And Now An Important Question from the ¡JEB! Campaign — UPDATED

JEB wants to know...

FYI, Tim Miller is the hapless spox for the doomed campaign of Mr. 5.5% hisself (thanks Herman Cain!) ¡JEB! the Smartest Bush®

UPDATE 1: It seems that Matt Drudge started a rumor that in his newest movie, Leonardo DiCaprio gets rogered by a bear. Methinks the Eggman was getting wishful.

(Hat tip: eagle-eyed Scissorhead Cheryl. On the electric Twitter machine you can find her @CAFillekes.)

The Quotable Cruz

The Pride of Canada

The stupid... it burns

The stupid… it burns

“Heidi and I, we have two little girls. I’m very glad we don’t have 17,” Cruz said with a laugh. “And it’s a great example when the war on women came up, Republicans would curl up in a ball, they’d say, ‘Don’t hurt me. Jiminy Cricket!’”

“Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber shortage in America,” Cruz said. “When I was in college we had a machine in the bathroom, you put 50 cents in and voila! So yes, anyone who wants contraceptives can access them, but it’s an utterly made-up nonsense issue.”

Well, there’s a dick joke in there somewhere. But if he thinks that birth control (and therefore decisions) are up to men alone, then it’s just more of the same Republican Xristian patriarchy bullshit. Let alone that he doesn’t understand that birth control pills are prescribed for a host of other medical reasons.

(Huffington Post)

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

"Message: I'm angry."

“Message: I’m angry.”

2012 Goat Rodeo Novelty Candidate Herman ‘Black Walnut’ Cain has something to say to ¡JEB! the Smartest Bush®, who as you know has been dissing Trump as the Herman Cain of 2016:

Jeb Bush cited the rise and fall of 2012 GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain as he sought to reassure supporters at a Longboat Key fundraiser Monday that their faith in him is well placed.

By noting that Cain led in the polls at this point in 2012 only to flame out, Bush implied that current GOP front-runners Donald Trump and Ben Carson could follow the same path.

Replies Cain:

Big talk from Mr. 5.5 percent…So let’s talk about this. In late October 2011, the polls had me leading the Republican race for president with 24 percent. After that, of course, I was the target of accusations that I’ve already explained were complete B.S., and you can read about that if you want to here. This precipitated my fall in the polls to the point where, by late November, I was in third place and polling at 14 percent. This is when I decided to leave the race because the turn it had taken was imposing too much hardship on my family.

But there’s a reason I bring up these numbers. At the height of my campaign I was in first place at 24 percent. Even when I left the race I was in third place at 14 place. Who am I? A guy who ran a pizza company and had a successful corporate career before hosting a talk show in Atlanta. I was not anonymous but I was hardly famous.

Who is Jeb Bush? He is the former governor of Florida and he has one of the most famous political last names in America. He has more political money behind him than any candidate in this race with the possible exception of Hillary Clinton. And how is he doing in the polls? The current Real Clear Politics average shows him in fifth place at 5.5 percent.

If you want to say I had a “fall,” go ahead, I guess. You can’t fall when you’ve never gotten any higher than the floor in the first place, and that’s the state of the Jeb Bush campaign. A guy with his name, his money and the team behind him should be one of the top-tier contenders, and he should certainly not be letting Donald Trump wipe the floor with him if Trump is as unserious and unqualified as Bush would have you believe…

…But if I were to give Jeb Bush a piece of advice – not that he probably thinks he needs any from me – it would be to focus on coming up with a rationale for a Jeb Bush presidency. To date, I haven’t heard one that’s got many people very excited. And to judge from the polls, 94.5 percent of Republican primary voters agree with me.

Popcorn, anyone?

Popcorn, anyone?

And that, my friends, is what you call an industrial-sized can of whoop-ass. Popcorn, anyone?

“If I’m Lying…”

"Hey, I wasn't finished!"

“Hey, I’m not finished!”

The Professor Speaks!

Goat don't take no bull.

Goat don’t take no bull.

Our pal Professor Hubbard at the insightful and acclaimed Above None of the Above blog has this week’s poll analysis up, and we’ve got a doozie. I’ll let the Prof. himself explain:

There were only three polls released, largely because of the holiday, and because the data set is so small, we see some big swings that I can’t recognize as real just yet. There may be more polls released on Monday and Tuesday that change the numbers, but if that’s the case, we won’t see them until next Sunday.

