The 3-Martini Stupid. Your Server: Ken Ham

Grifters Gotta Grift

Jeebus on a dino

Zip-line ministries and proprieter of the very embarassing Creation Museum Ken Ham is taking it very personally that the state of Kentucky is not allowing him to grift the Commonwealth to pay for his latest embarrassment, The Ark Park After Dark, or whatever it is called.

To recap, Kentucky decided that Ham’s lastest amusement park was actually a church (because they required applicants to be Christians, to take an oath that they believed in Creationism, and because they openly planned to discriminate against LGBTQ people). Because of the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, Kentucky decided to not extend tax breaks valued at about $18M. Instead of going out and raising the money himself from his rubes, er, flock, Ham has gone on a crusade claiming religious discrimination and making the strange case that he is owed the $18M by the State of Kentucky.

How Jeebus Won Kansas For Brownback

Grifters Gotta Grift

Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear Cindy Jacobs has New Apostolic Reformation leader Chuck Pierce on her show who explains that he was on the telephone with Jeebus’ Dad and got instruction on how to save Brownback’s fatback, so to speak:

Maybe Jeebus can do something about Cindy’s adenoids? Not since Agnes Gooch has anyone’s voice…

Your Saturday Bottomless Mug o’ Stupid

Death of the Media


Franklin Graham, weak seed of Billy, to History’s Greatest Reporter, Bill-O:

“I do know that [muslim infiltrators in the White House] are there. I’ve been told this by a number of people,” Graham responded. “I’m not saying that they’re sitting next to the President, whispering into his ear. But they are in the halls.”

“…and those number of people are hosts on Fox News,” Graham didn’t say.

The Morning Quote:

Aaron Schock has a turquoise belt in white privilege.

Aaron Schock has a turquoise belt in white privilege.

“As he said he would, Congressman Schock has fulfilled his commitment to pay for all the renovation costs of the 18th Congressional District office in Washington,” said a statement released by Schock’s office Friday. “Even though office expenses are often covered by the Member Representational Allowance, the Congressman believed it appropriate to pay these costs himself as part of the office review process.”

“We regret getting caught,” Congressman Schock didn’t say. “Anyone know where I can get a Wank Band?

(USA Today)

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Grifters Gotta Grift

Short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump

Short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump

Short-fingered vulgarian The Donald really, Really, REALLY wants us to believe that this time he’s being serious about running in the 2016 Goat Rodeo:

In recent days, Trump said, he has hired staffers in key primary states, retained an election attorney and delayed signing on for another season as host of NBC’s “The Celebrity Apprentice” because of his political projects.

“Everybody feels I’m doing this just to have fun or because it’s good for the brand,” Trump said in an interview with The Washington Post. “Well, it’s not fun. I’m not doing this for enjoyment. I’m doing this because the country is in serious trouble.”

The moves are the most significant steps yet by Trump, 68, toward a bona fide presidential bid, which he considered briefly and flamboyantly in 2011 before deciding against a run.

The looming question, however, is whether he can convince Republicans that he is more than a celebrity bomb-thrower and instead is sincere in his consideration of a campaign. Trump is slated to appear ahead of former Florida governor Jeb Bush on Friday at the Conservative Political Action Conference, an annual gathering of conservatives near Washington.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Here’s Our Lady of Good Shoe Wear and Bountiful Pasta Cindy Jacobs telling us in April of 2014 that Sweet Baby Jeebus personally told her that Alabama was gonna be the throw-down state for stopping Marriage Equality (you will find it linked in all of the usual Xristian Xrazie places, you know, that SHE WAS RIGHT!):

While it might seem prophetic, in February of 2014:

On February 13, 2014, the Southern Poverty Law Center filed suit in U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Alabama on behalf of Paul Hard challenging the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, both in its statutes and constitution. Hard and his late husband, David Fancher, Alabama natives, wed in Massachusetts on May 20, 2011. Fancher died in an accident on August 1. The suit, originally Hard v. Bentley, named the governor as principal defendant, as well as several other government officials.[6] Hard asked for a corrected death certificate and recognition as Fancher’s surviving spouse, entitled to a share of the proceeds of a wrongful death suit filed by the administrator of Fancher’s estate.[7][8] Fancher’s mother, who opposed Hard’s claims and was supported by Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore’s Foundation for Moral Law, asked the district court for a ruling on her motion for summary judgement on February 5, 2015. On February 9, the Alabama Department of Public Health provided Hard a corrected death certificate.[9]

…so Cindy kinda-sorta knew that this was coming down the pike? And she kinda-sorta knew that Judge Roy Moore is a grandstanding assrocket member of Y’all Qaeda, so it was probably a pretty calculatedly safe bet that she knew what would happen next! Still! It beats the heck out of her stories of good shoe wear, tire wear, and how her children saved St. Ronnie from assassination.

