Your Daily Gohmert

gohmert

“Playing politics! Us, playing politics with this issue [immigration]… It’s a threat to our existence! It occurs to me that this president is to our Constitution as Putin is to Ukraine.”

Screwie Louie Gohmert

Here’s Some Coffee To Go With Your Morning Stupid

Rick Perry Guns and Sputter

They came here to help protect the border but now the first wave of Texas National Guard troops deployed after Governor Rick Perry made the call, are needing assistance to pay for food and gas.

“We were contacted that 50 troops that are in the Valley don’t have any money for food and gas and they need our assistance,” said Food Bank RGV Executive Director Terri Drefke.

They’ve turned to the Food Bank RGV for help since they won’t get paid until September 5th and have been in the Valley since August 11th.

But, you know, as far as meaningless gestures go, it’s helping an indicted Governor/Theocrat/Secessionist/Nitwit prepare for the 2016 Goat Rodeo.(Valley Central via Scissorhead Fran)

Marco Rubio Dances Around the Rake

Rubio and Charlie McCarthy

Cuban-heritage fabulist, and grandson of an illegal immigrant Marco Rubio decided that the 2016 Goat Rodeo was more important than a long-held principled position on immigration, and so he rebukes and scolds the DREAMer Kids when they showed up to protest his flip-flop on Immigration Reform in South Carolina:

“We are a sovereign country that deserves to have immigration laws,” Rubio said. “You’re doing harm to your own cause because you don’t have a right to illegally immigrate to the United States.”

Which is a fine and brave thing to say to children who have lived here their entire lives and who did not choose to be here. But whatevs.

For an ambitious Republican looking to prove his conservative bona fides and rub out the stain of working with Chuck Schumer and Harry Reid, the interruption [by DREAM activists] was something of a gift. A plugged-in Republican operative turned to a reporter and observed dryly, “I couldn’t think of a better way to make Rubio look good in South Carolina.”

It almost seems too good to be real for Rubio. Makes me wonder if somehow or other he knew that this was coming?

The audience of nearly 1,200 conservatives jeered the protestors as Rubio waited for them to be escorted out of the Anderson Civic Center, scolding them in the process.

Because targeting brown kids is a right of passage in the GOP.

The crowd cheered him on. One elderly audience member shoved a protester as he weaved his way through the tables. Another, 73-year old Army veteran Turk Culberson, angrily stalked them out of the building, clutching his cane as if it were a baseball bat.

If you wanted to prove to the Y’all Qaeda base of the Party of the Confederacy, I cannot think of a better (legal) visual than belittling brown people while (white) seniors chase them out of the venue.

That said, Rubio kinda-sorta needs to have the non-Cuban hispanic vote if he stands a chance in the general election, so his Rake lives to be stepped on another day. So while the optics work for today, expect them to be used against him later. THWACK!

In Zombie-Eyed Granny Starving News…

Let’s watch in wonder as Zombie-eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan gets confronted by the Dreamers at a book signing:

It takes some brass to pose for smiling pictures with the people that you are trying to deport.

He Keeps Running!

Rand Paul groundhog day driving

Hey guys, remember when famous plagiarist, Ayn Rand Fanboi and shag-carpet topped Sen. Rand Paul, the Aqua Buddhist, beat the land speed record for running away from latino immigrants at a fundraising dinner in Iowa? You know, when later he bravely accused some DREAMERs of being kamikaze interviewers, as he told at least three different and conflicting stories about why there was a sonic boom as he exited the tent?

Anyway, it seems that Sen. Aqua Buddha has now taken the strong and unequivocal stand that immigrants should be deported, and has signed on to a bill to end any deportation relief. This is news because one of his (many) previous positions was that there should be some sort of way for them to become legal residents if not citizens.

We anxiously await his next change of position in about 5 minutes, or as Brother Pierce would say, “4:50, 4:51, 4:52…”

He Seems Nice

chain linked stupid

Gavin Ellzey, the vice chairman of the Kansas Republican 3rd Congressional District Committee, advised on Twitter in early July that “offending Muslims is the duty of any civilized person.”

Ellzey added, “Especially with a .45.”

And so the usual apology:

“I’m not trying to offend anybody. I sure wouldn’t shoot anybody. I don’t even own a gun.”

Oh. OK. As long as you were not trying to offend anybody.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side of Stupid

Director of unwatched documentaries, convicted felon, and would-be bigamist D’Vorce D’Spousa tells us that The Kenyan Usurper manufactured the border crisis because: Derp.

Dine and Dash

Let’s watch as Erika Andiola and Cesar Vargas (both are Dreamers) confront Steve King and Rand Paul at a fundraiser in Iowa:

Yes that is Sen. Aqua Buddha literally running away with his aid, while Steve King gets to meet some of the people he plans to kick out of the country.