Cry Me A F***ing River, Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan Zombie of LoveZombie-eyed Granny-starver Paul Ryan explains to us why it is that members of Congress deserve work-life balance, well him anyway, but the rest of us don’t:

Personally, I want my representative to be exactly like the rest of us: in a hurry, harassed, exhausted and living in fear from paycheck to paycheck (but considering that most of them are multi-millionaires this is unlikely).

I’d like them to feel exactly what the rest of us feel as they chop away at the safety net and set the ammosexuals loose against the rest us.

I’d also like to think that they care, but they are clearly sociopaths.

Your 3-Martini Stupid is Served, Huckabee

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Hello, My Name Is Stupid

Well, Uncle Sugar hisself has gone and done it: he’s advocating for a return to slavery, you know, for poor people:

He was also about one heart-beat away from hit, but now he’s right there. Y’all Qaeda salutes you, and The New Confederacy is gonna take another look.

The Quotable Kasich

John Kasich separated at birth

This guy is a buffoon:

“[Kasich] asked audience members to raise their hands if they were far from receiving Social Security, asked them if they knew yet what their initial benefit would be and then asked them if they would be bothered if it were a little lower for the good of the country.

“One person said it would be a problem.

“Well, you’d get over it, and you’re going to have to get over it,” Kasich joked.

“…Kasich did not go into full detail on what his plan would be, saying he would roll it out soon after some number crunching. But he noted that in the past, his cuts would have started with baby boomers.

“He initially said young people would see “a lot” lower benefit, before correcting himself to say perhaps not “a lot,” but some amount.”

“For the good of the country, we will give tax breaks to bazillionaires,” Kasich didn’t add. “Think of the hedge fund managers, you ghouls!”

And Now A Word From Bryan Fischer

The Book of Goldman Sachs

Capitalist JeebusOur old pal Rev. Fishsticks wants to remind us all that Jeebus Was Not A Socialist:

“Rumors continue to persist that Jesus was a socialist, despite all the evidence to the contrary. For instance, he did not believe in the involuntary redistribution of wealth. He never once commanded government to dig its hands into the wallets of its citizens to give their money to somebody else.”

I’m not a theologian, but even I can tell that there’s a horse in here somewhere.

“For instance, in the parable of the workers in the vineyard we find Jesus frowning on the concept of collective bargaining and even the minimum wage. “

I hear a horse whinnying.

“At day’s end, the foreman begins paying the workers, beginning with the last hires on down to the first. The last hires, who worked just one hour, receive a full denarius. This leads the first hires, who’d worked all day in the hot sun, to think they’re going to make bank. But when they get to the paymaster’s window, they receive exactly what they had been promised – a denarius – and no more.”

The plutocrats are all on one knee, weeping with joy.

“Notice, first of all, that the means of production here are in private hands, in the total control of the owner. Government does not own this business, which would be socialism, nor does it tell this business owner how he must run it, which is fascism. He is free to do with his business assets as he sees fit with no government interference whatsoever. That’s capitalism; that’s free enterprise.”

Interesting definitions you got there, Fishsticks. Please do continue.

“There is no collective bargaining here. Each worker is free to strike his own deal with the owner for whatever wage they finds mutually acceptable. The bargaining over wages here is individual in nature, not collective. Each worker is free to enter into whatever contractual arrangement he wants with his owner.”

With his owner?

And that, kiddies, is the end of today’s lesson: Capitalism, good for the owners.

This Exists

The Submarine Sports Car

The Submarine Sports Car, and it can be yours for a cool $2M Ameros.

“This is the only car that navigates underwater realms as easily as it cruises across land. Inspired by the submarine Lotus driven by James Bond in The Spy Who Loved Me, the car floats when driven into water and submerges with the pull of a lever, sending the sports car on an underwater adventure. Two water jets mounted behind rotating louvers at the front of the vehicle provide steering and lift and propellers at the rear provide forward movement up to 2 knots at depths down to 33′. The two built-in scuba tanks and diving regulators allow two people to remain underwater for an hour. The zero-emission vehicle uses a 54 kW 160 NM electric motor powered by six 48-volt Lithium-ion batteries, allowing it to reach a maximum speed of 75 mph. The two-person capacity car has the same steel chassis used in the Lotus Elise, its interior is impervious to fresh or salt water, and an onboard laser-guided sensor enables the sports car to operate autonomously. Batteries power the car for up to 80 miles on land and for three hours underwater after a four-hour charge. Special conditions and guarantee limitations apply.” — you better believe that they do!

Make sure that the windshield wiper fluid is full when you buy it.

Granny-Starving for Speed and Accuracy

One wonders why the GOP’s solution to everything is always starve the Poors and give the cruel benefits of starving them to the wealthy, such as the fabulously wealthy family of zombie-eyed granny-starter Paul Ryan (Ryan Industries of Janesville OH).

These people would be honored to tell Oliver Twist he cannot have more soup.

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

Let’s meet Roger Ver. Ver is the fiercely libertarian Bitcoin bazillionaire who has renounced his citizenship over taxes and moved to his new island home of the Federation of St. Kitts and Nevis in the West Indies. Went Galt and all that, dontcha know, and has urged his fellow libertarian gazillionaires to follow his example.

Ver also wants to come back to the US—at his will—to attend business events, and has discovered to his chagrin that he is not welcome; he has not been gone long enough to establish real connections in his new land, and given his exodus over taxes, it seems likely that he might stay as a tax-free, illegal alien (or something), so his visa application was denied.

So being wealthy, privileged, with a great sense of entitlement, he’s started a Twitter PR campaign that can only be described as bizarre and whining, what with diatribes and Darth Vader imagery:

Ver cannot appeal the decision, but he can apply again. Like all the other little people.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

“This is the Democratic party’s new version of slavery to me. I am a believer in the American dream. But as long as you are told where you have to live, what you have to eat, what you have to wear, where you have to go to school, you will never know the true meaning of expression. And, the power and value of self achievement. You’ll never know what that is.”

–Fox News host (and former Clueless star) Stacey Dash responding to the news that 65 percent of US children live in households who receive public assistance in the form of food stamps, Medicaid, and the national school lunch program. If you were a good American, you should just hurry up and die instead of use resources that Stacey would use for other purposes.

Methinks the Senator Doth Complain Too Much


“The plight of uninsured Americans and the hardships caused by unfair insurance company practices certainly needed to be addressed, but it was not the change we were hired to make. Americans were crying out for the end to the recession, for better wages and more jobs, not changes in health care.”

–Wall St. Waterboy Chuck Schumer

So, let’s follow Molly Ivin’s advice and look at Schumer’s record on the stimulus. Kinda looks like you were the guy who pushed to low-ball-it pal. And look at that, you were the guy who pushed to have Timothy Geitner as the Treasury Secretary.

Sorry, Chuck. But thanks for playing our game.

Bigger question: why is it that a small blog like this on can look-up Schumer’s record on the Google and the media cannot?

Some Stupid For Your Coffee

Obama Is “The Most Racist President There Has Ever Been In America”

Bueller? Anyone?