He Seems Nice, Part Infinity, Again

Our favorite theocrat crush Theodore Shoebat continues his quest to convince us to kill all the LGBTQ people and their supporters.

Today, he tells us that the ‘mos are actually cannibal wannabes and given the chance they would eat you up with a spoon.

Presumably, young Shoebat already “dined” before recording this, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

He Seems Nice, Part Infinity

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

Our new favorite theocrat Theodore Shoebat tells us that diabetes hate-burger vender Chick-Fil-A should be burned at the stake, and not for shitty food either:

Man, this guy really needs to get laid… and then he should blow off some steam and sing some Garland at the piano bar at the SF Eagle.

Dude doth protest too much.

Because We Love A Good Retraction

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

So you guys might remember that yesterday’s Happy Hour News Brief, we mentioned that four of the 2016 Goat Rodeo contestants are going to speak at a conference convened by Kevin Swanson who is openly calling for the ‘mos to be executed? These candidates include a sitting senator (Cruz), a sitting governor (Jindal), and one former governor (Huckabee), and Ben Carson.

Let’s meet one of the other presenters, president of the Christian Reconstructionist organization American Vision Joel McDurmon:

So hawt! Maybe he could mount Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, and they could make beautiful monkey-love? Or maybe he has a brother? Anyway…

But to be perfectly clear, even though this video is posted TODAY, this hipster-esque tattoo’ed theocrat (which I believe is also a death-penalty in Leviticus, but I could be wrong, but I’m not) has a clarification to make:

In my view, the Bible does not criminalize “homosexuality,” but only the homosexual act of sodomy. I believe the Bible on this point.

Oh, well, that’s entirely different. Never mind my concern.

There’s Gotta Be A Horse In Here Somewhere


The position of this blog is that the vast majority of Kenyan Usurper’s achievements really are the result of undoing the damage of Best Republican Preznint Ever Bill Clinton. From DADT, DOMA, to the repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act, and ending welfare as we know it, Obama has been the anti-Bill. And that’s a good thing.

So I’m not surprised, even a little, that there is no documentary evidence at all to support the claim that DOMA was a defensive measure to hold off something, well, worse. Simply put, that assertion made by Hillary Clinton to Rachel Maddow is pure spin and horse shit.

We knew at the time it was triangulation, and we know it today.

That said, I don’t blame Hillary for Bill’s record (sweet Jeebus, no!), but she should be defining her own position, not defending Bill’s.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

The Original Petunia and still the best, interviews Fox News’ resident fetus-fondling God-botherer Robert Jeffress about Ben ‘Death Cult’ Carson’s Seventh Day Adventist-ism. And then she refers to a piece Jeffress posted on Fox News, part of which says:

“After criss-crossing the country for the past few months and talking to thousands of people, I’m convinced that there are a legion of “closeted” evangelical Trump supporters who are almost apologetic for being attracted to him. They are not under any illusion that Trump will be conducting Bible studies in the Oval Office, nor do they feel like they are abandoning their Christian values to support Trump. Instead, this time around, they are simply weighting “strong leader” more heavily than “committed Christian” in the presidential equation.”

One can only wonder what this delicate, small-handed, high-pitched, teeny-tiny, itty-bitty, entsey-weentsy theocrat can mean when he says, ‘closeted’ evangelical Trump supporters who are almost apologetic for being attracted to him.*”

‘Tis a mystery.

*Not that there’s anything wrong with that?

He Seems Nice (Part Infinity)

The loving Jeebus that fills young Theodore Shoebat is a wonder to behold. But note how a theocrat doesn’t find any problem using the power of the state to discriminate (or execute) the object of his scorn. Dictatorship is great, as long as you are the dictator.

Methinks he got turned down at the L.A. Mineshaft (again?) over the weekend.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

"Oh, gross," said the fish

“Oh, gross,” said the fish

Recently, we’ve all heard that our ol’ target pal, Paul Ryan, the zombie-eyed granny-starver famed in song and story, is likely to run to be the next Speaker of the House. But did you know that he is not a true conservatard?

Linda Harvey writing at BarbWire, the blog-like thingie of Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night tells us the breaking news:

“Is this a trick? It’s certainly not a treat. America may be handed a Speaker who will open the door for the “gay” lobby to achieve its fondest dream, even beyond marriage… And he apparently thinks people are born homosexual because he has “gay” friends.

You see, Linda Harvey discovered that ZEGS once supported ENDA… in 2007, so it is breaking news in 2015? Sure, why not? It’s BarbWire, it doesn’t have to be timely or accurate, it just has to be sensational and frighten the rubes.

And Linda Harvey specializes in that:

“The “Equality Act” seeks to revise the 1964 Civil Rights Act to add the categories of “sexual orientation,” “gender identity” and “sex,” with sex including even delusions of femininity and masculinity, not limited to actual biology… The House bill has 170 co-sponsors, with 39 in the Senate. All so far are Democrats and independents. Microsoft, Apple, Google and other corporations have pledged support for this anti-Christian, anti-American bill, so Republicans may start taking heat from Wall Street to back this unconstitutional power grab… This measure covers not just employment, but housing, public accommodations and education. Parents, that means public schools…And the Equality Act would open the door to proudly gender-bending people in our armed forces.”

And so there you have it: Paul Ryan is a ‘mo-loving RINO. BURN HIM!

Your 3-Martini Stupid is Served

BarbWire, the blog-like thingie of Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night, rewrites the kiddie’s story of Little Red Riding Hood to make it a ham-handed morality play about marriage equality. And because the readers of BarbWire are, shall we say, a little bit slow, the author gives us a pas de derp at the end to explain it to the mouth-breathing paste-eaters who might otherwise wonder why a children’s story is in their daily fish wrap:

“I would not do all the work for the reader here, but if it helps, in this fable of Little Red Riding Hood, the Grandmother is traditional marriage. The wolf is homosexual activism. Little Red Riding Hood is an unsuspecting public, and, in another way, children and their future. The basket of assorted goodies signifies the many blessings and joys of real marriage. The woodcutter is true religion’s opposition to so-called gay rights. His axe is state constitutional amendments to define marriage as one man and one woman. The five foolish judges are the U.S. Supreme Court justices who ruled to redefine marriage for the nation. The clever foxes are professionals who argue homosexuality is inherent, fixed, unalterable, and normal. The townspeople represent ever-changing public opinion.

“Now that you have the key, perhaps you should it read again.”

Now that you have a clue, maybe you should stop reading fables and join the real world? Naw.

And Now A Word From Uncle Tom’s Log Cabin Club

Saturday Morning Cartoons will never be the same for me. Thanks a lot, boys!

Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood (part infinity)

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

What is up with Kentucky? Why There?

“Casey County Clerk Casey Davis and Whitley County Clerk Kay Schwartz also stopped issuing marriage licenses because of their religious opposition to gay marriage.

“Now, Schwartz says she is granting licenses to “bride and groom” couples – and claims she never stopped issuing them – but will not provide the same services to same-sex couples.

“Schwartz was not interested in talking with us on camera about her office’s policies on issuing marriage licenses.

“Her deputies also refused to comment.

“Off camera, Schwartz told us she still refuses to issue licenses to same-sex couples.”

So far no same-sex couple has applied for a license so neither county is being sued. So this is a pre-emptive martyring? Yes.