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

Easter at the Ham's

Easter at the Ham’s

Answers in Genesis’s embarrassing Creation Museum/Zip-line minister and would-be Ark Park entrepreneur (grifter) Ken Ham is agitating to not have February 12 declared Darwin Day (as proposed), but instead to have it declared Darwin Was Wrong Day:

Secularists are becoming increasingly aggressive and intolerant in promoting their anti-God philosophy. Evolutionary ideas provide the foundation for this worldview because they seemingly allow mankind the ability to explain the existence of life and the universe without God. As Christians, we need to be bold in proclaiming the truth of God’s Word to a hurting (groaning, Romans 8:22) world. This year, on February 12, instead of celebrating Darwin’s anti-God religion, we can take this opportunity to show the world that Darwin’s ideas about our supposed evolutionary origins were wrong, and that God’s Word is true, from the very beginning. Let’s make February 12 Darwin Was Wrong Day and point people to the truth of God’s Word.

The subheadings on this longish rant include, No Life from Non-Life, No Mechanism for Evolution, and Evolution Is Bad Science. You know, just incase you wondered if Ham thought it might be good science.

And because the cardinal rule is to fleece the rubes whenever possible (Grifters Gotta Grift), the bottom of his post has links to all the anti-Darwin, anti-Evolution materials to buy, each reasonably priced at $12.99.

The 3-Martini Stupid: Who Sank Answers In Genesis’ Ark? UPDATED

Grifters Gotta Grift

Ken Ham, CEO of Answers in Genesis, is bringing a federal religious discrimination lawsuit against the state of Kentucky. It seems that the Commonwealth suddenly discovered that they were being grifted by an Elmer Gantry wannabe of the first order to the tune of $18M and they had enough and rescinded the tax breaks offer.

Answers in Genesis, the group seeking to build a Noah’s Ark theme park in Kentucky, said Tuesday it will file a federal discrimination lawsuit against the state for rejecting its application for tax incentives to help finance the park.

Tourism officials in December denied tax incentives worth roughly $18 million for the Ark Encounter — a biblical theme park to include a 510-foot-long wooden ship — over concerns that it had evolved from a tourist attraction to an effort to advance a religion and that developers planned to discriminate in hiring based on religion.

And boy-howdy, did they ever plan to discriminate:

The overtly religious enterprise, dubbed the “Ark Park,” first sailed into stormy seas in August when AU informed the tourism cabinet that AiG had posted online an opening for a computer-assisted design technician to work at Ark Encounter.

That job post was later removed, but in the August description AiG said applicants must submit a “[c]reation belief statement,” as well as “[c]onfirmation of [their] agreement with the AiG Statement of Faith.” That “statement of faith” required potential AiG employees to affirm their belief that homosexuality is a sin on par with bestiality and incest, that the earth is only 6,000 years old and that the Bible is literally true. Anyone who doesn’t agree with those statements would not be considered for the job.

And while it is perfectly true that religious organizations can hire/fire whomever they want, they cannot discriminate with tax payer money. It’s pretty straightforward. Even Kentucky Governor Beshear, formerly a supporter of Ham’s scam, has thrown in the towel:

Beshear touted the park’s economic benefits as far back as 2010, but various delays have pushed back the park’s estimated opening many times. Answers in Genesis head Ham now says Ark Encounter will open in the spring of 2016, but some remain skeptical. Ham claimed ground has been broken for the Ark Park, but the actual level of progress made remains unknown.

For his part, Beshear supported the tourism cabinet’s decision not to award a massive tax rebate to the Ark Park.

“[I]t has become apparent that they do intend to use religious beliefs as a litmus test for hiring decisions,” the governor said in a December statement.

