Some Fries With Your Stupid, Dr. Carson?

guns at birth

The people who want to get rid of our gun rights, I want them to tell me how exactly that stops these kinds of incidents from happening. Because the people who are going to commit these crimes, they don’t care about your silly rules, they’re not going to pay attention to them. So all you’re going to do is create more vulnerability, as Thomas Jefferson said. He said the people who are going to be disadvantaged are the ones who are law-abiding.

Ben ‘Copernicus’ Carson

Um, Jefferson never said it. He quoted it, and then in the margin wrote, “False idee di utilità.”.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

It’s probably a bad sign when failed 2012 Goat Rodeo novelty candidate Herman ‘Black Walnut’ Cain is trolling Frothy’s entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo… and it is picked up by free-range conspiracy theorist Glen Beck’s The Blaze.

It’s the trifecta of Stupid.

Guilty! Of Bad Taste and Manners as Well as Corruption

All Mink And No Manners


Bob “Sticky Fingers” McDonnell was found guilty on 11 out of 13 counts of public corruption. Big Mo was found guilty of 9 out of 13 counts.

We need to remember that McDonnell was being groomed for national politics, and was at one point being vetted by The Stench for the runner-up in the 2012 Goat Rodeo.

So much for the crazy wife defense.

Water Seeks Its Own Level…

Mitch McConnell

even filthy sewer water:

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) – Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s campaign manager resigned Friday amid fallout from a scandal in Iowa involving a presidential campaign he worked for in 2012. Jesse Benton said he didn’t want to become a distraction as McConnell tries to win a tough re-election campaign in Kentucky.

“This decision breaks my heart, but I know it is the right thing for Mitch, for Kentucky and for the country,” Benton said in a statement.

For those of you keeping score at home, Benton’s resignation comes 2 months before the election, which I suppose is bad for amply bechinned Mitch.

The thread is sort of hard to follow on this because it involved our old pal One-L’s quixotic and doomed 2012 Goat Rodeo run. It seems that someone bribed state Sen. Kent Sorenson to quit as her campaign manager and join Crazy Uncle Liberty’s grift, er, campaign. What is funny about it is that no one knows if One-L bribed him to leave or if CUL bribed him to switch. Anyway, Mr. Benton worked for CUL and very possibly was the person with the envelope.

Grand Exalted Turtle Lodge Chief McConnell hired Mr. Benton from the Paul family allegedly as a way to make nice with the more popular Kentucky Senator Aqua Buddha. You may recall that Mr. Benton, a notorious Teabagger, famously described it as holding his nose until 2016 when he can help Rand Paul run in the 2016 Goat Rodeo.

So in essence, there you have it: some dumbass hayshaker in Iowa played out the drowning man swimming to the sinking ship scenario, brought down Bachmann and has now torpedoed the re-election campaign of our amply bechinned turtle overlord. Does this implicate McConnell? No. But it does show a complete lack of judgement and an end justifies the means mentality.

The Morning Quote


Sitting in her campaign bus, in the same seat where she cried with joy in August, she now sobbed over her drubbing. “God, I’m a loser,” Bachmann said. “God, I turn people off.”


Willard loses again

The Huffington Post has something of a scoop today (or they read their inbox from the PR Newswire?), so I guess Arianna is out a few crumbs to pay someone on her staff. Anyway, they got their hands on an advanced copy of the Washington Post’s Dan Balz’s upcoming book, Collision 2012, which I suppose will be a best seller in the Beltway and on Villager coffee tables, but not popular elsewhere.

One of the revealed nuggets (probably a one on the Bristol Stool Scale) presented is that Willard lost 10 out of 12 members of his family’s vote… when he polled them if he should run for Preznint again, after losing so ignominiously to Grandpa Walnuts in 2008.

He reveals that he didn’t vote for himself in his family poll, either. So I guess The Stench has something in common with us after all. Who knew?

