Bachmann: Peace On Earth, Goodwill To Men, And Bomb Iran

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Our old pal One-L’s Christmas Wish List is simple.

According to Bachmann, she waited until she and her family had their picture taken with the President and — after her family left the stage – spoke with the President whose response she called, “condescending.”

“I turned to the president and I said, something to the effect of, ‘Mr. President, you need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities, because if you don’t, Iran will have a nuclear weapon on your watch and the course of world history will change,’” Bachmann explained.

According to the Republican congresswoman, the President laughed at her.

“And he got his condescending smile on his face and laughed at me and said, ‘Well Michele, it’s just not that easy,’ ” she said. “And I said to him, ‘No, Mr. President, you’re the president, it will happen on your watch, and you’ll have to answer to the world for this.’ And that was it and then I left. Merry Christmas.”

Goodbye, One-L, We Hardly Knew Ye

And with a whimper the strange career of Minnesota’s best known baby mill operator and theocrat in Congress closes.

But we will always have One-L, the girl with the Nancy Reagan tattoo, in our hearts, like the time she hid behind a hedge so she could spy on a gay rally, or when she fled the bathroom to avoid the advances of some lesbians, or all her talk of flying Imans, or the time she accused her congressional colleague Rep. Keith Ellison of being a Mooselume traitor, or the time she called for a McCarthy-like witch hunt of the US Congress to look for disloyal members, or the time she vise-like clutched Chimpy after the SOTUA and wouldn’t let him go, or the time she gave the Teabaggers rebuttal to the SOTUA to her friends from the planet Xemoxq. And then there’s the time she ran for preznint, declared that the american revolution began in New Hampshire, praised John Wayne Gacey… Well, Rachel has said it all before:

I’m Gonna Miss Her…

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Our old pal One-L is in a league of her own:

Roma, Texas (CNN) — Michele Bachmann leapt out of a black SUV near a high cliff overlooking the Rio Grande, dashed to the edge of a boulder and scanned the river that divides her country from another.

It was a quiet Friday afternoon in this border town where immigrants routinely sneak across the river in inflatable rafts, climb a ravine and seek shelter in a local church. But at this moment, there was little more to see on the Mexican side than some fishermen casting rods and a few horses snacking near the river.

“Today it’s dead,” said Bachmann, a Republican congresswoman from Minnesota, sounding disappointed.

She blamed the stillness on the presence of a hand-held CNN camera.

So Elmer Fudd-like, One-L was gonna catch herself a wabbit, er, immigrant?

Bonus: if you follow the link and watch the video, you get to see IA’s own Steven King present the ultimate border fence.

We’re Sure Marcus Is Picking Them

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Michelle Bachmann gets round-the-clock bodyguards

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is getting her own security detail to protect her against Islamic State militants.

The lawmaker’s office referred reporters to Capitol Police, Politico reported, but law enforcement officials declined to specify details of the threat.

“They need to be big guys, with thighs like pistons,” Marcus did not say, “with big, big guns. Oh, yes.”

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Wagonjak)

Thank you Jeebus!

Bachmann and cheddar

Bachmann Again Hints at Run for President

“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she told RCP. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

Here’s Your Cheese Sandwich With a Side of Stupid

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“Now President Obama is trying to bring all of those foreign nationals, those illegal aliens to the country and he has said that he will put them in the foster care system. That’s more kids that you can see how – we can’t imagine doing this, but if you have a hospital and they are going to get millions of dollars in government grants if they can conduct medical research on somebody, and a Ward of the state can’t say ‘no,’ a little kid can’t say ‘no’ if they’re a Ward of the state; so here you could have this institution getting millions of dollars from our government to do medical experimentation and a kid can’t even say ‘no.’ It’s sick”.

One-L has discovered that Josef Mengeles The Kenyan Usurper wants to conduct medical experiments on the immigrant children.

Bachmann: Arbeit macht frei – UPDATED

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MICHELE BACHMANN SUGGESTS LABOR CAMPS FOR IMMIGRANT CHILDREN

… Bachmann’s plan? Send those children to labor camps, which she warmly refers to as “Americanization Facilities,” with the goal of having them pay off their past, present, and future care expenses, while assimilating them into American culture. And in exchange for that labor, the children would be fast-tracked on a path to citizenship…”

“Well, we’d of course want these facilities to be ideal, you know, for the children to work and learn. They’d spend half of their day working, and the other half learning what every child should learn, and that’s English, you know, English and American history. And as soon as they learn English with some degree of fluency, they can attend local schools, maybe with a voucher program, or something like that. And then they could work when they aren’t in school.”

“I think this is a great way to bring businesses into the Texas and Arizona areas, and maybe other states struggling with low employment opportunities.”

As Karoli at Crooks and Liars says,

So let me see if I have this right. They’re sent to “Americanization camps” which I would call indoctrination facilities. Those little 4 and 5 year old kids are expected to work to earn their keep because businesses could pay them nothing. And as an added bonus, we’ll cook 50,000 or so little God-fearing Republicans in the process!

With compassion like that, who needs beatings?

UPDATE: Well, we got Rickrolled. It’s a satire. In my defense I will note that Mock, Paper, Scissors was not alone in falling for the satire, and some news sites with professional journalists drawing a salary fell victim too. And while it would be easy to say that the satire cleaved so close to One-L’s oeuvre that anyone would have fallen for it (and did), instead I apologize to Rep. Bachmann. As the big boy journalists say, We Regret The Error.

Some Fresh-Baked Stupid to go With Your Afternoon Tea

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“[The gay community will] abolish age of consent laws, which means we will do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today.”

One-L explains it all to us.

One Flew Over The Bachmann’s Nest

Oh, please, Please, PLEASE!

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“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she replied. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

Our old pal One-L teasing us that The 2016 Goat Rodeo might give us a repeat performance:

Bachmann: “Defund and Impeach”

One-L, the notorious baby mill operator, self-confessed confident of God, Miss November, and noted Constitutional Scholar, goes totally non-linear in this shout-match with Neil Cavuto.

Of course they are going to impeach The Kenyan Usurper for governing while black; he’s also a Democrat which by definition means his election was not legitimate; plus he’s been re-elected which is further proof, that, um. But her idea of defunding an entire branch of government is the real kicker. Bachmann is a national treasure, the id run amok.