Interestingly, attention loving Ham, strip mall Ezekiel that he is, is not taking this setback lying down (or wherever it is that he lies). He decided to create a Special Victim’s video:

FYI, Mike Johnson is from the Louisiana-based religious right legal group Freedom Guard; Tony Perkins president of the Family Research Council sits on its board of directors. The Southern Poverty Law Center has designated the FRC as a hate-group, so it seems all the birds are home to roost.

Ham also has put up a billboard in New York City to plead his case, which seems like a silly waste of money from a group claiming that they need money.

“To all our intolerant liberal friends: Thank God you can’t sink this ship,” read AiG’s billboard, which was festooned with a large depiction of the ark. AiG also said it bought a 15-second digital video display that ran in New York City’s Times Square.

And they have already grifted the state for tens of millions of dollars:

The city of Williamstown agreed to a 75 percent break on property taxes for 30 years and a $62 million bond issue. The Grant County Industrial Development Authority gave the park $200,000 plus 100 acres of land at a reduced price. The state has promised $11 million in road improvements for the park’s benefit.

The state also agreed to provide $18 million in tourism tax credits, but withdrew the offer after it became clear that Ark Encounter jobs would go only to people who pass the group’s religious litmus test. You would think state officials could have seen that coming.

Here’s the deal: if they want to build a theme park to grift the rubes and god-botherers, they should go to town and raise the money themselves. The fact that they cannot raise a relatively small amount (after grifting millions of public dollars) sort of shows us that there is no public demand for this venue and that indeed it was always planned to be a ministry of some sort, and not a job-creating engine. Or, to put it more succinctly as the Lexington Herald-Leader did, Why does God need so much tax-payer help?

(Courier Journal, Lexington Herald-Leader, Americans United)

UPDATE: A day later and Charlie Pierce is now writing about Ham and the Ark. Sigh. And one of his commenters is using the Elmer Gantry line, too/also.

Sunday Brunch: Claim Chowder With Word Salad


I should have seen this one coming: Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin responds to criticism of posting Trig, the likable Palin® standing on the back of—and I’m not making this up—Jill Hadassah, the family dog.

PETA wrote:

It’s odd that anyone—let alone a mother—would find it appropriate to post such a thing, with no apparent sympathy for the dog in the photo. Then again, PETA, along with everyone else, is used to the hard-hearted, seeming obliviousness of this bizarrely callous woman, who actually thought it appropriate to be filmed while turkeys were being slaughtered right behind her in full view of the camera.

…And so Mooselini felt compelled to reply, and lay the blame squarly at the feet of: The Kenyan Usurper for some reason:

Dear PETA,
Chill. At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.

Or maybe it’s Ellen DeGeneres’s fault:

Hey, by the way, remember your “Woman of the Year”, Ellen DeGeneres? Did you get all wee-wee’d up when she posted this sweet picture? Hypocritical, much?

Naw, it’s the Kenyan’s fault:

Did you go as crazy when your heroic Man-of-Your-Lifetime, Barack Obama, revealed he actually enjoyed eating dead dog meat?

OK, I’m getting dizzy with her blaming everyone. The point still remains that instead of doing something a real mom would do, like stopping Trig, or helping him reach the counter, Mooselini photographed it, and posted it on her Book of Faces. Yesterday some of her fans were appalled, what do they say today?

Keith Christenson Wow , I just read you post and some responses. The liberal left comments are laced with hatred toward you. I didnt realize just how vile they are to you and your family! I support you Sarah Palin. You’re spot on!

Melinda Pierce Garcia Think your amazing. I’m sure the dog was in heaven and loves your children playfulness. Stay you! Stay strong

Randy Karnes Give ‘em hell, Sarah! And PLEASE run for President!!!!!

Donald Rhodes The only way you could make your loyal followers happier is to say that you will run for president.

You see, she came back swinging at her big, liberal detractors (PETA in this case). Y’all Qaeda loves to be the little victim fighting against the monolithic hippy under the bed. She (for some reason) also attacked the Kenyan, and for good measure attacked a godless lesbian, so it was all red meat for the mouthbreathers.

I think it is safe to say that this was move was planned from the Mooselini Outrage Factory. And her 15 minutes rolls-on.