“And so what are the big changes?”, you ask.

The GOP chart has the three huge changes, with Trump going up 6.3 points to his highest level ever, while Ben Carson drops 7.3 points into a tie for third and fourth place with Ted Cruz. (I think more polls will come in and Dr. Carson drop won’t as severe, but I do think the general downward trend will continue.) We also have a 3.3 point drop in None of the Above, the one result I can clearly explain.

As you know, Prof. Hubbard’s methodology resulted in more accurate predictions than Nate Silver’s in the 2012 Goat Rodeo. Without a lot of smoke and mirrors, Hubbard depends on a large number of reputable polling companies. This week there were only three on his list and one of them is not reliable. This makes the numbers very volatile and also gives strange results. You might have seen elsewhere that Trump dropped 12 points in a single week? Same week that Hubbard has him at this highest he’s ever been (36.7%)!

This week also shows the spread between the non-politicians and the professionals to have narrowed more than ever: only 5.8 points separating them. This is due to Carson’s and Fiorina’s drop in the polls are greater than Trump’s rise. Again, I’m not sure that this week’s numbers will hold due to the small sample size.

And Now, A ¡JEB! Campaign Update

From the latest Quinnipiac poll:

Donald Trump gets 25 percent of Iowa likely Republican Caucus participants in a too-close-to- call race with Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas who is at 23 percent, double his support from four weeks ago, according to a Quinnipiac University poll released today. Dr. Ben Carson has 18 percent, with Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida at 13 percent.
This compares to the results of an October 22 survey by the independent Quinnipiac (KWIN-uh-pe-ack) University showing Carson at 28 percent, with 20 percent for Trump, Rubio at 13 percent and Cruz at 10 percent.

One thing that hasn’t changed is the poor showing for former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, who goes from 5 percent October 22 to 4 percent today.

Today, Sen. Rand Paul is at 5 percent, with Carly Fiorina at 3 percent. No other candidate tops 2 percent, with 2 percent undecided.

Yup, ¡JEB! The Smartest Bush® is now trailing Schrodinger’s Candidate Rand Paul.

Which might explain the news that the famous Bush Family Smear Machine is aiming its slime at Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio, the Cold Warrior for a New Generation, and beloved grandson figure of Wingnuts over the age of 65 and under the age of death.

The Morning Quote: Carly Fiorina

Lucent? Never heard of it!

Lucent? Never heard of it!

“First, it is not alleged. Planned Parenthood acknowledged several weeks ago they would no longer take compensation for body parts, which sounds like an admission they were doing so. Secondly this is so typical of the left to immediately demonize the messenger, because they don’t agree with the message. The vast majority of Americans agree, what planned parenthood is doing is wrong. And that’s why the vast majority of Americans are prepared not only to defund Planned Parenthood but to stop abortion for ANY reason after five months.”

“What I would say to anyone who tries to link this terrible tragedy to anyone who opposes abortion or opposes the sale of body parts is, this is typical left-wing tactics.”

Carly ‘Fire ‘Em All’ Fiorina, whose tortured relationship with the truth is well-documented in the Lucent profit statements during her reign there, to Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace.

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Ted Cruz?

Ted Cruz with Dr. Chaps, Demon Hunter.

Ted Cruz with Dr. Chaps, Demon Hunter.

The Texas Tribune reports

Speaking to reporters after a stop here Sunday afternoon, Cruz rejected a potential connection between anti-abortion activism and the shooting, instead taking issue with “some vicious rhetoric on the left blaming those who are pro-life.” The shooting, which happened Friday in Colorado Springs, left a police officer and two civilians dead, and a suspect, Robert Dear, has been taken into custody.

“The media promptly wants to blame him on the pro-life movement when at this point there’s very little evidence to indicate that,” Cruz said.

When a reporter reminded Cruz it has been reported Dear made a comment about “baby parts” while being apprehended, Cruz retorted, “It’s also been reported that he was registered as an independent and a woman and a transgendered leftist activist. If that’s what he is, I don’t think it’s fair to blame on the rhetoric on the left. This is a murderer.”

Well, being a trans-woman certainly would explain the luxuriant beard, Ted?

My betters know which fringe bloggers Ted Cruz must read.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Moeman)

Carly Fiorina Releases Statement on Planned Parenthood Attack

I didn’t even have to click to read the article. Somewhere Phyllis Schlafly is smiling.