Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Famous boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal says that he is “sick of politicians who tell us one thing and then go do another.” Clearly, Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, is doing her finest work these days.

  • The Debbil Made Him Do It - Ryan Call, the chairman of the Colorado Republican Party, wants to make it clear that Dr. Chaps “Gordon [Klingenschmitt] does not speak on behalf of the Republican Party. To suggest otherwise is inaccurate and dishonest.” Honey, your party nominated him, you own him.
  • Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood - Welcome to GOPFaith.com, the GOP’s outreach to the Xristian Xrazies, whom they need in order to flip the Senate. Here’s the Press Announcement, bring your own crown of thorns.
  • Religious Free-dumb! - More than 160 religious leaders have signed a letter to The Kenyan Usurper demanding that they get an exemption from his pending executive order that orders Federal Contractors to not discriminate against LGBTQ people. “We’re doing God’s work,” Rev. J. Fatbutt McPedo did not say, while admiring the faun-like beauty of the barrista at Starbucks, “sucking up tax dollars to proselytize to our clients.”

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