The Death of the Media, Cont.

Edward Scissorhands? Sweet Jeebus, this one is ready to be an emergency back-up Petunia on Fox! Prepare the bleach!

(Hat tip: unindicted co-conspirator GRS)

Breaking: Biden Is Still Not Running (Part Infinity)

The Death of the Media

Greetings from Tiger Beat on the Potomac

Greetings from Tiger Beat on the Potomac

Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) continues to pine away for Smilin’ Joe Biden, and today goes the extra step to actually write his announcement speech for him:

SNEAK PEEK — BIDEN’S ANNOUNCEMENT SPEECH: Here is Playbook’s draft (with the inspired stylings of a deft friend) of what Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. should say if he announces for president of the United States. (We don’t think he will. But maybe this’ll change his mind – lightning in a bottle, Mr. Vice President.) Imagine the V.P. in his hometown of Scranton, Pa.:

“I’m running as one last service to this country. This is for YOU: not for therapy, not for me, not for my family, not for any dynasty. I am too old, too known, too certain of what’s right and wrong based on a lifetime of public service, to run as a conventional hack. I am going to run as ME — a me who was blessed with opportunities, family and friends, and shaped by success and screw-ups, triumphs and tragedies.

“You will get all of me, folks, for better than worse. You will get my heart and hustle, my spirit and style. And you will also get my flaws and flaps, all unvarnished. Oh, and my mouth. We all know my critics will say I speak too candidly. Guilty as charged! The stakes are too high, the economy too vulnerable, the middle class too stretched and stressed, the world too unstable for more political contortions and stupid spin tricks.

“To my Democratic friends who worry my career could now end with a humbling defeat: Don’t despair. I plan to win. And if I don’t, I have been humbled by things far more profound and searing than a political defeat.

“To my Democratic friends who worry I can only win by tearing down my good friend Hillary: Don’t fret. I am going to run a campaign about my ideas, my passion, my vision — and avoid the spitball politics that has turned our nation weary. I would rather lose with class than win with conventional attacks and lies.

“To all of my fellow Americans, I lost a son who was what we all aspire to be: a smart, patriotic guy who wanted to help the helpless and focus his life on what makes us unique, and good, and worthy of our place in the world. I beg all of you: Even if you choose a different candidate, put aside the nonsense and envy and anger that is defining this campaign to make American Even Greater Again. No lie, folks: If you do, this our country is positioned to crush it. We can retool our economy to turn this nation into a high-tech jobs machine for all, and retool our foreign policy to defeat terrorism and restore sanity and safety for all. God love ya all!”

In the better, saner world, “no” continues to mean NO.

Breaking: Joe Biden Is Still Not Running!

The Death of the Media

"Some say," some said.

“Some say,” some said.

Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) gives the top half of the daily email thingie another story about, well, nothing. As we are fond of saying, “No continues to mean no” – but that doesn’t give’em clicks, so another unsourced bit of gossip from TBOTP:

“PLAYBOOK IN-BOX – A longtime Biden friend reached out yesterday with a provocative take on the V.P.’s protracted deliberations about running. The friend asked not to be quoted directly, but here’s the gist: Yesterday’s Playbook posited that Biden has waited too long to enter the race, with the debate crowding him out due to HRC’s performance. The thinking goes that he has no lane in which to run, and no real rationale either. The unasked question is whether this should come as any surprise to anyone, and suggests the possibility that this was Biden’s plan all along.

“Remember the 2004 campaign, when Kerry was the presumed front runner, but some expected a late Biden entry into the race? Biden waited, and waited, and waited, and by the time he announced his decision not to run in August 2003, he declared: “You just can’t parachute into a presidential campaign.” There were many get-togethers of the wise men and the woman (Biden’s sister Val) to assess, discuss, analyze, plan and otherwise prepare for his possible run.

“In other words, what we are witnessing is a rerun, even with a strange and unhappy similarity in that there was a key family reason (unknown, then and now, but to those on the inside) that impacted the decision. Many concluded in the aftermath of the 2003-2004 episode that Biden never intended to run, but that he enjoyed the limelight and attention (no surprise there, and certainly nothing unique to him), and waited as long as he reasonably could play the game, only to wisely declare that it simply was too late.

“Anyone who knows the man even a little bit understands how much he’d like to be president. The problem is democracy and elections. He wants it by acclamation, and can’t understand why the American people have not risen up as one to insist he take the job, as he surely is the most qualified and talented by far. Again, he is hardly the only politician to view his own abilities in such an unmatched light.