None of this is news as his son The Prince Regent of Romneylandia (the Heir, not the 4 Spares) Tagg revealed in a news cycle earlier in the year that his dad was the most reluctant candidate in the history of politics or something. Which as Charlie Pierce points out (Hi Charlie!) is one of the funniest statements of the new century:

“Look, Willard Romney started running for president as soon as he gave up on his day-job here in the Commonwealth (God save it!). That was approximately half-past 2005. He didn’t stop until Nate Silver buried his ass last November. I spent half the campaign mocking the fairy tale about how he and Ann sat around the kitchen table in one of the manses and decided that, yes, only Mitt could save the country. Now, I am expected to believe this happy horsepucky about Mitt, The Reluctant Candidate? He continues to be the most singularly maladroit national politician I’ve ever seen. Even his obvious prevarication sounds like something he memorized 10 minutes ago.”


Terminator 4: Rise of Our Lunches

Well, here’s a grim alternate reality Sci-fi plot-line:

As Mitt Romney struggled in the weeks leading up to the Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum nearly agreed to form a joint “Unity Ticket” to consolidate conservative support and topple Romney. “We were close,” former Representative Bob Walker, a Gingrich ally, says. “Everybody thought there was an opportunity.” “It would have sent shock waves through the establishment and the Romney campaign,” says John Brabender, Santorum’s chief strategist.

Let’s see, a staff-banging, serial-adulterer and a Xristian Xrazie scold team up to defeat magic-panties wearing cyborg, and saves the world from certain doom at the hands of the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Debbil.

What went wrong?

But the negotiations collapsed in acrimony because Gingrich and Santorum could not agree on who would get to be president.

Let’s think on this a moment… President Blow Job Aficionado or President Frothy Mix of Fecal Matter and Lube? So hard to decide!

So what did Newticles think?

Gingrich thought that he belonged on top of the ticket. “Our reasoning,” says Walker, “is that we had won a major primary at that point [South Carolina] and people like Rick Perry were coming on board. Perry had just endorsed Newt.”

And what did Cardinal Blueballs think?

To Santorum’s team, however, the Gingrich campaign was a sinking ship, and their own man was the obvious choice to lead the ticket. “At the end of the day,” says Brabender, “we won 11 states and tied two others. He won two states, which makes it only logical that Rick was the one who had earned the right to go one-on-one with Romney.”

So there must have been a tie-breaker, what was it?!

Finally, the two candidates spoke face-to-face at an energy forum just before the primary. Gingrich made an elaborate historical argument that when the party hasn’t been able to agree on a nominee, it always settles on the senior figure. Santorum wasn’t persuaded, and urged Gingrich to do what was best for the conservative movement.

When in doubt, make up some history! The Gingrich way!

But what happened?

In the end, they both dropped out. Romney trudged on unimpeded, eventually emerging as the victor.

And even then no one liked what the GOP was selling, so he lost. The End.

(Business Week)


Hall - Cantor

“House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) on Tuesday said the 2012 election showed that the GOP needs to do a better job explaining its politics to voters.”

Actually, Iago, I think that the 2012 Goat Rodeo showed that the GOP did an excellent job explaining its politics to voters.

It’s not the messaging that’s the problem, it’s the product. No one wants it.


(Politico has more but it is their usual Tiger-Beat on the Potomac breathless style without much attribution. Interesting still.)

The GOP Has A Plan!

“The Republican National Committee is rolling out a plan to review what worked and what didn’t for the party in the 2012 cycle, appointing five people at the top of a committee that will make recommendations on things like demographics, messaging and fundraising.”

Introspection after being beaten like a cheap gong is probably a good thing. So who’s on this committee?

“The Growth and Opportunity Project is going to be chaired by RNC committee member Henry Barbour, longtime Jeb Bush adviser and political operative Sally Bradshaw, former George W. Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer, Puerto Rico RNC committee member Zori Fonalledas, and South Carolina RNC member Glenn McCall. Priebus, who is running for a second term, is holding a call with committee members to roll out the plan this afternoon.”

