The Morning Quote

i_heart_huckabees

I’m not against anybody. I’m really not. I’m not a hater. I’m not homophobic.”

–Diabetes hate-burger enthusiast, theocratic Uncle Sugar, and 2016 Goat Rodeo Contestant Mike Huckabee

Who then adds this gem:

“But … when people say, ‘Why don’t you just kind of get on the right side of history?’ I said, ‘You’ve got to understand, this for me is not about the right side or the wrong side of history, this is the right side of the Bible, and unless God rewrites it, edits it, sends it down with his signature on it, it’s not my book to change.’”

Ah, so God made you homophobic. Got it. Amazing how God always agrees with you, Gomer.

And he’s supposed to be the smart one?

jeb-moose-ears

Bush crime family macrocephalic exhibit A Not Chimpy, er, I mean Jeb stepped in it again. And he’s supposed to be the smart one?

Take it away, Tiger Beat on the Potomac:

On immigration, he said that those who come into the country illegally generally do so because they had no other means to provide for their family, and what they did is “not a felony.”

“It’s an act of love. It’s an act of commitment to your family,” Bush said. “I honestly think that that is a different kind of crime. There should be a price paid, but it shouldn’t rile people up that people are actually coming to this country to provide for their families.”

OK, I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth when the words “Jeb Bush” and “Act of Love” co-mingled on my screen.

Anyway, the primaries are when Wingnuttia look for purity (which in this instance involves electrifying a thousand mile border fence, with a moat and alligators, and gattling guns every 10 feet to keep out the dusky menace; Canadians please accept our welcome wagon), love action comes in the general, Jeb.

Whoops, threw-up a little again.

In which Sen. Aqua Buddha makes a funny

Rand Paul wants to be left alone

The stealth candidate with a bad rug, Sen. Aqua Buddha decides to tweet one out for the kids on the electric Twitter machine when he learned that The Kenyan Usurper was meeting with The Pope:

I’m not a fan of the Senator, but even I have to admit that this is pretty good snark, and it is just about the only cross over issue I share with him.

Somewhere, Ayn Rand is smiling

Atlas-Shrugged

[Sen. Aqua Buddah] last week talked up his plan for a 17 percent flat tax, a hit with the high-earning crowd. He also took questions on issues spanning the crisis in Crimea to abortion.

This did not happen at UC Berkeley (there he talked about dope, drones, NSA, but failed to mention his tax plan, banning gay marriage, and no abortions not even for rape; it was an oversight, I’m sure), this was at the Olympic Club on Nob Hill in SF, and his audience was the venture capital crowd, you know, like the much put-upon Tom ‘Kristallnacht’ Perkins.

In related news, Krugman takes on inherited wealth, something that front-runner Paul is all in favor of having.

Turkey in the Straw Poll at CPAC

chimpy-has-a-mad-love

Here’s the CPAC 2016 Goat Rodeo straw poll ballot. For a second straight year former Florida Jeb Bush has asked not to be on the ballot.

And now you can play along, too:

Thinking ahead to the 2016 Presidential election, who would you vote for as the next Republican nominee for President?

Shorter Paul Ryan

Atlas-Shrugged

“Prostitution is a growth industry.”

What he really said:

“This document is a precursor not only of our budget but of our larger project to introduce poverty reforms over the course of this year,” Ryan said. “The president may focus on inequality because he can’t talk about growth. We’re focused on upward mobility, speaking directly to people who have fallen through the cracks.”

Food stamps, low-income hous­ing, and a flurry of other social service programs and tax credits are also targeted in the report. Ryan said Republicans will soon offer specific prescriptions to the problems he outlines. Putting a comprehensive anti-poverty agenda alongside efforts to devise an alternative to the federal health-care law is a GOP priority, he said.

Poverty Reforms is such a nice euphemism for the eugenics of killing the poors or at least kicking them in the junk. Yup, the Zombie-eyed Granny-starver is competing in the 2016 Goat Rodeo.

(WaPo)

In which Bobby Jindal adds a new skill to his LinkedIn profile

Bad Manners

Bubba Jindal

Famous boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal attended the National Governors Association meeting, enjoyed a fine brunch served at the White House, listened to speeches on how bipartisan efforts between the Administration and governors everywhere could benefit We the People, and promptly took a dump in the punch bowl:

Jindal saw the gathered press and knew in his Christian heart that this was a time to grab the spotlight and throw some red meat to the mouthbreathers of his base. Jindal, who has aspirations to compete in the 2016 Goat Rodeo, is not considered a top-tier candidate, so whatever it takes, eh, Bobby?

Bless your heart. I thought you Southern Boys were raised better than that.

(Politico)