We Don’t Serve Your Kind, NC Edition

Jeebus wept

It’s happening again as North Carolina proposes to let public servants not do their job for the amorphous reason of deeply held religious objections. So basically a magistrate (that’s Confederacy-ese for Judge/Justice of the Peace?) files an objection and for the next 6 months doesn’t perform any marriages at all without repercussions, and presumably keeps the job and paycheck.

I can hardly wait for the Baptists to not let Mormons marry, and you know it is coming.

“While the courts have taken steps to provide special rights to some, we must not ignore the constitutionally protected rights of others.”

–Republican Senate leader Phil Berger, who explains to us that special rights includes marriage equality.

(Raw Story)

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

Jeebus loves homophobes, Barronelle Stutzman.

We note with a jaundiced eye that Barronelle Stuzman, the latest (Washington state) florist to come afoul of the Lavender Menace has been found guilty of discrimination. But what makes this case so damning, is that she was offered to settle:

“Before this case began, my office wrote to Ms. Stutzman, asking her to comply with state law,” said [Washington state Attorney General Bob ] Ferguson. “Had she agreed to no longer discriminate, my office would not have filed suit, and Ms. Stutzman would not have paid any costs, fees or penalties.”

But of course we have the martyr complex. Say it with me, Scissorheads: “Get off the cross, we need the wood.”

So for your amusement, here’s the full stupid:

Attorney General Bob Ferguson 1125 Washington St. SE
P.O. Box 40100
Olympia, WA 98504
Re: State of Washington v. Arlene’s Flowers and Barronelle Stutzman

Dear Mr. Ferguson,
Thank you for reaching out and making an offer to settle your case against me.

As you may imagine, it has been mentally and emotionally exhausting to be at the center of this controversy for nearly two years. I never imagined that using my God-given talents and abilities, and doing what I love to do for over three decades, would become illegal. Our state would be a better place if we respected each other’s differences, and our leaders protected the freedom to have those differences. Since 2012, same-sex couples all over the state have been free to act on their beliefs about marriage, but because I follow the Bible’s teaching that marriage is the union of one man and one woman, I am no longer free to act on my beliefs.

Your offer reveals that you don’t really understand me or what this conflict is all about. It’s about freedom, not money. I certainly don’t relish the idea of losing my business, my home, and everything else that your lawsuit threatens to take from my family, but my freedom to honor God in doing what I do best is more important. Washington’s constitution guarantees us “freedom of conscience in all matters of religious sentiment.” I cannot sell that precious freedom. You are asking me to walk in the way of a well-known betrayer, one who sold something of infinite worth for 30 pieces of silver. That is something I will not do.

I pray that you reconsider your position. I kindly served Rob for nearly a decade and would gladly continue to do so. I truly want the best for my friend. I’ve also employed and served many members of the LGBT community, and I will continue to do so regardless of what happens with this case. You chose to attack my faith and pursue this not simply as a matter of law, but to threaten my very means of working, eating, and having a home. If you are serious about clarifying the law, then I urge you to drop your claims against my home, business, and other assets and pursue the legal claims through the appeal process. Thanks again for writing and I hope you will consider my offer.

Sincerely, Barronelle Stutzman
Phone: (TG – REDACTED, don’t want to tempt anyone to call her)

So… the plaintifs (the gay couple) orignally sued for the cost of gasoline to go find another florists ($7.97), the State offered a deal that would cost nothing, she lost the case and was fined $2000 + $1 court fee, and now she’s going win-lose with everything.

It’s like that joke about the guy sitting on his roof during a flood waiting for God to save him, not understanding that God sent the wood, the boat, and helicopter. But you know, 30 pieces of silver to have her pride left intact and 15 minutes of Fox Fame trumps it all.

  1. The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
  2. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

Because We Love A Good Apology

Not all GOPers are racist. But if you are a racist, you're probably a GOPer.

Not all GOPers are racist. But if you are a racist, you’re probably a GOPer.

Hey guys, remember that time last week when we learned that the KKK was going to ride to Alabama’s Chief Justice Roy Moore’s defense? Well, it seems that the Klan kinda-sorta wants to apologize to Alabama’s Chief Bigot and Homophobe:

The UDWK has read many posts in the media put out mostly by Homosexual reporters and Atheists that claim Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is a member of the KKK, and activly sought and gained our support. To answer in short, these are lies and typical of that crowd. We simply agree with anyone, who stands against Tyranny, stands for the word of God, and believes in the American Constitution as it was originally written.

We regret any problems our post may have caused the Chief Justice or his Family. Roy Moore is not a Klansman, but he is a man, who believes in God. This Country is sick of the spineless people who put out such lies. We need more Justices who do not see the Constitution as a living breathing document to be shreded and Amended at will. Below is our original call to action post.

The Mississippi Klan salutes Alabama’s chief justice Roy Moore, for refusing to bow to the yoke of Federal tyranny. The Feds have no authority over individual States marriage laws. The fudgepackers from Hollywood and all major news networks are in shock that the good people from the heart of Dixie are resisting their Imperialist, Communist Homosexual agenda!

Alabama has a Constitutional amendment, that clearly says marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman.

But much as they have since the 2nd war for independence was lost in 1865, the Federal Government by way of it’s foreign masters seems set to push this abomination, on the God fearing people of Alabama. Will they send Jack Booted thugs to enforce it? Remains to be seen, but a simple study of history will show they once burned, destroyed and looted the state of Alabama. Georgia was burned almost to the ground, and in our state, Meridian Mississippi was destroyed by blue bellied sledgehammers in one day.