So let’s see, Haley Barbour 2 (Electric Boogaloo? Yes.), a Jeb Bush plant to ensure it works out in his favor (the Bush Crime Family Business), Chimpy’s Liar and famous Komen Race for the Cure saboteur Ari Fleischer, the Puerto Rican lady who was pretty much boo’ed off the stage at the RNC, and some guy from South Carolina, which thinks it is still the capitol of the Confederacy and might not be wrong about that. Oh, and that Anagram Reince Priebus who is the guy who totally bungled their effort in the 2012 Goat Rodeo. Well, then, carry on. What will they really be doing?

“The plan is to focus on: campaign mechanics, fundraising, demographics, messaging, outside groups, campaign finance, the national primary process and, last but not least, what the successful Democratic efforts revealed about the way forward, and recommend plans for the way forward, sources familiar with the plan said.”

You know, maybe the plan ought to be to find the right assortment of meds to give to your base? You know, the crazy people that scream “Commie” and then smear poo in their hair and run all around with Gadsden flags, three corner hats and inexplicably called themselves Teabaggers (until they found out what it meant)? You know, the ones who picked such sterling candidates as Akin and Mourdock, and who really lost the election across the board for your team. You should thank god for gerrymanders, or you guys would be sitting in ditches flinging poo at visitors to the DC zoo.

“Still, the source insisted that “the GOP has problems but they are solvable. We have to look at what we are doing right and what we’re doing wrong and lay out our vision and plans for Americans so everyone knows what we stand for. 2010 was the biggest mid-term win for one party since the 1938 election. Our ideas still resonate, but we need to examine what’s working and what isn’t. We have 30 Governors right now, but we want to listen and learn so we do better in presidential years as well.”

Well of course your problems are solvable: you can wait until the ancient white crackers die off. As for your ideas resonating, as the old Italian expression goes, the empty vessel rings the loudest.

Anyway, the Politico piece goes on and on, and no one is on the record, so this could all be just more hot gossip from their fevered imaginations. But I think it clearly shows that the GOP still doesn’t have a clue that they are dinosaurs thrashing about in the tar pits.

Awesome campaign was awesome says awesome Campaign Manager

This editorial by Stuart Stevens, the chief strategist for the Romney presidential campaign, in the WaPo is going to go down in annals (Sp?) of history as one of the funniest exercises of log-rolling of our time.

“Over the years, one of the more troubling characteristics of the Democratic Party and the left in general has been a shortage of loyalty and an abundance of self-loathing. It would be a shame if we Republicans took a narrow presidential loss as a signal that those are traits we should emulate.”

Well, besides not citing any sources to support his argument, I have to give Stuart Stevens props for a bold lede. Essentially, when you get past the slander, he’s saying that what caused the Democrats to win was disloyalty and self-loathing, because, you know, when you hate yourself and are disloyal, what you really want to do is vote for the same guy you voted for previously. Thanks for that impeccable logic. Let’s continue:

“I appreciate that Mitt Romney was never a favorite of D.C.’s green-room crowd or, frankly, of many politicians. That’s why, a year ago, so few of those people thought that he would win the Republican nomination. But that was indicative not of any failing of Romney’s but of how out of touch so many were in Washington and in the professional political class. Nobody liked Romney except voters.”

Well, Stu (may I call you Stu?), perhaps if you had allowed The Stench to go on some unscripted interviews with anyone other than Fox News… No one thought he would win the nomination because, frankly, your candidate was a windsock who changed positions more frequently than a $20 hooker at the GOP convention. And as for nobody liked The Stench except the voters, well, it seems like they didn’t like him much either. What else have you got for us?

“In doing so, he raised more money for the Republican Party than the party did. He trounced Barack Obama in debate. He defended the free-enterprise system and, more than any figure in recent history, drew attention to the moral case for free enterprise and conservative economics.”

If you equate being successful with raising money, then he did well. If you equate success with, you know, actually winning then he didn’t do just not well, it was a spectacular and expensive fail. As for free enterprise, that was as far as I can tell never an issue; as for conservative economics, there is no such thing as conservative economics, there is only rigging the system so that the Haves become Have Mores.

