The only man in the country who could not run for the GOP nomination is Jeb Bush. After his brother Chimpy screwed the pooch and set fire to the family franchise while making fart noises with his armpit, Jeb (allegedly the smart one) knows that with his now-cursed last name that his much loathed mother Babs-the-Impaler would have an easier time becoming the Betty Crocker Mother of the Year with her recipe for pickled-fetus-in-jars before he would ever be considered as a viable contender for the White House. Such is life.
Just a brief walk down memory lane with Jebby (and yes, the Bush Crime Family really does call him that) reminds us that he played a significant role inserting himself into the Terri Schiavo Drama of a few years back; which of course followed the strange case of how his idiot dry-drunk brother Chimpy became president following a vote count fiasco in the state that Jebby governed. Not that there is any connection.
We are also reminded that Jebby’s own family drama are always amusing in their own way. Let’s recall the good times:
- His wife Columba was caught smuggling in valuables from abroad and not paying customs on them because she “did not want her husband to know how much she had purchased.”
- His daughter Noel should get a badge for checking into rehab. She could become the Mayor of the Betty Ford Clinic on FourSquare.
- His son George P Bush was detained after breaking and entering his ex-girlfriend’s house, and was released only to later comeback and rip up the lawn driving his car over it.
- Youngest son Jebby Junior (can you stand it?) was discovered by a pair of nosy rent-a-cops with a 17-year-old female companion fogging the car’s windows–both were naked from the waist down, save Jebby’s socks. He was detained but not charged, and the police report indicates of course that they knew who they would be dealing with if they did. Of course later he was arrested by Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission agents in Austin for public intox and resisting arrest, which seems to be a family specialty.
Anyway, so imagine the sadness that this outstanding member, the smart one, of the Bush Crime Family must feel today as he gave his endorsement to Willard 2.0 and then ordered the Wingnuts to shut up and get in line. After all, if he, the Dauphin of Bushlandia, could swallow his pride, so should the mouth breathers:
“Congratulations to Governor Mitt Romney on his win last night and to all the candidates for a hard fought, thoughtful debate and primary season,” Bush said in a statement released by his office on Wednesday morning. “Primary elections have been held in thirty-four states, and now is the time for Republicans to unite behind Governor Romney and take our message of fiscal conservatism and job creation to all voters this fall. I am endorsing Mitt Romney for our Party’s nomination.”
We hope that by endorsing Willard, Jebby’s supporters will finally stop moving forward with 7-dimensional chess moves about how he will end up with the nomination by jumping in at the last moment, or through some sort of machination at a brokered convention.
Of course given Willard’s complete lack of core convictions and a willingness to say anything to get elected, it will be pretty much a Bush Crime Family operation, anyway, so Poppy and Babs-the-Impaler will feel triumphant yet once again.