Allen West Connected the Dots, Sheeple!

The Tinfoil Follies of 2015

texas-logo big.jpgObama turns the screws on local police with sweeping equipment ban

“With the upcoming “Jade Helm” military exercises planned throughout the southwest this July in civilian areas, some folks are concerned the federal government has grander plans than simply a practice session.

“…Now Fox reports “In a surprise announcement coming nine months after police in riot gear dispelled racially-charged protests, President Barack Obama is banning the federal government from providing some military-style equipment to local departments and putting stricter controls on other weapons and gear distributed to law enforcement.””

West needs to get Screwie Louie on this, STAT!

They Had It Right The First Time

Florida is sending back these custom rugs because it says, “In Dog We Trust.” I’d trust a dog way before I would trust a sheriff in Florida…

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

The Morning Quote

The brother was home at the time of the crime, but thought the noises he heard was Gomez putting the boxes away.

“He went to the garage, he found an axe laying on the floor,” said Gualtieri. “He found a blood trail and he followed that outside to the side of the house and when he went outside, he found his mother laying there on the ground next to a trash can, and unfortunately his mother had been decapitated, so he immediately called the sheriff’s office.”

Yeah, that is unfortunate.

(The rest of the story is here.)

Some Florida Stupid For Bedtime?


Local counties to end courthouse weddings to avoid marrying gays

Couples who wanted to skip the pomp and circumstance of a wedding and get married at the Duval, Clay or Baker county courthouses will no longer have that option in the new year.

These counties’ decision to end the long-standing tradition of courthouse wedding ceremonies is due, at least in part, to the continued debate over same-sex marriage in Florida against the backdrop of conservative Christianity. U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle could rule any day and make gay marriage legal across the state.

If same-sex marriage is allowed, Duval Clerk of Courts Ronnie Fussell, Clay Clerk Tara Green and Baker Clerk Stacie Harvey will have no choice but to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. But to avoid performing ceremonies for them, these clerks have decided to end all courthouse weddings.

But you know, Xristians love the sinner.

Somewhere, Ayn Rand Is Smiling


As famous zombie-eyed Granny-starver Paul Ryan is talking about poverty and how Christian Charity can solve that problem, America’s wang Florida is fining people for actually, you know, feeding the homeless:

After feeding the hungry in a Daytona Beach park every weekend for more than a year, it’s just as easy to imagine Chico and Debbie Jimenez given a ticker-tape parade as what they actually got: a slew of citations and a permanent ban from the park.

Chico and Debbie Jimenez, a husband and wife team, aren’t handing out food in the Florida heat every Wednesday because of a court order or for a paycheck. They do it because they believe helping the poor is their religious duty. The pair run a Christian outreach group, Spreading the Word Without Saying a Word Ministry, that gives food to the needy every week, pointing to Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:40: “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

…According to the group’s Facebook page, Chico and Debbie, along with four volunteers, were each given multiple 2nd degree misdemeanor citations. The fines totaled $373 per person, $2,238 for the group. The police also permanently banned the group from Manatee Island Park. “We both have made a lot of good friends in the park and are devastated that we are banned the Manatee Park forever,” Debbie wrote. “I am heartbroken.”

Yes, it is morning in America.

“It’s Florida, Jake”

Home of the newly wed and nearly dead might be a good place for this GOPer who is primarying Ted Yoho:

(Saint Petersblog) The bizarre double life of conservative congressional hopeful Jake Rush

Running for the U.S. Congress can be the role of a lifetime for a budding politician, which would seem on the surface to fit right in with “conservative” Republican candidate Jacob A. Rush.


What the slick video does not mention is that Rush – as “Chazz Darling,” “Staas van der Winst” and a host of other roles – was a long-time member of the Mind’s Eye Society, otherwise known as “Camarilla.”

Mind’s Eye, or MES, is a nationwide community of gothic-punk role-players who come together to take on personas of vampires and other supernatural beings (known as Kindred), dealing with night-to-night struggles “against their own bestial natures, hunters, and each other.”

MES has a number of different sects, with names such as Vampire: The Requiem; Vampire: The Masquerade; Changeling: The Lost; Geist the Sin Eaters; New World of Darkness and Werewolf the Forsaken, among others.

