Free Parenting Advice From Uncle Sugar

janet mike huckabee in hello dollyThis takes some brass:

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee has accused President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, of double standards in parenting, saying in an interview published Tuesday that the first family shelters its daughters from some things but allows them to listen to the music of Beyoncé…

While promoting his new book, the former Baptist pastor told People magazine, “I don’t understand how on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything — how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school … and yet they don’t see anything that might not be suitable” in Beyoncé’s lyrics. He also said Beyoncé’s choreography is “best left for the privacy of her bedroom.”

In his book, Huckabee describes the Grammy Award-winning Beyoncé’s lyrics as “obnoxious and toxic mental poison.” He also accuses Beyoncé’s husband, rapper Jay-Z, of “exploiting his wife” like a “pimp.”

Huckabee’s son, David, was fired from Boy Scout Camp for allegedly torturing a dog but undisputedly for killing it, so he has some experience in fine parenting.

2016 Goat Rodeo Endorsement: Huckabee


From the Brody File:

Can Mike Huckabee win the GOP presidential nomination in 2016? To quote Sarah Palin: “You betcha.”

I have one word to sum up Mike Huckabee: “Reaganesque.”

Which gives me another opportunity to remind us all that St. Ronnie was not a religious man:

“Michael Deaver’s White House memoir, Behind the Scenes, is excerpted in Life. The highlight involves a 1980 incident in which the Reagans found themselves taking part in a communion service. Nancy “hissed, ‘Are those people drinking out of the same cup?'” and was assured that all she had to do was dip her wafer into the chalice. Unfortunately, she dropped it in by mistake and thus prompted her husband, who had been told to follow her lead – as if he had to be – to toss his wafer in as well, leaving the pastor “shaking his head as these blobs of gunk floated in the chalice.”

Excerpt From: Paul Slansky. “The Clothes Have No Emperor.” This is my favorite book on the Reagan era. It is available in all the usual places, my copy is iBooks.

2016 Goat Rodeo Rider Is Angry

So Reince, how is that rebranding working out? If I were you (hahahaha), I would take Gomer up on his offer and kick him out of your club. Something like:

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

I wonder if secret squirrel-fryer Mike Huckabee realizes that he is advocating for sedition?

Yeah, he’s running

There’s no other explanation for this kind of creepy sexism. I mean, other than he’s a creepy sexist.

The Morning Quote


I’m not against anybody. I’m really not. I’m not a hater. I’m not homophobic.”

–Diabetes hate-burger enthusiast, theocratic Uncle Sugar, and 2016 Goat Rodeo Contestant Mike Huckabee

Who then adds this gem:

“But … when people say, ‘Why don’t you just kind of get on the right side of history?’ I said, ‘You’ve got to understand, this for me is not about the right side or the wrong side of history, this is the right side of the Bible, and unless God rewrites it, edits it, sends it down with his signature on it, it’s not my book to change.'”

Ah, so God made you homophobic. Got it. Amazing how God always agrees with you, Gomer.

The Morning Quote – the Keep Digging edition


“I’ve twice run against women opponents, and it’s a very different kind of approach,” he tells me. Different how? “For those of us who have some chivalry left, there’s a level of respect. … You treat some things as a special treasure; you treat other things as common.” A male opponent is “common,” a woman requires “a sense of pedestal.”

The chivalrous –Mike Huckabee, theocrat squirrel-frying potential 2016 Goat Rodeo contender, speculating on running against Hillary Clinton. (The New Republic)

UPDATE 1: But wait! There’s more condescending to be had!

“I believe in equality, and I have a record of transforming that belief into action,” the ex-governor told Salon in an e-mailed statement. “However, equality doesn’t mean sameness.”

As Salon noted this morning, Huckabee told The New Republic’s Nora Caplan-Bricker, who had asked about a potential 2016 match-up against Hillary Clinton, that a female opponent required “a different approach.” To illustrate the contrast, Huckabee told Caplan-Bricker that he treated his wife “very differently than I treat my chums and my pals. I wouldn’t worry about calling them on Valentine’s Day, opening the door for them, or making sure they were OK.”

“I was raised to treat women with respect,” Huckabee told Salon in his afternoon statement. “I still will invite a lady to go first, will open a door for her, and will place her in the center of the photograph. And yes, I would seek to treat a female opponent with the same respect I give to all women, even though we may disagree on the issues.”


Uncle Sugar: Now A 2016 Contender


The latest survey from Democratic PPP released Wednesday showed the former Arkansas governor surging among Republican voters nationwide in the wake of his head-scratching comment about the female libido.

According to the poll, 16 percent of GOP primary voters said they would prefer to see Huckabee as the party’s presidential nominee in 2016, making him the top Republican in the field. Only a month ago, PPP showed Huckabee polling at 11 percent and trailing both New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) among GOP voters.

The Pig People have spoken, and they like the cut of Gomer’s jib, ’cause you know: gotta keep the skirts in their place.


Oh, snap!

janet mike huckabee in hello dolly

If Mike Huckabee ever wants to meet Uncle Sugar, he need only look in the mirror.

–Bill Sher, writing in Campaign for America’s Future about the time when then Gov. Huckabee signed a law mandating Arkansas insurance plans provide contraception coverage.

This is what Death Panels look like

Thanks, Gomer.