We’re Sure Marcus Is Picking Them


Michelle Bachmann gets round-the-clock bodyguards

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is getting her own security detail to protect her against Islamic State militants.

The lawmaker’s office referred reporters to Capitol Police, Politico reported, but law enforcement officials declined to specify details of the threat.

“They need to be big guys, with thighs like pistons,” Marcus did not say, “with big, big guns. Oh, yes.”

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Wagonjak)

Thank you Jeebus!

Bachmann and cheddar

Bachmann Again Hints at Run for President

“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she told RCP. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

Here’s Your Cheese Sandwich With a Side of Stupid


“Now President Obama is trying to bring all of those foreign nationals, those illegal aliens to the country and he has said that he will put them in the foster care system. That’s more kids that you can see how – we can’t imagine doing this, but if you have a hospital and they are going to get millions of dollars in government grants if they can conduct medical research on somebody, and a Ward of the state can’t say ‘no,’ a little kid can’t say ‘no’ if they’re a Ward of the state; so here you could have this institution getting millions of dollars from our government to do medical experimentation and a kid can’t even say ‘no.’ It’s sick”.

One-L has discovered that Josef Mengeles The Kenyan Usurper wants to conduct medical experiments on the immigrant children.

Bachmann: Arbeit macht frei – UPDATED

Hall - Bachmann


… Bachmann’s plan? Send those children to labor camps, which she warmly refers to as “Americanization Facilities,” with the goal of having them pay off their past, present, and future care expenses, while assimilating them into American culture. And in exchange for that labor, the children would be fast-tracked on a path to citizenship…”

“Well, we’d of course want these facilities to be ideal, you know, for the children to work and learn. They’d spend half of their day working, and the other half learning what every child should learn, and that’s English, you know, English and American history. And as soon as they learn English with some degree of fluency, they can attend local schools, maybe with a voucher program, or something like that. And then they could work when they aren’t in school.”

“I think this is a great way to bring businesses into the Texas and Arizona areas, and maybe other states struggling with low employment opportunities.”

As Karoli at Crooks and Liars says,

So let me see if I have this right. They’re sent to “Americanization camps” which I would call indoctrination facilities. Those little 4 and 5 year old kids are expected to work to earn their keep because businesses could pay them nothing. And as an added bonus, we’ll cook 50,000 or so little God-fearing Republicans in the process!

With compassion like that, who needs beatings?

UPDATE: Well, we got Rickrolled. It’s a satire. In my defense I will note that Mock, Paper, Scissors was not alone in falling for the satire, and some news sites with professional journalists drawing a salary fell victim too. And while it would be easy to say that the satire cleaved so close to One-L’s oeuvre that anyone would have fallen for it (and did), instead I apologize to Rep. Bachmann. As the big boy journalists say, We Regret The Error.

Some Fresh-Baked Stupid to go With Your Afternoon Tea


“[The gay community will] abolish age of consent laws, which means we will do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today.”

One-L explains it all to us.

One Flew Over The Bachmann’s Nest

Oh, please, Please, PLEASE!


“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she replied. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

Our old pal One-L teasing us that The 2016 Goat Rodeo might give us a repeat performance:

Bachmann: “Defund and Impeach”

One-L, the notorious baby mill operator, self-confessed confident of God, Miss November, and noted Constitutional Scholar, goes totally non-linear in this shout-match with Neil Cavuto.

Of course they are going to impeach The Kenyan Usurper for governing while black; he’s also a Democrat which by definition means his election was not legitimate; plus he’s been re-elected which is further proof, that, um. But her idea of defunding an entire branch of government is the real kicker. Bachmann is a national treasure, the id run amok.

When Marketing Goes Way Off Course

One-L using Google Glass

When your great marketing idea is to have tin foil hattery enthusiast One-L model your technology product, perhaps you should reconsider your career decisions?

One Flew Over the Bachmann’s Nest


Our old pal One-l is opposed to building the National Women’s History Museum because it will become a temple for eugenics and radical feminism. I kid you not.

“I rise today in opposition to this bill because I believe ultimately this museum — that will be built on the National Mall on federal land — will enshrine the radical feminist movement that stands against the pro-life movement, the pro-family movement and the pro-traditional marriage movement,” she announced…

“Among the most troubling examples is the museum’s glowing review of the woman who embraced [the] eugenics movement in the United States, Margaret Sanger,” the Minnesota Republican explained. “She’s an abortion trailblazer, and she is the founder of Planned Parenthood, which this body has sought to defund.”

“Yet, the museum glosses over Margaret Sanger’s avid support for sterilization of women and abortion, and for the elimination of chosen ethic groups, particularly African-Americans, and classes of people.”

Theocrat One-L tells us about Fred Phelps


Fred Phelps was hated for speaking the truth about the militant homosexual. The militant homosexual is no friend of God and no friend of America. I’m not saying I agree with Fred’s message, I’m just saying I agreed with Fred.”

And this is from an elected member of Congress.