The Hot House Flowers of the New Confederacy

We begin, as we must, with a quote from The Hill:

“Donald Trump’s rhetoric since the Paris terrorist attacks appears to have helped him with GOP primary voters, according to most polls. But Republican insiders are concerned that his words could come back to haunt the party as it seeks to appeal to a broader audience.”

I’m going to continue to bang my spoon on my highchair: Donald Trump is the GOP, the more terrible the crap he says, the higher his polls go.

The Insiders in the article are so full of shit that their eyes are brown. They are not concerned that hateful, ignorant rhetoric will hurt the United States, they are concerned that it will hurt the Republican Party brand:

“There is a lot of danger in some of the things that Trump has said, for a party that needs to reach out to Hispanics, needs to reach out to young voters, needs to reach out to women. Some of the rhetoric will be put back into play in the fall, and it is not positive,” [Ed Rollins] said.

Republican insiders like Ed Rollins cultivated the bigots, nurtured them like hot house flowers, gave them a teaspoon of water and a steady feed of Fox News bullshit. And now he is worried about reaching out to hispanics, youth, and women? And let us not forget that Rollins was St. Ronnie’s campaign manager in 1984, and who was his deputy? Lee Atwater, who is probably best known as the architect of The Southern Strategy. Cry me a fucking river, Rollins. You should be the first person Audrey II gobbles up.

The Morning Quote


“If [Ben Carson] does [his book tour] right, it can just enhance the campaign,” said former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who ran a book tour while campaigning in the last presidential cycle, a move that didn’t appear to hurt him at the time, though he ultimately was defeated.

“The key, he said, is to structure book stops as an extension of the campaign: “You’ve got to put them together so they reinforce each other. Don’t go to a great book town [if it doesn’t help the campaign,]” Gingrich said.”


God Told Grifter Jim Bakker To Wear Black Panties

…but HE never said that they had to be men’s undies, now did He?

“Oh, and buy a bucket of potato slop,” Bakker didn’t add while adjusting his bustier.

That Gawd is quite a kidder, huh?

Pastor Samuel Rodriguez Welcomes…

Grifters Gotta Grift

…Our Lady Of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear Cindy Jacobs to the stage:

Methinks he’s angling for a promotion or sumpin’? Jeebus, could he lay it on any thicker?

Since the time MPS started paying attention to her, you may recall Jacobs was able to miraculously prevent:

  • Financial Collapse
  • Assassination of the President (well, her kid did)
  • Terrorist Attacks
  • Coups of various sorts

And you might recall that she has miraculously:

  • Raised the Dead
  • Cured the Insane
  • Restored Hymens from Hysterectomies
  • Made people grow several inches

And of course, there is the good shoe wear and endless pasta.

As Was Foretold in Prophesy!

Grifters Gotta Grift

Self-proclaimed prophet Rick Joyner is now claiming that he prophesied the drought in California, because Jeebus’ Dad wants to destroy the place but wants the good guys to get out. So the drought was to encourage them to leave. BUT Jeebus’ Dad also wants the good guys to remain behind to become leaders when the big boom destroys the place.

Gotta love that prophecy: it might/not happen anytime now or never, but you should go/stay, depending.

Oh, and buy some of Jim Bakker’s doomsday potato slop buckets.

Huckabee Wants To Sell More Books

Grifters Gotta Grift

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Mike Huckabee, the alleged 2016 Goat Rodeo candidate on an extended book tour, couldn’t wait for the bodies to get cold before he tried to politicize the tragic slaughter of people in Oregon, you know, by claiming that The Kenyan Usurper is politicizing the tragic slaughter in Oregon…

“We hardly know any of the details about this horrific tragedy – What kind of gun was used? How did the shooter obtain it? What is the motive? Does the shooter have a history of mental illness? Was this an act of terror?”

Huckabee, does it matter what the gun was? It had bullets, it killed a bunch of people. How did the killer obtain it? – Again, does it matter, he obtained it and used it to kill a bunch of people. His motive, does it matter, he used a gun to kill a bunch of people? Did he have a history of mental illness, he still got his hands on a gun a used it to kill a bunch of people.

You want to offer a remedy, or would that be too… political?

“With few facts, Obama is quick to admittedly politicize this tragedy to advance his liberal, anti-gun agenda. For this president to make a political pronouncement is at best premature and at worst ignorantly inflammatory.”

As opposed to your political pronouncement, Huckabee, trailing in the polls, exploiting a bunch of dead people in Oregon? So how goes the sale of your latest book which has the word “Guns” in the title? A little marketing tie-in should see a bump in your sales figures.

Some Anchovies With Your Stupid?

We Don’t Serve Your Kind

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

Hey guys, remember that time when that faltering Xristian Memories Pizza joint in Indiana preemptively announced that they would not cater any wedding receptions for the ‘mos and immediately became the beneficiaries of nearly a cool million Ameros? Pretty great grift, huh?

Well guess what? Another Kentucky county clerk, Casey Davis (no relationship to Gawd’s Own Filing Clerk Kim Davis), has decided he’s gonna cash in and become Gawd’s Other Filing Clerk:

Casey County clerk Casey Davis has been supportive of Kim Davis’ stance against the Supreme Court ruling.

But unlike Rowan County, no one has filed suit against Casey County.

So where’s the grift, you ask?

While Casey Davis has not had any requests from same sex couples in his county, he says he is fully prepared to say no.

“Y’all can send me non-sequential, unmarked, small bills t’ encourage mah righteous fight against them heathen ‘mos,” Davis did not say. “I’m waiting.”

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Roket)

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Tony Perkins

Get off the cross, someone needs the wood

They say in time you get the face you deserve. Kim Davis got Dick Cheney's.

They say in time you get the face you deserve. Kim Davis got Dick Cheney’s.

Tony Perkins, the titular head (see what I did there?) of a Southern Poverty Law Center-designated hate group Family Research Council, announced that they were giving the “Cost of Discipleship Award” to Gawd’s Own Filing Clerk Kim Davis at the upcoming Values Voter Summit:

“We are pleased to announce that Kim Davis will be honored at this year’s Values Voter Summit. After meeting with her last week, I can tell you that Kim Davis wasn’t looking for this fight, but she is not running from it either. What militant secularists are almost certainly afraid of is what is coming to pass: courage is breeding courage. When other people might have cowered in fear, Kim took a stand. And today, millions of Americans stand with her and for the religious freedom upon which our nation was founded.”

“And we’re making sweet, sweet moolah hand over fist,” he did not add.

“Far from the media’s portrayal, Kim isn’t trying to impose her views on anyone, she is simply asking that her orthodox religious views be accommodated.”

“You know, except for the people who work for her,” Perkins did not say, “fuck their values, they have to do what Kim says.”


When the Cannibals Attack…

Hey guys, remember the other day when sexually disgraced pastor Jim Bakker told us about the marauding blah gangs of Chicago and NYC urban cannibals that are going to descend to feast upon us as we go into the End Times so please buy his buckets of potato slop?

Yeah. That guy.

Well, it seems that he has a new grift warning for us today so we better buy his buckets of glop: the sun is going to attack us too, and when it does the electrical grid will go down, just like it did in 1859, so buy a horse (probably from him?):

I’ll leave it to your imaginations how the the downing of the grid of 1859 set free the cannibals of that day.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Please notice the ad on the bottom of the video: Jim Bakker (former husband of the late Tammy Faye and former wealth gospel grifter) is selling food for preppers as he tells us that we will be eaten by gangs of cannibals in NYC and Chicago.

God, I really love these Xristian grifters; they just are shameless hucksters.