News That Will Drive You To Drink

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We mentioned this morning that The Smart Bush, Mayo, er, NotChimpy has started his 2016 Goat Rodeo PAC called, The Right To Rise, and so we went to visit it, and we noticed something missing from His Blandness’ biography; see if you can spot it!

Bush earned a bachelor’s degree in Latin American studies from the University of Texas at Austin. Jeb is the son of President George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush. He and his wife, Columba, live in Miami and have three grown children and three grandchildren.

Say, maybe he is the Smart Bush?

The 2016 Goat Rodeo: NotChimpy Strikes Back!

So after resigning from all his very lucrative board positions, The Smart Bush made a comment about Marriage Equality after playing a round of golf (does Wingnuttia start counting golf outings now or after the coronation?):

“It ought be a local decision. I mean, a state decision. The state decided. The people of the state decided. But it’s been overturned by the courts, I guess.”

NotChimpy knows how to deliver the bland, doesn’t he? He didn’t give the base the red meat bashing of the ‘mos that they require, so now that he has someone spoon-feeding him his positions for the 2016 Goat Rodeo, he released the following (less mayo) statement:

“We live in a democracy, and regardless of our disagreements, we have to respect the rule of law,” Mr. Bush said in a statement. “I hope that we can show respect for the good people on all sides of the gay and lesbian marriage issue – including couples making lifetime commitments to each other who are seeking greater legal protections and those of us who believe marriage is a sacrament and want to safeguard religious liberty.”

And besides saying almost nothing, NotChimpy is sort of dog-whistling the usual Y’all Qaeda victimization-religious-freedom rhetoric.

(Hat tip: Thunder for the Tweet)

Saddle-up Another Goat!

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Chimpy’s younger brother Not Chimpy, you know: the smart one, now says that he is ‘Actively’ exploring running for preznint.

But aside from Jeb reminding everyone about Terri Schiavo, and of course his appalling family, we’ve covered Not Chimpy’s candidacy before.

(Hat tip: @BangingChains on the electric Twitter Machine)

Unsaddle That Goat!

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Jeb Bush Has a Mitt Romney Problem

The long and short of it is that Not Chimpy ended his political career in 2007 with $1.1M in the bank, and he now is controlling three hedge funds with a combined value of about $100M, mostly raised from Chinese investors, and all of it offshore in what can only be described as tax havens.

(Bloomberg)

Some Stupid With Your Coffee?

The only way I would be interested in what Chimpy was thinkin’ while fingerpainting would be how he is gonna make some pruno behind bars.

Jeb Bush, M.D.

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Honest to blog, Chimpy’s Crime Family has an exclusive on being stupid:

Jeb Bush: Obama ‘incompetent’ on Ebola

So let’s go in the Way-Back Machine to 2005 to visit with Not-Chimpy to recall his performance during the media circus around Terri Schiavo, you know, when he passed a law that would allow him to spirit the brain-dead woman away (with the help of FL Department of Law Enforcement apparatus) to an undisclosed location where her feeding tubes could be reinserted.

[Michael] SCHIAVO: That’s correct.

You know, it’s really uncomprehensible [sic] to think that a private family matter that has gone through the judiciary system for the past seven years — I mean, we’re talking all the way up to the United States Supreme Court — and for a governor to come into this without any education on the subject and push his personal views into this and have his Republican legislation pass laws so that this doesn’t happen.

He’s basically jumping right over the state court’s decision. We might as well not have any state courts.

But you know, he wasn’t incompetent grandstanding. The bottom line: If you see Jeb Bush with a thermometer, run for it!

Some Stupid For Your Coffee?

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According to Tiger Beat on the Potomac (Thanks Charlie!) the Bush Crime Family announced that Bush brother, Not Chimpy definitely might be thinking about running:

George P. Bush, the son of former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, says his father is still assessing a 2016 presidential run…”The family will be behind him 100 percent if he decides to do it,” the younger Bush said.

Thanks for that breaking news, TBOTP!

The Smart Bush

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Chimpy’s brother Not Chimpy might be thinking about running for preznint in the 2016 Goat Rodeo, or he might be thinking about pie. Pie is nice, running for office is not.

Anyway, Not Chimpy was asked about the Paycheck Fairness Act, and because he might be thinking about the 2016 Goat Rodeo he responded brilliantly with, “What is the Paycheck Fairness Act?”

Once the man he was speaking with defined it as a bill that would help women receive “equal pay for equal work,” Bush took issue with his phrasing.

“Equal pay for the same work, not for equal work — I think that’s the problem with it. I think there’s a definition issue.”

Nicely dodged! But if you really are thinking about running in the 2016 Goat Rodeo, maybe you might want to learn-up on some of the issues?

I worry about the Rebranding, Reince, I really do.

(The Hill)

Here’s Some Stupid For Your Coffee

Jenna's gonna puke!

…and by stupid, we mean McStagger-level stupid:

George W. Bush’s daughter Jenna is one of the better-known names on the Independence Party’s voter rolls in New York.

But she never meant to join.

Like financial reporter Maria Bartiromo and News Corp. boss Rupert Murdoch before her, Jenna Bush Hager mistakenly signed up with the Independence Party when she meant to declare herself an independent.

Well, she comes by it honestly.

(Daily News)

Chimpy done wrote a book, again!

Chimpy BarfingFor those of you who thought Dubya was illiterate (“Not so. Mah parents were married! And t’ each other!”) think again, because Crown books will publish his biography of his father George H.W. Bush:

According to Crown, the book will cover the elder Bush’s whole life and his influence on his son, from George W.’s “childhood in West Texas to his early campaign trips with his father, and from his decision to go into politics to his own two-term presidency.”

The book will be “heartfelt, intimate, and illuminating,” Crown publisher Maya Mavjee said in a statement.

The book will be about 300 pages long (wide margins? Double-spaced lines?) and W done wrote it all by his lonesome, with a fresh pencil ‘n everything. Hopefully it will cover the famous drunken fistfight challenge with Poppy and be named something like, Everything I Ever Wanted To Know About Invading Iraq But Was Afraid To Ask.

(Cross-posted at Liberland)