Bad Ads in the News

The terrorists have won?

Sweet Jeebus, if Sam Adams had made a reference to gawd, all hell would have broken loose from Xristian Xrazies that they were taking the lord’s name in vain to sell demon booze, card playing, and probably loose, slatternly women dancing with the menfolk just to arouse their animal passions. It’s why it is actually discouraged/forbidden in the Beer Institute Advertising Code.

Happy Hour

I’m still in holiday mode…

(And now the PC part: addiction is not witty or pretty and no one likes a drunk.)

Great Ads, Cont.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

(H/T Scissorhead The Charm School Dropout via the electronic email device.)

Bad Ads, cont.

Vintage Schlitz Ad

Because nothing makes you healthy and happy like being smashed all winter. See the Russians if you want proof.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

Bad Ads, cont.

MPS Halloween Coverage, cont.

mary frank

Oh, Mary (Shelley), you’ve created a Monster!

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

Today in Magical Panties

Thanks to Canadian operative Scissorhead Dimitrios we learn of multiple, interesting daring-do’s in the land of Golden Plated Magical Panties.

As you may recall a few weeks back, Mock, Paper, Scissors brought you the breaking news that Idaho exists (and we still have our doubts) because Idaho (if it exists) banned the sale of Five Wives Vodka. The reason Idaho (which allegedly exists) banned said vodka was that some Magical Panties Enthusiasts in Idaho (should it actually exist) might take offense at the implication of polygamy, because DAMMIT – they don’t do that (anymore). For the record, Five Wives Vodka is distilled in Utah, home of Magical Panties Enthusiasts and ground-zero of polygamy, at least in the United States, and absolutely for Magical Pantiesism.

Anyway, Jonathan Turley, an notable attorney and law professor at George Washington University Law School in Washington, D.C., sent a letter threatening a federal lawsuit if Idaho didn’t reverse itself and allow the provocatively labeled vodka brand to be sold in the state (as if said state actually existed). And that’s when all hell broke loose, and Unicorns and Fauns, and god knows what else that live in “Idaho” suddenly got the right to buy Five Wives Vodka:

“Within hours of receiving Turley’s letter, which raised multiple constitutional challenges to Idaho’s earlier decision , Idaho state liquor division Director Jeff Anderson announced that Idahoans could immediately purchase Five Wives vodka by special order from any state liquor store; he’s also reconsidering a request to stock the product on state liquor store shelves.”

Score one for booze! Freedoms!

But the Turley news doesn’t end there:

Utah announced on May 31 that it wouldn’t prosecute Kody Brown and his four wives for bigamy, but Turley and Brown pledged to continue the lawsuit.

Brown and his wives and 16 children moved to Nevada after Lehi, Utah, police began an investigation into possible charges after the family appeared on the TLC reality series. They sued to overturn Utah’s bigamy law, citing issues of privacy and religious freedom.

Turley argued that the Browns didn’t have multiple marriage licenses and were being prosecuted “solely because they call themselves a family in the eyes of their church.”

“The disparate treatment of polygamists denies them the basic liberties and equal protection under the law guaranteed by the First and Fourteenth Amendments of the United States Constitution,” Turley wrote in the lawsuit.

OK, so you got that? In Idaho (if it exists) you can now (with permission) buy Utah’s Five Wives Vodka, even though it might offend Magical Panties Enthusiasts, and via the same attorney, in Utah you might not be prosecuted for having five wives (not the vodka, the women) regardless of your Magical Panties branding sensitivities. No word (yet) from Nevada about polygamy and magical panties enthusiast Kody Brown now residing there with his 4 wives and 16 children.

(The Spokesman Review via Scissorhead Dimitrios)

This exists

…but for some reason, you cannot buy it in Utah Idaho. (if Idaho really exists. I have my doubts…thanks for the correction everyone.)


Bad Ideas, cont.


…or you could just use a bottle opener.


(Disclaimer – I’ve done a few of these, and they are more difficult than they look.)

The Painter of Light…


…died of an accidental overdose from mixing booze and Valium, which he was taking to get over the jaggies from quitting booze.

No snark, it’s a sad ending.

(Mercury News)

Disney’s lastest entry to the Hall of Presidents…

…is smarter than the real thing.

Introducing the Chimpy McStagger animatron. Notice how the other presidents are, um, well, er, notice them.

Happy Presidents’ Day – it’s our Democracy, enjoy it!