Dinner At The Paul’s House

Rand Paul groundhog day driving

Here we go again: père et fils Paul are fighting in public:

In an interview with Fox News radio host John Gibson last week, Rand Paul argued that a ban on people traveling from west African “ought to be considered.”

“It’s not like AIDS,” he explained. “AIDS is difficult to transmit. You’re not going to go into a cocktail party and have someone cough and get AIDS. If you are in a cocktail party with someone with Ebola and they cough, you are at risk for getting Ebola.”

OK, pretty stupid for a number of reasons we’ve discussed before. But let’s hear what his dad The Gold Bug, who actually is a medical doctor (and not a Lens Grifter), has to say on the topic:

“For a government to just ban all travel, I’m not much interested in that,” the former Republican presidential candidate told Newsmax. “You’ve got to put it in perspective. What if you wanted to save 15,000 deaths from AIDS this year. Why don’t you ban certain practices that spreads AIDS? So, we’re talking about one person that’s died [of Ebola in the U.S.] and we want to close down the world travel system.”

And right about at that point Mrs. Goldbug probably started weeping and asked, “Who wants pancakes?,” as Rand runs out of the house to go to Sally’s, hot tears streaming down his peach-fuzzed cheeks.

(Raw Story)

STFU, Rand Paul

Rand Paul wants to be left alone

Famous plagiarist, immigrant-dodging land-speed record holder and shag-carpet topped SEN. RAND PAUL tried to make a funny today when he deflected criticism that Y’all Qaeda cut funding for the CDC by about half over the last 10 years:

“We have people who go blithely on TV and say we don’t have enough money to study Ebola. Have you seen what the NIH spends money on?” Paul, a prospective 2016 presidential candidate, said at a campaign rally for Republican congressional candidates Dave Brat and Ed Gillespie.

“Nine-hundred thirty-nine thousand dollars spent to discover whether or not male fruit flies would like to consort with younger female fruit flies,” the senator said to laughter. “One hundred seventeen thousand dollars spent to determine if most monkeys are right handed and like to throw poop with their right hands.”

And the NIH spent $2.4 million for an “Origami condom,” said Paul, who said he spared folks in the room an explanation because it was a family audience.

OK, so he’s mocking studies on fruit flies and monkeys, which is a classic Republican trick, the equivalent of Both Sides Do It. Make fun of something silly to cast doubt on something serious. Where Aqua Buddha innovates on this rhetorical dodge is then smarmily adding the bit about the Origami Condom, and pruriently adding that he will not discuss it in a family-friendly venue. As we have said in MPS on many of these occasions, he’s riding his high horse on a low road.

Let’s examine what he’s mocking, family friendly or not. Go to the Origami Website and take a look around.

The company’s name, Origami, comes from the fact that they make condoms that don’t unroll. Those of us who have used rolled condoms can tell you, there are plenty of ways that things can go wrong. Origami also is making condoms for women, and condoms specifically for anal sex. The Gates Foundation has also given Origami money ” to improve the health of people in the developing world.”

Let’s say it plainly: condoms in the developing world is about staunching the spread of HIV/AIDS. That is definitely worthy of studying and funding.

So Paul is mocking:

  • an attempt to make condoms safer, more pleasurable, and more foolproof so that people will use them more consistently
  • a chance for women (in the developing world, and here at home) to have some low-cost control over their sexual choices, and to help control unwanted pregnancy
  • an attempt to staunch the spread of STDs

So back to tactics: why is Rand Paul making a joke about condoms? Because it distracts the press and the people from the fact that Republicans are responsible for cutting public health spending. In effect he’s using AIDS to to distract from Ebola.

Rand Paul is a monster.

2016 Goat Rodeo Rider Is Angry

So Reince, how is that rebranding working out? If I were you (hahahaha), I would take Gomer up on his offer and kick him out of your club. Something like:

2016: Saddle-Up Another Goat!

choo-choo train

Rob Portman’s Iowa tour


Asked about his own prospects for a presidential bid in 2016, Portman said: “I’m totally focused on 2014 now.”

“As you can tell,” he said, eating a blueberry croissant at Caribou Coffee on Ingersoll Avenue in Des Moines, “I’ve been in I think eight states already and I’ll probably be in another five or six before the end of this month. That’s my focus. Getting this majority is, I think, the first important step toward turning this country around, and frankly, winning in 2016. But after the election I’ll take a look at it. I am worried about the direction of our country. And that’s my passion. But I’m going to wait until after the election.”

Bawh-ha-ha! Rob Portman was Chimpy McStagger’s Budget Director. Let’s watch him try to dodge that ball, so to speak.

The Morning Quote

“If I get through my general election, if nobody steps up in the presidential mix, if nobody’s out there talking — me and [Arizona Republican Sen. John] McCain have been talking — I may just jump in to get to make these arguments,” he said.

–Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase Lindsey Graham

And you say that the GOP would never consider a woman or a minority for the 2016 Goat Rodeo?


Thank you Jeebus!

Bachmann and cheddar

Bachmann Again Hints at Run for President

“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she told RCP. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

The Barrel Scrapes Itself


The National Journal speculates that iCarly “Fire ‘Em All Fiorina might be positioning herself to enter the 2016 Goat Rodeo:

The former Hewlett-Packard CEO and 2010 Senate candidate is hitting the campaign trail in the lead-up to Election Day for her new super PAC, teaching activists and politicians how to talk to female voters—and building herself a grassroots base in a half-dozen electorally important states in the process.

While her efforts are focused on helping the GOP win control of the Senate in November, political strategists say Fiorina is doing all the right things to prep for a 2016 bid. And the message she’s touting is a preview of the kind of role she could play, if she runs.

In case anyone has forgotten her doomed 2010 Senate Campaign (which was a very good year for the Republicans):

In Which Rand Paul Steps On Another Rake

Rand Paul wants to be left alone

Famous plagiarist, immigrant-dodging land-speed record holder and shag-carpet topped SEN. RAND PAUL, tells us that the first executive order that he would sign would repeal all previous executive orders:

During a talk with the New Hampshire chapter of Generation Opportunity (a millennial-focused group best known for using a creepy Uncle Sam mascot to convince people not to enroll in Obamacare) a young man asked Paul if he would repeal any executive orders. “I think the first executive order that I would issue would be to repeal all previous executive orders,” Paul said, according to Breitbart. He continued:

“Democracy is messy, but you have to build consensus to pass things. But it’s also in some ways good, because a lot of laws take away your freedom. So it should be hard to pass a law. And it, frankly, when you do it the proper way, is.”

Which of course led to the perpetual walking back by his staff:

Late Friday, the senator’s office walked this back a bit, suggesting Paul was speaking with a rhetorical flourish at the event. “It was not meant to be taken literally,” an aide said.

Which is fine because nothing that Aqua Buddha says should be taken literally. Flip meets Flop, as always.

So, in addition to taking back all of the Executive Orders thus far (including Thomas Jefferson’s order for the Lewis and Clark expedition, The Emancipation Proclamation, and integrating the armed services), what else does Schröedinger’s Candidate utopia look like?

So what is that utopia, in Paul’s mind? His friend said it would look like 1792, with the government that existed just after the Constitution was ratified.

Well, I guess a powdered wig would be an improvement for Paul.

Jindal and The Stench of Desperation

Bubba Jindal

The WSJ tells us… Jindal Aspires to Be Leading Thinker in GOP’s 2016 Field, but here’s my favorite line from this ridiculous piece:

“In a prospective field where candidates are generating buzz because of their interesting personalities or profiles, Jindal is focused on becoming ‘the ideas guy,’ ” said Kevin Madden, a top adviser to 2012 GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney.

Well, if boy exorcist and noted Volcano Scholar Bobby ‘Bubba’ Jindal cannot compete on interesting personality (true) or profile (also true), I guess he is left with his record, which is pretty terrible on both the face of it and in the substance of it. I guess all that is left is to try to eke out the Newticles’ position of being the ideas guy.

So what are those ideas?

The governor is set to unveil the second plank of a would-be policy platform Tuesday with the release of a comprehensive energy plan, two full months before the 2014 elections wrap up.

The proposal includes familiar measures likely to rally Republicans, such as approving the Keystone XL pipeline, as well as a few ideas that haven’t been as widely embraced by his party, including a call to lift the ban on American oil exports.

Oh yeah, that is an idea that will take him places.


More Flip-Flops Than a Memorial Day Shoe Sale


The Daily Banter is doing yeoman’s work trying to keep up with the 2016 Goat Rodeo’s Schröedinger’s Candidate Rand Paul’s latest changing positions on ISIS:

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) is a national joke and anyone who thinks he’d make a swell president needs to pay a little more attention to the, you know, news. Yesterday, we reported the freshman senator’s latest in a bottomless cup of flip-flops in which he said, on the record, that he’d intervene militarily against the Islamic State, aka ISIS. Prior to being obviously hawkish, Paul condemned Hillary Clinton for being a hawk on the Middle East. Now he’s backpedaling on his flirtation with intervention. Surprise, surprise…

…Oh, yeah, it’s time for a president like Rand Paul who totally has a strategy — which is to not have any strategies that survive for more than a few minutes. His only consistent strategy is the one in which he says whatever’s necessary to get elected, even if it directly contradicts something he just said.

At this rate, by the weekend, Rand Paul will have taken every imaginable position on ISIS, including condemnations of his own prior positions. Because he has a strategy.

It’s great, good stuff. The Daily Banter is becoming a Daily Read for me.