“But when he declares that he will not run, it will turn out to have been no more real than it was a dozen years ago. None of this implicates his current or past advisers, most of whom no doubt believed they were engaged in a serious effort, and one they thought could influence his thinking. Bottom line is that it’s not a revelation that it’s too late. Biden has executed his game plan, one that heightens his profile and stature. It’s flattering to hear how much the country needs you to get in the race.

“The only problem for the man is that he falls short of his dream. Still he has his beloved family and his faith — endless heartache and all.

“SPOTTED: Vice President Joe Biden at Le Diplomate last night with Dr. Jill Biden.”

The Villagers continue to see Smilin’ Joe Biden as the emergency back-up Clinton unit.

You Want Proof That Biden and Ryan Are Not Running?

Death of the Media

Drooling fuckknuckle

A bust from The Pantheon of Dunces

Mark ‘Always-Wrong’ Halperin has a post up, Joe Biden and Paul Ryan Face Decisions That Could Shape Politics for Years to Come

…”Neither Ryan, who is being pressured to run for speaker of the House, nor Biden, who is weighing another presidential run, has made up his mind, according to those close to the two men. The dual clocks, meanwhile, are ticking down fast.

“Some say,” some said.

…”As of now, Ryan is said to agree that an interim speaker is a bad idea and he doesn’t see another natural choice to run the House if he stays put.

“Some say,” some didn’t say.

…”As for Biden, there’s no doubt he does want the job dangling in front of him, those who have spoken to him say.”

“No one said,” some said. You’re a reporter, you can call him. Bet you even have his digits in your contacts.

You can take it to the bank that neither man is running now that Halperin is writing no-thought pieces. And now you know why Bloomberg is closing down entire bureaus, but keeping Halperin on the payroll. It takes a master (chump) to write a 800-word column that proudly says nothing. But you can also bet that this column will be in the special 2016 Goat Rodeo edition of Halperin’s next Game Changer book.

VP Biden: Still Not Running (“Some Say,” Some Said part infinity)

The Death of the Media, cont.

News that will make you squeal.

News that will make you squeal.

The speculation continues to mount, and unless and until Smilin’ Joe Biden announces a candidacy, he’s not running. But don’t tell that to Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) who continue to release unsourced gossip. Today’s article, surprisingly not by their chief gossip monger Katie ‘He-said, She-said’ Glueck is particularly choice: Biden may ditch ‘Draft Biden’ super PAC.

Let that sink in for a moment. The guy who is not running might not use the super pac that is trying to draft him to run.

There’s only one or two graphs in this story that have people on record and what they say is that there is no story:

“[Larry Rasky, a longtime Biden adviser who’s done a lot of fundraising over the years and has been working with the super PAC] said the potential demise of Draft Biden is news to him: “Nobody has said a word of anything like that to me.””


“The vice president’s office declined to comment.”

No continues to mean no.

The Death of the Media Wins The Morning! (Part Infinity)

“Some say,” Some Said

Keep polishing, Politico.

Keep polishing, Politico.

Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) breathlessly gives us another unsourced scoop to Win the Morning! and today it is that Smilin’ Joe Biden hisself was the one who leaked the dying words of his son Beau to MoDo at the NYTimes:

“According to multiple sources, it was Biden himself who talked to her, painting a tragic portrait of a dying son, Beau’s face partially paralyzed, sitting his father down and trying to make him promise to run for president because “the White House should not revert to the Clintons and that the country would be better off with Biden values.”

Nice way to slime Biden, too, so it’s a double-win.

Oh, and he’s allegedly offering the VP spot to Sen. Warren, another unsourced allegation.

Without sources, it’s all idle gossip, but it does WIN THE MORNING!

Breaking: Joe Biden Still Not Running

The Death of the Media

News that will make you squeal.

News that will make you squeal.

I know it breaks the heart of our elite media, but until/unless Smilin’ Joe Biden declares, he’s not running in the 2016 Goat Rodeo.

First on CNN: Biden expected to skip first Democratic debate

Washington (CNN) Vice President Joe Biden has extended his window for deciding whether to jump into the 2016 presidential campaign, several Democrats say, allowing the contest to play out even longer before he answers one of the biggest questions hanging over the race for the White House.

He is not preparing for the first Democratic debate on October 13 in Las Vegas and is not expected to participate, people close to him say, because he feels no pressure to reach a decision by then. He is likely to reveal his plans in the second half of October.

You’re getting dangerously close to Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) territory, CNN.

“Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.”

I guess that Malaysian airliner is no longer missing, so a missing candidate is now their thing? Yeah, we’ll go with that.

“Some Say,” Some Said (part infinity)

The Death of the Media

Drink The Kool Aid with Tiger Beat on the Potomac

Drink The Kool Aid with Tiger Beat on the Potomac

Tiger Beat on the Potomac has been reading MPS, we guess, because now the topic of their unsourced gossip is which 2016 Goat Rodeo contender will be the next to drop out.

