (if not thrown-up) will be that it forces religion onto the atheists, which is a well-known First Amendment violation.

Kasich, clearly not a bright man, is cunning. He will be able to talk about how the secular humanists kicked Sweet Baby Jeebus out of the schools, proclaim himself a victim (the Xristian Xrazies are so moist for victimhood), and have his bonafides proven.

And we all know that everything is better with Sweet Baby Jeebus on it.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

The theocrats are the single greatest threat to our American Democracy. They would impose Biblical law on all of us faster than you can say Separation of Church and State:

He seems nice.

This man and his theocratic brethren, they are what all of us are up against. But look closely there, that is the face of hatred and it is carrying a cross and speaking from a pulpit. There is a reason I call then Y’all Qaeda.

Want Something To Be Thankful For?

Mooselini-is-Evita

Be thankful for the lizard brain of the Teabaggers:

And in their most audacious plans, Tea Party groups are preparing to recruit challengers to run against high-profile Republicans they accuse of betraying them — as they did when they toppled Eric Cantor, the former House majority leader.

At the top of their list of potential targets are politicians like Senator John McCain of Arizona, a proponent of an immigration overhaul. Their fantasy candidate: Sarah Palin, Mr. McCain’s former running mate, who now spends much of the year at her home in Scottsdale, Ariz. Two prominent conservative activists, who spoke anonymously to reveal private discussions, said leading Tea Party figures planned to reach out to Ms. Palin to see if she was interested in running against Mr. McCain.

Thank you Sweet Baby Jeebus for this gift we are about to receive. But on the other hand, she’ll probably quit about 6-weeks into the campaign, blaming the librul media for going after a conservative, constitutional-woman, or some such word salad, you betcha!

Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted

Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

mooselini blingee

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has assembled from spare words she found around the turkey slaughter pen, another, um, essay?

Anyway, it seems that The Kenyan Usurper has insulted women by saying women should have better pay and that parents should have access to better daycare to keep their careers on track:

Sometimes, someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. And that’s not a choice we want Americans to make.

So you can see how he was declaring a blood libel on Mooselini, who has 4 kids (or 5 kids, depending on who is counting) herself and 2 grandchildren (or 3 grandchildren, again depending on who is counting)!

And so now, without further ado, we bring her thesis statement:

Well that just takes the cake. Sure, Obama’s latest shot across the bow in his own “War on Women” is easily deflected by women like my friends and me testifying to the most precious, irreplaceable seasons of our lives when we were BLESSED to be “stay-at-home moms” (though I don’t remember any of us actually “staying home” in those busiest times of our children’s lives), but Friday’s jab deserves something right back nonetheless. On behalf of former and current stay-at-homers, including my girlfriends who still get together to bake cookies for the bake sale (see photos in my kitchen above), and volunteer to coach kids ball teams, and man the church’s food bank, and entertain latchkey kids, and all that other obnoxiously “housewifey” stuff, the President needs to be spanked.

I’d like to buy a vowel, please. The rest of the post is just as well-written and cogent.

McCain-celebration

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this moron to the nation’s attention and suggesting that she should be within one melanoma of the nuclear launch codes.

(Sarah Palin’s MyFace Place)

Well, Mooselini’s Not A Scientist, Fer Sure

Mooselini whatevs

“The global warming hysteria is to this century what eugenics was to the last. So much of it is junk science that will inevitably be discredited once the hysteria dies down and actual science prevails.”

–From Sarah Palin’s MyFace Place

Bristolnacht, Cont. The UnBristling #PalinBrawl

bristol-the-nun

Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin’s daughter Brisket® decides, in print, to tell her side of what happened at Bristolnacht:

First, the media said Trig was not really my mom’s kid.

Then, they claimed my mom said “I can see Russia from my house.”

Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce.

And now, they’re saying my family started a “drunken brawl.”

Thanks for the reminders. Say, your mom promised at one point to produce Trigg’s birth certificate… oh well. SNL is not the media. Your mother was the one who hinted a divorce was coming. There is a Police report (a legal document that can be introduced as evidence in a court of law) that indicates YOU started a drunken brawl.

Our friend got knocked out from a cheap shot from behind. (His injury resulted in ten stitches, so it was really low.)

Why would anyone do this? Well, here’s a hint. The guy was on social media during this incident, tweeting, “about to get famous.”

When Willow saw all this happening she looked at the guy’s mom and said “get ahold of your son.”

But apparently the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, because his mom pushed Willow. A grown woman pushed my little sister.

By this point, I’d already gotten into the car. But when Willow ran to me crying, telling me that some lady had pushed her down, I got out of the car to go talk to her. Any big sister would do this.

It drones on and on, play-by-play.

All of this comes a day after the audio was released from the police interview with a very drunken Bristol, so the timing is both serendipitous and perhaps damning, too. Methinks given the love that the Palins engender means that those alleged and rumored cell phone videos and audio recording are gonna come like a wave.

McCain-celebration

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this family of grifters and waterheads to our attention, and potentially one very old heartbeat away from the nuclear codes.

Bristolnacht, Cont. #PalinBrawl

bristol-the-naughty-nun

Our pal and Scissorhead M. Bouffant over at The Web Of Evil has the soundtrack of the interview with a drunken Brisket® Palin taken during the melée in Alaskastan.

NSFW Audio, so call around your co-workers and boss as she freely uses s***, f***, c***, and that’s just to describe herself.

Raw Story has a bit of the background including that the host was the one to call the cops, and that he considered pressing charges.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Weird Dave)