UPDATE 1: PETA replies:

PETA simply believes that people shouldn’t step on dogs, and judging by the reaction that we’ve seen to Sarah Palin’s Instagram photo, we’re far from alone in that belief. Palin’s Facebook response shows us that she knows PETA about as well as she knows geography. Yes, we campaign against the Iditarod because when the dogs aren’t being driven—sometimes to death—most live chained or inside cages for their entire lives. And we’re a vegan organization, so we sit on pleather couches, wear stylish vegan kicks, and consider fish friends, not food. (Also, by the way, we just sent a case of vegan caviar to Vladimir Putin—and no, you can’t see his house from yours, Ms. Palin.) We have no reason to believe that the Palin companion animals aren’t ordinarily pampered, and we wish the entire family a peaceful and humane 2015.

No Pork For Ham* – A Follow-up

Grifters Gotta Grift

Jeebus on a dino

We should have seen this one coming now that Kentucky has realized that it was being grifted by the founder of Answers in Genesis’ Ken Hamm, who is clearly Elmer Gantry without the sex appeal:

Ken Ham fundraising letter accuses Beshear administration of launching ‘massive attack’ on religious freedom

As you may recall Kentucky’s Tourism, Arts and Heritage Cabinet suddenly realized that Ham’s latest embarrassing theme park (Noah’s Ark After Dark Park or some such thing) was actually a ministry to convert the heathen, would hire only Xristians (and make them sign an oath), and would not follow equal opportunity laws, especially they would discriminate against gay people. The Cabinet therefore refused Ham’s project request to keep 25% of tax revenue (about $18M over 10 years).

Which of course means that Ham is suffering the outrageous slings and arrows of religious persecution!

“Atheist groups have launched major attacks in various ways. They tried to derail our bond offering, and are now attempting to undermine the sales tax refund incentive for the Ark project. These secularists are ‘rocking the boat’ and we have had to work hard to counter their attacks. But through it all, God has blessed and the Ark construction is well underway!

Kentucky’s State Government is an atheist group? The 11th Commandment is a god-given right for Y’all Qaeda to bilk the taxpayer, and I think that is scriptural, but I could be wrong.

One letter from the State of Kentucky to AiG makes it clear that the state seeks to discriminate against us because of our Christian message. The letter from a state official, with statements that criticize us for having an evangelistic purpose and possibly hiring Ark staff who agree with our Christian faith, is remarkable.

This thinking is so twisted, it is outrageously hard to unravel what he thinks that the First Amendment does. There is nothing there that says every ministry has the right to grift.

Here is one of the many incredible statements in that letter (which was also obtained and published by the liberal media): ‘The Commonwealth (of Kentucky) must have the express written assurance from Ark Encounter, LLC that it will not discriminate in any way on the basis of religion in hiring.’

But as is clear settled law, churches and other religious organizations are allowed to hire employees who agree with their religious viewpoint!

Which is true, Ken. So is it a public amusement park, or is it a church? You can discriminate legally if it is a church, but you cannot get your hands on those sweet, sweet tax dollars if it is.

Even though this governmental heavy-handedness could mean an unjust loss of $18 million in sales tax refunds over 10 years, we will not — in any way — water down our message!”

How can it be a loss if it was never yours to begin with, Ken? You think you are entitled to that tax break?

So please send your contributions to Answers in Grifting, um, well what does he say here:

Ham closes the letter by saying they need $14 million more in donations to complete the first scaled-back phase of Ark Encounter construction, enclosing a reply form soliciting donations directly to AiG. They also note that such gifts to their 501(c)(3) are “tax deductible.”

How can you be a tax-deductible charity if you are also a for-profit public limited liability corporation? Good thing the new Republican Congress is stripping funding from the IRS to investigate this sort of thing.

Soliciting supposedly tax-deductible donations to the nonprofit ministry AiG for the Ark Encounter project potentially opens up the project to another legal challenge, as the Freedom From Religion Foundation recently asked the IRS to investigate and possibly strip AiG of its tax-exempt status due to blurring the lines between it and the for-profit Ark Encounter, LLC they created and own. AiG created Ark Encounter in order to qualify for state tax incentives, but still appears to be soliciting tax-deductible donations for the park and requiring a religious test for job applicants — both legal if they wanted to do so on its own, but beyond the acceptable scope for a for-profit company seeking tax incentives under Kentucky law.

* Hat tip to Big Bad Bald Bastard for coining that headline.