The Rake-Stepping Continues!

Rubio and Charlie McCarthy

Senator Big Gulp Marco Rubio continues to plod about flat-footed as his more nimble 2016 Goat Rodeo contender Sen. Aqua Buddha Rand Paul trolls him, and throws more rakes in the yard. So here are Rand Paul’s tweets followed by Rubio’s responses:

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

Rand Paul has a kind of brilliance with social media (or someone on his staff does) and his trolling of opponents is somewhat legendary.

While Rubio managed to get a lot of attention from the media immediately following The Kenyan Usurper’s announcement, Rand Paul owns the media today. And as for Rubio, silence = THWACK!

Rake-stepping In Our Time

Rubio and Charlie McCarthy

As a result, it has been the policy and law of the U.S. to make clear that re-establishing diplomatic and economic relations with Cuba is possible—but only once the Cuban government stops jailing political opponents, protects free speech, and allows independent political parties to be formed and to participate in free and fair elections.

My 3-word rebuttal: Senate Torture Report

The WaPo says that Rubio “will be able to hold hearings and call witnesses to try to shape the issue, possibly as he mounts a campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.” Rubio is the in-coming chairman of a Senate Foreign Relations subcommittee overseeing Western Hemisphere issues. He threatened the other day that he would not fund an embassy nor confirm an ambassador to Cuba.

UPDATE: Andy Borrowitz at the New Yorker has the best headline: Rubio Vows to Block Twenty-first Century

Some Stupid For Your Coffee?

carly-surreal_1

Carly Fiorina Hiring for Presidential Campaign

December 18, 2014 Carly Fiorina is laying the groundwork for what one ally says is an “imminent” presidential campaign—one that could launch as early as next month.

The former Hewlett-Packard CEO, who raised her political profile with a failed run against Sen. Barbara Boxer of California in 2010, has frequently been mentioned as a long-shot contender to seek the Republican presidential nomination. The speculation is driven by equal parts novelty and activity: Fiorina, who paid several high-profile visits to early-nominating states in 2014, acknowledged that she would likely be the only woman in the GOP field.

“Look, I think it would be great if we had female candidates—or candidate,” Fiorina told National Journal earlier this year.

Fiorina is now poised to become that candidate. According to three sources with direct knowledge of the situation, she has authorized members of her inner circle to seek out and interview candidates for two key positions on her presidential campaign: political director and communications director. Notably, the sources said, her associates are aiming to fill both positions with women.

Which leads us to once again play the greatest political ad of all time:

Rhett or Ashleigh, Cont.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman. Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a conservative with a maverick streak and a folksy manner, said Tuesday that he is thinking about seeking the Republican presidential nomination.

Thank you Jeebus for this gift we are about to receive.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

“And I can tell you from talking to people in the financial industry, in banking, on Wall Street, they think she is actually the devil. I mean, without question, Elizabeth Warren is the devil. So, they’re going to put any money they have behind Hillary Clinton, which should be a help.”

Melissa Francis, Fox Business host

I hope Warren stays right where she is in the Senate. Warren has a lifetime of good that she can do there, certainly much longer than a measly 8 years as POTUS. Of course, if she were to run, I’d support her unquestionably and enthusiastically. I wish I could say the same for Hillary.

Saddle-up Another Goat!

jeb-moose-ears

Chimpy’s younger brother Not Chimpy, you know: the smart one, now says that he is ‘Actively’ exploring running for preznint.

But aside from Jeb reminding everyone about Terri Schiavo, and of course his appalling family, we’ve covered Not Chimpy’s candidacy before.

(Hat tip: @BangingChains on the electric Twitter Machine)

Ohio: First Amendment Is For You, Too

Jeebus in his younger, happier days.

Jeebus enjoys the swing while on recess in Ohio.

What is it with Y’all Qaeda not understanding the First Amendment?

Under a new Ohio law, Gov. John Kasich (R) will require schools to partner with a religious group in order to receive state funding for mentoring programs.

