“I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” the rancher began as he described a “government house” in Las Vegas where he recalled that all the people who sat outside seemed to “have nothing to do.”
“And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he said, as quoted by the Times. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”
–White insurrectionist free-loading rancher-moocher Cliven Bundy, who has a Black Belt in white privlege. Who could have guessed that Sean Hannity’s newest BFF would turn out to be a racist, too? Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted.
Slurpee Flavor of the Month
“Is the ability to buy contraceptives, that are now widely available — my Lord, all you have to do is walk into a 7-11 or any shop on any street in America and have access to them — is that right to access those and have them paid for, is that such a towering good that it would suffocate the rights of conscience?”
–Contraception expert and renowned knee-capper Cardinal Dolan defending Xristian Xrazie Hobby Lobby’s attempt to control the sex lives of their employees.
“I see some people that like to mock and ridicule, especially about the dinosaurs, how did they put the big old dinosaurs on [Noah's Ark]? Well, I would suggest to you they didn’t take the big old dinosaur — they would have taken the younger ones.”
–grifter and Ken Ham toady Carl Kerby, founding border member of Answers in Genesis
The African or European swallow?
“The top 1 percent are funding 30 percent of the government! So, rather than the poor, the low income and the middle class being resentful of these people, they should be kissing the ground on which they walk!”
–Rev. Fishsticks telling us to worship the plutocrats, which seems like an odd message from a fetus-fondling god-botherer like Fischer.
The best way to improve economic prospects for women is to improve job prospects for the men in their lives, even if that means increasing the so-called pay gap.
–Ancient Hate Goblin Phyllis Schlafly — the founder of the Eagle Forum
“Well the reason that the slaves were eventually freed was the Constitution, it was like the conscience of the American people… It came from a growing movement among the people, particularly people of faith, that this was wrong… So no liberal is going to win a debate that big government freed the slaves.”
–Jim DeMint CEO of The Heritage Foundation, who convenintly forgets that the Emancipation Proclamation was a presidential proclamation and the Thirteenth Amendment was initiated by the federal government.
OK, as much as I dislike Attorney General Eric Holder (have I mentioned lately that someone needs to check to see if he is still breathing?), I have to give him props for this spitballing:
In case you don’t recall, and how can anyone keep track of Screwie Louie’s nearly daily Gohmertisms, last May, Holder and Gohmert got into an argument at a House Judiciary Committee meeting. Gohmert alleged that the Department of Justice had failed to prevent the Boston marathon bombing. Holder criticized Gohmert’s characterization, and Gohmert responded in his most Gohmerty way:
“The attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus.”
So Holder’s reply to Gohmert today (“Good luck with your asparagus”) is a genuine spitball and a family friendly “F*** You, Buddy.”
I’m not against anybody. I’m really not. I’m not a hater. I’m not homophobic.”
–Diabetes hate-burger enthusiast, theocratic Uncle Sugar, and 2016 Goat Rodeo Contestant Mike Huckabee
Who then adds this gem:
“But … when people say, ‘Why don’t you just kind of get on the right side of history?’ I said, ‘You’ve got to understand, this for me is not about the right side or the wrong side of history, this is the right side of the Bible, and unless God rewrites it, edits it, sends it down with his signature on it, it’s not my book to change.’”
Ah, so God made you homophobic. Got it. Amazing how God always agrees with you, Gomer.
“Republicans need to learn to start playing offense and quit playing so much defense. You look at, of course I hate to use examples, you look at Assad and you look at Putin, when people stand up to Obama, you see that he backs up and his lines in the sand become erased.”
–Infamous teabagger Lee Bright who is challenging Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase.
Liz Cheney has a winning smile.
“The decision was made, it was absolutely the right decision, and certainly I hope that future presidents would make the decision again that you’ve got to waterboard somebody. Because it means that you’re going to get information to save lives and prevent attacks.”
-Snuff-porn enthusiast Liz Cheney, failed Senate Candidate and the most important Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs in our nation’s history, maybe ever.