When the Cannibals Attack…

Hey guys, remember the other day when sexually disgraced pastor Jim Bakker told us about the marauding blah gangs of Chicago and NYC urban cannibals that are going to descend to feast upon us as we go into the End Times so please buy his buckets of potato slop?

Yeah. That guy.

Well, it seems that he has a new grift warning for us today so we better buy his buckets of glop: the sun is going to attack us too, and when it does the electrical grid will go down, just like it did in 1859, so buy a horse (probably from him?):

I’ll leave it to your imaginations how the the downing of the grid of 1859 set free the cannibals of that day.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Please notice the ad on the bottom of the video: Jim Bakker (former husband of the late Tammy Faye and former wealth gospel grifter) is selling food for preppers as he tells us that we will be eaten by gangs of cannibals in NYC and Chicago.

God, I really love these Xristian grifters; they just are shameless hucksters.

Grifters Gotta Grift, Eh Mooselini?

Grifters Gotta Grift -- and they have bad aim?

Grifters Gotta Grift — and they have bad aim?

It probably comes as little surprise to anyone paying attention but SarahPAC, the political action committee for Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini continues to spend less on candidates than it does on, well, the Boreal Narcissus.

The National Post tells us:

  • $230,250 on consultants, including $80,500 to longtime aide and PAC treasurer Timothy Crawford
  • $139,932 on direct mail, produced by conservative fundraising firm HSP Direct
  • $128,482 on postage, printing, and related supplies
  • $82,213 on travel and accommodations, including airfare, hotels, car and SUV rentals, travel agents, and taxis. The Waldorf Astoria in New York City ($4,562) and Venetian Resort Hotel Casino in Las Vegas ($797) were two particularly pricy line items. The $3,854 SarahPAC paid a New York–based limousine company came on Feb. 19, right after Palin appeared at the staging of Saturday Night Live’s 40th anniversary special, where she sat in the audience next to musician Taylor Swift.
  • $48,000 on speech writing, mostly to Aries Petra Consulting, a small limited liability company registered in Virginia and based in Los Angeles
  • $37,354 on Internet fundraising through Austin, Texas–based Harris Media LLC, which works for numerous conservative politicians

And oh yeah: “during the first half of 2015, SarahPAC only spent $25,000 on candidate contributions — less than 4 per cent of its overall expenditures.”

But it’s cool: both Gov. Sammiches and the short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump have offered her places in their administrations, should they win.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Moeman)

The GoFundMe We’ve All Been Waiting For!

Grifters Gotta Grift

Grifters Gotta Grift

The Duggars—reportedly worth millions—want some Ameros so they can produce their lovely, quality Xristian “content” now that their show is cancelled.

(We suspect it might go for a group Ashleigh Madison account for the menfolk, but we’re only guessing.)


News That Will Drive You To Drink

Jeebus SavesTheodore Shoebat (and I’m not making that name up) has a suggestion in light of all the news last week: Don’t Ban The Confederate Flag, Instead Ban The Blasphemous And Demonic Homosexual Flag

“…America is advancing the sodomite agenda, that is why it hoists this useless flag all over the world, because the sodomite movement is an imperialistic movement that seeks to take over world. It is truly a hateful symbol, hateful against Christianity, hateful against the very Faith that built civilization, hateful against the building block of all civilization — the Family. It is a despotic symbol that deserves nothing but the flames.

“I say keep the Confederate flag and strip every single one of these repulsive, diabolical little flags. Shred them to pieces, burn them, take them down and rip them up. Do whatever is necessary to destroy these idols. All of those in the South, who want to see the Confederate flag remain hoisted and presented, should, in multitudes, burn these horrid sodomite flags, to shake up the government and let them know: we know why you are doing this, you have an agenda, and that is to strip away traditional Southern culture and replace it with the modernist antichrist ideology.”

He seems nice.

This Shoebat (not to be confused with this Shoebat, the alleged terrorist who has found Jeebus) also offers for sale a series of lectures on CD, so, you know, Grifters Gotta Grift. Hey, maybe these Shoebats should get together?

Grifters Gotta Grift

airplane the movieHey guys, remember that propserity gospel preacher dude Creflo Dollar who wanted a $70M private jet and kept harranging his flock to buy it for him?

His church will buy him one.

“The board of World Changers Church International, which was founded by popular televangelist Creflo Dollar and conducts business as Creflo Dollar Ministries, said in a strongly worded statement that the organization will acquire the luxury multimillion dollar Gulfstream G650 jet they tried to raise $65 million to purchase through a short-lived crowdfunding campaign that sparked public outcry in March.

“The ministry shut down the crowdfunding campaign asking 200,000 of its international supporters to donate $300 each in March to purchase the aircraft that reportedly had billionaires waiting in line to purchase one last year.”

Grifters Gotta Grift

Jon Ritzheimer organized the anti-Muslim protest rally and Muhammad cartooning contest last Friday in Phoenix, and so now he wants his gofundme payout. You know, to protect his family from the back-lash of his own making. Also/too: to run against Grandpa Walnuts. It’s a two-fer-one donation!

I wonder how much Mooselini will donate?

I’m Starting To Like This O’Malley Guy

Grifters Gotta Grift

mooselini-snears-surrealAlaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin’s ghost writer wrote about O’Malley on her book of faces:

“Yet another anti-freedom politician jumps in the race today for POTUS. As cool as he is with his rock ‘n roll persona, this typical liberal’s erroneous grasp of our Bill of Rights merely continues the strange and disastrous agenda of Barack Obama. Good to know he doesn’t have much chance of winning. The democrats have greased the skids for their chosen one, despite the media games that play the public with various ‘competing’ campaigns used for gamey distractions.”

…to which he replied (trolled):

That’s gonna leave a mark. Mooselini as you may recall has been toying with throwing her hat in the ring (not really, just grifting the rubes).

Phew! That Was A Close One!

Grifters Gotta Grift

fart trumpet

Once again, Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear Cindy Jacobs saved our bacon! You see, last week before the long weekend she prophesied (is that a real verb?) an attack on the US Capitol, and called for her prayer warriors to put a shield up.

And look, nothing happened! Another stunning victory for Cindy. Send her $3 to say thank you, hmmm?

Brisket® Palin: Always a Bride’s Maid

bristol-the-naughty-nun…Never a bride: Bristol Palin Is No Longer Engaged

The long-and-short of it seems to be that her betrothed, Dakota Meyer, might still be married or something, though Brisket® denies that the rumors are true:

“Regarding salacious headlines in recent days about “secret wives”, Dakota and I discussed our past relationships prior to our engagement. Dakota was legally divorced years ago, as any good reporter could and should have disclosed to readers. As usual, false stories and dramatically written headlines begging controversy should be disregarded, and we have faith that our privacy will be respected at this time by those with decency. Thank you! – Bristol”

So Brisket called off the wedding because… whimsey?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Moeman)