We call upon all Klansman and White Southern Nationalist to help in the massive protest’s coming, Not by wearing your colors, but by joining in with the Christian community’s protests that are surly coming against tyranical Federal judges. We have made the decision that we don’t want to distract attention away from the issue, as anytime the Klan rides, we are made the issue by the zionist controlled media. Members are encouraged to lend a hand, make signs, recruit etc., but leave any insignia, colors, shirts etc at the house. We want to infiltrate these protests and make sure they are kept running in military fashion and not bullied by the outside agitators.

Let today be the day, that the outside forces that have ruled this nation since the end of the War of Northern Aggression be given notice, “The God fearing White man will no longer stand for your immorality, your Illegal unjust judges and laws. Your attempts to turn us into a third world cesspool must be defeated. Unlike the 1950’s and 60’s we see you clearly for the enemy you are. Until we drive the spear of God and truth through your lying cold black hearts, the Klan will leave the light on for you.”

Death Before Dishonor
Imperial Wizard
Brent Waller

For obvious reasons I’m not linking to the original, United Dixie White Knight’s website, but that is the entire post, no editing, no emphasis added. So, if you think that Y’all Qaeda really loves the sinner while hating the sin, keep in mind the company they keep.

Use Small Words and Speak Slowly in Alabama

Liberty kisses Justice

Jumpin’ Jeebus, the Federal Judge had to re-re-issue the order to Alabama, and the NYTimes is trolling the state:

A federal judge here ruled on Thursday that the local probate judge cannot refuse to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, potentially adding some clarity to a judicial quarrel that has roiled Alabama for most of a week.

…In a relatively straightforward order, Judge Granade restated her finding that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional and concluded that if the couples before her “take all steps that are required in the normal course of business as a prerequisite to issuing a marriage license to opposite-sex couples, Judge Davis may not deny them a license on the ground that plaintiffs constitute same-sex couples.”

The ‘Bama probate Judge Don Davis of Mobile County was ‘brought in as a defendant’ by the couple to whom he refused to issue marriage licenses. I’m guessing that the other probate judges realize that this is the Wallace moment for them. I’m sure Davis will have to pay court costs as well as marry the couple now.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Oh boy! Another bad film by auteur professional hater Janet Porter which we are told features some of the 2016 Goat Rodeo Contenders! Let’s look at who she got to go on record as a homophobe and bigot?

That looks like Uncle Sugar hisself Mike Huckabee. Who else in Y’all Qaeda did this anti-gay marplot get to go on record as hating on the ‘mos? Well, Porter is giving us another taste!

Why that looks like Screwie Louie Gohmert, Rep. Tim Huelskamp, Rep. Trent Franks, and 2016 Goat Rodeo contender and Schoedinger’s Candidate Sen. Rand Paul! Let’s see Aqua Buddha try to spin that to the naive waifs at Cal who are only there for the drones (of which he is in favor of using to hunt down bank robbers, you know, when he is not around the undergrads, fraud that he is).

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Martin Luther King and son find a burned cross on their lawn.

Martin Luther King and son find a burned cross on their lawn.

From Hatewatch, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s blog

“The Mississippi Klan salutes Alabama’s chief justice Roy Moore, for refusing to bow to the yoke of Federal tyranny,” Brent Waller, the UDKW’s imperial wizard, wrote in a Stormfront post. “The fudge packers from Hollywood and all major news networks are in shock that the good people from the heart of Dixie are resisting their Imperialist, Communist Homosexual agenda!”

I’m NOT linking to Stormfront for obvious reasons, but just so you know, The Klan plans to rally in Alabama and have requested their members do not wear their distinctive sheets: “We have made the decision that we don’t want to distract attention away from the issue, as anytime the Klan rides, we are made the issue by the zionist controlled media.”

And for anyone wondering why I’m tagging it a Xristian Xrazies, the KKK was/is a Christian organization since its founding. It’s in all their lit, no one tries to deny it.

The 3-Martini Stupid

“What Judge Moore and these probate judges are doing [by not issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples] is in the finest tradition of Martin Luther King, Jr. They are waging the civil rights battle of this decade, using nonviolent protest to do it”

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Mr. Sessions?


“I think it’s an unhealthy trend that judges feel that they’re somehow reflecting popular opinion when first of all, it’s not popular opinion, and secondly, who are they to be ruling on cases based on how they feel.”

“The attorney general of the state of Alabama has appealed, which I support. And while a number of courts have held the way [the] Alabama court has, others have not, and to me this line of cases … represents an activist judiciary. No Congress has ever passed a law or a constitutional amendment that would ever would ever have been thought to have this result.”

“So, I think the proper role of the federal courts is to follow the law as it is, not as they wish it, might wish it to be.”

–Magically delicious, Sen. Jeff ‘Dixie’ Sessions commenting on the SCOTUS not extending the stay and thus forcing Alabama to allow Marriage Equality to come to that state.

And, yeah, I’m sure that thick-fingered vulgarians Antonin Scalia and his cohorts ‘The Pride of the Judiciary’ Clarence Thomas and Capo di Monte enthusiast Sam Alito are worried about popular opinion.

UPDATE: Most of the counties in Alabama, 52 of 67, are refusing to process paperwork, required by law, to issue marriages to same-sex couples. So, Mr. Sessions, who exactly are the activists now?