Is Georgia the new Texas?

In the history of dog-whistle politics no one gets close to Texas. Until today. The nuts who are agitating to get an election bounce using Obamacare to ratchet up the crazy in Georgia have sunk to a whole new level: they introduced a law to prevent that Kenyan usurper to the White House from micro-chipping citizens:

Last Wednesday, the House Judiciary Committee entertained SB 235, the bill sponsored by Sen. Chip Pearson (R-Dawsonville) to prohibit the involuntary implantation of microchips in human beings.

OK, strange, but fair enough. But then, the ironically named Chip had to have a hearing on it, and Georgia decided to give Texas a crazy run for the money:

…a hefty woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County. “I’m also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip,” the woman said. Slowly, she began to lead the assembled lawmakers down a path they didn’t want to take.

Microchips, the woman began, “infringe on issues that are fundamental to our very existence. Our rights to privacy, our rights to bodily integrity, the right to say no to foreign objects being put in our body.”

She spoke of the “right to work without being tortured by co-workers who are activating these microchips by using their cell phones and other electronic devices.”

She continued. “Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission,” she said.

It was not funny, and no one laughed.

“Ma’am, did you say you have a microchip?” asked state Rep. Tom Weldon (R-Ringgold).

“Yes, I do. This microchip was put in my vaginal-rectum area,” she replied. Setzler, the sponsoring lawmaker, sat next to the witness – his head bowed.

I think right about then is when you withdraw the motion, you apologize to your constituents, and you quietly retire from being a public servant, and you spend the rest of your days cursing the memory of Ronald Reagan for closing all the mental hospitals so that gazillionaires can have a few more bucks.

But instead, the Georgia legislature passed the measure. And that, Scissorheads is how Georgia just took the crazee away from Texas.

0 thoughts on “Is Georgia the new Texas?

  1. I’m terribly confused here. Why does she have an implanted microchip? Why would the Department of Defense implant it in some random Southern *cough* belle? Why would they implant it like they were vajazzling her? And how in God’s name would ANY signal from ANY device cause the fucking grain-of-rice-sized thing to mechanically simulate her in ways only Glenn Beck could with his tiny, tiny penis?

    Georgia passing this bill isn’t confusing, it’s Southern evangelical taint politics at it’s finest, but who let the demented hog out? In all likelihood, she has a cyst on her clitoris and not a vibrochip and is too stupid to listen to the many, many doctors who keep telling her it’s a cyst on her clitoris and not a vibrochip.

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  2. “Ma’am, it’s not a microchip. It’s cancer. You have a tumor.”
    “OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO DIE!!1″
    “Eventually, yes, but not from this. The tumor is benign and a simple surgery can remove it.”
    “THE GOVERNMENT HAS KILLED ME!!1 JESUS SAVE ME!!1″
    “Ma’am, the government has nothing to do with this and surgery can remove the tumor.”
    “GLENN BECK WAS RIGHT!!1 I’M GOING TO BE SHIPPED TO A FEMA DEATH CAMP TO WAIT TO DIE!!1″
    “Glenn Beck is a self-proclaimed entertainer and our hospital’s surgical ward is not connected to FEMA.”
    “CVWSLKBNJAKSDFI AUINIL GUYBBUYSSYUSDFBV; UIUNERFASD ASDTAEWRTDS!!1″
    “And now she’s speaking in tongues or… possibly having a stroke. I hope she has insurance.”
    “*gurgle gurgle foam*”
    “Yep, definitely a stroke. Nurse!”

    Like this

  3. “Doctor, I don’t think she’s having a stroke. Look at her vagi…”
    “Nurse, I already spent more time looking at …that… than any man ever has.”
    “No, look. It’s vibrating!”
    “…”
    “She’s not stroking, she’s orgasming!”
    “…”
    “…”
    “…”
    “…”
    “…”
    “!!!”
    “God Lord, has she turned into an AT&T switchboard? It’s still going!”
    *patient in the next room* “I’ll have what she’s having…”

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    • Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! DroseDARs just made me spit up my tea!

      “God Lord, has she turned into an AT&T switchboard? It’s still going!”

      Regards,

      Tengrain

      Like this

  4. Thank you, Georgia.

    Rachel Maddow had the transcript read by the RM Players…..very funny, and yet quite disturbing that something this inane reached the Georgia legislature and was PASSED for christ’s sake.

    If it weren’t 6:30 AM, I’d be thinking about a tequila shot.

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  5. “Hey baby. Baby c’mere baby. I hear yer lookin fer a beeper fer yer vaginal-rectum area. Well, I’ll tell ya, I gotta beeper fer yer vaginal-rectum area! Lemme intraduce ya to Chip, Baby….”

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