However, unlike us, they think that the kiddie table is about to be purged as they predict the exit of Boy Exorcist Bobby Jindal and who? George Pataki.

They also see dark shadows over Schrödinger’s Candidate Rand Paul.

Let’s get to the sources, and because this week some of the unsourced quotes are so dubious we cite list them, too for your reading pleasure:

  • A quarter of Iowa Republicans say it’s Jindal
  • “He’s become desperate,” an Iowa Republican said.
  • Added another
  • Pataki is considered most likely to drop out next, with 27 percent of Republican insiders there pointing to him.
  • “There comes a point when his irrelevance becomes crystal clear even to him,” a New Hampshire Republican said.
  • “The Spice Girls were big in the 1990s, too, but no one wants to see them on a reunion tour,” snarked another New Hampshire Republican. This is my personal favorite. No one talks like that, do they? also/too: A Republican listened to the Spice Girls in the ’90s?!
  • Agreed a third, “The only question is why he wasn’t out before Perry and Walker.”
  • Several insiders said that at some point, Paul will need to focus on winning reelection to his Senate seat.
  • “Rand Paul’s campaign [reeks] of the same stench of death that surrounded the Perry and Walker efforts before their demise,” said a New Hampshire Republican
  • Said an Iowa Republican
  • agreed a New Hampshire Republican
  • 40 percent of Iowa Democratic insiders picked the Kentucky senator and 34 percent of New Hampshire Democrats named Jindal.
  • Said an Iowa Democrat who agreed with Republicans

And as always we conclude with: unsourced quotes are gossip, not news. Unless someone goes on record, this is just idle speculation and gossip. Granted, I can understand why no one would want to admit to listening to the Spice Girls. We’ll give that Republican a break.

Breathless 2016 Goat Rodeo Analysis From Tiger Beat On The Potomac

The Death of the Media

Trumpenstein Monster from K-N-K

All summer our elite media has been gnashing and wailing about the rise of the short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump, probably because he has upended their agreed upon narrative of how the 2016 Goat Rodeo was supposed to be a clash of the Bush-Clinton dynasties. The Press’s theme for most of the summer has been about Trump’s eventual fall from the top because he defies their conventional wisdom. And no one has been more vocal about defending the conventional wisdom than Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie).

So today TBOTP gives us what has to be the most proudly stupid analysis trying to proclaim that the GOP’s swamp fever has finally broken: Trump momentum shows signs of stalling

“The latest national Quinnipiac University survey released Thursday provided some fuel to wishful rivals. Trump still leads among registered Republican voters with 25 percent, statistically unchanged from last month’s Quinnipiac survey that put him at 28 percent. Yet it’s the second major national poll this week showing a slight decrease from last month — Trump experienced an 8-point drop in the CNN/ORC survey released Sunday. (A Fox poll released Wednesday evening also showed Trump with relatively stalled momentum, and a Bloomberg survey of the GOP field showed Trump in a holding pattern at 21 percent).”

You get that? The latest survey shows no statistical difference from the previous survey and that’s their proof that his ascension is over: It’s not increasing.

There’s so many fails for the Media in the Trump story, the least of which is that they have failed to note that one of our two political parties has gone completely off the rails; it’s the story of our new century and no one is covering it. The GOP’s policy position on everything reflects their world view: Straight White Christian Men Only. There’s nothing else that matters, except giving rich people tax cuts. It’s as pure as triple-distilled vodka.

And Trump is the perfect distillation of the insanity of the GOP that no one is talking about. When you point out that the problem isn’t Trump, the problem is the GOP, the media’s talking heads turn on a dime and point to Bernie Sanders as if he is some sort of counterbalance.

There is no Both Sides to the story. There is no equal and opposite side to the Confederate Flag, building a wall on the southern border (and northern border; I’m already nostalgic for the Wall-Eyed Git), deporting 12 million people, forcing (poor) women into back alley abortions and giving personhood to zygotes, shoving gays into the closet after dissolving their marriages, ending minimum wage, #BlackLivesMatter are the REAL RACISTS!, and so on. There is nothing.

And so we continue on with the media telling us all is well:

UPDATED: added Christian to the description of the GOP. Seems so obvious, it boggles my mind that I missed it.

(Image: Scissorhead Keith-Not-Keith)

There Are No Editors Anymore

The Death of the Media

Ol’ Pinwheel, my first journalism teacher, is spinning in the hereafter:

New duck-billed dinosaur found in Alaska, researchers say

A new dinosaur, you say?