“When much of what passes for a political intelligentsia these days predicted that the selection of Rep. Paul Ryan meant certain death on the third rail of Medicare and Social Security, Romney brought the fight to the Democrats and made the rational, persuasive case for entitlement reform that conservatives have so desperately needed. The nation listened, thought about it — and on Election Day, Romney carried seniors by a wide margin. It’s safe to say that the entitlement discussion will never be the same.”

And the political intelligentsia was right, now wasn’t it? Paul Ryan, besides being a notorious zombie-eyed granny starver is also a fetus-fondling God botherer of the first sort, who drove women and gay people to the exits. There was nothing to like about him, and in fact, he didn’t even carry his home town. I’ll give you credit, though: the entitlement discussion will never be the same. The discussion now is how to preserve the safety net, not how to gut it and give the spoils to the bankers. Thanks Mitt!

“On Nov. 6, Romney carried the majority of every economic group except those with less than $50,000 a year in household income. That means he carried the majority of middle-class voters. While John McCain lost white voters younger than 30 by 10 points, Romney won those voters by seven points, a 17-point shift. Obama received 4½million fewer voters in 2012 than 2008, and Romney got more votes than McCain.”

And yet, he lost, Stu. And you know those people making less than $50K/year? That was about 47% of the population. Does that ring any bells to you?

“But having been involved in three presidential races, two of which we won closely and one that we lost fairly closely, I know enough to know that we weren’t brilliant because Florida went our way in 2000 or enough Ohioans stuck with us in 2004. Nor are we idiots because we came a little more than 320,000 votes short of winning the electoral college in 2012. Losing is just losing. It’s not a mandate to throw out every idea that the candidate championed, and I would hope it’s not seen as an excuse to show disrespect for a good man who fought hard for values we admire.”

Florida in 2000 and Ohio in 2004? You mean the two elections that were quite literally stolen? Do you use that mouth to brag about those elections to your momma?

“In the debates and in sweeping rallies across the country, Romney captured the imagination of millions of Americans. He spoke for those who felt disconnected from the Obama vision of America. He handled the unequaled pressures of a campaign with a natural grace and good humor that contrasted sharply with the angry bitterness of his critics.”

Willard captured my imagination, that’s true. I kept wondering what position he was going to take each time he opened his mouth, or the various lies that he spewed out. I was fascinated that anyone could break the land-speed record for sheer depraved lying and then break it again the next day.

“There was a time not so long ago when the problems of the Democratic Party revolved around being too liberal and too dependent on minorities. Obama turned those problems into advantages and rode that strategy to victory. But he was a charismatic African American president with a billion dollars, no primary and media that often felt morally conflicted about being critical. How easy is that to replicate?”

Stu, is being too dependent on minorities a dog whistle, especially when you then call it a problem, twice? Some say Yes!

“Yes, the Republican Party has problems, but as we go forward, let’s remember that any party that captures the majority of the middle class must be doing something right. When Mitt Romney stood on stage with President Obama, it wasn’t about television ads or whiz-bang turnout technologies, it was about fundamental Republican ideas vs. fundamental Democratic ideas. It was about lower taxes or higher taxes, less government or more government, more freedom or less freedom. And Republican ideals — Mitt Romney — carried the day.”

It certainly wasn’t about turnout technologies for you guys, but you are right: it was about fundamental Republican ideas. No one liked them, no one liked your message, and no one liked who was delivering these messages. When you start off by marginalizing the poor, attacking women, and telling gay people that they are second class citizens, and then continue on by attacking people of color and asking kids born in this country to self-deport, do you have any wonder why you lost? It was Republicanism that lost, it was the dismissive paternalism of a white southern men’s club that lost.

“On Nov. 6, that wasn’t enough to win. But it was enough to make us proud and to build on for the future.”

Yeah, you do that. When you are down, the only way you can go is up. Unless you have a shovel.