¡JEB! The Smartest Bush® Speaks, Falls on Face

NotChimpy and Chimpy

NotChimpy and Chimpy

Is ¡JEB! The Smartest Bush® really this stupid?

¡JEB! only reminds us that his brother Chimpy was in charge before 9/11 and failed. But you know, Chimpy’s Reign of Error started on 9/12.

¡JEB! might as well have linked to the ad himself, as I found it right away on the first google search:

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

If I were Faith 2 Action’s notoriously nutty Janet Porter, I wouldn’t be bragging that I threw the election to Chimpy McStagger back in 2000, even through Divine intervention (though I suspect it was probably intervention of a different sort). It might make her an accomplice should he ever be brought to trial for his many crimes against humanity.

Your Claim Chowder Is Served

NotChimpy and Chimpy

NotChimpy and Chimpy

The Washington Examiner noticed the same thing we noticed:

“Quinnipiac pollsters asked respondents a simple, open-ended question: “What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of Jeb Bush?” Quinnipiac published a table of all the responses given five or more times. Here is the list of the top eight responses for Jeb, including the number of times people mentioned each particular word:

Bush — 136

family — 70

honest — 53

weak — 45

brother — 41

dynasty — 40

experience — 35

George — 28

By far, the first word that the most people thought of about Jeb Bush was not a word at all, but rather his last name. What’s the first thing you think of when you think about Jeb? Bush. And then the next most common response was “family.” And then “brother” and “dynasty” and “George.” When people see Jeb, they don’t think, this is an attractive candidate for president. They think “Bush.””

¡JEB! the Smartest Bush® done everything except renounce his citizenship (Hi Ted! Canada thanks you!) to disavow his family brand, and yet it keeps haunting him.

How Chimpy Makes Money

"Mine's smaller!"

“Mine’s smaller!”

Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) breathlessly tells us:

On talk circuit, George W. Bush makes millions but few waves

Just the other day, weren’t they inferring something unsavory if not criminal about how Billary was doing something illicit by making money giving speeches?

“As critics over the years have chided Bill Clinton and also his wife for the industriousness with which they have pursued opportunities to get paid a lot of money in this manner, Bush, too, has been doing exactly what he said he would be doing.

“Since 2009, POLITICO has found, Bush has given at least 200 paid speeches and probably many more, typically pocketing $100,000 to $175,000 per appearance. The part-time work, which rarely requires more than an hour on stage, has earned him tens of millions of dollars.”

In all fairness, I would pay to see this war criminal stand on his hind legs and try to make a coherent sound come out of his booze hole—preferably just before sentencing him to life in the Hague—but then again I like to go see the weird stuff in the midways, too.

The Evening Quote

NotChimpy and Chimpy

NotChimpy and Chimpy

“This is hard for me to be honest with you. I have to do the Heisman on my brother that I love, you know? This is not something I’m comfortable doing. But I’m my own person. I have my own life experience, and I will be successful if I’m a candidate when I share my heart and I talk about what I’ve done as governor of the state, where I cut taxes, reduced the state government workforce by 11 percent, moved the state to a AAA bond rating.”

NotChimpy, the Smart Bush®

Oh. Doing the Heisman. I mean, as far as I can tell.

Home Is Where Their Hearts Aren’t

It's a fixer-upper with potential.

It’s a fixer-upper with potential.

Hey guys, remember that time during the Miracle of Chimpy’s Economy when the mostly un-regulated banks decided to abscond with most of the world’s money by creating exotic derivatives based on mortgages, and no one went to jail for it?

They’re doing it again, but instead of packaging up mortgages, they are buying the houses themselves and are creating derivatives based upon rent checks.

No company has bought more houses than the Blackstone Group, one of the world’s largest private equity firms. (Its many investments include Hilton Hotels, the Weather Channel, and SeaWorld. Among its institutional investors are Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, Bank of America, Deutsche Bank, and JPMorgan Chase.) Through its subsidiary, Invitation Homes, Blackstone has picked up houses through local brokers, at foreclosure auctions, and in bulk purchases. Last April, it bought 1,400 houses in Atlanta in a single day. In Phoenix, some neighborhoods have a Blackstone-owned home on just about every block. As of November, Blackstone had acquired 40,000 houses, most of them foreclosures, worth $7.5 billion. Today, it is the largest owner of single-family rental homes in the nation.”

“…Invitation Homes has described its strategy as “a bet on America.” Rather than pricing buyers out of the market, [Andrew Gallina, Invitation Homes’ vice president for marketing] says, the company is helping families who can’t get mortgages.”

So let me get this right: after destroying the housing market in the early 2000s, the Hedge Funders have bought up the houses themselves and in the process of buying up all these low-priced houses, they are forcing people into renting their properties, of which rent checks are then bundled into exotic derivatives, i.e., making bets that everyone will pay their rent on time.

What could possibly go wrong?

“But what if the security blows up? Investors could demand their collateral back, forcing renters out of their homes, even if they never missed a payment. “We could well end up in that situation where you get a lot of people getting evicted—not because the tenants have fallen behind, but because the landlords have fallen behind,” says [Dean Baker, an economist and co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research].”

Jebbie Claps His Hands For Tinkerbell

That sound you hear is every accounting teacher throughout history hitting the floor, stone cold dead when The Smart Bush® endorsed Pixie Dust Accounting.

That is how you end up with a war off the books, and no domestic spending.

What They Said


NYTimes Editorial: “Prosecute Torturers and Their Bosses”

The two greatest disappointments I have had with the Obama Administration have been that they never investigated/prosecuted The Bush Administration for war crimes that Chimpy and Blam-blam have all admitted—if not bragged about—committing; and that not a single bankster has had to suffer a moment in court for wrecking the economy.

One of the snarkier, on-going criticisms on this blog has been to urge the administration to hold a mirror under the nose of AG Holder to find out if he is still breathing. It sounds like the NYTimes is joining us.

2016: Saddle-Up Another Goat!

choo-choo train

Rob Portman’s Iowa tour


Asked about his own prospects for a presidential bid in 2016, Portman said: “I’m totally focused on 2014 now.”

“As you can tell,” he said, eating a blueberry croissant at Caribou Coffee on Ingersoll Avenue in Des Moines, “I’ve been in I think eight states already and I’ll probably be in another five or six before the end of this month. That’s my focus. Getting this majority is, I think, the first important step toward turning this country around, and frankly, winning in 2016. But after the election I’ll take a look at it. I am worried about the direction of our country. And that’s my passion. But I’m going to wait until after the election.”

Bawh-ha-ha! Rob Portman was Chimpy McStagger’s Budget Director. Let’s watch him try to dodge that ball, so to speak.

Blogger Going Down!

From time to time we’ve tried to give our pal Jurassic Pork, proprietor of the venerable blog Welcome Back To Pottersville a boost when the wolf is at his door, huffing and puffing.

The wolf is back, and his lungs are in fine form.

If anyone can throw some love his way (or some money) it will be received with gratitude and will be well-used. The recession has hit a lot of us really hard, but those on the northside of 50 also face age discrimination and through no fault of their own have had a harder time crawling out of the 2008 hole than other demographics.

UPDATE – I’ve said it before: Scissorheads rule. Keep the luv going for JP, if you can.