OK, so we have Public Schools using Public Money for mentoring (which is good, though the amount seems sort of puny), but as part of the strings attached, the schools have to partner with a so-called Faith-Based Group (and a corporation, but it was not in TPM’s lede graf). And presumably if they do not partner with a religious organization, well, no mentoring for them!

Buddy Harris, a senior police analyst for the Ohio Department of Education, told the audience at a Thursday information session about the requirement.

“The faith-based organization is clearly at the heart of the vision of the governor,” he said after the session, according to the Plain Dealer.

“We do not forsee any proseletyzing happening between mentors and students,” Harris added. “That’s not really what we’re seeking.”

Indeed, the faith-based organization is in the vision of the Governor who is long-rumored to be a 2016 Goat Rodeo contender. What better way to get into Y’all Qaeda’s good graces and grab the spotlight away from scolds like Frothy Santorum and Uncle Sugar Mike Huckabee. I bet you before this is over, boy exorcist Bobby Jindal will have this scam down in Louisiana, too.

At first blush, you might say that because Kasich didn’t specify which religious denomination that the public schools must partner with, that somehow he got around the establishment clause of the First Amendment, and as Wonkette said/wished, perhaps the Satanists will step in with a faith-based org to be a partner, which would be pretty funny.

But where the whole thing falls apart and what will undoubtedly get this law thrown-out (if not thrown-up) will be that it forces religion onto the atheists, which is a well-known First Amendment violation.

Kasich, clearly not a bright man, is cunning. He will be able to talk about how the secular humanists kicked Sweet Baby Jeebus out of the schools, proclaim himself a victim (the Xristian Xrazies are so moist for victimhood), and have his bonafides proven.

And we all know that everything is better with Sweet Baby Jeebus on it.

Your Bottomless Mug Of Stupid

Cruz

Cruz center of Senate meltdown

Probable 2016 Goat Rodeo contender, Canadian-born latino and immigrant-hating southern white supremacist Senator Ted Cruz is a gift that keeps on giving to the Republicans:

Sen. Ted Cruz, the firebrand conservative freshman from Texas, has blown up the Senate leadership’s plans to have a peaceful weekend by forcing round-the-clock votes on President Obama’s nominees and the $1.1 trillion omnibus.

Cruz took to the floor late Friday to castigate congressional leaders for trying to pass the 1,600-page spending bill after only a few hours of debate and questioned the resolve of Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.) and Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) to fight Obama’s executive order protecting five million illegal immigrants from deportation.

“Even though millions of voters rose up just one month ago to protest how President Obama and the Senate Democrats were running Washington, business as usual is continuing inside the marble halls of the United State Congress,” Cruz said in a fiery floor speech.
Because of objections from Cruz and his ally Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), the Senate will begin slogging through procedural votes on nominees starting at noon Saturday and vote to end a filibuster of the omnibus spending package at 1 a.m. Sunday morning.

I suspect that amply be-chined Mitch will find a way to smother Cruz in his sleep, so this is probably a win-win move.

The Morning Quote

There are 3 reasons never to play Russian Roulette with Rick Perry...

There are 3 reasons never to play Russian Roulette with Rick Perry…

“Running for the presidency’s not an IQ test,” he said. “It is a test of an individual’s resolve. It’s a test of an individual’s philosophy. It’s a test of an individual’s life experiences. And I think Americans are really ready for a leader that will give them a great hope about the future.”

–Noted secessionist theocrat nitwit Texas Gov. Rick Perry (MSNBC)

Unsaddle That Goat!

jeb-moose-ears

Jeb Bush Has a Mitt Romney Problem

The long and short of it is that Not Chimpy ended his political career in 2007 with $1.1M in the bank, and he now is controlling three hedge funds with a combined value of about $100M, mostly raised from Chinese investors, and all of it offshore in what can only be described as tax havens.

(Bloomberg)