Using various “domains” — through both table games and “live action”— Rush participated as dozens of “characters,” with names like Darling, van de Winst, Johan Gambrys, Zane Daily, The Kriesler, Archbishop Kettering and more.

He could be Gov. Batboy’s running mate. Or as Dan Savage succinctly put it, God Hates Fangs.

(Saint Petersblog via The Stranger)

“It’s Florida, Jake”

FL. Gov Bat Boy must be proud

FL. Gov Bat Boy must be proud

FL man flying KKK flag assures community: ‘We don’t beat up on f*ggots or blacks’

“As many people know, the white families are producing less children because the father and mother work and you have interracial marriages and gay marriages, so there are less and less white children being born every day,” he said. “So we’re against that.”


“Nobody stops the Puerto Ricans from flying their Puerto Rican flag or the Jews from having their yarmulke or whatever it is in the holidays,” he continued.


“We don’t go around committing hate crimes,” he said. “We don’t beat up on faggots or black people or burn crosses or any of that nonsense.”

(Raw Story)

A New Hope for Florida: Victoria Jackson

Generally, MPS stays out of local politics, you know, being from somewhere and not from somewhere else we think national politics is the subject at which all the Scissorheads can take aim, but this bit of news from Wonkette might change all that:

Victoria Jackson is thinking about (hahaha, Wonkette just slays me) running for local office in whatever hellhole she lives in. Take it away, Dr. Zoom:

Victoria, we love you and your tenuous grasp on reality, and so of course we urge you to go for it. Don’t worry about the mechanics of campaigning: If you run, Wonkette will be delighted to serve as your campaign committee and one-stop campaign headquarters! We know you’ve got what it takes to succeed in politics in the Sunshine State: A fierce devotion to your principles, regardless of “facts” or “logic,” and a deep-down love of what you think is in the Constitution. You can do this, Victoria — You can make the run for Alderaan, and in less than 12 parsecs, too!

We fully endorse Wonkette endorsing Victoria Jackson’s candidacy, and if there is anything we can do to help that Florida coconut take root in her city council’s race, we’ll sign on with Dr. Zoom’s campaign.


Gov. Batboy has a sad

Is there any wonder why Floridastanians hate their governor, Rick Scott? Anyway, “a mere 30 percent of Florida voters said they believe the Republican deserves another term, while 52 percent said he does not. What’s more, 55 percent think that Scott should be challenged by someone from his own party.”

Wait a minute: 30% like him? Sweet Jeebus, we found the motherlode of wingnuttery!

(Think Progress)

Florida is winning the Crazee State Contest, Again

Sweet Jeebus! I didn’t think that they could out-do themselves, but Florida was up to the challenge:

Florida’s Department of Health is asking for intimate details of the sex lives of 4,100 young women, and offering $10 gift cards in return.

State officials said the unprecedented, $45,000 survey will help them understand women’s need for and approach to family-planning services.

Hundreds of women in South Florida were among the survey recipients, their names pulled from the white pages by a private company, state officials said. They were asked to voluntarily tell the state how many men they’d had sex with in the past year, whether a man had ever poked holes in a condom to get them pregnant, and how they felt emotionally when they last had unprotected sex.

Participants will get a $10 CVS card for use on health-related items.


Like a probing friend, the survey asks women ages 18 to 24 things like:

• How did you feel emotionally when you had unprotected sex — were you trying to get pregnant, were you in the “heat of the moment and just went with the flow,” or did you find the man attractive and “thought it would be nice to have a baby with him?” Did you feel “powerless”? Or was it that you “felt emotionally connected with your partner during sex”?

• How old were you when you first had sex? Last time you had sex with a man, did you do anything to keep from getting pregnant? If not, why not?

• Has a sexual partner ever “told you he would have a baby with someone else if you didn’t get pregnant?” “Physically forced you to have sex?” “Hurt you physically because you did not agree to get pregnant?”

• Are you depressed? Have you ever been physically abused? What’s your religion? Do you smoke? How much do you weigh?

Oh, my. Probing questions, indeed. “Whatcha wearing, sweetcheeks…” the strange voice over the phone did not ask, before taking another heavy breath.

(Sun Sentinel)