The War on Women, Cont.

Breaking 2016 Goat Rodeo News!

Breaking 2016 Goat Rodeo News!

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I would expect that it would be a no-brainer for all the 2016 Goat Rodeo Contestants to release a statement condemning the violence in the Planned Parenthood in Colorado.

As I write this, only the Democrats have commented, standing in solidarity with Planned Parenthood, and oddly, Ted Cruz did a sort of half-comment:

…which while his Tweet is more than the rest of Wingnuttia has done, it still seems very bland.

I’m not really sure what the hesitation calculus is here: are they afraid of alienating the ammosexuals, or Y’all Qaeda who thinks the dirty sluts wanting to sell their babies for parts had it coming? But the silence is deafening.

I keep thinking about Reince’s rebranding project and how well it must be going for him.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Slaughter

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Slaughter

So on what grounds does Y’all Qaeda want to impeach The Kenyan Usurper now?

A gun-rights advocate who was lamenting France’s restrictive gun laws earlier this week is now lamenting liberal immigration laws in the United States.

“We should not allow our politicians to import Muslim murderers,” Larry Pratt [Ed. – Pratt is the executive director of Gun Owners of America] says of the unfettered flow of Syrian refugees into the U.S….

…Pratt says the United Nations should send Syrian refugees to Saudi Arabia if they’re Sunni or to Yemen if they’re Shia.

“But for goodness sakes,” says Pratt, “to send them here ought to be an impeachable offense.”

Or is this Pratt suggesting we impeach the United Nations?

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Republicans?


Randy Pullan is the former chairman of the Republican Party in the terrible sand kingdom of Arizonastan.

Keith Ablow To The Rescue, Dr. Carson!

intelligent-design.jpgI guess these doctor types gotta stick together, so Fox News resident psychological consultant (who may or may not be certified (!) and licensed to practice), Keith Ablow is defending 2016 Goat Rodeo novelty candidate Dr. Ben ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ Carson for suggesting that the Jews gave up without a fight to the Holocaust, because guns.

Which is a pretty bold move when you consider that the Fox News audience doesn’t believe the Holocaust happened.

Cause of Natural Death: Gunfire

Shame Them, Shame All of Them

“Sorry your kid died today,” Kelly Ayotte didn’t say, “but the NRA gave me $500, so no gun control laws.”

Lookit, I’m too old and cynical to think that today’s slaughter will change anything. After a classroom full of children were mowed down in Sandyhook, we lost our souls. All we have left is to shame the bastards that they are doing nothing to make it stop.

Kelly Ayotte? low hanging fruit. She accepted $500 from the NRA last cycle, the cheapest whore in the Senate. She needs to be reminded every day of her life that she sold her soul for pocket change. All of them need to be reminded constantly that the policy of the United States is that anyone can slaughter anyone else by gunfire.

So another week, another mass killing, and the politicians still have no plans to address this. This is the exceptional, Gawd-blessed, United States where death by gunfire should now be listed as a natural cause. It is the policy of the United States to let this happen.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Ah'm as popular as a fart in church back home!

Ah’m as popular as a fart in church back home!

Hey guys, remember earlier today when we cited Betteridge’s Law of Headlines, because the National Review asked if it was time for boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal to catch fire, and Scissorhead Kandance said that Jindal “couldn’t catch fire if he jumped in a swimming pool of gas with a lit match”?

Guess what?!

Jindal tried to jump into a pool of gasoline with a lit match:

“These acts of evil are a direct result of cultural rot, and it is cultural rot that we have brought upon ourselves, and then we act like we are confounded and perplexed by what is happening here,” Jindal said.

Jindal rattled off a litany of root causes, including the glorification of “sick and senseless acts of violence in virtually every element of our pop culture” — something he said had been going on for at least a generation.

He blamed violence in movies, TV shows, music and video games.

“Rape, torture, murder, mass murder, all are cinematic achievements,” Jindal said.
“Our music does the same thing, we promote evil, we promote the degradation of women, we flaunt the laws of God and common decency and we promote it all and we flood our young people with it.”

He said legal abortion and treatment of the elderly showed that “we have no regard for the sanctity of human life in any regard.”

But mostly, he blamed single mothers and absentee fathers.

“Let’s get really politically incorrect here and talk specifically about this horror in Oregon,” Jindal said. “This killer’s father is now lecturing us on the need for gun control and he says he has no idea how or where his son got the guns.”

Jindal continued his personal attack on the killer’s father.

“Of course he doesn’t know,” Jindal said. “You know why he doesn’t know? Because he is not, and has never been in his son’s life. He’s a complete failure as a father, he should be embarrassed to even show his face in public. He’s the problem here.”

“He brags that he has never held a gun in his life and that he had no idea that his son had any guns,” Jindal continued. “Why didn’t he know? Because he failed to raise his son. He should be ashamed of himself, and he owes us all an apology.”

Poof! some smoke, but no fire.

Buh-bye, Bobby. It wasn’t nice knowing you.

Some Fries With Your Stupid, Dr. Carson?

guns at birth

The people who want to get rid of our gun rights, I want them to tell me how exactly that stops these kinds of incidents from happening. Because the people who are going to commit these crimes, they don’t care about your silly rules, they’re not going to pay attention to them. So all you’re going to do is create more vulnerability, as Thomas Jefferson said. He said the people who are going to be disadvantaged are the ones who are law-abiding.

Ben ‘Copernicus’ Carson

Um, Jefferson never said it. He quoted it, and then in the margin wrote, “False idee di utilità.”.

The Quotable Huckabee

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

Mike (Gomer) and Jetherine (the Gomerette) Huckabee

“We have not so much a gun problem, we have a problem with sin and evil.”

That’s quite an agenda you’re running on, Gomer. Now take your words and put them into action…

Josh Duggar

Your Bottomless Mimosa of Stupid is Served, Petunia

Petunia and Pals weekend B-Team (and that ought to scare you), led by hebephrenic TeeVee Dinner heir and vanity press owner Tucker Carlson tells us that, yeah, Australia has no gun violence because they have no freeeeeeeeedumb!

And then for good measure ads that Australians can go to jail for “expressing unpopular opinions,” which seems to be some sort of jab at Australia’s Hate Speech laws, which by the way, are working really well, too.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong (News That Will Drive You To Drink)

Get off the cross, someone needs the wood

Onward Christian Mujahideen!

Onward Christian Mujahideen!

On the book of faces, Tennessee’s Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey:

The recent spike in mass shootings across the nation is truly troubling. Whether the perpetrators are motivated by aggressive secularism, jihadist extremism or racial supremacy, their targets remain the same: Christians and defenders of the West.

While this is not the time for widespread panic, it is a time to prepare. I would encourage my fellow Christians who are serious about their faith to think about getting a handgun carry permit. I have always believed that it is better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Our enemies are armed. We must do likewise.

Great idea. Let’s arm every self-aggrandized fetus-fondling god-botherer and tell them that they are the real targets of some gun-toting other. Let’s stroke their martyr complexes real good and see what happens.